wedding planning - FI frustrations

[ficklefaye]

last night, FI and i met with our dj to discuss songs and the structure of our reception

it went well, but i felt like FI just sat there while i made the decisions and i practically had to force opinions out of him, ok, it''s not the most exciting stuff for him, but it is OUR wedding and honestly it''s not the most exciting stuff for me either

FI likes to call his attitude about the wedding ''laid back'', i''m sorry, but the only way a person can be laid back about a wedding is if someone else is planning it for them, which we could not afford

we are closing in on a month left, and i''ve tolerated FI''s attitude until now, but i just feel like he needs to step up to the plate on at least some decisions, i''m getting quite fed up with this planning because of this

thank you for letting me vent

 

[charbie]

ff- i''ve missed you! we''re almost there, date twin! hang in there!

apparently we share more than just a date. my FI is the same way about things. i''m ''bout to freak out since we STILL have no honeymoon planned, he hated all of the food we tasted bc it was "too fancy," and i''m pretty sure at this point our groomsmen will get rocks for gifts bc he has yet to decide or order anything, and refuses to let me do it either. i''d pull out my hair, but then regret it.

i wish i had some advice, but honey i''m here to commisterate with you. it''s so frustrating, and i also wish i could get FI more interested. he is so picky on things, but then says he doesn''t care about others. i just wish we could enjoy this experience together, but i''m the only one "experiencing" our wedding planning. he''s just "there."

FI tried to explain that it''s just not something he is interested in, and just doesn''t enjoy it. i don''t think i can change that, and just have to accept that he really is excited about being married, getting married, all of the above. but he doesn''t like to do this sort of planning. he''s having a blast planning his bachelor party, but the wedding just isn''t his thing i guess.

 

[elrohwen]

My FI had a similar attitude until very recently, in the last month or so. I''ve found he''s best if I can give him a task and tell him to do it by a certain date. Usually I have him call vendors and set up meetings, etc, because it doesn''t require that much planning or decision making, but it takes something off of my plate. Then I can just show up to the meeting. I''ve also found that once he gets a little involved by making the phone call or something, he tends to become more involved in general.

That''s the only suggestion I can offer! I know how frustrating it is. I especially hate when they imply that they would help if they found it as interesting and fun as we do. Uhh, not all of us find wedding planning fun. We think it''s just as annoying as you do, but we do it because someone has to.

 

[Patchee]

Wedding planning is just not fun to men ... nor some women. Don''t fustrate yourself, just enjoy the last planning days up to your wedding. Within the last month of my wedding that is when my husband finally kicked in. By then I had everything done already. Which was fine, at least I knew it was done the right-girl way

 

[panda08]

My DH was the same way. He basically showed up at our wedding.

Know who you are dealing with. If he''s the kinda guy who''s not gonna give two hoots about any details, try to let it go and soldier on to the end. You''ll just drive yourself insane by trying to give him tasks, no matter how small, and continuously prodding him into doing them. I asked DH to look over the menu selections and come up with a drink menu. Neither happened. I came to the conclusion that he may love me to death but he had ZERO interest in wedding planning. So I chose the menu and our guests drank whatever they ordered. Everything was fine.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My hubby was the same way, he took no interest in anything. He did tasks I assigned him, and did them well (though with minimal effort, he did very little research, he mostly got lucky), but he had no personal interest or creative initiative with anything. Sigh...

His answer to things were "aren't there people you can pay to do that?".

Sigh, I think most men just don't feel any personal ownership or responsibility for the wedding :/

What really annoyed me and stressed me out was that for the first time it didn't feel like he had my back. If I forgot a detail or overlooked something, he wouldn't have caught it, and things would have just been missing or gone wrong. For example: we had nobody to set up the reception hall, if my dad hadn't stepped up last minute, I would have had to cancel our formal photos to do it myself. I had overlooked the logistics that would be involved, and hubby was just functioning under the assumption that I would take care of everything, so when I realized the day before the wedding, I had a mild anxiety attack. Hubby was no help because he had no idea what was going on. Thank goodness for my parents being there for me!

It was ironic to me that in planning our wedding, I didn't feel like I could depend on him to be my partner. And what really irked me was that he seemed to take it for granted that I (as a woman) loved wedding planning and wanted to do everything myself, even though I told him I wanted help and was feeling really stressed out that I was responsible for the whole thing (especially when it was in his hometown where I didn't know anyone I was comfortable asking to help). He tried to take more interest in it, but it was like pulling teeth.

I was so happy to have the wedding over, we get along much better now.

 

[ficklefaye]

thank you everyone for sharing. with only a little over one month left, i''m sure i will just press on, but MTG mentioned my sentiments exactly, in this wedding planning, i feel like he is taking me for granted because he assumes the woman is supposed to plan the wedding, if i forget something, he wouldn''t even notice

i know he isn''t normally like this, but this is our wedding, what harm would there be in actually showing some interest?

charbie, this is embarassing to say, but i wrote most of my posts at work because we weren''t busy, work has picked up luckily so i haven''t been on ps as much, my internet is too slow at home, good luck with the rest of your planning, date twin! i''m sure we''ll survive!

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 9/1/2009 3:54:34 PM
Author: ficklefaye
thank you everyone for sharing. with only a little over one month left, i'm sure i will just press on, but MTG mentioned my sentiments exactly, in this wedding planning, i feel like he is taking me for granted because he assumes the woman is supposed to plan the wedding, if i forget something, he wouldn't even notice

i know he isn't normally like this, but this is our wedding, what harm would there be in actually showing some interest?

charbie, this is embarassing to say, but i wrote most of my posts at work because we weren't busy, work has picked up luckily so i haven't been on ps as much, my internet is too slow at home, good luck with the rest of your planning, date twin! i'm sure we'll survive!

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I guess he just thinks ' what's with all this planning - let's just get married already'. My FI is pretty much the same but I don't feel like he's taking me for granted. He just wants us to get married and avoid any 'drama'.

You will survive

 

[bee*]

D wasn''t hugely interested in any of the details apart from designing the invites and a couple of other things. If he''s happy to go with what you like, I''d do that, otherwise you''ll be driven mad trying to get decide everything.