Advice please

[kenny]

Help me decide what to pay my SO's dad and two brothers.
They have all three worked as handymen, a little plumbing, painting, roofing, patching, floor refinishing, stucco etc.
They are a very close HUGE latino family and all the relatives help each other out with home projects/additions/plumbing and I suspect it is all mutual, scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, and no payment is expected.

My SO told them our house needs work, and they offered to help.

Since they live several hours away they are camping out here for 3 or 4 days.

I made everyone breakfast today and asked them, so what should I pay you?
They said, "Oh whatever".
I said, no really, I don't have experience with this thing when family helps family, but it is for pro-level work.
The dad said, just do whatever you feel in your heart.
(I thought to myself, oh thanks a lot.)

I have NO idea what I should pay them.
Help!

 

[nkarma]

Delete

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I think your SO should handle the entire thing. Stay out of it. Discuss with your SO, of course.

Annette

 

[Enerchi]

Ditto Annette. Leave it up to SO to negotiate with his family what they think is fair and what SO feels he's good with, in that arrangement. You can pony up the money but let him deal with it. Just simpler to stay out of family dynamics - you NEVER know what will set someone off and best if they are upset, its not aimed at you!

My $0.02 worth....

 

[mary poppins]

That's a tough one because It depends on the location and type of work. Plus, it's family.

If you want to pay them rather than exchange services for each other, try to determine the going rate in your locale by reviewing Craigslist postings as well as contractor websites. Follow up with a few phone calls if necessary to find out how much the service providers in your area would charge for the work the family members performed. You can pay the average or some type of adjustment depending on your and their comfort level.

 

[mrs jam]

I agree, Kenny, with the other posters who advise letting your SO decide what to do. DH and I have an agreement that he's in charge of dealing with situations involving his family and I deal with mine. It greatly decreases the possibility of any awkwardness or hurt feelings that way. I think we develop thicker skins when it comes to the quirks of our own family members, but it's harder to grin and bear it when it comes from the in-laws.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Yup, let your SO handle it. Money is a touchy subject. Insisting on paying them after they refused may send the wrong message: that you feel you are better than them, that you are throwing money around, that you don't really consider them family, etc. Not paying them may also backfire: you are taking advantage, you should have insisted since they refused out of courtesy, that you don't value their work... What a minefield! Your SO, however, knows their social code a lot better and is also their direct family, giving him more leeway.

 

[zoebartlett]

I like the suggestion of contacting contractors, handymen, etc. to find out what the going rate is for the things you want done. You could also pay gas mileage since your SO's family is traveling from a distance to help you out.

 

[monarch64]

Oh boy. I agree with others saying let your SO handle it. I also agree with contacting some contractors and getting estimates of what they would charge for similar work, then you can make suggestions to your SO. Travel expenses like gas mileage would be nice as well. That is really cool of them to help you guys out! Maybe if you want to do something extra nice for them (besides providing them accomodations), you could arrange a nice catered lunch or dinner for them the day before they leave? It is nice to break bread with family in celebration of a job completed or accomplishment so perhaps that might be an appreciated gesture in addition to cash.

 

[TooPatient]

Oh boy. I agree with others saying let your SO handle it. I also agree with contacting some contractors and getting estimates of what they would charge for similar work, then you can make suggestions to your SO. Travel expenses like gas mileage would be nice as well. That is really cool of them to help you guys out! Maybe if you want to do something extra nice for them (besides providing them accomodations), you could arrange a nice catered lunch or dinner for them the day before they leave? It is nice to break bread with family in celebration of a job completed or accomplishment so perhaps that might be an appreciated gesture in addition to cash.

I agree with everything except the bolded.

My mom's family is not exactly well off (to say the least!) but always there to help each other out. I guarantee that in my family, any sort of catered lunch or dinner would be seen as over the top and make them uncomfortable. No one turns down a home cooked meal (not too fancy) or take-out pizza of course!

My dad's family is different. People help out and don't "expect" anything, but it is standard to take the people helping to a nice-ish place for dinner and usually slip an envelope of cash to the head of the household that was helping. Anything less and you should hear the discussion on the way home!


Let your SO handle it. Each family is different.

 

[kenny]

Thanks so much for everything so far.

We are dinning on steaks and shrimp tonight.
I bought all their favorite food and booze.

I will insist my SO determines the $$$.

 

[Imdanny]

Kenny, I grew up in a working class family. My father is an electrician. I have no idea if you consider your SO's family working class (although you said they are doing pro level work) or poor or whathaveyou, but I can tell you from my perspective some of the ideas I was raised with in my working class family.

If you work, you get paid.
If you do something that's work, it's right to list what that is.
"Man hours" are a huge concept, how many man hours are involved.

I know you've decided to leave it up to SO, but please give him my input.

I would pay them generously. I think labor should be highly valued.

I would make sure that there was a cut off in my calculations in which every man hour was paid at a generous hourly rate. And to me anything less than $15 an hour would be insulting. Actually I don't think that's right. People get that to clean people's houses in upstate NY. This kind of skilled work is worth more. In any case, I wouldn't dream of paying less.

I am NOT trying to be harsh. But this is my 2 cents.

 

[kenny]

Last night it was good steaks on the BBQ and tons of beer - their favorite.
Tonight it's prawns because one is allergic to lobster.

It's so funny.
They are all 3 married and are sooooooo happy to have a long break from their wives.
They all live in the same small house with all their kids BTW.
Seriously they are acting like 3 sailors on leave, minus the hookers.
One joked they are going to call home and say Kenny's house has more problems than we thought and this will take more like 3 weeks than 3 days.

They all got rip roaring drunk in the backyard last night around fire pit.
My SO's mom called and could tell that dad had been drinking (I guess he's not supped to and I have NEVER seen him even take a sip the 20 or so times we stayed in their home and everyone else was partying hard.

One brother had to take the phone to calm mom down.
While at Costco I bought a 36-pack of Bud, mostly as a joke thinking they'd take most of it home Sunday.
Well they polished that off fast and had to go out for more! LOL
They also work their @sses off and do excellent work!!!
They sing and tell jokes while they work; it's so cute.

Since they didn't bring any women I'm doing all the cooking cleaning shopping and domestic support to keep them happy.
Seriously, I don't think any of these 3 men could cook an egg or wash a dish if their life depended on it.
Their women (and I DO mean THIER) do ALL of that stuff.
People sure vary.

 

[Enerchi]

It sounds like they really are enjoying the services they are providing - getting away from home can sometimes feel like a vacation and in this case, sounds like that's the approach they are taking! I'm glad you are enjoying the commeraderie with the family. Has SO had any time to think about compensation? or is the 'escape' sufficient? (I would not think it would be, cash is always useful no matter what)

Wonderful to have people who know what they are doing - and do it well! your house will look like a million bucks soon enough!

 

[kenny]

IN these old houses they used lath an plaster.
We are just replacing the damaged area with drywall.



Happily there was no evidence of dry rot.
All the wood was old but still firm and solid when you press on it or bang on it.