Am I nuts to want to reset again?

[pregcurious]

Okay, so I reset my original 0.5 carat diamond that my husband proposed with over a decade ago into a new setting, created by Whiteflash and modified by Quest Fine Jewelers in VA. Quest did a wonderful job, given the limitations of modifications they could do ([URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/thanks-to-quest-jewelers-for-my-reset.163316/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/thanks-to-quest-jewelers-for-my-reset.163316/[/URL]). I am considering another reset because it's still not what I wanted. It would mean losing the money on this setting, and I think it would be very difficult to sell because it is in yellow gold and a very specific style.

Am I crazy? Has anyone else done 2 resets of the same diamond? This setting is worth more than the diamond, which I keep for only sentimental reasons (and to keep my husband happy.)

I am planning an anniversary ring with a red spinel ([URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/poll-please-vote-on-settings-for-red-spinel.167947/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/poll-please-vote-on-settings-for-red-spinel.167947/[/URL]), but it hurts me a little that I don't wear the diamond.

I've posted a pictures of my ring below (before and after):

 

[Dancing Fire]

YES!!...

 

[MissStepcut]

Alright, I might be reading between the lines too much, so if I cross a line, please know I am not trying to be hurtful.

Is it the setting that you're unhappy with, or is it the diamond? You say you're keeping it partially for your husband's sake. Is it possible that no setting would like you like the diamond more? If that's the case, I hate to see you invest in another setting only to still be dissatisfied.

As for selling the setting, settings are very hard to sell. I've seen a lot of high end settings on the secondary market lately, with high end prices to match, and they don't seem to be moving. With gold prices up so much, they're probably more attractive than they once were, but you're still going to be out a lot of money.

 

[slg47]

what style would you get for a reset? is it something you think you would wear?

 

[TristanC]

Pricescope is like a support group for addicts. So ask a question here, you'll get one answer. Ask in mainstream society, you'll get another.

Ultimately, just do what makes you happy? Money is a convenience after all. You're not getting duped, you are just spending on things that you want.

 

[Laila619]

Honey I've done 6 resets of the same diamond, lol. So you won't get any objections from me!

 

[allycat0303]

It depends on what makes you unhappy about the current setting. Is the yellow gold you don't like? The style? Or is it the diamond bothering you? I would only change it if I was really convinced that there is a setting that can make me *completely* happy. I don't know the story of the first reset, but take your time, find something that you really want (DO NOT settle). I think a third would be a little much. Only because at that point, all of the money could have gone to another diamond. That being said, if it's more bling you want, maybe you could invest in a 3-stone ring (keeping the 0.5), perhaps as a side stone or a center stone depending on your budget.

 

[pregcurious]

You guys all have good points. I didn't mention that my wedding band is YG, so any reset would have to be YG.

Missstepcut, you're actually pretty close. I want finger coverage, and it's difficult to do that with a half carat diamond. That said, I tried on a setting about a month ago which gave me adequate finger coverage in the form of pave and fine platinum filigree. It was already set with a 0.5 center diamond by Sebastien Barier, and I loved everything about it except the price (the setting was ~$4500). If it had been $2000, I probably would have considered pursuing it in YG...except I don't think Sebastien Barier does YG.

Sig47, I'm not sure. I've never tried on anything I love in YG. Key problem.

Dancingfire, Tristan and Laila: I have to practical because we're not in a place where we can waste money. We have a kid who takes up a lot of money.

Allycat, I thought of that, but my DH wanted to keep this as a center stone. He also doesn't understand jewelry at all. I originally asked for a platinum filigree and got a YG setting that we don't speak of any further. Even he cringes when it comes up. If there were some way to put a thick white gold plating on the original I would, and just set a colored stone in it as an occasional RHR. Rhodium would require too much maintenance.

Lots of things to think about. I've come to the conclusion though, based on your comments, that I need to try on _a lot_ of YG settings and probably just look until I find "the one."

I am leaning heavily towards a cushion shaped platinum, bezeled halo with a YG shank. My spinel and diamond ring can be my blingly ring, and this one can be everyday ring. (I work in an environment where I wouldn't want to wear a lot of bling.)

