Along the wedding (NO!) gift thread, have you ever attended a ca$h bar wedding???

[pinklemonadegurl]

Our dear neighbors(we've since moved) had a formal wedding for their son a few years ago. Catholic Mass, reception, very standard, but lovely with other accouterments (photo booth, sparklers, sweet and fun, I guess). Anyhoo, the husband partnered his own accounting firm, they are now retired in their 50's and multi-millionaires, BUT their son's wedding-it was a cash bar. I was appalled....

Thoughts?

 

[arkieb1]

One of my cousin's got married in a park and a reception in a bar, they had finger food paid for but drinks were you pay for yourself, the guy's parents are also multi millionaires but from what I could see they were refusing to pay for anything. The couple is now divorced so I'm not sure the the parents knew something....

I've also been to a couple of weddings where the parents of the bride or/and groom paid for drinks for 3/4s of the night until a tab (or set amount) ran out and then everyone had to pay for their own everything else for the rest of the night.

 

[JPie]

Well, sounds like they sure as heck didn’t become rich by being generous, and they’re not about to change now!

 

[jaysonsmom]

Well, I probably committed a faux pas by having a cash bar for those who needed to start drinking that early in the day. In my defense, we had a morning wedding followed by a lunch reception, a bottle of champagne at each table for toasting, any other alcoholic beverages was on your own....we didn't think anyone would start drinking during the day. Anyhoo, Dh and I were in our 20's and paying for our own wedding, and purposely chose that time of day to save on having an open bar.

Happy to report that despite not having an open bar, we are happily married for 19 years so far, and we got a nice big down payment (from our parents) for our first house!

 

[Tekate]

Many years ago I went to a wedding 6 weeks after my own. My wedding had an open bar, food galore and 100 people, this second wedding had 300 people and a pay bar, I was shocked, I mean shocked, we didn't bring money. I married in NY and this wedding was in CT, somebody said "maybe that's the way they do it in New England?" I've been to no alcohol weddings in the south but that's religious (Baptist). I've been to weddings that only have beer and wine, understandable.

I suppose a pay bar is perhaps because the payers don't like alcohol, I felt as though my husband's college roomate could have cut down to 100 people and had some booze. But I suppose that can be viewed as selfish on my part.

Our dear neighbors(we've since moved) had a formal wedding for their son a few years ago. Catholic Mass, reception, very standard, but lovely with other accouterments (photo booth, sparklers, sweet and fun, I guess). Anyhoo, the husband partnered his own accounting firm, they are now retired in their 50's and multi-millionaires, BUT their son's wedding-it was a cash bar. I was appalled....

Thoughts?

 

[OreoRosies86]

Maybe the bride and groom paid for their own wedding?

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Most weddings we have attended have been open bar, one of the last ones was an open bar for two hours and then a cash bar after that. Honestly I could care less about that as long as the food is good and I'm always excited to see a Venetian table

 

[stracci2000]

Most weddings we have attended have been open bar, one of the last ones was an open bar for two hours and then a cash bar after that. Honestly I could care less about that as long as the food is good and I'm always excited to see a Venetian table

What??? This is called the cookie table. All the ladies bring home made cookies (pizzelles and biscotti) and put them on a big table there at the fire hall. What kinda hoity-toity peeps are you hangin with?

 

[YadaYadaYada]

What??? This is called the cookie table. All the ladies bring home made cookies (pizzelles and biscotti) and put them on a big table there at the fire hall. What kinda hoity-toity peeps are you hangin with?

Girl this is CT, you know we got to make it all fancy sounding

ETA: I just read this to DH and he said "She is very Italian, ask her if her name is Elizabeth, it all fits" LOL!)

 

[stracci2000]

Girl this is CT, you know we got to make it all fancy sounding

ETA: I just read this to DH and he said "She is very Italian, ask her if her name is Elizabeth, it all fits" LOL!)

Haha, no, not Elizabeth! But "stracci" is the last part of my very Italian maiden name!

 

[lyra]

Oh yes. I have no strong opinion on this matter. Whatever the reason is fine with me. I don't drink anyway. Actually can't drink because of medications, etc. I like the mix of paying for some and then letting people buy some. Fair for everyone I guess. I'm really easygoing.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think it is a regional thing. Rarely do southerners do a cash bar, but I have heard of other parts of the country doing it. We had (and are soon to have) beer and wine at for our children's weddings.

 

[Disoon]

We are Asian and a cash bar would be frowned upon. I’ve never been to a wedding that was a cash bar.

