Advice for a new-ish mom?

[Elizabeth35]

For potty training boys--use Cheerios in the toilet. Boys love target practice.

 

[KristinTech]

Priority #1: Sleep. If possible, hire a babysitter or a “mother’s helper” during the day and get a nap that way. Even once or twice a week will help! My first was not a good sleeper or napper until about 18 months, and I truly understand why sleep deprivation is used as a torture tactic. sad I used to have to go to bed at 7:30 for a little while, just so I could sleep some more. I didn’t get to hang out with hubby much, but I was so sleep deprived, I had to do it.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Another random thing I thought of!

When people rave about their kid and motherhood experience take it with a grain of salt. Your standards/expectations may be VASTLY different to theirs. I have found this to be quite interesting on my motherhood journey.

For example I was at Play Group and a person told me their child L was an absolute angel. Such a great baby she said, so chilled and easy going, slept so well. Hehe I told her mine was a disgruntled little devil who was only quiet when he slept otherwise he had a problem with the world.

Well on another day I chatted to Grandma who took L to Play Group. Turns out L only sleeps when someone is holding him in their arms! Grandma was complaining how she couldn't pee for 3 hours while he napped and she must hold him because that is what his mother dictates and L cannot sleep unless he is held in arms. I was thinking to myself "Hmm perfect sleeper indeed eh"

As my son grows older I've found the same issue in regards to standards. People bragging about their child's reading and writing and then you find out what they define is reading and writing is not what you would call reading and writing! I have learned not to feel inadequate as standards vary greatly and some people embellish without meaning to or simply see what they want to see!

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

I wish I had opened this thread as soon as I saw it. I didn't know you needed reassurance!

I read the entire thread and think everyone who contributed is brilliant, even Dancing Fire.

I related the most to Bron, however. As soon as I saw what she wrote above, I was nodding in sympathy, only I was 41, not 40.

I used to wake up at 3:00 AM to sterilize nipples for her bottles to make sure I got everything ready for the baby for the day! I was a total and complete nutcase. The first year of my daughter's life my little baby (born at just over six ponds) grew into a nice, chubby baby and I dwindled into a skeleton with my clothes hanging off me! And I was not inexperienced with babies! I had cared for babies all my life, even having my godson stay with me for two weeks as a four month old infant while his mother was in Greece. They just were not my infants!!! I wondered if I had made a horrible mistake...but there was no going back! And so on. And then it all became normal.

I received one baby card that made me feel understood. It was from parents of two (both social workers). It said on the front, "There is a secret to bringing home a new baby." When you opened the card it said inside "Unfortunately, no one has discovered what it is yet".

Hang in there and share your problems with others!

Hugs,
Deb

Deb this rang so true for me! I practically raised my sister when I was 8 yrs old as my mother was "challenging" (to put it politely). I did the 3 am wake ups etc and went to school the next day. I was fine and a pretty happy child. I honestly didn't think the whole baby thing was going to be that big of a deal until after I had him and for a good year after he was born I kept wishing I could redo my life over!

One of my many issues was expectations too I think! I was very young when I raised my sister and she was this jolly little baby who rarely cried (or maybe I just don't remember). My son was a miserable bugger who cried all the time.

The other thing was at the end of the day she was still my sister and I didn't go around wearing the weight of raising her on my shoulders.

So funny because my bestie had twins and even though I don't like babies I babysit for her sometimes so she can have a date with her husband. Am TOTALLY chilled! Even with screaming twins! I bounce them, feed them, change them, take selfies with them and then hand them back when their parents get home! SO much easier (even with TWO) because I don't fear that everything I do is going to make them delinquents one day!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Well on another day I chatted to Grandma who took L to Play Group. Turns out L only sleeps when someone is holding him in their arms! Grandma was complaining how she couldn't pee for 3 hours while he napped and she must hold him because that is what his mother dictates and L cannot sleep unless he is held in arms. I was thinking to myself "Hmm perfect sleeper indeed eh"

sounds like our 7.5 month old granddaughter . she screams for an hr before she naps, she kept on fighting her tiredness. My wife can't handle both grandkids for more than a couple hrs.

Funny, My wife used to wake up a 8:00 am to go to work, but now she must wake up at 7:30 am to go babysit.

