Adult gift exchange for Christmas

[CJ2008]

For years and years and years we (the adults in the family) have been exchanging gifts for Christmas...even though for several years now I (and my sister) didn't want to do the whole gift thing.

So about 3 years ago I introduced the idea of picking just one person out of a hat, dictating a limit to spend, and doing just that...this way it was less stressful, etc.

But now even that feels kind of silly and annoying. Mostly because some people in the family just give the cash. I feel it's a silly exchange when there's not even any thought put into the gift.

I don't feel like doing gifts at all this year - but feel like my family might feel like I'm just being "difficult"...it would be easier to just say yes and just do the damn thing...plus it may feel awkward when they exchange if DH and I are just sitting around and not involved...

Would you just do it and forget about it? Seems silly that I could even stress over something like this, but it feels like I'm always the one having different opinions about things and it's not always easy to be the one to want changes in traditions...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Just go with the flow and do what is easiest. Don't create holiday drama. We tried the name in the hat and it didn't work because some people still gave gifts to certain people and it turned into an uneven gift exchange. Now, it's no gifts for those over 18, but some still get gifts. A few years back, all the ladies in the family (all blood related) exchanged gifts, but didn't include me and I was super hurt (my husband wasn't given anything either...we sat there while every exchanged gifts feeling VERY uncomfortable)...then last year, I was given a couple small things. This year, I am just giving token gifts without knowing if I'll be included or not in the exchange. Seriously, it drives me nuts trying to figure out what to do!

 

[CJ2008]

Right...my instinct is telling me to just go with the flow and save myself the drama or not going with the flow.

But I tell you, this whole gift thing is annoying.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Right...my instinct is telling me to just go with the flow and save myself the drama or not going with the flow.

But I tell you, this whole gift thing is annoying.

Yeah, running away for the holidays is probably the best solution! Cabin in the mountains!

 

[mary poppins]

DH and I usually get gifts for our nieces and nephews.

For the adults on DH's side, we exchange small gifts with his sister and brother-in-law. My sister and I don't exchange gifts with each other or our spouses. Just not into it and don't care much about it.

This year, my cousin who is hosting Christmas dinner initiated a Secret Santa gift exchange through Elfster.com and designated $50 as the maximum gift value. This is the first time I've been involved with Elfster and it's pretty neat. Each recipient makes a wishlist and the gift giver can choose items from the wishlist. Pretty easy, but still a little bit of a hassle if you're not into the whole adult gift exchange idea. It will be nice to have a lot of gifts under the tree and a group gift exchange session, though.

ETA: To answer your question, we just go with the flow and forget about it.

 

[CJ2008]

Yeah...DH and I have talked about it! haha

No seriously we always have a great time, and enjoy each other...but the whole emphasis on gifts around Christmas has been bugging me for a LOOOOONG time.

 

[Puppmom]

CJ, my guess is you're not the only one thinking this. We did the same thing in our family...getting gifts for all of the adults, then pared down to just the *name in a hat* exchange. Then, last year, we just pooled our money (the limit we had set for the exchange) and "sponsored a child' through the United Way. This year, we're doing nothing. DH and I are sponsoring a child on our own but no adult exchange. EVERYONE was relieved when we suggested the no exchange.

edited to remove inadvertenly inserted smiley

 

[ame]

We don't do them in either family anymore. On my mom's side we have adopted families and go all out for them, we just take people off the list and get what they need and then some. On my dad's side, anyone over 18 didn't get in on gifts anyway (besides my grandma), so we do a can good and dry foods and monetary donation, and my uncle volunteers for a food pantry and he brings it all in for us. We've probably been doing that for my entire life, hell before me even. I have cousins as old as my parents because my dad's siblings are quite an age span.

 

[CJ2008]

CJ, my guess is you're not the only one thinking this.

No, you're right...and every year everyone votes no gifts and it's one or two of the elders who keeps wanting it...so we all end up doing it.

 

[aviastar]

CJ, my guess is you're not the only one thinking this.

No, you're right...and every year everyone votes no gifts and it's one or two of the elders who keeps wanting it...so we all end up doing it.

