New Year''s Proposal

[tiffanylover83]

Hi Ladies, I''ve been lurking around this forum for quite some time but this is my first posting. My wonderful BF of 2.5 years recently purchased my ering - which I have not seen as of yet (not even pictures girls!). We went through the process of looking at rings together but he wanted to surprise me with the proposal. So I''m clueless about the when/where/what details and am going insane. I told him that I would prefer a non-holiday proposal (X-mas, New Year''s) for several reasons, it''s very expected, many of our mutual friends were engaged over the holidays and one set of parents would end up being excluded as we split time between our respective homes. However, he''s been giving hints the past few days and I''m getting a feeling it might happen on or near New Year''s. I''m supposed to leave tomorrow to spend time with his family in Boston. He has a cocktail party planned with friends and some of his parents'' acquaintances on New Year''s Eve at his house. This did not scare me initially as this has been planned for months and my BF and I love hosting parties. But last night in a phone conversation he suggested that I go for a mani/pedi with his mom and sister this Wednesday, his treat, when I asked what he would be doing he stated he had a lot of "errands" to run and then giggled. I''m starting to fear that he might propose in front of room full of people (also not my ideal situation which I''ve told him) on New Year''s which is making me nauseous. I love him and am excited about getting engaged but am I evil? Should I tell him I know and ask him to change his plans?

 

[Londongirl1]

I know you''re anxious but try to relax and just see what happens. Public proposals aren''t my idea of fun but my FI proposed to me in front of a crowd of total strangers in Paris, France at the Eiffel Tower - it was the most wonderful moment ever.

 

[Blackpaw]

on you poor thing - the thought of a public proposal makes me feel sick too

i would maybe just look for an opportunity to mention again that you would hate that for yourself...maybe make up a fake proposal on pricescope where the chap proposed in public even

but hey, on the upside....proposal time

 

[princesss]

Honestly?

Let. Him. Do. His. Thing.

Seriously. Let him do this! Trust him to make it wonderful, and let go of your idea that it has to be perfect, and it can only happen on certain days, and only in certain places. Trust him to know you well enough to do it well. And trust that even if it''s not "perfect" it will still be wonderful. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you! You get bonding time with your future family, and a great guy who is obviously excited about this big step. So calm down, let go of control, and trust your man!

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/28/2009 4:31:15 PM
Author: princesss
Honestly?

Let. Him. Do. His. Thing.

Ditto... is avoiding a "public" proposal, worth waiting even longer? You already mentioned that you are "going insane".

If this is what he wants to do, then just let him.

Are you wanting a big wedding? If so, then you can bet that all these people will be watching you get married as well. It is not much different, IMO.

I always laugh when I hear of people being so scared of public proposals, but then having huge weddings. However, in most people''s defense... "Public" usually means lots of strangers around. You are going to know most, if not all of these guests.

 

[Round Halo Lover]

Oh my gggggggaaaaaaaawwwwwddddddddd


This is SO exciting!!!!! It defo sounds to me like he''s gonna propose (give the whole mani/pedi situation)!!! I agree with the others that you need to just leave him do it his way!!!! Whatever he does I''m sure it will be AMAZING!!! Be sure to report back to us!!!! Good luck!

 

[TooPatient]

Relax.

Maybe he''s got a romantic evening planned after (or even to sneak out in the middle of) the party.

Maybe the "cocktail party" is just so you don''t get suspicious of the caterers or flowers (or whatever) he has around.

Maybe your family is flying in to share the moment too (to help you celebrate after a romantic and quiet proposal).


If you''ve already talked about what you do/don''t want then just let him do his thing. He has probably been working on something special for you (excited to the point of giggling) and is sure you will like it. Trust him.
Even if it isn''t just what you pictured, I''m sure it will be great. Especially since he put a lot of time and thought into making it special.


(Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!! -- make sure to tell us how it goes and post lots of sparkly pictures)

 

[crossmyfingers]

If it really bothers you to think he might propose in front of a lot of people and that is not at all what you want, I don''t think it would be unreasonable for you to remind him again. I understand where the other ladies are coming from, saying just to let him do his thing, just go with it, be glad you are getting engaged - but if it is going to be upsetting for you if that''s how he does it, I think you could gently remind him you want the actual proposal to be private. I don''t think it would completely steal his thunder - after all, he told you to go get a mani/pedi and that seems to be out of the ordinary, so of course you suspect it.

He may be planning to propose to you away from everyone and then announce it to the entire party. That might not be so bad.

I know some people really don''t like being the center of attention, especially during such an important moment as a proposal, and some people get really anxious about things like that. I think you should go with your gut. If you are that afraid of how he will propose, and you don''t want to look back on the memory and only be able to think of how nervous you were during it, maybe you should tell him that. Again, not trying to argue with anyone else''s advice, this is just my own two cents.

Good luck!

 

[4ever]

I think I''d be stressing if I were in the same situation, but that''s because not feeling in control of a situation freaks me out.
I agree with what many of the ladies above have said, just chill out and let him do whatever he wants to do because he knows you and he will do it right.

