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Another kid question

Would you tell the parents?

  • I'd mind my own business

    Votes: 18 81.8%
  • I'd Inform the parents

    Votes: 4 18.2%

  • Total voters
    22
  • Poll closed .

kenny

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This morning while walking our dogs I saw two boys (not brothers, but friends) about 8 to 10 years old using squirt guns to mess with honey bees.
Their front yard has a certain blooming plant that attracts zillions of bees.

I told the kids, "Be careful; They'll sting you if you make them mad."
I wasn't certain I should even say that with all the paranoia (certainly somewhat justified) about strangers talking to kids.
One kid does recognize me since he liked our dogs.

I left it at that.
I did not knock on the door to talk to a parent (both whom I know only casually).

My concern is Africanized Killer Bees arrived in our region years ago and I am certain that at least one man in our city has been killed by them.
He was not harassing the bees, but using a lawn mower.

What would you have done?
And if you would, please explain your reasoning to this kid-clueless guy.
 

Tanzigrrl

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I would have done exactly as you did, Kenny, and left it at that. :appl:
 

Lottie

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Tanzigrrl|1333658098|3164356 said:
I would have done exactly as you did, Kenny, and left it at that. :appl:

+1
 

Amys Bling

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I would have done the same. If you happen to see the parents I might casually mention your concern but I wouldn't go ring her bell or anything.
 

sonnyjane

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I don't mean this as a criticism to you but I wouldn't have even given this a second thought. The chance of being killed by bees is pretty miniscule. Ideally one of these kids would get stung once and learn their lesson. Don't try to be a hero, Kenny ;-) I see kids doing idiotic things on a daily basis. The most I can do is tell them to stop at the moment I see it happening. That's where my role stops, and some people don't even go that far, nor are they obligated to. Not your job.
 

ericad

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As a mom with a 7 year old, I would personally appreciate it if someone alerted me to the fact that my kid was doing something potentially dangerous. I try to supervise her, but can't watch her every minute, so if my neighbor walked by and saw her angering bees with a squirt gun, I'd want the heads up so that I could take that opportunity to teach her something and prevent an accident from happening.

Several years ago, when our neighbor's daughter was around this age, she went out in her back yard to play. She found a wasp nest in an old log (one of those paper looking things) and didn't know what it was, so naturally she poked it with a stick! The poor baby was stung dozens of times and had to be rushed to the hospital.

I wasn't there to witness it or to stop her, but I bet she and her parents would have loved to have prevented it from happening.

But I do understand the issue with adults talking to children. It's so sad that the world is the way it is. On the flip side, if I looked out my window and saw a neighbor who I barely know talking to the kids, I'd probably rush outside and would be concerned for all the "wrong" reasons.

It's a double edged sword :(
 

Pandora II

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Since at 10/11 my classmate and I went out with air-rifles at weekends on our own but with parental permission to shoot rabbits on his father's farm, I'm inclined to think that a child that age might be capable of some risk assessment.

Good thing to warn them in case they hadn't thought about it though.
 

Jennifer W

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I think you handled it pretty well, and there is NOTHING wrong with warning a child about an obvious danger that you as an adult can see. You cant insist they stop, or carry out any sort of enforcement, but warning them? I don't think any reasonable parent would mind that.

If you really do live in an area with killer bees (now there's a scary thought, good grief) then yes, I'd probably mention it to their parents. We warn our kids about all sorts of dangers, and sometimes they do stuff we never even thought about, so a heads up would do no harm at all.

Funny though, I've had to stop my own kid doing pretty much exactly that thing - we have a hedge of lavender bushes that attracts honey bees from a neighbour's hive. Sometimes the hedge is dense with bees, and my kid can't resist poking it with a stick... :-o
 

Maisie

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If I knew the parents to say hi to, I would tell them. I would hope someone would tell me if one of my children was doing something potentially dangerous. However, if I didn't know the parents I would probably not say anything. Some people are fine with things like this but some aren't.
 

yennyfire

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Considering that my 5 and 7 year old run as far away from bees as they can get (and neither has even been stung to illicit this fear), I would say that you did the right thing. Kids that age should be old enough to realize the potential danger in their behavior, but a warning from an adult can never hurt. If they don't listen, one day they'll learn the hard way and probably not do it again.

