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[Karl_K]

A man went into his dentist to see why his dentures kept decaying rapidly on him.

The dentist looked at his dentures and remarked, "This is very odd. They look like something's been eating them. Is there anything different that you've been eating lately?"

The man thought for a bit and said, "Well, my wife has been making a lot of eggs Benedict recently with hollandaise sauce."

"Ah!" exclaimed the dentist, "That's it. I know just what you need. I'm going to order you some new dentures with plates made out of chrome."

"Chrome?" exclaimed the man incredulously, "Why Chrome?"

"Because, there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise."

 

[Karl_K]

Once there was a steam ship with an old captain.

Every morning he'd get up, come to the bridge and look around.
Then he'd go to the ship's safe, open it, take out a piece of paper, look at it and nod his head.
Then he'd put the paper back in the safe and go on with his daily duty.

One morning he failed to appear, so the first mate went to his cabin and found the old gentleman had passed quietly in his sleep.

He went to the bridge and called the rest of the crew to inform them.
After hearing the news there was a long moment of silence.
Then there was a mad rush to the safe.
The first officer opened the safe and took out the mysterious piece of paper.
They all looked at it. It read:

"Port is left, starboard is right".

 

[Karl_K]

There were once two brothers called William and Wayne. Will was 12 years old and his little brother was 3.
The neighbors noticed they always went around together. If William went down to the ballpark, his little brother would toddle along behind him. And when Wayne went to playgroup, his older brother would come and sit there with all the toddlers.
One neighbor thought this was really strange, so one day he leaned over the fence and asked the boys' mother why they were so inseparable, even though they had nothing in common.
"Well," the mother replied, "Didn't you know? Where there's a Will there's a Wayne."

 

[Karl_K]

A lady who had always lived in the city was transferred to an area deep in the mountains. She was out touring the area for the first time when she came upon the tiniest cabin she could ever imagine. Intrigued, she knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?"

A child's voice answered, "Yep."

"Is your Father there?"

"Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in."

"Well, is your Mother there?"

"Nope, Ma left just before I got here."

"Are you never together as a family?"

The child answered, "Sure, but not in this outhouse!"

 

[movie zombie]

LOVE the last one: very indicative of city v. country dwellers!

 

[Enerchi]

Very cute!!

 

[kenny]

Hahaha.

 

[AGBF]

My husband, who started off as a financial analyst, told me the second joke shortly after we were married. The only difference in the stories was that the revered and successful old man was an accountant and the slip of paper read, "debits left; credits right".

Deb

 

[isaku5]

My husband, who started off as a financial analyst, told me the second joke shortly after we were married. The only difference in the stories was that the revered and successful old man was an accountant and the slip of paper read, "debits left; credits right".

Deb

The teacher involved with managing the 'social fund' at our school named the columns IN and OUT. Btw, he taught math

 

[ksinger]

Courtesy of a very creative friend of mine. She tosses off things like this, and re-works pop tunes (think Weird Al), usually in under 15 minutes. This is part of a ....uh...."body of work"....we call her "Greatest Hits"....

Once upon a time, there were two Irish brothers, of the family Rowan. In
the days of the great Potato Famine, their family suffered mightily; so
they went to plead with the town magistrate for assistance. When the
magistrate refused to help, the brothers became so angry that they stood
outside the magistrate's office and read a list of grievances. Quite a
crowd gathered to hear their tirade, and the magistrate, fearing for his
safety, threatened to arrest the brothers and disperse the crowd. But
because the crowd was peaceable, the magistrate had no basis for the
arrests, thereby proving that two Rowans don't make a riot.

 

[Enerchi]

Kenny!! love the 'birth of a CFL' in pictorial splendor!! Cute!

 

[TC1987]

A cabbie picks up a nun

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single, and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!: "OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

 

[iLander]

Re: A cabbie picks up a nun

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single, and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!: "OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

That's sick and totally hilarious!

 

[iLander]

Courtesy of a very creative friend of mine. She tosses off things like this, and re-works pop tunes (think Weird Al), usually in under 15 minutes. This is part of a ....uh...."body of work"....we call her "Greatest Hits"....

Once upon a time, there were two Irish brothers, of the family Rowan. In
the days of the great Potato Famine, their family suffered mightily; so
they went to plead with the town magistrate for assistance. When the
magistrate refused to help, the brothers became so angry that they stood
outside the magistrate's office and read a list of grievances. Quite a
crowd gathered to hear their tirade, and the magistrate, fearing for his
safety, threatened to arrest the brothers and disperse the crowd. But
because the crowd was peaceable, the magistrate had no basis for the
arrests, thereby proving that two Rowans don't make a riot.

I wondered what kind of people came up with this stuff!

That's hilarious!

 

[iLander]

A man went into his dentist to see why his dentures kept decaying rapidly on him.

The dentist looked at his dentures and remarked, "This is very odd. They look like something's been eating them. Is there anything different that you've been eating lately?"

The man thought for a bit and said, "Well, my wife has been making a lot of eggs Benedict recently with hollandaise sauce."

"Ah!" exclaimed the dentist, "That's it. I know just what you need. I'm going to order you some new dentures with plates made out of chrome."

"Chrome?" exclaimed the man incredulously, "Why Chrome?"

"Because, there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise."

This is a Terrible pun.

Which means I will be telling it to people for years to come . . .

 

[Tuckins1]

Very cute, thanks for the giggles!