Wedding Aaaah! Dress DOWN! Dress DOWN!!

[rockzilla]

My poor MOH!

We''ve ordered the bridesmaids dresses from JCrew. All of the bridesmaids like them, but there is one slight issue: the sizes tend to run 1-2 small. Now, my MOH has boobs, and is also a bit sensitive about her weight. She is normally a size 8-10, and we tried a size 8 dress first.

When that didn''t work, we returned it and ordered a 10. Last night, I tried it on her, and it looked great, except for a 2" strip where it would not zip up.

Now, we figured we''d have to order a 12, and have it taken in, but my friend absolutely does not want to wear a 12. It is a pride thing for her, which I can understand. The 12 would likely be too big for her, and she''d have to get it taken in, it really seems like she is between sizes.

This morning, she told me, "I''d like to try it on again, I think I lost some water weight during the night" I said "okay, let me know if you need any help zipping it up"

Well, she was able to zip it up, but the dress ripped along the seam! =( I am pretty certain it can be repaired (I have an awesome seamstress) but I do feel a bit guilty about returning the dress after that. AND, she wants to see if the seamstress can somehow let it out so that she''ll be able to wear the dress in a 10 (I think this is pretty unlikely) She also thinks she''ll be able to lose enough weight in the next year to fit into the dress.

I feel really bad about the whole thing. I understand the psychological block about wearing a dress a size bigger than you normally do. I just don''t think that it makes sense to scrap all the dresses and start over! And there''s no guarantee that we won''t have the same problem with another dress/brand. We can tell from her trying it on (before it ripped) that the dress looks great on her, and would look amazing properly fitted. It just seems risky to keep the size 10 and expect her to lose weight (not to mention the pressure) But at the same time, I understand she''ll feel like crap for wearing a size 12. Then, we have to add the ripped dress problem into the mix...

I want my MOH to be happy and comfortable with how she looks. What should I do?!!

PS I will add that we''re paying for all of the girls'' dresses...they''re $165, so getting her two dresses will definitely be adding to our expenses.

 

[little miss sunshine]

Oh no! So sorry to hear that this happened!! To start with the ripping, my first thought was -- are any of your other BMs slightly smaller than a 10? You COULD return one of the unworn/unripped dresses... get the ripped size 10 altered to fit another girl and then order a new size 12. You would still need to pay for two alterations (on the ripped 10 and on the size 12 if it doesn''t fit right) but at least you can return a dress to make up for needing to buy an extra...

As far as your MOH not wanting a bigger size... On one hand I can understand where she''s coming from, but on the other -- it IS your wedding and as you said what IF the same thing happens with another brand/style of dress. I would firmly, but nicely, explain that this is the dress that you chose and it''s really important to you... hopefully she will realize that it''s just a number - depending on stores/clothing items I can range 4 different sizes!!

Best of luck with everything! Do you have a picture posted of your BMs dresses btw???

 

[neatfreak]

I can understand where she's coming from as we've all been frustrated by shopping and sizes...but really, she is kidding herself if she wants to have the size 10 altered up so that she can "wear" a 10. If she has the 10 altered up all it will be is a 12 with a 10 tag, KWIM? Makes much more sense to me to get one that fits now, and then have it altered down if it doesn't fit. A lot can happen in a year and what will she do if she doesn't lose weight? The dress won't even be available then...

Since you are ordering can you just order her the 12 and cut out the tag? Then don't show it to her for awhile and when she puts it on you can just not tell her what size it is. And she can believe it's a 10. I would only do this though if she really can't get over the size issue. She needs to learn that NO ONE ELSE can see the size on the tag but they CAN see a dress that fits properly and looks fabulous.

 

[rockzilla]

Unfortunately, the other girls are all around a size 6, and they''re wearing different styles. The one other BM who chose this style (straps rather than strapless) is honestly on the small size of a 6...she''s probably a 2 in real life.

That just made me think of another thing...maybe she feels bad compared to the other girls? But I honestly think she looks gorgeous - amazing hourglass figure that I would kill to have!

 

[Shoopy]

First of all, I want to say you are an amazing friend. My best friend expects me to go from a size 14/16 to a 10 in four months. And there has been no, well let''s just find another dress (I''m the only one in the party). She wants this dress and that dress only.

Secondly. let her do what she wants. It''s very difficult to tell someone who is uncomfortable about the way they look that they will look fabulous if...
The likelihood of her eating nothing but protein to get that zipper up is higher than her feeling comfortable getting a bigger size. I hope everything works out ok!!

 

[purrfectpear]

If you can afford it, buy the size 12 as a backup.

My mother used to work in a couture boutique. She had thousands of stories about women in denial about their true size. It was funny to hear about the women trying to stuff their size 10-12 bodies in the size 6 they swore was their size

. The boutique removed all of the size label indicators. The price tags had a "code" so the sales people would know what to bring into the fitting room. Worked every time. My mom became the master of answering questions without having to tell a real lie.