 

[Bron357]

At my first wedding I had it all, and at great expense I might add. It was wonderful except for two things, the table decorations and the wine.
I had arranged for the table arrangements to be donated to the local retirement village, except a guest (girlfriend of one of my partners work colleagues) grabbed two, one in each hand, and left with them. Then others, thinking “oh this is ok to do”, grabbed the remaining ones and took them. I was shocked.
And the wine, I was told afterwards that a few people had sneaked unopened bottles under their jackets and taken them home.
I mean really!

 

[dk168]

For the few that I attended, half a bottle of wine was included for the meal, anything else on top would be paid for by the guests.
For less formal evening receptions, the guests always had to pay for their own drinks while the finger buffet was free.

I am in UK.

For my own wedding, there was no reception of any kind, and my then hubby and I had a very good meal at a 3-star restaurant on our own.

DK

 

[Dancing Fire]

One of my cousin's got married in a park and a reception in a bar, they had finger food paid for but drinks were you pay for yourself, the guy's parents are also multi millionaires but from what I could see they were refusing to pay for anything. The couple is now divorced so I'm not sure the the parents knew something....

I've also been to a couple of weddings where the parents of the bride or/and groom paid for drinks for 3/4s of the night until a tab (or set amount) ran out and then everyone had to pay for their own everything else for the rest of the night.

That don't mean S**T . The more money they have the more stingy they are. My millionaire friends kept on bragging about how much money they have, but still mooching off of me. I don't mind picking up the lunch tab, but please stop bragging about how much you made in the stock market. Maybe once in a blue moon you'll pick up the lunch tab?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Happy to report that despite not having an open bar, we are happily married for 19 years so far, and we got a nice big down payment (from our parents) for our first house!

Nice to have rich parents!

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. Usually the wine, beer, champagne are included and maybe a digestif at the end of the meal. Maybe a signature drink or two. Depends on where it is (hotel vs. Wedding location, where any drinks come from catering and what hasn't been ordered beforehand simply isn't available there ). If anyone thinks he NEEDS a 25€ /glass exotic cocktail from the hotel bar, the staff will usually let them know that it isn't included in the open bar.


Eta: some friends went full on Tom cruise and did have a fancy cocktail bar with all bells and whistles

 

[Dancing Fire]

We are Asian and a cash bar would be frowned upon. I’ve never been to a wedding that was a cash bar.

Yup, We covered all the drinks

for the 330 guests at our DD's wedding banquet.

 

[OoohShiny]

I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but here in the UK, a free/open bar usually means 'hammer it until the drinks run out or you pass out' so not many people do it.

Most weddings I've been to have had a bar you had to pay, and we had the same at our wedding. We're not made of bloody money!!

As noted earlier, usually there is a couple of bottles of wine on the table for those attending the main event/meal, along with spritzers or whatever for the 'standing around waiting for the photographers to do their family pics' section.

There might sometimes be a tab running for a couple of hours in the evening, paid for by a generous family member or guest, but I don't think anyone over here would rock up to a wedding and say "WTF? I have to PAY for my own drinks??" as that would seem the height of presumptuous behaviour

Just make sure to mention it's a cash bar on the invites and no-one can complain about it being a surprise they hadn't planned for lol

Either way, most places over here have a card machine behind the bar, so cash or card is usually fine.


EDIT: Perhaps I move in different (lower...) socioeconomic circles, but I don't have any friends making six-figures or more a year. Perhaps the wealthier sections of society have some sort of implicit, unspoken understanding that every person lays on everything for other people, on the basis the favour will be returned / the circle will go round? Or is it a case of 'look how wealthy I am, I can pay for this entire enormous wedding out of my own pocket'?!

 

[gregchang35]

Yup, We covered all the drinks

for the 330 guests at our DD's wedding banquet.

Nice to have rich parents!

I just had to point it out! LOL

from my point of view, it is their wedding and they can have it any way they like. My only hope is that it would have been kindly mentioned on the invite so that I would be prepared.

 

[ame]

Thankfully no, however I've worked a few that did that and all but one was cash bar due to religious issues--most of their guests did not drink because of religion so it ended up being significantly cheaper this way.