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="pregcurious|
Dancingfire, Tristan and Laila: I have to practical because we're not in a place where we can waste money. We have a kid who takes up a lot of money.

[/quote]


a kid is more important than jewelry?...

 

[junebug17]

You guys all have good points. I didn't mention that my wedding band is YG, so any reset would have to be YG.

Missstepcut, you're actually pretty close. I want finger coverage, and it's difficult to do that with a half carat diamond. That said, I tried on a setting about a month ago which gave me adequate finger coverage in the form of pave and fine platinum filigree. It was already set with a 0.5 center diamond by Sebastien Barier, and I loved everything about it except the price (the setting was ~$4500). If it had been $2000, I probably would have considered pursuing it in YG...except I don't think Sebastien Barier does YG.

Sig47, I'm not sure. I've never tried on anything I love in YG. Key problem.

Dancingfire, Tristan and Laila: I have to practical because we're not in a place where we can waste money. We have a kid who takes up a lot of money.

Allycat, I thought of that, but my DH wanted to keep this as a center stone. He also doesn't understand jewelry at all. I originally asked for a platinum filigree and got a YG setting that we don't speak of any further. Even he cringes when it comes up. If there were some way to put a thick white gold plating on the original I would, and just set a colored stone in it as an occasional RHR. Rhodium would require too much maintenance.

Lots of things to think about. I've come to the conclusion though, based on your comments, that I need to try on _a lot_ of YG settings and probably just look until I find "the one."

I am leaning heavily towards a cushion shaped platinum, bezeled halo with a YG shank. My spinel and diamond ring can be my blingly ring, and this one can be everyday ring. (I work in an environment where I wouldn't want to wear a lot of bling.)

Pregcurious, I thought of a halo after I read your post and your desire for more finger coverage - I think a halo would be a good way to achieve that. Although why not just go for platinum if you can? It sounds like your husband is aware that you would prefer something other than yg. And I LOVE cushion shaped halos!

I totally understand where you're coming from! My husband really doesn't "get" jewelry either, and I guess it's hard for men sometimes to understand how something so little (but pricey) can make us so happy and mean so much to us.

You mentioned plating your current setting and putting a colored stone in it. I think that's a pretty good idea. You said you would only wear it occasionally, so I think the rhodium plating would hold up for a quite a while.

ETA: D'oh, just ignore my comments about getting platinum - just re-read your post and saw your wb is yellow gold.

 

[pregcurious]

Junebug, I just replied to your thread before I read this! Part me of me just wants my husband to just say, I love you sweety and I want you to have a ring you love too. It makes me sad that I have to do all of this myself because he just won't do it. He has a lot of other strengths, though, so I try to keep this in perspective.

Dancingfire, you are cracking me up

I think Gurhan has yellow gold I like. I'm going to try getting a matte finish on my ring and seeing if it makes it better.

 

[Sky56]

I like your ring...and its high polish.

 

[pregcurious]

Sky, thank you. It is so close to something I like that I want to love it. It's very hard to explain. I think it looks really nice in this photo, but not as good on my hand, and it might be that my 3mm wedding band is not helping (because it is too thick).

 

[MissStepcut]

Junebug, I just replied to your thread before I read this! Part me of me just wants my husband to just say, I love you sweety and I want you to have a ring you love too. It makes me sad that I have to do all of this myself because he just won't do it. He has a lot of other strengths, though, so I try to keep this in perspective.

Girl... seriously, don't do this to yourself. You want a big diamond. Well dammit, you should have one. Not another re-set, a diamond for you, from you. Find a way to make this financially possible, and start working on the RHR of your dreams. Seriously.

When you make it about your e-ring, you make it about him and what we will or won't give you. That must feel awful! Why does it have to be about him though? Seems to me it only is something for him to do for you if you make it that way. And when you term it as your e-ring, or a re-set, or an upgrade, for some reason, that seems to put some guys on edge. I know my SO is really turned off by the idea. To his ear, it makes it sound like there's something wrong with him or the gift he gave me. When you entangle your e-ring and all the meaning behind it, you complicate the issue that, pure and simple, you want a big rock.

