Wedding 2 wedding ceremonies??

[meresal]

Has anyone heard of having 2 ceremonies. One destination with just family, and then another traditional ceremony with the reception back home?

 

[vintagelover229]

I think you can do whatever you want! Although I think if your considering a traditional wedding, I''d do it first, and then have a honeymoon and if you want to, re-do the ceremony yourselves.

Any reason you want to have 2? Why not just have the traditional one if you have to plan for it anyways? Or did you want to do both?

 

[Shoopy]

We''ve had friends that did a DW and then another reception when they got home. But they didn''t redo their ceremony. I do know of one woman that did a traditional ceremony in the states and then another for her family in Korea. But I don''t know how it turned out.

I agree with doing what you want.

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/12/2008 11:20:52 AM
Author: fieryred33143
We've had friends that did a DW and then another reception when they got home. But they didn't redo their ceremony. I do know of one woman that did a traditional ceremony in the states and then another for her family in Korea. But I don't know how it turned out.

I agree with doing what you want.

I want to not spend $50,000 on flights and hotels getting all our friends and family to a beach, but this morning when I called my mom, I got the silent non-answer answer

. I'm one week in and I honestly believe that THIS is going to be the hardest decision about the entire wedding.

And C's parents told us what we don't use on the wedding we keep for a house. Uggh!!! I'm so confused.

At what point do I stop caring about pleasing my family. Just liek the living together situation... I'm going to obsess about this until we sign something, but as soon as we make a decision it will be over, and we can just get past it. I wish we could just do that and be done with it!! Sounds easy enough...

ETA: C's family offered to pay for HALF of the wedding, and when I told my mom, I almost think she sounded offended. What the heck is that about??? She said, "Really? Wow. Well, we've never done that before." WTF?!?!?

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 8/12/2008 11:35:23 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 8/12/2008 11:20:52 AM
Author: fieryred33143
We''ve had friends that did a DW and then another reception when they got home. But they didn''t redo their ceremony. I do know of one woman that did a traditional ceremony in the states and then another for her family in Korea. But I don''t know how it turned out.

I agree with doing what you want.

I want to not spend $50,000 on flights and hotels getting all our friends and family to a beach, but this morning when I called my mom, I got the silent non-answer answer

. I''m one week in and I honestly believe that THIS is going to be the hardest decision about the entire wedding.

And C''s parents told us what we don''t use on the wedding we keep for a house. Uggh!!! I''m so confused.

At what point do I stop caring about pleasing my family. Just liek the living together situation... I''m going to obsess about this until we sign something, but as soon as we make a decision it will be over, and we can just get past it. I wish we could just do that and be done with it!! Sounds easy enough...

Good luck with that. I have no idea and I''m in the same boat. It''s much easier for me though because I''m paying for it myself so I have more ground to say "screw you all, its my wedding" but I don''t have the guts to. I could imagine its even harder when the wedding is funded because you don''t want to hurt their feelings and tell them how you want your wedding to be.

I think that if you want a DW, then those that matter and want to be there will go. You don''t have to pay for the flights and hotels of your family and friends. If you want to do maybe one night then that''s understandable but I wouldn''t pay for an entire vacation for them. It''s a nice gesture but everyone understands that a young couple, just starting a life together can''t realistically do that.

 

[[email protected]]

I had two....a very small wedding in Vegas...10 people...and a somewhat larger one on Long Island. It had good points and bad points. Planning two..not so fun, Two dresses and looks, kind of fun. People were kind of mixed in their reactions....only about 1/3 of people invited to the second showed up.

 

[jasontb]

I''m just being a party pooper tonight, so this should be my last post. But I, myself, would not attend a second wedding where the bride and group were reenacting their actual wedding. Pick one or the other. (btw, I think destination weddings are self indulgent...weddings aren''t just about you...they are about your guests too...although if you are paying for my flight and hotel, well that''s a different story...as long as it''s not on a Friday...I work on Fridays)

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/13/2008 1:33:24 AM
Author: jasontb
I'm just being a party pooper tonight, so this should be my last post. But I, myself, would not attend a second wedding where the bride and group were reenacting their actual wedding. Pick one or the other. (btw, I think destination weddings are self indulgent...weddings aren't just about you...they are about your guests too...although if you are paying for my flight and hotel, well that's a different story...as long as it's not on a Friday...I work on Fridays)

Thanks, I think...