I would bow out. If there are others who also want to bow out they will, and then those two can exchange gifts with each other.

I am doing very small hand made gifts for siblings/their spouses this year, but don't expect any exchange. I found that idea on Pintrest about writing on plates and mugs with sharpie and baking them to make them permanent. I just really wanted to try it, and the materials are under $2 for each gift. We're all fairly newlywed and still setting ourselves up in the world and I don't expect or want my siblings spending any of their money on gifts for me- it would be a financial burden for all of use if we really did a real adult gift exchange. We even all pooled for one gift for our parents.

 

[qtiekiki]

This year, just go with the flow. But mention not doing a gift exchange next year, and see how everyone feels. In our house, we don't buy for the adults (adults mean anyone out of college).

 

[zoebartlett]

What about doing a Yankee swap instead?

My husband would rather skip gift-giving altogether, but we don't. His family is pretty large, and we used to draw a name out of a hat and exchange gifts when everyone gets together on Christmas Eve. Then a few years ago, someone suggested doing a Yankee swap so that's what we do now. They've always seemed kind of gimicky so I didn't think I'd like it, but it was actually fun. The gifts range from anything from the "As seen on TV" section at Wal-mart and re-gifted items to things that are actually really nice.

ETA: I just finished reading the thread. CJ, if it's only a couple people who insist on continuing to give gifts, then let them do it and you can decline.

 

[rosetta]

I have a huge extended family (100 people plus if we only count up to my first cousins!). We don't exchange gifts at all. My husband doesn't want a gift, but I get something small, like a bottle of perfume. My in laws may want to get me something (or cash which is nice) so this year I have a perfume wish list with bottles in a wide price range. Lots of people dont want to give cash and perfumes are pretty easy to wrap

I think getting gifts for one person only instead of everyone is a great idea!

 

[iheartscience]

If people still want to do it, I'd go for it. It's probably not worth the drama, provided it's not hard on you financially. Or maybe you could suggest doing something like ame's family does, and adopt a family or do a food drive.

 

[iLander]

Well, let's see, three years ago, you wanted to just swap with one person and they went along with you. They adjusted their Christmas to do what you wanted to do, because you wanted to do it.

Now you don't feel like doing it at all, so you want to call it off completely. Change everyone's Christmas plans because you feel it is silly and annoying.

I think more time spent thinking about the feelings of others may be in order.

 

[Haven]

Several years ago DH and I decided we didn't want to exchange gifts with the adults in his family anymore. The gifts the adults exchanged were always silly, and obviously not picked out with care, that the whole thing was just ridiculous.

DH called each of his cousins and his brother and told them that we thought it would be best to just give gifts to their kids and no need to exchange adult gifts anymore. Every single one of them loved the idea, and was totally relieved.

We didn't expect the entire family to go along with us, we just wanted to make our own wishes clear and they happened to share them. Maybe this will be a better approach?

We still give gifts to our parents, but that's because they just refuse to stop giving gifts and we enjoy finding gifts for them, anyway.

 

[CJ2008]

I think I wasn't clear about my approach...

We voted 3 years ago...we were all OK (some were thrilled) to do the picking out of a hat thing...it was a compromise between no gifts at all (that got voted down by one or 2 people) and having to buy for everyone, and we made picking the names fun. Now if people did it but didn't really want to, I don't know...

This year it was the same...I sent an e-mail out to everyone with the idea that we do no gifts at all...or that maybe instead of gifts we could all contribute to a "pool" and all go out or do something together with it...nobody seemed to care about the going out thing, so people voted "no gifts" - but then 1 person changed her mind...so we're exchanging...

We're a fairly small group, so it would feel odd to just bow out...unless they chose to make it comfortable for us, which I don't think they would...

But the more I think about it consideration goes both ways - if we really get down to it, people should feel free to participate or not...even if some get disappointed by it.

But - we stayed in...because yeah, I don't want the drama or to feel uncomfortable.

ETA: I would have really loved contributing to a pot and then using it to do something together...more memorable than gifts, and a chance to spend more time together...maybe I'll ask again next year, see if they go for it.