Hudson_Hawk
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2006
- Messages
- 10,541
A sign of the times - this is too funny
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I''m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We''ll have a small band
playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don''t be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00
to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone''s pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday''s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we''re calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn''t sign your name..
I''m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn''t be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel
that $10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can
hold off on serving your meal until the end
of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I''ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men''s table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure
taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I''ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We''re going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you''ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic
tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
them. I''ve heard them scream. I''m hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a
rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I''m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her recent nervous breakdown and I''ll continue to forward your cards
to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I''m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We''ll have a small band
playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don''t be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00
to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone''s pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday''s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we''re calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn''t sign your name..
I''m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn''t be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel
that $10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can
hold off on serving your meal until the end
of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I''ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men''s table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure
taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I''ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We''re going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you''ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic
tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
them. I''ve heard them scream. I''m hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a
rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I''m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her recent nervous breakdown and I''ll continue to forward your cards
to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
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