Timeline or no timeline?

[IrishEyes08]

In reading through many posts here a lot of ladies seem to have pretty firm timelines. As the type-A planner that I am, I can really appreciate that. At the same time, I''m reluctant to ask my BF for such a firm thing.

We''ve ring shopped and selected a great style together. That was such a fun experience. When we finished shopping I told him that from that point out I didn''t want to know about the purchase, proposal, etc. That''s something that he really wants to surprise me with and I''m looking forward to it.

We''ve looked at venues online, figured out a rough budget, and are definitely on the same page with wanting to get married in the spring or early fall of 2010. Sooooo.... why am I having such a hard time with letting go in regards to knowing the "drop dead" date for a proposal?!

I think it''s because I am such a planner, I love thinking ahead and it''s really hard for me to relinquish control in regards to moving forward. I can''t wait to be "legit" and look into the planning aspect of a wedding.

I know I just need to relax and enjoy being in love and being loved by such an amazing person. We really do have a wonderful life together. Just wondering if anyone else is out there without a real timeline, how do you deal?

 

[BabyBrown]

Hey Girl!

Whether you are planning a long engagement or planning a 2010 wedding... we are all ladies in waiting

Many of us are torn (in a good way)... one minute we don''t want to nag our men or know ''when it will happen'' BUT then the next minute we want to know ''when, where and how'' it will happen

Whether there''s a timeline or not we are all LIW''s and it''s all good

, I''ve been here for a short while and I''ve received great advice... tje women here are amazing, wait and see!!!

 

[i_heart_cushions]

Hi Irisheyes08!

I am just like you - I plan EVERYTHING (when we go away on vacations, I even have an itinerary!). hahaha....

And so, I have a spreadsheet with all my info already entered (budget, possible venues, guest list, etc) - and I ORIGINALLY had a tentative timeline of before the end of this year...and the BF was great - he appreciated my input on the ring design because he wanted to make sure he was going to pick out something I like (which was a good thing, because he thought I would want a 3 stone princess...nothing wrong with that, I just don''t prefer it on me).

And so, I thought I was set, right?

WRONG.

My BF told me recently that unfortunately based on a few issues (the budget of the ring he wants to spend on me plus the fact that he will be going to get ACL surgery right before xmas which will put him out of commission to do a fun proposal that he has planned), that my timeline won''t be fulfilled....

So I naturally was disappointed... so therefore my view is this: don''t have a timeline because if there are external reasons as to why he can''t do it, it will only disappoint you and put added, unnecessary stress on him.

I also remind myself that I am even LUCKY to have somebody I love and who cares about me equally to even BE in this stage in life to be thinking about marriage and rings...because I have so many single girlfriends who are older than me who aren''t.

Having said that - I come on to PS everyday and live vicariously through those who ARE engaged.

So, happy waiting. I''ll keep my fingers crossed your "internal" timeline will be fulfilled!!!!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Irish: I hear ya. I know it''s distracting, but think of how much worse it''d be if you had a timeline?? If he said, for example, "Before Christams." Every day, every weekend, I''m sure you''d find yourself thinking, "Is this the day??"... And as the days pass by and the amount of time he has left to propose begins to dwindle, you''ll be better able to predict the exact day it''ll happen. Where''s the fun in that?

People have scolded me for my detective abilities (in realizing there''s a ring in the works, etc) and said that I''m ruining the surprise. But for me, the REAL surprise is WHEN it will happen! The actual moment of the proposal. And I''m 100% in the dark. The closest to a timeline I ever received was, "In the next four years." (ugh) But you know what, I''m anxious for it to happen without being overly expectant. I have yet to have a ''let down'' moment because BF said, "I''ll happen in the next two months" and each weekend passes without him dropping to one knee.

You know he wants to marry you. You know you''d like a spring 2010 wedding... So, you know that you''ll have a proposal between now, and lets say, July

I really, really, really believe that the act of proposing is a more important secret than what the ring looks like. You want to be totally blind-sided and swept off your feet!!! I, personally, can''t wait for you to come back to LIW with e-ring pictures and a wonderful story that says, "I totally didn''t see it coming!!"

 

[IrishEyes08]

Date: 10/20/2008 12:52:42 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom

I really, really, really believe that the act of proposing is a more important secret than what the ring looks like. You want to be totally blind-sided and swept off your feet!!! I, personally, can''t wait for you to come back to LIW with e-ring pictures and a wonderful story that says, ''I totally didn''t see it coming!!''

I agree with what you all said, and the thought that if there was a firm timeline I might be continually let down hadn''t crossed my mind, but it''s true! PPM, you made me smile at the thought of how exciting the moment will be, when I really can say I didn''t see it coming!

Thanks girls!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Irish - I TOTALLY relate to you! I have a spreadsheet (it''s a whole workbook!) that has a potential guest list (and yes, people are added and deleted based on how I feel about them from time to time), budget, potential venues, etc...I have thought about colors, favors, centerpieces...and HE''s participated! He says no to certain locations or color combinations, etc.

