Wedding Advice? Wedding on a budget

[JSM]

I know I am mostly a lurker here, but I could really use some advice from you ladies! It would really be appreciated.

My fiance and I will have been engaged 2 years in January. We are no closer to getting married than we were the day we were engaged. He is a wonderful man (a poor man, but I love him more than anyone in the world!) and he would marry me tomorrow, but we are treading water financially and cannot afford a wedding right now. I have saved up $1800 on my measly grad student salary, and I''m having a hard time trying to figure out what I can afford with that as a wedding budget.

My parents have offered money ($4k), but conditionally - we would have to have the reception back near my hometown. Well, I live a four hour drive away from my home town, and my fiance''s family is an additional 5 hour drive away (9 hours to. This would make the ceremony almost entirely cost restrictive for many of his family, including his mother, who is very kind but doesn''t have much extra right now. Plus, I really wanted to have it in the state I live right now for a couple other reasons.

I did research and found a great winery that we could have a small ceremony and reception at, for about 25 people (immediate family and close friends). Showed it to my fiance, he loved it, and I called to make arrangements... and the price was significantly increased. Before it was a pay as your party increases type plan, now it is a simple flat fee no matter how many your guests - and now it''s way beyond my budget. I couldn''t help but cry.

Is there an option for a small, budget friendly and NOT tacky wedding for $1800 besides Vegas (we want to get married August 22)? I just don''t know what to do!

Oh, so no one thinks my FH is a bum, he is working but his money is going towards car payments, insurance, and a down payment towards a new vehicle (we have two beaters but they have combined 365k miles and we are not counting on them for much longer).

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Jsm your FI doesn''t sound like a bum at all..he sounds responsible (you do, too)! If you don''t mind me saying so I think your parents are not being very understanding. When you plan a wedding you have to meet with vendors often, etc., and it''s really difficult to do that from far away. Not impossible, but more challenging. So you''d have to drive there every time. The bare minimum you''re going to need is an officiant or judge and the marriage license, right? Well that''s well under 1800. So at this point that leaves you with probably around 1200-1400 for a small reception and maybe some flowers.

How about a small restaurant? Is that an option? Also, would maybe a public park or other nearby place rent at a lower price? For example, a museum or art building or even a historic home. Or a bed and breakfast? You are going to need to "get creative" I think with a venue. Do you mind if I ask where you are/a general area so maybe I could help look? If you don''t want to say, that''s fine of course!

 

[JSM]

Date: 10/9/2008 10:53:21 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Jsm your FI doesn''t sound like a bum at all..he sounds responsible (you do, too)! If you don''t mind me saying so I think your parents are not being very understanding. When you plan a wedding you have to meet with vendors often, etc., and it''s really difficult to do that from far away. Not impossible, but more challenging. So you''d have to drive there every time. The bare minimum you''re going to need is an officiant or judge and the marriage license, right? Well that''s well under 1800. So at this point that leaves you with probably around 1200-1400 for a small reception and maybe some flowers.


How about a small restaurant? Is that an option? Also, would maybe a public park or other nearby place rent at a lower price? For example, a museum or art building or even a historic home. Or a bed and breakfast? You are going to need to ''get creative'' I think with a venue. Do you mind if I ask where you are/a general area so maybe I could help look? If you don''t want to say, that''s fine of course!

Thanks so much for the support! I am of course saving as much as possible every month, so let''s assume I can save $600 more before August, so we''ll say a little over 2k is probably my budget.

I had NOT thought about a bed and breakfast, that''s a very good idea! There are quite a few in the area we are looking at (rural surrounding Dubuque IA), that''s a great avenue I hadn''t even considered. Thanks so much!

We just want to have 25 people, a halfway decent meal in a nice (preferably outdoor for the ceremony) setting, a few flowers, and maybe a little music (even an mp3 player would work for that).

I had considered the park where we first met... but of course it was destroyed in the great Iowa floods this summer.

It''s such a mess it hurts to go look there right now!

 

[oobiecoo]

I am going to recommend a simple ceremony either at a church or courthouse or a park or something if your officiant will go there. You can get a nice (but not too expensive) dress and bouquet/bout, have your ceremony with immediate family, and then go to a nice restaurant afterward and pay for everyone''s meal. See if they will let you bring your own cake or just order fancy desert there. If you have a private room then you can bring an ipod and speakers. I think that would make a very beautiful and intimate wedding. Good Luck with your planning!

