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Am I being dramatic? What would you do?

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manderz

manderz

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 8, 2010
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My fiance and I bought a house about 2 1/2 years ago. We have a shared driveway, which means that we are required to share all the responsibilities related to caring for it. Well, last night, we got around a foot of snow. So, this morning, my neighbor has a doctor's appointment. Rather than shovel a little bit, she decides to just plow through with her small car, and (no surprise) get stuck. My mother in law, who lives in our rental, heard the commotion and went down and shoveled her out. Keep in mind, my mother in law is 75, I would guess at least 10-15 years OLDER than the neighbor. She gets out fine, and goes about her business. I go outside shortly after and shovel. I spent 2 hours shoveling, making sure that all of our cars could get out, and I even shoveled on her property to make sure that she could get out, no problems. Then, fiance and I went out of town for the afternoon. We return home to find that someone (I'm assuming she or more likely her kids) shoveled even more, and buried my car. Literally, show up to my windows. I'm FUMING! I'm so mad I'm shaking, because I spent so much extra time shoveling her out too. Am I being dramatic? I'd like to have words with her tomorrow, but I don't know what to say. Please help talk me down, and give me a little advice as far as what I should say, or if I should even say anything...
 
It's nice that you will shovel her snow out for her but if she isn't willing to reciprocate, then why do it? I don't live near snow, but I would shovel on my side only. I wouldn't have words or anything because I don't think it's wise to fight with neighbors. It's not worth it, imho.
 
That's just it, if I shovel just our side, we wouldn't be able to get out either. Our property line is right down the middle of the driveway. I have no problem shoveling (I hate doing it, but don't mind helping out), but I cleared out all 4 cars, and then just mine was buried. It's probably going to take me another hour to dig my car back out.
 
Wow :angryfire: :angryfire: I would be soooo mad. There is a difference from her not helping you and actively trapping your car in on purpose (perhaps she was too lazy to move it elsewhere and the area around your car was the easiest location to pile it up). You helped her and then she reciprocated by surrounding your car with a wall of snow.

I would go speak with her. Not for vengeance, but simply to show that you are not a spineless person. If you don't say anything, I have no doubt that it will happen again. Tell her nicely that it is NOT ok to pile huge snow mounds around your car.
 
Oh no, I don't blame you for being angry about this, it was really inconsiderate of your neighbors. I think I would talk to the neighbor calmly about it, so that she is aware of it when she shovels from now on. I'd try not to get angry, or have it turn into a fight.
 
no good deed goes unpunished.
 
keep it simple: just dig your car out and pile the snow on her side of the line. you're merely returning it to its rightful place.

and in the future no one digs the other out....the talk with the neighbor would be to reinforce that help will no longer be forthcoming [and perhaps even why} and that the snow that anyone digs out on her side needs to remain on her side.

then you have the talk with your MIL to reinforce that she has no business risking her health helping this neighbor.

seems un-neighborly but its better than being as ticked off as you are right now.




MoZo
 
You're stuck sharing the driveway, so you don't want to start a war, but I think you need to say something.

Maybe go knock on the door and say something like "I'm a little upset right now because my MIL and I spent several hours shoveling the driveway and even helped dig out your cars and now someone has shoveled snow onto mine. I'm sure it was an accident, but you really need to be careful not to let that happen and I'd appreciate it if you could help me dig out my car now. Thanks!"

It may not exactly be true (like the accident part) but it lets you play the nice guy and hopefully make them feel bad. Obviously, if it happens again, skip the polite version.
 
Good column & good advice. Mad as you rightfully are, it is important to keep good relations w/neighbors -- you never know when you might need them. Talk to her calmly -- if beforehand, you pretend to yourself that you're sure one of the kids did it & she would like to know, it'll come out of your mouth right. Explain that your MIL shoveled, then you shoveled, included their part, came out & found your car buried again. Big job, if one of the kids could help dig it out, I'd appreciate it. It helps if you speak in the same voice you'd use, say, to give somebody directions to a place: conversational but not angry or apologetic, if you get my drift. And look her in the eye the whole time, pleasantly but w/out diffidence -- body language is influential.

I'll bet she doesn't know it happened -- sounds very much like a kid to me. Would be surprised if she doesn't apologize & cooperate. Good luck!

--- Laurie
 
We too have a shared driveway and have encountered this issue all freaking winter! IMO, the driveway is shared and thus the duties regarding the driveway are shared. If I were you, I'd be pissed she plowed her car through the snow, sufficiently packing it down more, rather than canceling her appointment or getting up earlier to shovel.