I don't know about you or your finances, so I can't suggest how you can start saving up for this, and if you stay home, that's gotta make it feel more like it has to be a gift from him, but even if that's your situation, I have to imagine if you tell him, "I want an extravagant luxury item, and I want to give up some other things to be able to finance it and start socking away for it," you can find a mutually acceptable way to get the funds together.

(Tangent: I've seen other women come on PS feeling hurt because their husbands are against upgrades and re-sets, and I always wonder why they don't just get the rock they want under a different label? Maybe it's because women feel "entitled" to an engagement ring and wedding band, but feel guilty about indulging in other jewelry? Like an e-ring is something they deserve, but a RHR is an extravagance they don't deserve? Not sure.)

 

[Dancing Fire]

Junebug, I just replied to your thread before I read this! Part me of me just wants my husband to just say, I love you sweety and I want you to have a ring you love too. It makes me sad that I have to do all of this myself because he just won't do it. He has a lot of other strengths, though, so I try to keep this in perspective.

Girl... seriously, don't do this to yourself. You want a big diamond. Well dammit, you should have one. Not another re-set, a diamond for you, from you. Find a way to make this financially possible, and start working on the RHR of your dreams. Seriously.

that's how i feel too.. but i still don't have a rock on my finger...

 

[pregcurious]

To his ear, it makes it sound like there's something wrong with him or the gift he gave me.

I think this is part of the problem. I really just want my dream ering.

I don't want a big diamond to wear everyday, but maybe as a RHR. I actually don't wear any jewelry but my wedding band, but I have a lot that I wear on special occasions.

When I read the threads about guys who come on here and spend months finding their GFs or wife's ring, I think that is just so sweet.

 

[swingirl]

I just want to say that I took my original stone and had it set in a pendant which I wear 24/7. It is slightly less that a .50 ct and is perfect around my neck. I got a larger stone as an upgrade but I don't wear it as often. It sits in my jewelry box. I didn't think I would be so sentimental about my original stone but I am. So I have the best of both worlds, an blingy upgrade for my finger and my >.50 ct in a pendant. DH is happy and so am I.

What I am trying to say is maybe your stone isn't meant to go into yet another setting. It really belongs in something that can be worn more.

 

[pregcurious]

Swinggirl, the sentiment is something I've really considered and I'm glad you brought it up. I think I would really miss my diamond if I didn't have the option of wearing it in some capacity. When I wear the reset, the joy I get from it is from the diamond. The setting just keeps on detracting from my joy, if that makes any sense.

 

[Circe]

Junebug, I just replied to your thread before I read this! Part me of me just wants my husband to just say, I love you sweety and I want you to have a ring you love too. It makes me sad that I have to do all of this myself because he just won't do it. He has a lot of other strengths, though, so I try to keep this in perspective.

Girl... seriously, don't do this to yourself. You want a big diamond. Well dammit, you should have one. Not another re-set, a diamond for you, from you. Find a way to make this financially possible, and start working on the RHR of your dreams. Seriously.

When you make it about your e-ring, you make it about him and what we will or won't give you. That must feel awful! Why does it have to be about him though? Seems to me it only is something for him to do for you if you make it that way. And when you term it as your e-ring, or a re-set, or an upgrade, for some reason, that seems to put some guys on edge. I know my SO is really turned off by the idea. To his ear, it makes it sound like there's something wrong with him or the gift he gave me. When you entangle your e-ring and all the meaning behind it, you complicate the issue that, pure and simple, you want a big rock.

I don't know about you or your finances, so I can't suggest how you can start saving up for this, and if you stay home, that's gotta make it feel more like it has to be a gift from him, but even if that's your situation, I have to imagine if you tell him, "I want an extravagant luxury item, and I want to give up some other things to be able to finance it and start socking away for it," you can find a mutually acceptable way to get the funds together.

