Wedding Am I rushing this?

[Izzy03]

Maybe you all can give me some clarity because I am getting some very opinionated and biased reviews from work about this.

Me and FI just got engaged on 8/8/08. Not long, I know. We talked about getting married in April/May 2009 or October/November 2009. We live in Florida and the summer months are just too hot and packed with tourists (higher prices?).

After some thought, we decided to try and make it happen sometime in April/May mainly because I refuse to move in with him until we are married. Also, we have been long distance (about 2 hours apart) for the past 6 months, so we are trying to bridge the gap.

My co-workers are telling me that this is crazy, because I still need time to find a new job where he lives, and plan a wedding from 2 hours away. Also, we have only been together for 1 1/2 years. They all dated their husbands for about 6 years before they wed (hence their bias). So basically they are telling me I am rushing this.

I felt pretty good about the whole thing and now they have me panicked. I am going to look at venues this weekend to see if I can book my photographer and my venue within the next 3 weeks (I am revolving this around my dream photographer).

So tell me ladies, am I rushing this? Cutting it too close?

 

[Shoopy]

Unless one of those coworkers are cutting you a check for the wedding screw them

 

[violet02]

My answer would be 'I don't think so'.

My FI and I were together for 11 months when we got engaged last December. We're getting married this Oct. so that gave us 10 months to plan. We don't live together and won't (partially due to the work involved pre-wedding) until after we're married. Seems a bit unconventional but we'll have more time then plus he lives like a block away so that's convenient. The long distance thing would be tough. I've done 1 1/2 hours before and more and it's a pain. I can see why you'd want to move closer faster.

I don't think 1 1/2 years is rushing (maybe they're saying that based on how old you are? if you're young that is...). I also revolved my schedule around my dream photographer and was able to get him 10 months after engagement. Have you figured out what his schedule is? We wound up renting a villa to get our wedding scheduled in 10 months in Carmel. Everywhere else booked up pretty fast.

 

[MustangGal]

My mom met my step-dad (who lived 4 hours away), and then got enagaged 2 weeks later. 3 months after that they were married in a nice ceremony with 100 guests. It''s been 25 years, and they''re still together.

Moral of the story: as long as you and your FI are comfortable with the time line, then that''s what you should do. Screw the co-workers, do what you want!

 

[KimberlyH]

We planned our wedding in less than eight months, after dating for just under two years, long distance for more than half the time. One of my closest friends got engaged less than year after meeting her boyfriend and were married shortly after; another dated her husband for 5 years before getting engaged. My point in sharing this is that different things work for different couples, there is no right or wrong (with the exception of some extreme cases). Our eight months from engaged to married were such a fun time for us, wedding planning wasn''t stressful and I''m glad my husband and I did things the way we did. Do what works for you!

 

[Elmorton]

DH and I talked about this a lot before we got married - most of our friends who were getting married when we did had been together for 5 + years (like all of college), but nobody was ready to get married in their sophomore year of college, so I don't really think there is a fair comparison. When you know and you're ready, that's when it's an appropriate time.

As far as planning the wedding...you're giving yourself eh, 6 months? I think that's plenty of time to plan a wedding depending on what kind of event you want to have. You could even price out a wedding planner if you think it would be taking too much of your time. I finished planning/organizing the wedding (which was an hour away), finished grad school, moved to the city where DH lived and found a job (well, the job came about a month after the wedding) in a two-month span, so I think it's completely doable. It was hard and stressful, but it was completely doable. Don't let the doubters get you down

 

[Izzy03]

Thanks guys! Does 8-9 months sound unreasonable to book a venue and a photographer? I am panicking they will not have availabilities on the same days!

 

[Elmorton]

Some might turn you down, but I have a feeling you''ll find vendors. I had to get a new florist 3 mos before (florist went bankrupt) and found someone. We also dragged our feet on transportation, so we had fewer options, but we also find a limo and driver that were fine (AND under budget!)

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I don''t think you''re rushing things too much. As long as you get the major things booked for April/May and done within the next 2 months or so you''ll be fine. It is getting close on time, but if you stay on the ball it should be possible. Some things will already be booked, but not everything. Also you would need to get a dress ASAP. For October/November you''re doing even better, you have plenty of time to work with. Ignore rude naysayers.

I''ve been planning a wedding from 70 miles a way very often, so I think you''ll be fine.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 8/18/2008 6:05:47 PM
Author: Izzy03
Thanks guys! Does 8-9 months sound unreasonable to book a venue and a photographer? I am panicking they will not have availabilities on the same days!