 

[Haven]

I vote for a small restaurant wedding as well. We have the most charming little town here with a gorgeous little restaurant that hosts small weddings nearly every weekend. If my parents hadn''t graciously paid for our wedding, i would have married my DH there. Small weddings can be so intimate and special.

I can''t wait to see what you plan!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 10/9/2008 11:02:14 PM
Author: jsm

Date: 10/9/2008 10:53:21 PM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Jsm your FI doesn''t sound like a bum at all..he sounds responsible (you do, too)! If you don''t mind me saying so I think your parents are not being very understanding. When you plan a wedding you have to meet with vendors often, etc., and it''s really difficult to do that from far away. Not impossible, but more challenging. So you''d have to drive there every time. The bare minimum you''re going to need is an officiant or judge and the marriage license, right? Well that''s well under 1800. So at this point that leaves you with probably around 1200-1400 for a small reception and maybe some flowers.



How about a small restaurant? Is that an option? Also, would maybe a public park or other nearby place rent at a lower price? For example, a museum or art building or even a historic home. Or a bed and breakfast? You are going to need to ''get creative'' I think with a venue. Do you mind if I ask where you are/a general area so maybe I could help look? If you don''t want to say, that''s fine of course!

Thanks so much for the support! I am of course saving as much as possible every month, so let''s assume I can save $600 more before August, so we''ll say a little over 2k is probably my budget.


I had NOT thought about a bed and breakfast, that''s a very good idea! There are quite a few in the area we are looking at (rural surrounding Dubuque IA), that''s a great avenue I hadn''t even considered. Thanks so much!

We just want to have 25 people, a halfway decent meal in a nice (preferably outdoor for the ceremony) setting, a few flowers, and maybe a little music (even an mp3 player would work for that).


I had considered the park where we first met... but of course it was destroyed in the great Iowa floods this summer.

It''s such a mess it hurts to go look there right now!

Oh man I am sorry about the floods!!

yaay I am glad I was able to help some! I will do some searches and see what I can find. If possible, try to find one that doesn''t do a ton of weddings..I bet their prices would be better. Some of the swanky ones that do weddings all of the time can get up there quickly.

 

[pocahontas]

Here''s another vote for a small and intimate restaurant wedding. A friend of a friend went this route and loved it!

 

[JSM]

Hadn''t really considered a restaurant either, but a private room sounds very nice. Thanks for the ideas oobiecoo, Haven, pocahontas, and especially SarahLovesJS! I think I needed a different perspective, and I feel so much better about this right now.

I don''t know what I''d do without this place! Thanks so much, once I figure something out I''ll let you all know.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

No problem, it is definitely doable and it will be gorgeous! I agree with everyone else..small, intimate weddings are very special!

 

[gtn]

Have you tried seeing how nice city hall or where-ever the civil ceremony''s would be held looks? If so, I would totally have a civil ceremony followed by an intimate dinner at a restaurant. That would keep your cost down.

 

[marchswallowbird]

Jsm, glad you''re feeling better I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in and say I am very impressed with how responsible and disciplined both of you are to be saving so diligently and making paying off debt the priority. Wow. You''ve received some excellent advice here...where there''s a will, there''s a way, and I think you can make this happen!

 

[bee*]

I love the sound of a small, intimate restaurant setting. It sounds great. And of course I didn''t think that your Fi is a bum-it''s really responsible that he''s trying to pay off everything.

 

[JSM]

Thank you to gtn, marshwallowbird, and bee*. We will make this work!

Date: 10/10/2008 2:30:07 AM
Author: marchswallowbird
Jsm, glad you''re feeling better I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in and say I am very impressed with how responsible and disciplined both of you are to be saving so diligently and making paying off debt the priority. Wow. You''ve received some excellent advice here...where there''s a will, there''s a way, and I think you can make this happen!

We are really happy that, other than my student loans, the last bit of the car, and some medical bills, we don''t really have much debt. We''ll look back on the wedding much more fondly if it doesn''t put us in the hole! I have gotten excellent ideas, and over the weekend I''m going to look into more options. To be honest, I haven''t been excited about wedding planning in a while, and the advice here has given me hope. Thanks again to all.