I think you should have a conversation with the neighbor in regard to snowfall and make an agreement as to the "plan of attack" for when there's sufficient snow to shovel the driveway. Our neighbor has a snowblower and thinks that accordingly, we should pay him to snowblow the driveway. I've reminded him that he is obligated to assist in snow removal, albeit with a shovel or a snowblower and that I refuse to pay him to do something he is already obligated to do.

Honestly, I'd go over there and have the neighbor come outside and show him/her how the snow was placed in front of your car and that you'd like assistance in moving it to a mutually agreeable location. It's unreasonable for your neighbor to put the snow there, let alone try and get out the driveway with a foot of snow in it. I'd draw up a contract for future snow so there's no misunderstandings.
 
I would definitely say something. What's she like usually? Have you had any problems with her before? I would be nice about it so as to save yourself future grief, but seriously...who piles up snow all around a car and doesn't even notice?! Ridiculous.
 
I won't fight with my neighbors either. It's not worth it. know you're still upset, but I wouldn't begrudge her the doctor's appointment, either. I think I'd make sure that I went outside to shovel next time when she (or whoever shovels for her) was outside and casually mention it then, but not make a big deal out it.
 
Hi,

I don't blame you for being angry. You should have knocked on your neighbors door and show her what had occurred. I doubt it was deliberate. Ask that she send the kids who did it to uncover your car. Then suggest how to handle snow on the driveway. I think it would be best if you take turns doing the driveway. If snow is 6 inches or more, you are both required to shovel.

We have neighbors who shovel our driveway if we don't get out there early. Its a separate driveway and my son looks out and says "Oh my, they are shoveling again. He has to dress and run out so he doesn't feel bad. Sometimes we ask a neighborhood kid to do it, but my neighbors are quick.

If they don't agree to the above plan, let them hire someone to do the shoveling when it is their turn.

Do it calmly. You are being reasonable. Don't wait.

Annette
 
A friend also shares a driveway with another family. He had a similar problem. He bought a snowblower and told them that if they gave him $20 he would clear them out. They pay him the $20 and not only did he pay the snowblower off with the money , it has also covered the cost of the gas and a little extra. They have gotten along well ever since.
 
That is exactly what I was thinking Socool! Buy a snowblower. I would be furious! I would want to give her a few words too.
It rarely is the best thing though. I can't think of one time that has ever worked out for me. Generally, it feels better to think
about it than to do it.

I got a speeding ticket this morning. I know the cops in our area hide with radar guns and I usually set my cruise control, but
this morning I was preoccupied and didn't. I was on my way to the gym. On my way back, I thought to myself, every time I see
a town cop I am just going to flip him off. Made me feel better for a minute. I won't do it, but it sounds good.
 
Thank you all for the sound advice. Ordinarily she's very nice, she's older and has some health problems, and her kids are grown and out of her house. I spoke with her earlier this morning about it. It was her son who shoveled like that (and, threw several beer cans around our back yard as well), and she was totally unaware. I guess that he was in a bad mood to begin with, and then mad because I had shoveled some of the snow into a place where it didn't allow him to park back there in addition to her car, even though I made sure that all 4 cars that were back there could come and go as they please. She was very upset with her son, once she saw how he'd buried my car. I apologized (though I didn't feel I should have, but did to keep the peace) for being "careless" with where I put the snow. I very rarely see her have guests, and I didn't want to shovel her whole back yard in addition to mine, and the driveway we share. She and I are good on a personal level, and she even came out and helped me unbury my car. I'm still annoyed with the son though, because there was no reason for that. The neighbor said she really appreciated my help, and my mother in law helping her get unstuck too. We both agree that we don't want to fight, especially over something so silly. All in all, it went really well, and I'm glad that I waited til this morning to speak with her, so I had a chance to calm down and collect my thoughts. I'm not sure I would have been able to handle it calmly with her last night.
 
Manderz, sounds like things went as well as they could! You handled it perfectly IMO, and now you can feel pretty confident that it won't happen again. A situation like this always has the potential to turn ugly, and I'm glad it didn't. Again, I don't blame you for being really annoyed, but it's great you were able to keep calm about the whole thing. A fight would have just led to future awkwardness between you and your neighbor, and that stinks.

And btw, how awesome is your mil? 75 and out shoveling snow! Bless her heart, I hope I have that much energy at that age!
 
I would go over and ask her about it. Perhaps she hired a company to do it. I would be pissed, and I think this type of thing should be brought up and dealt with in a timely fashion, so that angry feelings don't build up and come out at a later date.
 
junebug17|1298410068|2857434 said:
And btw, how awesome is your mil? 75 and out shoveling snow! Bless her heart, I hope I have that much energy at that age!
Click to expand...

She's great, thanks! I hope I do too. She's the gardening queen! She always tells everyone that she's 39, lol. My birthday is in a week, and she's been picking on me that I'm old and catching up to her :)
 
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