I KNOW that he''s looked at rings and I know that he knows what I like...but no ring, yet. We haven''t been together as long as some people on PS (We are only about to mark our 1.5 years together), but we won''t either. I know that I want to be married. I want the stability that this "piece of paper" represents. I HATE, HATE traveling together as his GF. It carries so much more weight to say I am his wife when I want to charge items to our room or when I call the phone company to cancel his phone service because his cell phone was stolen abroad. I can''t stand the thought that if anything happens to either of us, the other party legally has no say in urgent or medical decisions.

I have an internal "drop dead" proposal date that I haven''t shared with him, even though I have certainly expressed my needs in a very vocal manner. But, I am definitely not the kind of girl that dates for years and years without some sort of indication that there is a long-term commitment (and what better indication is there than to be married?!).

So hopefully, we really will be engaged before my internal deadline. I''ve walked away from other serious relationships before when the commitment wasn''t there, so I do know that it''s not a problem for me. I want to find someone to share my life with that is just as interested in being married as me and I really DO believe that SO is that person.

In the meantime, I just wait (and cry about how badly I want it sometimes)...and then I wait some more...

 

[sammyj]

I too have a timeline and my BF and I have tossed around the idea of a June 2010 wedding (I''ve been spreading the word while he''s sat back and rolled his eyes

). Because I have a timeline, I''m in the pro-timeline group! I think disappointment and heartache will only come if you aren''t open and honest with your BF. If you''re setting internal timelines, then he''ll never know what you''re expecting and he doesn''t even get a chance to curb the disappointment! I told my BF that I need at least a year to plan for our June 2010 wedding so we BOTH know that a proposal is coming in the next 8 months. If it happens sooner, FABULOUS! If it doesn''t happen by June 2009 he knows he''s in big trouble!

Another example is that my BF and I went on a 3-week vacation to Europe last month. Obviously big trips send red flags for a possible proposal. I mentioned it before we left and he asked me to not have any expectations of a proposal or else I''d be disappointed. Needless to say, he didn''t ask me to marry him at the top of the Eiffel Tower!

So, my opinion is...YAY for timelines...as long as you''re communicating your timelines with your SO!!!!

 

[jcarlylew82]

i dont have a timeline, other than "soon. btw, E thinks "soon" is within a year

But it did (one day) come down to, that he needed to stop suggesting going to the mall, or enableing my ring habit unless it was a YES, we will get married. within a couple years.

so i guess a couple years in my timeline?


how do i deal? well, lucky enough my new job keeps me busy enough in the day to not worry about it. also, i *think* he might have put a ring on layaway. so that helps keep the LIW-zilla at bay.

I am with Pilsn - the real surprise is when and how it will happen.

 

[fuzzers]

You guys are lucky! I am pretty "Type A" and have no real timeline to speak of!

Thing is, we are pretty young and have a lot of things to concentrate on at the moment. But still! We had an amazing weekend. We cooked two wonderful meals together, cleaned the house together (which we both enjoy doing), watched our football team play, and just really enjoyed each other''s company. Btw, we don''t live together, this was at his house. While we were eating dinner, I joked, "Ya know, we get along so well, we should really get married." He smiled and nodded. That''s about the extent of our conversations about this, because "it''s so far away." Sigh. I would not mind at all getting married during school (We both got a long way to go). We''ve been together 4 years and we know how compatible we are. So as you can imagine it stresses me out a little.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

irish eyes your description sounds like a loose time line in itself. I know some people have it narrowed down to the week but I think that its just as exciting knowing that it could happen anytime between now and next summer (enough time to book the venues and such that you and SO have researched?) Thats a time line, girl! It may be a window of just a little under a year but that leaves all the more room for surprise! Since your SO is on the same page as you, I''m sure it''ll be coming sooner rather than later

 

[mariewest]

Having a timeline is a nice thing, but then again it doesn''t really mean anything. Last January my SO said that it would be by the end of the year. In June he was even looking at rings. However, in August, he changed it to six months. It''s only a few extra months since that''ll make it by the end of February. Lately though, I''ve been doubting that it''ll happen before then. The other part of our situation is that we''re planning on moving in together and possibly moving to another state, and I would really like to be engaged before that happens, and he''s aware of this. We''ll have to see what happens. I like to plan as well, but I''m afraid if I start planning the details of the wedding that it''ll jinx it. I also want a lot of his input and he doesn''t really want to discuss the wedding (understandably) until it''s actually official. So timeline or no timeline, like was started before, we''re all waiting for the ring.

 

[dec2410]

my SO and i don''t have a timeline. it drives me crazy. i''m such an obsessive planner while my boyfriend couldn''t possibly be more laid back. in most cases, this is fine. he''s perfectly content with me planning things and just telling him where to be at what time...hehe. but, in this case, it''ll be up to him. we''ve had a few spats about this and i''ve finally relinquished all control to him and i''ve decided to just enjoy being a girlfriend.