You're a good guy Kenny. :saint:
 

VapidLapid

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Im allergic to bee stings. I got stung once, that's how I found out. We dont know if these kids are allergic, but we may know soon!
 

iLander

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Save the parent discussion until next time.

If these kids are that old and don't know that bees are dangerous, chances are they'll do more stupid stuff in the future. If you tell their parents this time, the kids will know to hide their stupid stuff from you. We need them to do stupid stuff in front of caring, responsible you, so that you can help them and possibly save them from themselves.

So, yeah, I suspect you'll have other opportunities to pull their butts out of the fire. :rolleyes:
 

anne_h

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Sure, make a friendly comment to the child, that's fine. I don't think you need to warn the parents.

I have kids and if someday one of them was doing this I'd think: a. if they get stung, they'll live and learn ;-) and b. I don't mind strangers/neighbors speaking to them. I am socializing them that the world is generally a great and friendly place. I don't dig the paranoia/helicopter thing. lol

Also, sometimes I do get busybodies giving me child-rearing "advice", which I do NOT enjoy. So double reasons to stay out of it. lol!!

Anne
 

zoebartlett

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I'd assume the parents know and have seen the bees in their front yard, so I'd stay out of it.
 

monarch64

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When I first read the original post, I thought the bees were in YOUR yard. I thought you were right to say something to the kids as you did, and not go to the parents. However, I re-read and realized the boys were playing in their (well, one of them) OWN yard and harassing bees on the parents' property. I don't know if the right thing to do in that case was to say something, but I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself either, especially in light of the fact that African Killer bees are possibly in existence there. In all likelihood the boys know there's a chance they could get stung but they are doing what kids do--testing boundaries and getting a little thrill. My brother used to do all kinds of crazy things like that--taunting fire ants, throwing rocks at wasp and hornet nests, being a pyromaniac in general--I think it's just one of those things a lot of kids (boys, especially) like to do. At least they're playing outside and not inside parked in front of the t.v. or playing video games slack-jawed and glassy-eyed. ;))
 

monarch64

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ericad|1333658380|3164367 said:
As a mom with a 7 year old, I would personally appreciate it if someone alerted me to the fact that my kid was doing something potentially dangerous. I try to supervise her, but can't watch her every minute, so if my neighbor walked by and saw her angering bees with a squirt gun, I'd want the heads up so that I could take that opportunity to teach her something and prevent an accident from happening.

Several years ago, when our neighbor's daughter was around this age, she went out in her back yard to play. She found a wasp nest in an old log (one of those paper looking things) and didn't know what it was, so naturally she poked it with a stick! The poor baby was stung dozens of times and had to be rushed to the hospital.

I wasn't there to witness it or to stop her, but I bet she and her parents would have loved to have prevented it from happening.

But I do understand the issue with adults talking to children. It's so sad that the world is the way it is. On the flip side, if I looked out my window and saw a neighbor who I barely know talking to the kids, I'd probably rush outside and would be concerned for all the "wrong" reasons.

It's a double edged sword :(

That makes me so sad and anxious. Even if it was a neighbor you would think the worst? I ask because my husband is a really, really neighborly person and I worry that adults will take what he considers being neighborly and trying to be a positive role model as something sinister at times. I would be so upset if I knew that he caused a mother or father to make the assumption that he did not have honorable intentions. Of course parents should be cautious, but immediately assuming that a neighbor is a potential predator seems really extreme. (The idea of it, not you doing that personally, Erica.)
 

sonnyjane

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monarch64|1333676708|3164620 said:
ericad|1333658380|3164367 said:
As a mom with a 7 year old, I would personally appreciate it if someone alerted me to the fact that my kid was doing something potentially dangerous. I try to supervise her, but can't watch her every minute, so if my neighbor walked by and saw her angering bees with a squirt gun, I'd want the heads up so that I could take that opportunity to teach her something and prevent an accident from happening.