 

[angielea]

Hello my fellow Iowan!

I was in your area last weekend! I'm a luther grad, and we went up to LaCrosse, and drove down the river valley, went to the field of dreams, and if we had time, I would have taken my Fi to the trolley up the hill in dubuque (that would make for some great wedding photos, btw)

Have you thought about having it at the dubuque arboretum? It says it's $300 on the website.. http://www.dubuquearboretum.com/weddinginfo.html

Or you could reserve any park overlooking the river, it is so so beautiful. Then you and your guests could go to a nice restaraunt to eat, if there's going to be 25 of you or so Maybe the Pepper Sprout? http://www.peppersprout.com/main2.htm

Good luck, my dear!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

wow those gardens are so beautiful! i wish we had them here in fargo so i could take advantage
good luck with all your planning

 

[AlliMay]

Another Iowan here!! I am also pretty familiar with the Dubuque area... I second Angielea''s suggestion of the Dubuque Arboretum and Peppersprout restaurant...both great spots.

Another option would be to cross the river and go to Galena, IL...It is such a pretty town and there are so many great spots for pictures! If we were not going to Mexico for our wedding it would be in Galena (we both grew up in Northern Illinois), because we love our little weekend trips there.

LinMar gardens is a beautiful location that you could have the ceremony (and reception if you wanted) at: http://www.linmargardens.com/home

There are also several parks:
http://www.cityofgalena.org/recreation.cfm#parks

As far as restaurants, here are three great ones:

One Eleven Main
http://www.oneelevenmain.com/default.asp

Vinny Vanucchi''s:
http://www.vinnysgalena.com/default.asp

Fried Green Tomatoes:
http://www.friedgreen.com/

 

[katamari]

Date: 10/9/2008 11:02:14 PM
Author: jsm

We just want to have 25 people, a halfway decent meal in a nice (preferably outdoor for the ceremony) setting, a few flowers, and maybe a little music (even an mp3 player would work for that).

Being able to save $2K on a grad student salary will be way harder than having a fantastic wedding on your budget

Have you looked into buildings on your campus? Our campus has some beautiful atriums, gardens, parks, and ballrooms that students can reserve for a very minimal price. I think the other suggestions have been fantastic, too. I am sure that a B&B can be the backdrop for a wonderful wedding. It would also give all your out of town family a place to stay together and get to know one another, too.

I am sure you have already thought about DIYing everything, but you can buy flowers directly from a florist and make your own arrangements and bouquets. If you and your FH are good cooks, it may save to cook the meal rather than go to a restaurant (assuming that you don''t have to pay the money you save to get the location).

Good luck!

 

[JSM]

Wow! Thank you angielea, Smurfysmiles, AlliMay, and katamari! Wonderful, wonderful ideas and I can''t wait to check them out!

I have checked out all the links, and the wheels are starting to turn. Thank you all SO much!

 

[angielea]

No problem! My only request is that you post pictures after your wedding. Us Iowa girls need to represent.

 

[pjean]

Date: 10/10/2008 9:03:59 AM
Author: jsm
We''ll look back on the wedding much more fondly if it doesn''t put us in the hole!

SO TRUE. May I just say that, as a fellow graduate student, I am super impressed at how much money you''ve managed to save.

Also, I think the B&B idea is definitely worth pursuing. Would you consider having a brunch reception? That can cut costs significantly and might be something they could do for you without needing an outside caterer. And I think a garden brunch on a sunny day in August (with shade somewhere...) would be incredibly lovely.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

My wedding was an 80 person....5G.

We saved a lot by DIY''in ALOT! You can makes something very intimate and classy if you eliminate extravagence.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 10/10/2008 11:27:23 AM
Author: pjean

Date: 10/10/2008 9:03:59 AM

Author: jsm

We''ll look back on the wedding much more fondly if it doesn''t put us in the hole!

SO TRUE. May I just say that, as a fellow graduate student, I am super impressed at how much money you''ve managed to save.


Also, I think the B&B idea is definitely worth pursuing. Would you consider having a brunch reception? That can cut costs significantly and might be something they could do for you without needing an outside caterer. And I think a garden brunch on a sunny day in August (with shade somewhere...) would be incredibly lovely.