If our families are paying for the wedding then it will most certainly be about myself and my FI. And glad to know that you wouldn't show up if you were paying, but if your friends fork over the cash for a free vacation, then you are more than willing to ablige, as long as it's not on a Friday.

ETA: Sorry so snarky... I just think that the wedding should be all about having fun and enjoying ourselves. There's no way I'm going to please everyone.

 

[Independent Gal]

In much of Europe, if you want a 'religious' wedding, you HAVE to have a civil wedding first because a priest or rabbi or other religious leader pronouncing you husband and wife has absolutely no legal standing. So it is very common to have two-part weddings in countries that take the separation of church and state seriously.

We did something similar, to make it easier for our far-flung international families to attend (each person was invited to whichever required the least travel for them). We had a civil ceremony at the city hall for WP1 in the country where my mother lives, then a religious wedding in my hometown for WP2. It was a little weird, but it saved our friends and family a lot of money and hassle. We just thought of it as one long marriage process. Kind of like when from when you sign the license to when he kisses the bride, see? Only drawn out over 2 weeks. The 2 weeks of limbo were weird though.

Why do you have to pay for everyone else's tickets and hotels? I think in your case if I were you I would invite everyone to the beach (at their own expense) but tell them that in case they can't make it, you will be hosting a reception back at home. Don't do a repeat of the ceremony though, unless you think you can conceptualize it as a two-part thing, rather than a repeat thing. See?

That's my suggestion!

 

[krispi]

Does the second one have to be a wedding re-enactment? Can it just be a reception for your friends and family at home?

One idea that I like is the bride and groom having a wedding by themselves in a remote location (basically eloping except you plan it and everyone knows) but then having a reception to celebrate when you get back home. I''ve known people who have done this, and it seems much easier logistically than trying to get everyone you know to an out of town location. Plus, you save money on bridesmaids dresses, bouquets, etc.

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/13/2008 10:00:02 AM
Author: Independent Gal
In much of Europe, if you want a 'religious' wedding, you HAVE to have a civil wedding first because a priest or rabbi or other religious leader pronouncing you husband and wife has absolutely no legal standing. So it is very common to have two-part weddings in countries that take the separation of church and state seriously.

We did something similar, to make it easier for our far-flung international families to attend (each person was invited to whichever required the least travel for them). We had a civil ceremony at the city hall for WP1 in the country where my mother lives, then a religious wedding in my hometown for WP2. It was a little weird, but it saved our friends and family a lot of money and hassle. We just thought of it as one long marriage process. Kind of like when from when you sign the license to when he kisses the bride, see? Only drawn out over 2 weeks. The 2 weeks of limbo were weird though.

Why do you have to pay for everyone else's tickets and hotels? I think in your case if I were you I would invite everyone to the beach (at their own expense) but tell them that in case they can't make it, you will be hosting a reception back at home. Don't do a repeat of the ceremony though, unless you think you can conceptualize it as a two-part thing, rather than a repeat thing. See?

That's my suggestion!

Thank you IG.

As far as paying for everyone... We were going to have a long engagement, so that everyone could save up money and plan for it to be their vacations if they wanted to attend. However, we are now looking at next summer, and with only a years notice, I feel like it would be helpful if we gave everyone a little hand with the finances. However, when looking at the places we would liek to go (ie, not Cozumel) the flights are at least $600 and the hotels will be over $250 a night. The hotel is not a problem because people can share, but the flight costs are just astronomical.

The 2 ceremony idea was just something I was throwing out there to see if anyone else had any experiences with it. In my opinion, I don't think I could conceptualize the separation over the 2 or 3 week event, and would more than likely lose my mind in the process. I'm vizualizing a much different white outfit after it would be over...

 

[trillionaire]

I have a friend that had 2 weddings, one state-side with his fam, one in her home country with hers. I think it worked because of the proximity of each wedding to different parts of the family.

I will say that people are much less enthused to attend a "2nd wedding". People will pay big bucks to see the real thing, but they are not so willing to travel or be inconvenience after the deed is done. People who are local will likely come, but few people except really close friends and family will probably fly in.