Several years ago, when our neighbor's daughter was around this age, she went out in her back yard to play. She found a wasp nest in an old log (one of those paper looking things) and didn't know what it was, so naturally she poked it with a stick! The poor baby was stung dozens of times and had to be rushed to the hospital.

I wasn't there to witness it or to stop her, but I bet she and her parents would have loved to have prevented it from happening.

But I do understand the issue with adults talking to children. It's so sad that the world is the way it is. On the flip side, if I looked out my window and saw a neighbor who I barely know talking to the kids, I'd probably rush outside and would be concerned for all the "wrong" reasons.

It's a double edged sword :(

That makes me so sad and anxious. Even if it was a neighbor you would think the worst? I ask because my husband is a really, really neighborly person and I worry that adults will take what he considers being neighborly and trying to be a positive role model as something sinister at times. I would be so upset if I knew that he caused a mother or father to make the assumption that he did not have honorable intentions. Of course parents should be cautious, but immediately assuming that a neighbor is a potential predator seems really extreme. (The idea of it, not you doing that personally, Erica.)

Ehh I'm kind of with Erica. I'm not the type to be paranoid, but I do feel if I looked out the window and saw a gentleman I didn't know very well talking to my young child, I would probably pop my head out and ask if anything was alright, not necessarily because I'd assume he was trying to harm my kid, but because he might be scolding my kid when that's really my job. My grandpa used to yell at the neighborhood kids off his porch and it embarrassed me to no end.
 

ericad

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I will be the first to admit that my one major "irrational" fear as a parent is of someone kidnapping or harming my child (I know all parents fear this, but I'm seriously disturbed by the thought and it's the kind of thing I honestly lose sleep over).

Intellectually, I know all the "stranger danger" statistics (that it's very rare), and I know that it's not likely to happen, especially with the safeguards I have in place to protect her. But it keeps me up at night. I recognize that it's MY issue, so I don't ever voice my paranoia to her. I encourage her to be outgoing, confident, friendly and polite. But yes, sadly I do always have my guard up when she's approached by any adult, even those who we may know casually.

To be clear, though, I don't mean to say that I assume they're a predator - I'm just always mindful and watchful and cautious.

I think there are a number of things that feed my worry. One is that she's a very beautiful child - people stop us all the time to comment on her looks. She has dark hair, light olive skin and huge bright violet/blue eyes (Liz Taylor blue). She's a really cute kid - we seriously can't get through a single shopping trip without someone saying, "wow, you have such beautiful eyes!" (which is usually followed by them asking if I'm the nanny, lol.) So I know that, as she's attracting attention from harmless and kind people, she's also likely to attract the attention of someone with bad intentions.

We also had an incident at school where someone (one of the moms) made repeated "jokes" about kidnapping her when DD was 3. She had no kids in DD's class, but went out of her way to buy her a Christmas gift and followed her to her class to give it to her. She constantly joked that she was going to "steal her" and always wanted to give her hugs. It was creepy enough with just that, but the last straw was when I bumped into her at morning drop off and she said, "I swear Erica, one of these days I'm just going to steal her and take her home with me!" and I laughed uncomfortably but otherwise ignored her, and then she stopped dead in her tracks, blocked my path, looked me right in the eyes and said, "No. Seriously. One day you're gonna come to pick her up from school and she won't be here." And she walked out. I was flabbergasted, reported the incident to the principal and was told "Oh you're overreacting! She's been at our school for years! They live in [insert name of local ritzy golf club community here]!" As if having money means anything?! In any case, they left the school shortly after that and we never saw them again. But the whole experience really opened my eyes to how nutty seemingly normal people can be. And I agree that it's totally awful and sad that we have to worry about things like this.