I second this idea of the brunch. Who doesn''t love breakfast? Also, have you considered doing a heavy hors d''oeuvre cocktail reception instead of a seated/full dinner? Could be another way to stretch your dollars.

 

[neatfreak]

It can totally be done. We are grad students too and did a wedding for about 35 people in San Francisco, at a chi-chi restaurant for somewhere around $7k if I remember correctly (I'm not 100% sure on the number, it's getting fuzzy, but it was somewhere around there). That was with some splurging on stuff too and as I said it was a very nice restaurant in SF. In Iowa and for fewer people you can TOTALLY do it for way less. My recommendations:

1. Have a brunch/lunch reception- it majorly cuts down on the alcohol consumption.

2. Have a bouquet and one bout for your DH and that is IT. Eliminate all the unnecessary bouquets, bouts, ceremony flowers, etc. You won't miss them if you pick a beautiful ceremony venue in the first place (like the gardens that were suggested).

3. Try and find a local photog via craigslist or something that has a small portfolio but is looking to make it bigger. Give them the rights to use your photos and in exchange they photograph your wedding for a very small fee. Mutually beneficial if you can find the right person.

4. Have a friend/relative officiate. No need to pay an officiant hundreds of dollars when a friend can get ordained online for free!

5. Have something besides a "real" wedding cake if you won't miss it. We had cupcakes from a local bakery that were to DIE for, but were so much cheaper than a wedding cake.

6. We had our reception at a restaurant too and we had a pre-set menu for all the guests (they did have a choice for each course though) AND we restricted the liquor to a few wines, local beers, and mimosas (we had a lunch reception).

I'll think of more things we did that cut costs that we didn't miss at all...but this should get you started.

Oh and in my experience, despite the fact that parents will complain about it not being in your hometown, etc., unless they are really nasty and vindictive, they usually come around eventually...hope it's the same for you as it has been for my friends who have experienced similar "restrictions" from their parents.

 

[jmtomaui]

Hi. I''m a native Iowan myself and have been to many intimate weddings in IA that were breathtaking in their simplicity because the love that the bride and groom exuded gave everything a joyful glow.

With that, I''m not as familiar with Dubuque as other parts of the state, I did a quick google on the riverboats and while I could not find any pricing, could you look into something like that? The American Lady had cruises for $12.50 a person that featured heavy appetizers and soft drinks. I don''t know much more as there were not many details.

By a fluke, I pulled up the fairgrounds first and they offer wedding rentals. The grand ballroom looked beautiful and rents for $300 on a Friday night. Friday nights are less expensive (as are Sundays) with any vendor you look at. They also rent the gardens for $200 (I think). This includes 6 hours for set up and tear down, the ceremony and the reception as well as staffing. They also do catered buffets. If I remember correctly, a 2 meat buffet was $9.50 a plate and 3 meat options went to $12.00. Those could be reasonable for 25 people. They also had prices for tapped beers, wines, softdrinks.

Look to the college for a photographer. The photography students are often available for the cost of film and developing just for the experience and referral. They will be happy to show you their portfolios.

For a dress, J Crew always has beautifully simple - yet elegant - options for $200 or so. Many brides also look at bridesmaid dresses in ivory or champagne for a greatly reduced price from an "official" bridal gown.

I think what you are trying to do is beautiful! You want to be with the man of your dreams and that is all that matters. Whether you spend $2,000 or $2,000,000 you will have the same results - a long and happy life with your husband.

As others have said, please do stay around and show us some of the things you find as well as the pictures next August.

Wishing you the best!

Julie

 

[AlliMay]

Date: 10/10/2008 10:57:07 AM
Author: angielea
No problem! My only request is that you post pictures after your wedding. Us Iowa girls need to represent.

Agreed!! I can also recommend the photographer who did our engagement shoot...She is very affordable and WONDERFUL! She lives about an hour from Dubuque, but I am sure she would make the trek...

http://www.sackettphotography.com/

 

[Octavia]

Date: 10/10/2008 2:27:54 PM
Author: neatfreak
4. Have a friend/relative officiate. No need to pay an officiant hundreds of dollars when a friend can get ordained online for free!