(Tangent: I've seen other women come on PS feeling hurt because their husbands are against upgrades and re-sets, and I always wonder why they don't just get the rock they want under a different label? Maybe it's because women feel "entitled" to an engagement ring and wedding band, but feel guilty about indulging in other jewelry? Like an e-ring is something they deserve, but a RHR is an extravagance they don't deserve? Not sure.)

Nominating this for Post of the Year. Excellent points, one and all. And your tangent is fascinating - I never thought about it before, but I think you got it in one.

 

[pregcurious]

Before I have a full on threadjack, erings are emotional things to some people, and both of the posts above are pretty much the type of bad feeling I get from my husband, though he would never just say it's basically my fault. He just doesn't get that an ering is very different than other pieces of jewelry. I understand that some people feel this way, and that is fine with me, but I clearly don't feel this way and I don't need that pushed on me. I think you ladies are trying to be helpful and focus on how I can get the ring I want, but an ering is not just a ring for me.

For everyone who got an ering that they wanted the first time, or got a reset and love it, or bought their own and are happy, I'm equally very happy for you. People are different.

I make my own money and earn more than my husband. He got the ering he wanted because I listened and made the effort.

I don't want a big honker of a diamond to wear everyday. There is a lot of sentiment in the diamond, and I passed on upgrading it. I have a lot of jewelry that is blingy, and I only wear it on special occasions.

 

[MissStepcut]

Before I have a full on threadjack, erings are emotional things to some people, and both of the posts above are pretty much the type of bad feeling I get from my husband, though he would never just say it's basically my fault. He just doesn't get that an ering is very different than other pieces of jewelry. I understand that some people feel this way, and that is fine if for your life, but I clearly don't feel this way. I think you ladies are trying to be helpful and focus on how I can get the ring I want, but an ering is not just a ring for me.

For everyone who got an ering that they wanted the first time, or got a reset and love it, or bought their own and are happy, I'm equally very happy for you. People are different.

I make my own money and earn more than my husband.

I don't want a big honker of a diamond to wear everyday. There is a lot of sentiment in the diamond, and I passed on upgrading it. I have a lot of jewelry that is blingy, and I only wear it on special occasions.

So if you aren't thrilled with this setting or this diamond, and you're sentimental about your e-ring, what do you think could bring you peace about it? It sounds like you're disappointed he didn't try harder the first time; do you think there is something you can get him to do on this re-set that will help you get some of that experience? Your idea for a setting sounds really lovely (LOVE cushion halos with rounds), and if you think that a setting you like better would be enough, maybe that's all there is to it.

 

[junebug17]

Pregcurious, have you checked out Eternity Diamonds? They have some pretty halos that are reasonably priced - I tried to provide links but for some reason they didn't work, but you could just browse around a little to get some ideas.

http://www.eternitydiamonds.com/

 

[pregcurious]

Wow, those are really great prices!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

And I think you should consider platinum for this halo reset since you liked the look of white metal in that ring you loved. Get the matching wedding band to wear when you wear the e-ring. Wear the gold band when you don't wear the wedding set. I think that would solve everything. Lots of us have more than one wedding band!

 

[distracts]

This doesn't have any filigree but provides finger coverage and platinum (but also yellow gold!):
http://www.winkjones.com/index.php?page=store-product-detail&id=123

I saw this in RockyTalky and if you didn't want diamonds in your halo it could be nice:
http://jewelsbyericagrace.smugmug.com/JbEGSignatureSettingsandSpecia/Plain-and-Pave-Solitaires/The-Lynda-Engraved-Halo-Bezel/20399168_cFXTdV#1614236863_pnb8zmv

And I think you should consider platinum for this halo reset since you liked the look of white metal in that ring you loved. Get the matching wedding band to wear when you wear the e-ring. Wear the gold band when you don't wear the wedding set. I think that would solve everything. Lots of us have more than one wedding band!

This!

 

[TristanC]

In a sense I fully agree with Miss Stepcut.

But reading her post as a guy (yes, guy here) made me go all aquiver with righteous fury and blah blah (Insert irrelevant drivel); and I realise that the core source of that response is a reaction to your need to keep tweaking the engagement ring. To many guys, this is sacred sentimental ground here. I'm of course just sharing what is probably a common male perspective.