 

[charbie]

Date: 12/28/2009 4:31:15 PM
Author: princesss
Honestly?

Let. Him. Do. His. Thing.

Seriously. Let him do this! Trust him to make it wonderful, and let go of your idea that it has to be perfect, and it can only happen on certain days, and only in certain places. Trust him to know you well enough to do it well. And trust that even if it''s not ''perfect'' it will still be wonderful. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you! You get bonding time with your future family, and a great guy who is obviously excited about this big step. So calm down, let go of control, and trust your man!

big fat ditto.

in my opinion, the poor guy has a WHOLE lot more trouble to go through- the girl just has to say yes. so who cares if it isn''t what YOU imagined? this is his gig. as much as us girls like to think the proposal is all about us, i think its about HIM- he has made the decision to ask you to marry him, so he gets to decide how he wants to do it.

how would you feel if you WANTED a public engagement, but he didn''t do it in public? would you say no?

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

Let him do his thing!

 

[treefrog]

First off, I'm a guy so take this from my biased perspective.

You don't know that's what he is intending so it may be a diversion for some other plan. Hard to say. Maybe it's a coincidence that it has some of the suspected elements of an impending proposal and he simply wants to treat you nice. I'm sure he has a plan. Maybe it's not going to happen. Who knows. I do agree it sounds suspicious.

I'm kind of shocked at the ladies that say let him do his thing. I gave it some thought though and I agree. It may not be the proposal you envisioned but if women want their own specific proposal, why aren't they the ones just telling him exactly what they want or planning his proposal for him? Probably should tell him what to wear each day too. Seems kind of wrong. He is probably putting a lot of thought into the proposal. It's not easy to pull off... just look at all the guys asking for advice on the proposal ideas forum! Read through a couple of pages of them. Seriously.

We want to make it special in some way. Maybe not the way you planned or dreamed of but we do want to make it special. Hopefully, we can figure out a way to not disappoint you but we don't always get it right. We're not perfect and life isn't a script we can write in advance and follow.

Many movies have great proposal scenes, you may love a proposal idea you heard about, read about, or one that happened to a friend. But that's not HIS proposal... and it's not special because it's somebody else's idea. Let him have this moment... whenever and wherever it may be and be glad that he loves you... so much so to ask for your hand...

Treefrog

 

[LilyKat]

If you're marrying him, I'm guessing he knows any fears/quirks you have (like hating being the centre of attention) well enough to take these into consideration.

So relax. Enjoy the moment. I'm a control freak so I know that's easier said than done... but as the worst case scenario is that you'll be proposed to in a room full of his family/friends who want the best for you, I can't see it going too horribly wrong

ETA: Did anyone see the episode of Scrubs where Elliot organises her own proposal? I knew I had to relax when I watched that thinking, hmm, that's actually quite a good idea...

 

[monkeyprincess]

Hey there, tiffanylover. Just wondering how your weekend went? Did he pop the question? I hope it was all you hoped for if he did!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Me too, how was your weekend?

 

[Blackpaw]

yes do tell tiffany

 

[luckynumber]

lol lilykat!

my SO and i watched that together and found it really funny.

another vote for letting him do what he wants, he''s the one doing the asking after all!

 

[Blackpaw]

haha, my SO often rolls his eyes and says "its MY surprise engagement and i want it MY way"...he thinks im full of madness

 

[tiffanylover83]

Hi ladies, a quick update! Let me first thank you for your advice and support as it was much needed. I ended up going with the flow this past week and decided not to fret much over the possibility of being proposed to at some point. Long story short there was no proposal despite the very suspicious behavior of my BF leading up to New Year''s and even afterwards for that matter. I went for a mani/pedi with his mom and sister on Wednesday and then out for a romantic dinner in Boston that night ... no ring. No ring on a very celebratory New Year''s Eve. Then we drove up to Providence, RI for the weekend to visit some of his family friends and ended up taking a walk on a very beautiful, snowy beach next the ocean. But no ring! I was certain this was it but I guess not

I''m disappointed and doubtful that I''ll see my beautiful daussi anytime soon. I kind of wish I didn''t know about the ring purchase since I''ll agonize about the proposal till it happens. Still a LIW I guess, tiffanylover83

 

[tiffanylover83]

Here''s the beach we walked along, what a gorgeous setting to propose! Bah

tiffanylover83

 

[Bia]

Date: 1/4/2010 4:11:08 PM
Author: tiffanylover83
Here''s the beach we walked along, what a gorgeous setting to propose! Bah

tiffanylover83

I''m sorry you were disappointed tiffany...

chin up

 

[Blackpaw]

Oh no

well after all that!

But yes, chin up

he''s got the daussi, its going to happen soon

 

[HopeDream]

I''m sorry it didn''t happen yet.

On the bright side you still have something to look forward to. He loves you!

 

[monkeyprincess]

That just means he''s got something else planned. It is coming soon, I''m sure of it. Don''t be discouraged.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Sorry you are disappointed. He does sound like a really sweet guy though, planning all those wonderful things for you over the holidays. I''d bet he''s got something else up his sleeve in the not-too-distant future!!!