 

[Tekate]

When I was young - NO ONE didn't have an open bar, except my ex husbands roomate that I can remember. Times are different, I married at 22, my son married at 29 and his wife was 28 and they had been living together since they were 18 and 19, we had beer, wine, prosecco and 2 sig drinks, I'd say that is what I see a lot of today. My niece who just was married (she is 39) and paid for her wedding had a total huge open bar. I think in America it's pretty the norm to provide alcohol of some type and a toasting bubbly, not necessarily full open bar. I think America and Britain may have different traditions. I don't know if it's a class here in the USA but back in my day my dad was lower middle class, to me then wealthier people had their weddings at country clubs mine? an Italian restaurant so like I said, it may just be an American thing and not a euro thing.

I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but here in the UK, a free/open bar usually means 'hammer it until the drinks run out or you pass out' so not many people do it.

Most weddings I've been to have had a bar you had to pay, and we had the same at our wedding. We're not made of bloody money!!

As noted earlier, usually there is a couple of bottles of wine on the table for those attending the main event/meal, along with spritzers or whatever for the 'standing around waiting for the photographers to do their family pics' section.

There might sometimes be a tab running for a couple of hours in the evening, paid for by a generous family member or guest, but I don't think anyone over here would rock up to a wedding and say "WTF? I have to PAY for my own drinks??" as that would seem the height of presumptuous behaviour

Just make sure to mention it's a cash bar on the invites and no-one can complain about it being a surprise they hadn't planned for lol

Either way, most places over here have a card machine behind the bar, so cash or card is usually fine.


EDIT: Perhaps I move in different (lower...) socioeconomic circles, but I don't have any friends making six-figures or more a year. Perhaps the wealthier sections of society have some sort of implicit, unspoken understanding that every person lays on everything for other people, on the basis the favour will be returned / the circle will go round? Or is it a case of 'look how wealthy I am, I can pay for this entire enormous wedding out of my own pocket'?!

 

[Tekate]

Do you think that it change the gift you give the couple? I'm older than you and it was expected in my day to provide a meal and drinks etc as people were your guests and that is how one treats a guest. Today I think as people are marrying later and have carers etc and different style than my day it may be thought of differently.

Just curious, I think it might change my gift but not sure?? Some weddings I have flown to, going to one in France next year (nephew). I sound callous and old (ha maybe I am).. but I was just wondering. Peace.

I just had to point it out! LOL

from my point of view, it is their wedding and they can have it any way they like. My only hope is that it would have been kindly mentioned on the invite so that I would be prepared.

 

[Calliecake]

No, I have not. I was engaged and planning a wedding when I was 22 (I ended the engagement). I remember thinking alcohol could easily ruin my wedding reception.

When you grow up seeing how alcohol ruins people’s lives and leaves a path of destruction to everyone around, cash bars at weddings don’t seem like a bad thing to you.

If I were to attend a cash bar wedding, I would wonder if there may have been other reasons for it than cost.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I just had to point it out! LOL

from my point of view, it is their wedding and they can have it any way they like. My only hope is that it would have been kindly mentioned on the invite so that I would be prepared.

Prepare to get drunk!..

 

[violet3]

I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but here in the UK, a free/open bar usually means 'hammer it until the drinks run out or you pass out' so not many people do it.

Most weddings I've been to have had a bar you had to pay, and we had the same at our wedding. We're not made of bloody money!!

As noted earlier, usually there is a couple of bottles of wine on the table for those attending the main event/meal, along with spritzers or whatever for the 'standing around waiting for the photographers to do their family pics' section.

There might sometimes be a tab running for a couple of hours in the evening, paid for by a generous family member or guest, but I don't think anyone over here would rock up to a wedding and say "WTF? I have to PAY for my own drinks??" as that would seem the height of presumptuous behaviour

Just make sure to mention it's a cash bar on the invites and no-one can complain about it being a surprise they hadn't planned for lol

Either way, most places over here have a card machine behind the bar, so cash or card is usually fine.


EDIT: Perhaps I move in different (lower...) socioeconomic circles, but I don't have any friends making six-figures or more a year. Perhaps the wealthier sections of society have some sort of implicit, unspoken understanding that every person lays on everything for other people, on the basis the favour will be returned / the circle will go round? Or is it a case of 'look how wealthy I am, I can pay for this entire enormous wedding out of my own pocket'?!

I think the idea in general, is that the guests then gift the bride and groom cash as a wedding present, which ultimately covers the expense of the wedding anyway. In some states (here in the U.S.) there's a plate charge (price per head) and you can call the venue and ask how much it is, so you can then gift at least that amount to the bride and groom. I don't live in one of these states, by the way, but I have friends who do. I was shocked when they told me of the "rules" regarding wedding guests - it's all pretty ridiculous. Apparently in these states, it's also a horrible faux pas if you have a buffet wedding, rather than a plated and served dinner. For the record, I had a buffet wedding and loved every minute of it.