I always caution people to check on the laws of your state to make sure this is legal. In some states, going this route opens your marriage up to legal challenges, while in others it''s perfectly okay. I have no idea what Iowa allows, but it''s much better to check and be safe than sorry later!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/10/2008 3:56:42 PM
Author: Octavia

Date: 10/10/2008 2:27:54 PM

Author: neatfreak

4. Have a friend/relative officiate. No need to pay an officiant hundreds of dollars when a friend can get ordained online for free!

I always caution people to check on the laws of your state to make sure this is legal. In some states, going this route opens your marriage up to legal challenges, while in others it''s perfectly okay. I have no idea what Iowa allows, but it''s much better to check and be safe than sorry later!

Technically true, but these marriages so far have always been held as legal in court as far as I know the few times they have been challenged.

 

[Rhea]

I had two weddings. The first was a bed and breakfast for about 50 people and all told it cost around $5K. We did have a buffet dinner and a DJ. I think you could probably cut it back to around $2K if you had fewer people and maybe a brunch or breakfast.

The second wedding, about $3K was for about 20 people and was in a big city (London) so that increased the costs, but we did wear the same outfits. We went to the courthouse, then a tour of the city, then dinner at a local place. Once again, we could have saved money by having lunch rather than dinner.

We actually got a lot of compliments on our second wedding, the tour was unique and is still mentioned well over two years later.

We cut costs by:
very few flowers - wedding 1, just one single flower floating in IKEA glasswear with Target candles around it. Wedding 2, I bought the boquet from a street vendor for about $10-15.

Photographer - Found someone who had an actual day job but liked wedding photography as a side project. Since it wasn''t her primary source of income she was happy to give us a CD of our photos to print as we saw fit which made it affordable.

Clothes - suit from overstock for $300, he''s worn it several times since, and dress from ebay for $300 including alterations.

Invitations - made our own from paper on www.papersource.com. For the second wedding we put an email and phone on the invitation to RSVP saving on stamps. For the first wedding we made postcards for RSVPs so stamps were cheaper.

We needed no ceremony decorations since both the period B&B and the courthouse already had decorations. I wish we had managed to cut costs even more. I know both of ours were more expensive than what you''re looking for, but I imagine that it''s doable inexpensively if you hunt a bit.

 

[JSM]

Thank you pjean, iwannaprettyone, Clairitek, neatfreak, jmtomaui, Octavia, Addy, and again to AlliMay! So many great ideas, I''m actually excited about this for the first time in a while!

I talked to my mother (who is more supportive than my dad) over lunch. Mom likes arts and crafts and has offered to make invitations no matter what we do. She also said she could get her photographer friend (who has done weddings and is very nice, I''ve met her) to do the pictures for a reduced cost as a personal favor. I don''t need a videographer, other than a bouquet (prob DIY) I don''t care so much about flowers, and my fiance recently bought a very nice black suit for job interviews. We can get him a new shirt/tie but that''s cheaper than a bad tux rental! I''m not even a big fan of cake so we can skip a formal cake easily. I will need someone to do my hair - I really suck at that!

A lunch reception sounds like a great idea, too - that saves money AND leaves the evening to relax with my new husband. I can''t wait until we are finally married!

I will look into state laws and what is legal regarding who can and can''t perform the ceremony, and if I have time out of the lab this weekend I am going to check out some places. You all are awesome!

 

[Rhea]

If you still want a cake, keep in mind grocery stores. If you have a Publix in your area they do some great things. Such as a mixed dessert platter to serve 20 for $25ish, cheesecake to serve 7 for $8, chocolate cake to serve 12 for $15, and apple pies.

We couldn''t agree on cake (he doen''t like it) so we did various desserts (4 different ones) for around $90 to serve around 100 people (I ate nearly all the leftovers by the time the weekend was over, I love dessert!). For the second wedding we didn''t have a cake, just encouraged people to order dessert if they wanted it when we went to dinner.

Lunch means possibly no dancing, eating less, and drinking less.

My sister did my hair and makeup both times and it was nice to just spend time getting ready with her. To help save money, do any of your friends do hair well?

What date are you aimming for?

I''m so excited for you! I liked several aspects of planning on a budget. Don''t mind me if I keep coming back to throw out slightly odd ideas!