 

[Babyblue033]

My boys were all 3 1/2 before toilet training "took"...not sure if that helps or not though...

If it were up to me, I'd keep him in diapers until he's a bit older. Unfortunately, with me going back to work next week he's starting preschool and they require kids to be potty trained, one of the reasons being they do regular swim lessons. So we are sort of on a deadline with this thing

For potty training boys--use Cheerios in the toilet. Boys love target practice.

Still in sitting stage, I dont eveeven want to think about him peeing standing up! LOL!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Well my four year old boy just started using the potty, like literally a month after he turned four. When I would take him out with me to run errands people would ask if he was in school. Nope, he's not potty trained I would say and their response? Oh he's a stubborn one!

Like why do people care? Yes he should be in preschool but he's not, so let's keep it moving.

That IMO is one of the most annoying parts of parenthood, having to deal with other judgemental people and their comments. I have considered asking these "helpfuls" if their advice wouldn't be better spent on their plants at home. Like hey do you have a plant at home? Can I buy you one so you can talk to it instead?

 

[acaw2015]

So much wonderful advice here. I think the first 1.5 years was the hardest with my first baby, I was exhausted. But then everything got a whole lot easier. Even having twins was a whole lot easier than having my first born! I think you put too much pressure on yourself especially as a first time mother. Be kind to yourself. Let someone you trust have the baby over the night and have a well deserved sleep! Try to relax and enjoy your baby, s/he will soon be older and you will miss those incredibly hard times...

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

sounds like our 7.5 month old granddaughter . she screams for an hr before she naps, she kept on fighting her tiredness. My wife can't handle both grandkids for more than a couple hrs.

Funny, My wife used to wake up a 8:00 am to go to work, but now she must wake up at 7:30 am to go babysit.

haha one of my friends makes her parents fly with her kids while she catches a different plane with Hubby!

Hubby and I joke this will be us one day although we will only take ONE on the plane! Not two!!!!!

 

[AGBF]

Well my four year old boy just started using the potty, like literally a month after he turned four. When I would take him out with me to run errands people would ask if he was in school. Nope, he's not potty trained I would say and their response? Oh he's a stubborn one!

Like why do people care? Yes he should be in preschool but he's not, so let's keep it moving.

I love this posting!!! I remember putting a potty in each room of the house for my daughter in case she got a "pee pee feeling". Yet I sent her to pre-school with pull-ups on at age three in case she had an accident! I don't know why I still remember that; her 26th birthday is in a few days!

Big hugs, StephanieLynn!
Deb

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

haha mine was potty trained for preschool but is lazy and a charmer so whenever he needed to do a number 2 he'd convince one of the teachers to wipe his rank bum!

Oh that preschool was amazing! He is in kindy now and was given popcorn as a reward for end of term. When I picked him up after school he had the most miserable look and said to me "Mummy it was PACKET popcorn! In preschool K (his favourite teacher) used to make us fresh popcorn with her popcorn maker."

I went to visit his preschool teachers just to tell them that gem!

 

[tkyasx78]

Lol! 6 of my 8 are boys. My 3rd son potty trained himself at the age of 2! But that is not normal. He just didnt want to be left behind ans hated diapers. My oldest did not potty train till 4 the other 4 boys all potty trained at 3
My rule of thumb was - if they can sleep all night and wake up dry they are ready. If they are peeing while sleeping wait longer.
I did have to bribe my oldest to potty train. I told him ( he was 4) if he used the potty I would buy him a little car. The other kids were less work though becuase they had siblings who they all wanted to be like. The oldest was the hardest

 

[pearaffair]

I want you guys to know that I have been reading and re-reading this thread. You are all utterly, incredibly, amazing and generous. Wow, your wisdom and anecdotes make me realize how few new moms I have known. I so completely appreciate you sharing and being vulnerable with me.

I am taking steps to get more sleep and rest. My MIL is here for a month so things have been a bit stressful. No alone time! Haha but I love the idea of her taking baby on the plane, rather than me! Screaming baby on a plane for 5 hours is my idea of hell lol.

I wish I had the time and energy to respond to each and every post! Please believe I am reading and rereading all of them. Thank you so much. You are all a balm for the heart. The mom club has the highest bar for membership but man, the comraderie is great. Love to you all.