So perhaps just take your desire apart, and separate the two issues? 1) Getting what you want, and 2) turning what you have into what you want.

I actually think that Miss Stepcut is right. As I've said earlier, essentially money is a convenience. It should be obviously used for critical things first, and sensible responsible things, then when that's done and accounted for, and there is a little more leftover, it should be about making people happy. A sufficient life is not necessarily the same as a happy life.

So if a totally new ring is what would make you happy, why don't you just exit the whole reset process? Essentially you want a platinum filigree ring with a larger diamond. It isn't going to happen no matter how you tweak your current ring. Cos 1) it will still be 0.5ct, and 2) it will be yellow gold.

You can instead work out a plan to see how to budget that into your life, and meanwhile as you save you can keep a dream book or desire book and inspiration wall or whatever... and it can be just a beautiful ring. When the time comes, you can put a label on it. Annivesary? Christmas? I love you all over again ring? Whatever is appropriate or inappropriate. As long as you have what you want ultimately.

Who knows? Along the way you'll find a better (for you to decide, not him) purpose for the money, or you'll change your mind, or you'll give up or any one of a number of things.

Good luck on your search!

 

[stargurl78]

And I think you should consider platinum for this halo reset since you liked the look of white metal in that ring you loved. Get the matching wedding band to wear when you wear the e-ring. Wear the gold band when you don't wear the wedding set. I think that would solve everything. Lots of us have more than one wedding band!

I think DS's suggestion is perfect. You still get to keep your diamond, you obtain more finger coverage, you have the white metal which you like, and you still get wear out of your original wedding band.

 

[pregcurious]

Tristan, I'm not sure why you feel the need to put me on the defensive. I think all three of you (Tristan, Circe, Missstepcut) need to check yourselves. I asked very nicely for this to stop, and it is only getting continued. I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell people how they should feel, or what their spouses feel.

I know exactly how my DH feels and am not foolish enough to act on the things you guys said. My husband has no sentimental attachment to the setting, and he offered me an upgrade on the diamond because he was concerned it was about the size or money he had put in. I refused the upgrade. We both happily agreed to keep the center diamond. We've been happily married for almost 15 years and actually have good communication.

The engagement ring is sacred ground for BOTH parties in my marriage. Tristan, _you_ put a lot of effort into the ring and you are clearly a man who is into gemstones. My husband didn't understand at the age of 21 anything he was doing. He still can't understand why yellow gold or white gold makes a difference--he's just jewelry inept. Like everyone, he has a strengths and weaknesses, and this is clearly not his strength. I'm also not someone who needs to pretend that everything is perfect in my marriage to have a happy marriage.

This is my last comment for this thread. I'm sure some of you ladies understand that having more bad feelings around my ring is the last thing I needed.

 

[TristanC]

Hmm... that must have come across wrong.

I read it as "you were wondering if you were nuts to upgrade an upgrade". So I figured that you wanted to know if it was ok to spend more money on doing it (a reset) again... which I think is completely fine. Like I said, if you wanted something that would send you over the moon each time you looked at it, you SHOULD start to set money aside and not keep wondering if you were nuts.

As for what I said about guys... I was speaking from a generalist point of view. No offence was intended in Your specific situation. How you both feel about the stone and ring is obviously something that only you two would ever know. I was more offering a suggestion that If you felt a need for platinum, And wanted the center to be a bigger stone, And wanted a different style... then perhaps you may be better off keeping your setting, and just starting completely over?

That way you still have the original sentiment, and another special ring somewhere down the road. If that route wasn't what you wanted at all... then by all means reset when you have found a "forever" setting.

*P.S.: Oops... I totally missed that post which explained your stand on where you were coming from. I'm choosing not to remove all the top bits cos that's an understanding of where I'm coming from. My apologies

 

[TristanC]

Oh, and for the record, the righteous fury was in response to what Miss Stepcut said. Not you. That was what the "her" was referring to.