Example; Q: Is that a size 2? A: It''s your size. Q: Does this look good on me? A: Now THAT is a look! (didn''t say what kind of look)

 

[goldenstar]

It sounds like she''s not too far off from a 10. Would Spanx help and would she be open to wearing them?

If it were me (in your friend''s position), I''d get a 12 because its better to be safe than sorry. But if I were only slightly off from a 10, I''m pretty sure that I could fit into it if I had enough time to make reasonable adjustments to diet and exercise. I''m pretty disciplined when it comes to things like that.

If you think that your friend can make it work in a 10, I''d let her go with that. Do you trust that she''d be able to lose the weight? It doesn''t seem like there''s a lot to lose.

But if you think there''s no way it could work, I''d try to gently and kindly nudge her into a 12. I think that people look slimmer when they are in a size that fits. Squeezing into a small size usually makes things look worse. Maybe order a 12 just to try on. She might be convinced to wear it.

 

[Blair138]

It sucks that your BM doesn''t want to wear a size 12, but really, what is the difference? If she can''t fit in a 10, she is obviously not a 10. Also, REGULAR BM dresses usually run really small too, so if you didn''t get the J Crew dress, she might be an even larger size in another brand. Sizes mean NOTHING. I know it''s hard for some people to understand, but some stores are even inconsistent within the size itself, a size 12 can actually be 3 different sizes because of the way it is made. And a size 12 in one store is different in another. I would buy the 12 just in case. If worst comes to worst, rip the tag out, tell her it''s a 10, and be done with it. I understand the fact that she has a hard time with it, especially if all the other BM are smaller sizes, but no one but you and her will know the true size, so does it really matter??

 

[rockzilla]

So, we brought the dress to my seamstress and she was able to repair it PERFECTLY - you cannot tell at all, she fixed it 100% so I think we will exchange it for the size 12. I think the dress was not actually torn, just the seam came apart, if that makes sense.

I think my friend is feeling better now about the size 12 dress. Honestly, the 10 dress almost fits me, and I am a 4/6 up top (bottom is another story), and I told her this, which made her feel more comfortable. Plus, since we have an awesome seamstress up here in SF, she will be able to get the size 12 altered to fit her perfectly. Even if she loses weight, since they run small it won''t be insane to alter it.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/16/2008 6:45:24 PM
Author: rockzilla
So, we brought the dress to my seamstress and she was able to repair it PERFECTLY - you cannot tell at all, she fixed it 100% so I think we will exchange it for the size 12. I think the dress was not actually torn, just the seam came apart, if that makes sense.


I think my friend is feeling better now about the size 12 dress. Honestly, the 10 dress almost fits me, and I am a 4/6 up top (bottom is another story), and I told her this, which made her feel more comfortable. Plus, since we have an awesome seamstress up here in SF, she will be able to get the size 12 altered to fit her perfectly. Even if she loses weight, since they run small it won''t be insane to alter it.

Good! Your MOH was being pretty silly, and I''m glad she''s gotten over it! Sizing is just crazy-I seriously have tops from size XS to size L, and jeans from size 25 to size 29. And they all fit me!

P.S. You are a great friend for being so understanding!

 

[Blair138]

Glad to hear everything is working out Rockzilla-Honestly-sizing is so silly and has gotten smaller over the years. I was just out shopping and saw a women''s XS bikini bottom that would have fit an infant! I''m usually a Small and would have easily had to get a L/XL in that line.

 

[violet02]

Date: 8/16/2008 2:50:59 PM
Author: purrfectpear
If you can afford it, buy the size 12 as a backup.

My mother used to work in a couture boutique. She had thousands of stories about women in denial about their true size. It was funny to hear about the women trying to stuff their size 10-12 bodies in the size 6 they swore was their size

. The boutique removed all of the size label indicators. The price tags had a ''code'' so the sales people would know what to bring into the fitting room. Worked every time. My mom became the master of answering questions without having to tell a real lie.

Example; Q: Is that a size 2? A: It''s your size. Q: Does this look good on me? A: Now THAT is a look! (didn''t say what kind of look)

My BM ripped apart the zipper on her dress when they tried them on a few weeks ago after she got back from vacation. I about had a coronary when I showed up at the house and there''s one BM trying to get the other one out! We almost had to drive her back to the shop to have them do it. Suffice to say she ordered RIGHT ON the very limit and now it''s a bit too small. (Vacations and rich food can put you right over the edge) They''re doing a fitting at the end of the month and she swears she''ll have lost enough weight to fit in it fine. I (on the side) asked the seamstress if she can let it out, she said she can. Phew.

I''m glad to hear your situation worked out Rockzilla, I know how tense it can be with dress issues!!