My husband runs restaurants, and I used to work weddings, so I've seen it all. Full open bar, cash bar, wine and beer bar, open bar until a certain hour, and then cash bar. You name it. It's never bothered me much, and I always make sure to take money with me to a wedding, just in case. Plus, I like to have money to tip the staff, even if it is open bar.

My brother's wife has parents who are EXTREMELY religious, and they wouldn't pay for the alcohol at their wedding, so perhaps that is what was happening at the OP's wedding he/she attended. I'm pretty sure my brother and his wife paid for the booze, but I wouldn't have been irritated if I'd had to pay for my own.

 

[mrs-b]

Due to religious reasons, my family didn't drink. So we had the most upmarket wedding imaginable...with no alcohol whatsoever.

I have absolutely no recollection of what was served with the hors d'oeuvres, but being who I am now, I certainly wish it had been champagne! I don't drink a whole heap, so when I do parties, I don't do spirits or cocktails unless it's a specific theme - like - south American food - mojitos and margaritas. Russian food - a selection of vodkas. Japanese food - sake. Greek food - and the retsina flows. Spanish - Sangria. And so on and so on. But for non-themed dinners and/or lunches - champagne cocktails before the meal, then red and white wine with the main course, dessert wine with the dessert course and, on rare occasions, cognac with cheese afterwards. I also always do a non-alcoholic punch (apple, ginger, tea and mint), and water. Tea and coffee after. That whole combo is my go-to standard. Happy to provide booze with a meal and champagne cocktails with hors d'oeuvres. Not gonna pay for 200 people to get hammered on cosmos.

 

[cmd2014]

In the UK and Canada, gifting the couple cash (i.e., presentation) isn't always the norm. It's customary in some cultures (Italian, Portuguese), but it is seriously frowned upon in others (people from more WASP-y backgrounds). In those cultures it is frowned upon, the traditional wedding gift would be something that helps you set up your home as a couple, like china, a nice serving dish, towels and sheets, cutlery, and the like.

Also, it's a mistake to assume that the parents are paying for the wedding. With couples marrying older, the parents of the bride often do not feel obligated to do this. Many young couples can't afford a lavish wedding with an open bar.

This was an issue between DH and myself. He is from an Italian family where presentation is the norm. I am from a WASP background, where presentation is seen as tacky (ESPECIALLY if you put it on your invitations) and only wedding gifts are given. His parents assumed my parents should pay for the wedding and that we should have the large traditional 500 person wedding where you invite the entire community. My parents were NOT going to pay as I was an adult and had been on my own for a long time. DH and I were paying, and could not afford a $50K+ wedding. DH's parents said "no problem, put it on a CC and the presentation will pay for the wedding plus some" not understanding that half the wedding guests would gift us with china and the like. So we had a very small wedding with wine on the table only and no open bar. My in-laws were not happy about it, but they weren't offering to step and and pay. Perhaps our guests thought my parents were cheap too, but honestly, I was not prepared to go tens of thousands of dollars into debt to pay for a wedding I could not afford.

So I guess I don't blink at cash bars. A wedding shouldn't be a drunk fest IMO anyway. Wine with dinner and a sparkling wine for a toast or two seems like plenty.

 

[gregchang35]

Do you think that it change the gift you give the couple? I'm older than you and it was expected in my day to provide a meal and drinks etc as people were your guests and that is how one treats a guest. Today I think as people are marrying later and have carers etc and different style than my day it may be thought of differently.

Just curious, I think it might change my gift but not sure?? Some weddings I have flown to, going to one in France next year (nephew). I sound callous and old (ha maybe I am).. but I was just wondering. Peace.

I don’t think it would change what I would spend on the wedding gift. I would like to think that when I (and/ or my family) were invited to the wedding, that we were in their closer circle of friends to be considered.

Our family were invited to a wedding in Hong Kong in April 2019, 8hr flight there; and another 8hr back all at bad times, too. We took them all 6of is there for the week!!! Still spent the same amount on the gift. But we spent more cos of the flights/ accommodation for the entire family etc....It worked with school holidays. We made it a bit of a holiday. Took the kids to Disneyland. Yay.

If the the destination was in Europe , it might have been a different story. Longer time away or only one of us would have gone.

France for a wedding!!! Nice!!!

We are of the same opinion that if we had a wedding- food and drink would be provided. It’s also a very stressful and expensive time and would respect the newly weds decision on their day. Being Asian, we would provide a cash gift.