Good luck deciding what is best for you. You are right, you can''t please everyone, and your wedding IS very much about you! Your parents got to choose the wedding that they wanted, you should be able to do the same. (I say this while getting a ton of grief from my parents because I want to elope. They are NOT pleased. I will probably still elope. I have no desire to plan a wedding, or to be bothered with one.)

 

[meresal]

Krispi: Yes, that is an option, however, C and I don't want to be alone. We are HUGE family and friends people and we both know that it just wouldn't be the same if it were just the 2 of us. I'm just trying to think of all the possible options... Thanks for your help!!

ETA: Thanks Trillionaire. The only people that I would expect to show up at the 2nd ceremony/reception would be mainly family, friends, and work related relationships, and all these would be in the Texas area. Most of our families would be going to the destination with us, and the 2nd would be for everyone else. Heck, open bar and it seems that anyone will make time for a party.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

First of all...if you want to walk away with money for a house, having 2 wedding will not, by any means, help you reach your goal.

My MIL suggested having two weddings...one in IL for my family and their friends, and another wedding in NY for their family that refused to travel. She, however, never mentioned paying for it...I assume she figured my parents would simply foot the bill, but that is besides the point. And although I absolutely understood that for her family, coming from NY to IL, it was a destination wedding...the thought of planning two was far to overwhelming.

If you feel that taking on planning two wedding is something you can handle...and can afford...then by all means, you should absolutely do it. However, if you''re feeling overwhelmed just thinking about it, I couldn''t imagine getting a clearer answer. I mean, two cakes, two florists, two venues, two menus, two dresses...oy vey. No-thank-you-very-much.

Another thing to consider is your wedding party. Sure, you''re thinking that you''re being incredibly generous...giving them a free vacation. But the truth is, destination wedding aren''t so much vacations, as they are real weddings with real issues. Your friends will be put to task helping you plan TWO weddings (they will deserve the vacation, btw, after that). They will need to take time off work which costs them paycheck money or vacation days (twice), make arrangements for their children if they have any (twice), possibly buy two dresses, shoes, purses...whatever. It may be cost prohibitive even if you''re paying for airline and hotel accomidations. Which, is very generous.

I think you owe it to yourself to investigate it seriously...crunch numbers and what not...if you really want it. But if you''re seriously on the fence, looking at the big picture might clarify things for you a bit.

Oh...and I know that it would be super fun to have friends all your friends travel with you some place wonderful to celebrate your wedding. So, have you possibly considered having a bachlor/bachlorette weekend getaway? If you can afford it, it could be really fun without the wedding stress...and a great gift for the attendants.

 

[Sha]

Date: 8/13/2008 11:29:42 AM
Author: meresal
Krispi: Yes, that is an option, however, C and I don't want to be alone. We are HUGE family and friends people and we both know that it just wouldn't be the same if it were just the 2 of us. I'm just trying to think of all the possible options... Thanks for your help!!

ETA: Thanks Trillionaire. The only people that I would expect to show up at the 2nd ceremony/reception would be mainly family, friends, and work related relationships, and all these would be in the Texas area. Most of our families would be going to the destination with us, and the 2nd would be for everyone else. Heck, open bar and it seems that anyone will make time for a party.

I may have missed it, but is there a particular reason you wanted to have a destination wedding instead of staying at home? One of the trade-offs of a DW is that you usually have much less family and friends there than if you had a traditional wedding at home. We had a DW in Barbados last year, and only had 15 people. Most of my DH's family also couldn't make it. It was disappointing, but at the same time we really wanted something small, intimate, reasonably-priced, and non-traditional, so it worked for us overall.

If it's really important to have all your family and friends there, then maybe an at-home wedding would work better. ? Or could you do a DW that's not too far from your home? Some people have DW's out-of-state/province/city.. it's far away enough to be more private, but still close enough to allow close family members and friends to attend.

(As an aside re: the hotel -Not sure where that place is but I think $250 per night for a hotel is pretty expensive, even if people share, and not everybody will want to (esp. couples). It's good to have a range of hotels (low, mid-priced, high) so that people can choose where they'd like to stay. If you are definitely going for a DW, I would select somewhere where travel/accommodation costs are not too high, if possible, even if it means going for your #2 or #3 choice - especially if it's important to you that family and friends attend.)