 

[kitten24]

I really sympathise with the no alone time. Have been there with my MIL too. She is lovely, however I am one who needs my own space and quiet time, whereas she is an extrovert and loves to talk. Are you able to leave baby with her and go for a walk? That may help take the edge off.

 

[AGBF]

Nothing stays the same forever. Just when you think you can't take another minute of the present situation, children grow and change and you're on to the next challenge.

Hi again, pearaffair!

I read your most recent posting about how you have been re-reading this thread and decided to do the same thing. (It really is a great thread.) This time around I wanted to take the time to comment on a couple of lines in MGR's posting that are, in my opinion, important.

At least when children are young, they go through phases very quickly. As soon as you think you have figured out what some behavior means and how you should handle it (and are patting yourself on the back for your brilliance), your child is no longer doing that and is doing something new and inexplicable.

I felt that that I was always being kept on my toes trying to understand what was going on inside my daughter's head and the most creative way to respond to it. And darned if she didn't switch totally as soon as i learned to cope. Bless MGR for pointing this out!

I truly do not know how tkyasx managed to raise eight children! I didn't realize that she had until this thread!

Deb

 

[Elizabeth35]

Don’t worry about responding pearaffair.
Take help when it is offered. Ask your MIL for specific help. Don’t expect her to read your mind-ask her to handle baby so you can nap or whatever. Or ask her to help with dinner or laundry.
When my parents visited when first was my one week old—my Mom made meals and did one PM feeding (I bottle fed-horrors!). They ran errands and did anything possible to make it easier for me.
MIL came when second was born. Big mistake. She did not cook, did no baby care and expected me to do her laundry as well as all meals. This 3 days after giving birth and having 12 month old. I also had to drive her to the airport with 1 week old and one year old.
So don’t have houseguests who you aren’t comfortable asking for genuine help. Whether meals, laundry, errands, etc.
Surround yourself with people who help and support you.

 

[atp223]

My baby is one year old. I love her more than the sun and the moon! But I have to say it’s been a really tough year. Any words of wisdom or comfort? Most of my friends don’t have kids so it can be pretty lonely. The sleep-deprivation is crushing. And the guilt and worry of whether or not I’m doing this right seems ever-present.

Anyways, not wanting to whine. I’ve just noticed that the people in this PS community have big hearts and life experience! So thanks I’m advance.

Mine are 3 years and 3 months. After the first, I joined a local gym with a daycare (2 hrs per day for $30 per month!!) and I spent those two hours either walking on the treadmill if too tired to run, with my iPad. Barely ever skipped a day. It was a wonderful break, I got in great shape, and I made some awesome SAHM friends. I can’t recommend this enough!

I also have neighbors with kids, but most work, so we hang on our cul de sac or at one of our houses after the day care/school pick ups and drink wine. People who don’t live in our cul de sac have met us by walking around and they join us too. So walks around 5 pm to scope out kids in your hood could be a good bet too!

TLDR: gym and walks for mom friends ...both will save your sanity!

 

[Rubybrick]

I want you guys to know that I have been reading and re-reading this thread. You are all utterly, incredibly, amazing and generous. Wow, your wisdom and anecdotes make me realize how few new moms I have known. I so completely appreciate you sharing and being vulnerable with me.

I am taking steps to get more sleep and rest. My MIL is here for a month so things have been a bit stressful. No alone time! Haha but I love the idea of her taking baby on the plane, rather than me! Screaming baby on a plane for 5 hours is my idea of hell lol.

I wish I had the time and energy to respond to each and every post! Please believe I am reading and rereading all of them. Thank you so much. You are all a balm for the heart. The mom club has the highest bar for membership but man, the comraderie is great. Love to you all.

you have gotten a lot of wonderful feedback already, but I just wanted to affirm that it does get better! Like anything practice make one better. Hang in there!

 

[LLJsmom]

Like many have said, take care of yourself. Get time alone if you can. Do whatever you need to do for yourself. If you feel like you need to complain or whine, go ahead. Find a safe place for it. Do it in this thread if you want. I sure would never judge. What you are doing is really tough. So please be kind and easy on yourself. (((BIG HUG)))