I have a few magazines that all say 9 months in advance to book a venue. You should be fine. Where in Florida?

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 8/18/2008 5:48:18 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Unless one of those coworkers are cutting you a check for the wedding screw them

DITTO!!!
I understand the concern of planning a wedding and looking for a job at the same time, but as long as you can handle it with the support of your Fi (congrats, by the way!!) then go for it!

 

[Izzy03]

Date: 8/18/2008 6:12:07 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 8/18/2008 6:05:47 PM

Author: Izzy03

Thanks guys! Does 8-9 months sound unreasonable to book a venue and a photographer? I am panicking they will not have availabilities on the same days!

I have a few magazines that all say 9 months in advance to book a venue. You should be fine. Where in Florida?

The wedding will be in St Augustine, where FI lives. I worry that booking a venue will be tough because it is a common wedding destination for residents of North Florida. I have one appointment booked so far and am waiting to hear from the rest of the venues. I am open to having a Friday or Sunday wedding so hopefully that will help!

Everyone: Thank you for all your advice so far! I think I will feel much better once I have the venue and photography squared away!

 

[mimzy]

i think that''s PLENTY of time....provided that you aren''t incapable of making decisions and/or don''t plan and DIY''ing EVERYTHING (as in, sewing the BM dresses).

it might serve you well to look for venues that have inclusive packages (ie cake, flowers, linens) so that you don''t have to worry about searching for and coordinating for vendors. and don''t underestimate a good solid timeline written out asap! good luck!

 

[violet02]

If you''re open to Friday and Sunday with this much advance notice I would think you''d probably be able to book something. I could have book something in Oct had I been willing to change the days around a bit with 9-10mo. notice.

 

[blondebunny]

I think that getting married in April/May or whatever is perfect. Alot of people only have 6 months to plan a wedding and you''ll have like 8-9 months so I think you will be perfect. As long as you book ur venue and photog asap, I dont think you''ll have a problem because most of the the other things are easy and im sure they want your $$$... Dont stress though. 2 hours isnt that much of a distant to plan a wedding, i mean it takes me 45min an hour to get to my parents and they are in orlando..goodluck!

 

[trillionaire]

You can''t win them all. SO and I have been dating for what will be 5yrs next month. When we tell people this, they look at us crazy, like, "Ok, what''s the hold up???"

If we had gotten married after, say, 2 yrs, we would have been all of 22 and 23... (not to criticize anyone who gets married at that age!), which would not have made sense for us. I am almost 26 now, and I doubt I would consider dating someone for 5 years at my age. Most of the couples that I know that are getting engages haven''t been dating nearly as long as SO and I have, and who is to say that they should?

Do what feels right to you! And CONGRATS!!!!

 

[diamondringlover]

I dont think you are rushing anything, I met my husband of almost 25 years, in Feb, we got engaged in Dec, married in May the following year, so I had known him 15 months when we got married, it can be done, now the wedding it was interesting, one of these days I will have to post a thread about that, but our venue for the reception we were able to book in that short period of time, but remember it was 25 years ago. You will be fine and congrats on the engagement.

 

[cara]

No, just get the big wedding stuff taken care of sooner rather than later. (Venue, photog since you care, catering/church if needed.) Go from there. As time passes you will have less choice of vendors, but as long as you fine with your second choice florist or second choice dj you should be fine. Vendors that can only do one wedding at a time are going to be more limited than those that can double up. Ie. a baker can do more than one wedding cake for the same day but a photographer can only be one place at a time so will be harder to book.

Wedding planning will expand to fill the time you allow it - 6-9 mo. is plenty if you aren't going to be picky.

ETA: On whether or not you and your FI are ready, well I certainly can't know! It depends how well you know yourselves, among many other things. If your coworkers were young when they dated for 5 years, that may be part of the explanation as I think that one gets to know oneself better as you age and could make a good decision on a partner in less time. But some young people are more mature, so who can tell! Just go in with your eyes open...

 

[neatfreak]

We planned our wedding in San Francisco, from the Midwest, in 6 months. And we got everything we wanted. As long as you can be flexible, you can do it with no problems.

 

[ljsmith001]

I didn''t read any other responses BUT it isnt about the amount of time you have been dating. It is about the connection, the energy and the vibe that the two of you had! If you know you are ready to get married then you can get married as soon as you want to! As far as the long distance thing goes, the moving in and the job - those things will ALL work out. Start planning that wedding and marry your sweetheart!!