We also had a couple of incidents in our neighborhood when I was a kid. I lived very close to where Ilene Misheloff disappeared (I ice skated at the same ice rink as Ilene), and one day around that same time a girl 2 doors down from us was grabbed in broad daylight. A man tried to force her into a car that was being driven by a woman. Luckily she got away by kicking and screaming like hell (she was around 14 and a tough tomboy, which I think is what saved her). The guy got spooked and dropped her and sped off. I've actually wondered for some time now if it was Phil Garrido. It was also around the same time as Jaycee Dugard's kidnapping. Who knows...

We also had a neighborhood daycare one street over that all the kids in the area went to (thankfully not me or my best friend because our moms stayed home). Turns out the husband and wife running it were pedophiles and were distributing child pornography. Many of our friends were hurt by them. And everyone in the neighborhood liked and respected them - there were no warning signs. Just the nice neighbors from down the street.

So yes, it's paranoid to worry every time an adult talks to my child, but my job is to protect her and I know there are people in the world who would harm her. And truly, I'm not an alarmist about anything else in life, and don't ever let fear guide my actions. This is the one exception.
 

kenny

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Thanks guys for all the advice.
I also spoke to a close friend here (who is also a mom of two boys of similar age).
I did not tell her who the boys were.
She felt I did the right thing but she would have explained they could be killer bees which, without a microscope, look identical to regular honey bees.
She'd also explain they are exceptionally more dangerous than regular honey bees when they feel threatened they and can swarm and fly faster than you can run.
Basically just give the kids more facts, but not in the finger-wagging bossy way.

She said, she does not support all the walls many self-righteous and arrogant parents put up around their precious cargo.
"It takes a village" to raise kids and make the world better.
(Her words)

She also pointed out the main reason to not tell the parents is many parents are VERY defensive about even the most remote suggestion that their kids are not the best kids on the planet because of course they are the best parents on the planet.
She also said since she and I know each other very well and have an excellent rapport she would welcome me telling her if it was HER boys doing something like this.
She also volunteered that unlike many parents she thinks of her kids as separate individuals, not an extension of herself.
Bright woman!
I have also observed this in parents but never heard it articulated by anyone, especially a parent.

The whole parental sensitivity thing had not even entered my mind.

I decided to just let it go.
Thanks for all the advice and insight.
 

monarch64

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Erica, thank you for sharing your perspective--understood.

Kenny, your friend is very wise, glad you worked it out.
 

partgypsy

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I know I would have said something to the boys. Not that I thought it was really dangerous but I can't stand seeing anyone harrass animals, even honeybees.
 

beesha77

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Yep, same thing you did Kenny.
 

MichelleCarmen

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kenny|1333721835|3164891 said:
She also pointed out the main reason to not tell the parents is many parents are VERY defensive about even the most remote suggestion that their kids are not the best kids on the planet because of course they are the best parents on the planet.


I decided to just let it go.
Thanks for all the advice and insight.

My boys are about that age. I think just a quick tip informing the kids is fine and leaving it at that is perfect. You do have to be careful not to offend other parents or try not to "parent" your neighbors' kids and remember anything you say can end up being repeated back to the kids' parents. Every time an adult has talked to my kids, they will run up and tell me and you know, it often results in resentful neighbors. My kids climbed up into a tree in our yard and leaves fell off b/c it was autumn and regardless if kids are in trees or not, leaves fall during that season, and one of the neighbors walked over and told my kids if a leaf blew into his yard, he'd have to talk to their parents (aka me)! A leaf! My son freaked at this threat and ran inside and told me so I had to console the neighbor and tell him we would pick any leaves out of his yard. :rolleyes: ETA - oh, and I swept up the leaves after my kids were done playing so in the end, no leaves blew into his yard and I am left thinking my neighbor is a jerk!
 
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