It's 2019, we've had feminism for fifty-odd years, and STILL life just isn't working for too many women and other SAH givers of childcare. I am SO fed up with it. (I said "women" and not "mothers" because the situation also affects women who aren't mothers, due to the obstacles in their way. Those obstacles might be factors in planning their lives and families.)
I've been watching from the sidelines friends with children, some of whom had unexpected midlife divorces. It's made me decide that one of the biggest obstacles facing mothers and other SAH caregivers today is the woeful lack of decent, safe, affordable childcare. This lack has cornered many of my friends and forced them to stay at home, because the cost of quality childcare for two children well outweighs their salary, or takes most of it. (If parents want to stay at home, that's great, but I'm talking about those who would rather not.)
It is terrible, and completely unfair, that those women/caregivers who don't want to stay home are effectively coerced into giving up treasured independence and careers/jobs that they sacrificed for, in terms of paying for an education. I've looked at childcare costs out of curiosity, wondering what my life would have been like if my ex and I had had kids, and I was appalled. In some cities and metro areas, it's 5k a month for two children. Even if someone can afford that, for many, the huge bill would preclude much saving for college or retirement.
People are protesting for climate change and MeToo, but I think there should also be huge protests against this lack of quality affordable childcare. It's the biggest obstacle we have to both parents in a family remaining economically independent.
We have a society where everything is horribly expensive, from medical care to education, but then we make it impossible for both parents to work, in too many cases. Women, especially, are too often still in a position where they must sacrifice their self-sufficiency for the good of the family, which a person might be fine with if they have kind and faithful spouse. But what if their spouse is not always so kind, or so faithful? I have zero issues with SAHPs (stay-at-home parents.) What I'm talking about is the lack of choice resulting from the horrendous cost of childcare.
This cost has made too many SAHPs dependent on their spouses' salaries when they might not be comfortable with that. If one trusts one's spouse and is fine with the one income, that's great. But for spouses who don't want to put all their financial eggs into their spouse's basket, the lack of quality affordable childcare is a terrible obstacle to remaining economically independent after having a family.
And this, together with the high rate of relationship/marital breakdown, means that too many SAH parents end up in a real bind.
This is the situation in 2019 for too many:
Both parents have to work because of the spiraling cost of living.
Both parents cannot work due to the appalling cost of good childcare.
One parent gives up their career, because working doesn't make sense, due to that cost.
The parent who gave up their career is now dependent on their spouse, while being more in peril of relationship breakdown than any previous generation.
Can we really say we've moved on much since the Fifties? At least SAHPs had much more marriage security back then. I know divorces happened, but at nothing like the rate that they happen now. Not saying we should go back to that, I'm saying that in the ways decribed above, it seems SAHPs today have worse choices than Fifties housewives. Which is terrible!
And this trap is all because of the lack of quality affordable childcare. It makes me SO mad that people - disproportionately women - are in this position in 2019.
Decades of feminism, and still these are the choices for one parent out of the two, because of sky-high childcare costs.
I'm convinced that women and other caregivers of children have no chance of real opportunity-and-economic parity with their higher-earning partners until we have a real solution to the issue of childcare costs. And I am so, so upset that the position of one person (often the woman) in a partnership remains this unequal in 2019.
I've been watching from the sidelines friends with children, some of whom had unexpected midlife divorces. It's made me decide that one of the biggest obstacles facing mothers and other SAH caregivers today is the woeful lack of decent, safe, affordable childcare. This lack has cornered many of my friends and forced them to stay at home, because the cost of quality childcare for two children well outweighs their salary, or takes most of it. (If parents want to stay at home, that's great, but I'm talking about those who would rather not.)
It is terrible, and completely unfair, that those women/caregivers who don't want to stay home are effectively coerced into giving up treasured independence and careers/jobs that they sacrificed for, in terms of paying for an education. I've looked at childcare costs out of curiosity, wondering what my life would have been like if my ex and I had had kids, and I was appalled. In some cities and metro areas, it's 5k a month for two children. Even if someone can afford that, for many, the huge bill would preclude much saving for college or retirement.
People are protesting for climate change and MeToo, but I think there should also be huge protests against this lack of quality affordable childcare. It's the biggest obstacle we have to both parents in a family remaining economically independent.
We have a society where everything is horribly expensive, from medical care to education, but then we make it impossible for both parents to work, in too many cases. Women, especially, are too often still in a position where they must sacrifice their self-sufficiency for the good of the family, which a person might be fine with if they have kind and faithful spouse. But what if their spouse is not always so kind, or so faithful? I have zero issues with SAHPs (stay-at-home parents.) What I'm talking about is the lack of choice resulting from the horrendous cost of childcare.
This cost has made too many SAHPs dependent on their spouses' salaries when they might not be comfortable with that. If one trusts one's spouse and is fine with the one income, that's great. But for spouses who don't want to put all their financial eggs into their spouse's basket, the lack of quality affordable childcare is a terrible obstacle to remaining economically independent after having a family.
And this, together with the high rate of relationship/marital breakdown, means that too many SAH parents end up in a real bind.
This is the situation in 2019 for too many:
Both parents have to work because of the spiraling cost of living.
Both parents cannot work due to the appalling cost of good childcare.
One parent gives up their career, because working doesn't make sense, due to that cost.
The parent who gave up their career is now dependent on their spouse, while being more in peril of relationship breakdown than any previous generation.
Can we really say we've moved on much since the Fifties? At least SAHPs had much more marriage security back then. I know divorces happened, but at nothing like the rate that they happen now. Not saying we should go back to that, I'm saying that in the ways decribed above, it seems SAHPs today have worse choices than Fifties housewives. Which is terrible!
And this trap is all because of the lack of quality affordable childcare. It makes me SO mad that people - disproportionately women - are in this position in 2019.
Decades of feminism, and still these are the choices for one parent out of the two, because of sky-high childcare costs.
I'm convinced that women and other caregivers of children have no chance of real opportunity-and-economic parity with their higher-earning partners until we have a real solution to the issue of childcare costs. And I am so, so upset that the position of one person (often the woman) in a partnership remains this unequal in 2019.