 

[blissfulbride]

I know that your very excited as we all were when we first got engaged, but to be honest I feel you maybe rushing it. It''s only been 2 weeks and right now you should be staring at your rock and your hunny''s eyes. Not Living with him first in my option is tuff. Only because you live so far apart. Just make sure that you are speaking to your fiance about everything, and make sure you both see eye to eye.

 

[Thomperchik]

Izzy,

I live in Jax, St. Augustine vendors are very flexible... Except if you plan on marrying in the big churches in downtown St. Augustine.

Congratulations!

 

[Laila619]

Are you rushing? Not at all. I just got engaged in June, and I''m getting married in 2 months. We don''t want a long engagement. I also am not moving in with him until after the wedding. And my fiance and I were only together for 15 months when we got engaged. So no, you''re definitely not rushing things. Have the wedding when YOU want to have the wedding!

 

[applequeen]

I dated my husband 1 year and 7 months before we got engaged (although I'd picked out/ he bought the ring several months before that). We planned our wedding (decent size 100 or so guests) in 2 1/2 months.... so NO I don't think you're rushing anything and YES it can be done.

It was a very stressful 2 1/2 months for me but I was glad to just get it over with. As long as you're flexible and are Ok with just making a decsion and running with it then I can't imgaine that you wouldn't be able to plan a wedding in tha amount of time.

Whenever people gave me a hard time about the length of time I'd known my husband (then fiance) I just smiled and said something like "how fortunate you are to have had so long together".

BTW... we didn't live together before we were married either... that's one reason we had such a short engagement... it just seemed more practical to go ahead and do it and combine living expenses to save $. We knew we wanted to be married so we saw no reason to wait... it was the perfect choice for us.

 

[Independent Gal]

We got engaged in July (July? end of June?) and we had part one of our wedding at the end of March. You can totally do it in that amount of time. Just keep your eyes on the ball. You''re less likely to make it if you are that woman who just MUST have the PERFECT shade of magenta ribbon. But if you''re just planning a great party, you''ve got plenty of time.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

How is an 8-month engagement rushing things? Mine was 7 months (I think) and it felt like FOREVER. I could have planned it in a month had I not had to worry about things like booked vendors and dresses that take 6 months to create.

Eight months is PLENTY of time...in fact, it''s many more months than you actually need to do the planning.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 8/18/2008 5:54:47 PM
Author: MustangGal
My mom met my step-dad (who lived 4 hours away), and then got enagaged 2 weeks later. 3 months after that they were married in a nice ceremony with 100 guests. It''s been 25 years, and they''re still together.


Moral of the story: as long as you and your FI are comfortable with the time line, then that''s what you should do. Screw the co-workers, do what you want!

I too feel like my FF and I are rushing things (or more like, I''ve been told that were rushing things) but I have heard a handful of stories similar to what Mustanggal cited recently and it has made me feel a lot more confident about our timeline. I agree 100% with the second part of Mustang''s post- if you''re comfortable with it as a couple, go for it!!

 

[jacklyn0418]

Congratulations! I also recently got engaged! July 22, 2008, so I know how you feel. Also, I have been with my fiance for almost 6 years (we are 23, and were only in HS when we started dating, hence the 6 years together (1 year HS and 5 years college, both masters degrees) and we want to get married on 10/31/2009, it is our aniversary of our first kiss and falls on a saturday, so it works. I would perfer to get married in like two months on this years halloween, but obviously there would be no way to plan a wedding in that amount of time, especially since most of the people who we are inviting would have to have time to make travel plans, and I am still taking the CPA exam.

Anyway, I DO NOT think that a year an half is too soon! If my FI had proposed to me 5 yrs ago 6 months after we started dating when we were ONLY18 I still would of said yes and would of wanted to get marred ASAP! When you know who you want to be with, you just know, and the fact that you want to get married as soon as possible after the engagement, only means that it was meant to be. The whole reason people get engaged is because they want to be married to that person, it is only natural to want to do it sooner than later.

So if you are comfortable that you can plan your wedding in a 1 and 1/2 years then go for it! I personally think that a year and a half is a long time, but I also thought that 5 years to propose was forever and now that it happend in the way it did, I couldn''t of imagined a more romantic perfect proposal at the perfect time.

Take in all the advice, but in the end you need to do what YOU feel comfortable with. GOOD LUCK! I have not gotten into the planning too much bc of my test, but it seems like it could be done in a year, no problem