Custom to ask both parents or just dad?

[Kojack]

Is it custom to ask both parents for their daughters hand or just the father? The main problem is that her parents are divorced but do live in the same city that is in driving distance for me. So should I ask the father at his home with his wife (my girlfriends step mom) present or just him alone? And, should I then go to her moms house who is not remarried yet and ask or tell her I am going to do it? The whole family basically knows it is coming soon, like within the next month or 2 soon. So I know it will not be a total shock but I do want to do the right and customary thing because I know her parents will appreciate that. They are both on the traditional side. Any help?

 

[ame]

In this case Id say go with both. My husband only asked my dad, and my little brother who happened to be there. Im sure my brother threatened him but they said ok fine whatever... "whatever gets her out of this house!"

 

[valeria101]

Two MIL!? Yay!

just joking, I hope...


What would I do... well, I would never have to do this of course, but a close friend just have. He asked the mother first (in that case, the mother raised the daughter on her own for a decade after the father left and remarried) and told her he will meet with the father and his new wife at a certain date and break the news. So the father did not hear about this until my friend talked with him and his wife.

Perhaps the example has nothing in common with your case. My friend made up his diplomatic approach based on which parent was closest to his future wife and tried to prevent either of the three natural and step parents feeling 'second in line'. I am not close enough to his to know to what degree his feat succeeded.

Just a random thought, of course.



Congratulations for your coming engagement !

 

[Daniel B]

Date: 11/4/2005 2:57:42 PM
Author: ame
they said ok fine whatever... 'whatever gets her out of this house!'

LMAO! ! !! !!! ! ! !
That what my (future) father in law would say. I will go to him with my brows raised with sincerity, and tell him how much i love his daughter, and he'll look back at me like " And, so what-- I dont care, marry her." Thats just the way he is hahaha.
If i were you though, i'd try and go over her house when shes not there and you know both parents are there and ask them both right there. But if you cant do that, at least ask the father if nothing else. Do you know both parents cell phone numbers? call one or the other andsee if you can meet them somewhere. . . they might think you'll tell them you got their daughter pregnant, but they should be pleasently surprised!

 

[Kojack]

Thanks for the feedback, will let you know what transpires...........