does your E-ring match your occupation/lifestyle?

[Dancing Fire]

all these talk about not wearing your E-ring to work or to school is so ridiculous,if i were your bf/husband i'd get a refund or sell it jewlery are meant to be worn ...i don't see any difference then your co-workers carrying a $3k handbag or driving a $100k car.

 

[mayerling]

Not really. Most women in UK academia don't really wear fancy jewellery and I'm the only I know at my current position who wears an ering.

 

[kenny]

Why do people take comfort in being similar to those around them?

Is it insecurity, a lack of self confidence?
Different is okay, folks.

If there was more respect for diversity, being different would not be so scary and threatening.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Agreed. In my job my ring is huge and of a superior metal (18k yellow). Most of my coworkers either don't wear a ring or its about 1/4 carat in 10k yellow. I assume this is the norm for 25ish years ago? I'm definitely the baby of the company

 

[Jennifer W]

Why do people take comfort in being similar to those around them?

Is it insecurity, a lack of self confidence?

Possibly. I know that when I was younger, I was uncomfortable being conspicuous in a group. I don't feel that way now, but it was a result of the lack of self confidence and insecurity that I felt in situations where I sensed I was slightly out of my depth or didn't know the 'rules' too well. First job springs to mind, for example.

Other times, I think that even confident and secure people like to appear similar to those around them in some situations out of respect and courtesy. I could be wrong, that's just my observation.

 

[missy]

Why do people take comfort in being similar to those around them?

Is it insecurity, a lack of self confidence?
Different is okay, folks.

If there was more respect for diversity, being different would not be so scary and threatening.

Huge ditto to this Kenny. I totally agree and think being part of a group where everyone is the same is so boring and can breed fear/contempt for people who are different. That is one of the things I don't like about organized religion but I will not go there as I know that PS admin doesn't like us to discuss/debate interesting and intelligent yet potentially volatile topics. Too bad.

I agree that different is OK and people should embrace what makes them unique and interesting and what makes them who they are and not be so concerned with "fitting" in and being just like everyone else.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Why do people take comfort in being similar to those around them?

Is it insecurity, a lack of self confidence?
Different is okay, folks.
If there was more respect for diversity, being different would not be so scary and threatening.

yep!!,can't imagine PS w/o an odd ball like Kenny...

 

[missy]

Why do people take comfort in being similar to those around them?

Is it insecurity, a lack of self confidence?
Different is okay, folks.
If there was more respect for diversity, being different would not be so scary and threatening.

yep!!,can't imagine PS w/o an odd ball like Kenny...

Or w/o you DF!

 

[kenny]

Why, thank you DF.
I'm so flattered.

 

[zoebartlett]

To answer your question, yes, my e-ring matches my occupation and lifestyle. It's a fairly simple style (no pave or engraving, etc.), and while I sometimes dream of more ornate styles, this one feels the most like ME. There are a few things I'd change about my ring, but overall, I'm very happy with it. I'm a teacher, and most of my colleagues' rings are also simple and modest compared to what I see on PS.

 

[Gypsy]

Mine fits. My engagement ring is just the right size for where we are in life and so do my other pieces. I'm not saying that I couldn't carry off a 2 carat center. I could, and it would still fit my life fine, but where it is at is right as well.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Not at all.

 

[suchende]

My lack of an e-ring doesn't

I feel more limited by my finger size than my lifestyle though. In law school/the legal profession, I've seen some honkers!

 

[HollyS]

all these talk about not wearing your E-ring to work or to school is so ridiculous,if i were your bf/husband i'd get a refund or sell it jewlery are meant to be worn ...i don't see any difference then your co-workers carrying a $3k handbag or driving a $100k car.

Well, DF, I've got issues with sporting 3K handbags and driving 100K cars. (I'm in the biz. I know that car isn't worth that kind of cash. Especially after you drive it off the lot. Can you say depreciation?)

But, yes, my ring is right for me. Better than most of my peers (so I get to feel superior ), and yet it's not an "OMG! What is that on your finger??!!" kind of bling. It inspires just enough envy to make me satisfied, without anyone giving me a guilt trip over the value of my rock.

 

[Dancing Fire]

all these talk about not wearing your E-ring to work or to school is so ridiculous,if i were your bf/husband i'd get a refund or sell it jewlery are meant to be worn ...i don't see any difference then your co-workers carrying a $3k handbag or driving a $100k car.

Well, DF, I've got issues with sporting 3K handbags and driving 100K cars. (I'm in the biz. I know that car isn't worth that kind of cash. Especially after you drive it off the lot. Can you say depreciation?)

But, yes, my ring is right for me. Better than most of my peers (so I get to feel superior ), and yet it's not an "OMG! What is that on your finger??!!" kind of bling. It inspires just enough envy to make me satisfied, without anyone giving me a guilt trip over the value of my rock.

just like jewelry...
and most conservatives do feel superior...

 

[marcy]

I would say it does match my occupation and lifestyle. I would hate to wear something that I felt self conscious about or that didn't suit my style.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Really, I think and 8 ct. rock would match my life of leisure. Can you mention that to my husband, DF?

 

[Haven]

I have no idea, and I've never cared to really think about it too hard.

Perhaps my ring most matches my lifestyle during the summer when I am a lady of leisure, free to lunch with whomever I please, whenever I please.

I wear my ring to work every day, and I always have. It never occurred to me that I would be judged by anything other than my performance and behavior at work. I certainly don't judge others based on what they wear, jewelry and otherwise. It's a good thing, too, because people wear strange clothes to my job.

 

[suchende]

I have no idea, and I've never cared to really think about it too hard.

Perhaps my ring most matches my lifestyle during the summer when I am a lady of leisure, free to lunch with whomever I please, whenever I please.

I wear my ring to work every day, and I always have. It never occurred to me that I would be judged by anything other than my performance and behavior at work. I certainly don't judge others based on what they wear, jewelry and otherwise. It's a good thing, too, because people wear strange clothes to my job.

There's a couple books by John T. Molloy on the subject of how men and women are perceived by what they wear (different books for each gender). He ran experiments and has some evidence to back up his findings about the assumptions people make about others based on how they're dressed. It's definitely interesting stuff.

 

[HopeDream]

My e-ring is a little big (about .25-.5 ct over) for where I am at the moment, but I expect to "grow in to it" in a year or two when I get my career launched, and I do have plans for a real honker one day.

 

[Circe]

Why do people take comfort in being similar to those around them?

Is it insecurity, a lack of self confidence?
Different is okay, folks.

If there was more respect for diversity, being different would not be so scary and threatening.

One important difference, though ... the e-ring isn't read as something that says something about a woman. It says a lot, though, about her relationship.

Any of y'all read Kamy Witcoff's I Do But I Don't? It's not one of my faves, for the most part (reads a lot like a woman justifying her mainstream choices at the expense of her actual desires), but the chapter on engagement rings is very interesting. In it, she basically addresses the way in which, the second the ring is on the finger, the woman is basically acting as a spokesman for her husband's success.

Now, here on PS, I'd say a larger-than-average part of the population is egalitarian enough that women pay for parts of their rings, buy their own diamonds, and generally represent their own interests. For the normal woman, though, it says "I married well." (Or not, as the case may be - and I'm speaking purely financially, not in terms of anything other than how much money the ring advertises to the LCD viewer).

In a world where plenty of women are still laid off over men because, you know, their male counterparts "have a family to support" - because those women were working as a hobby, you know! - and where the myth of the gold-digging woman is alive and well, wearing your engagement ring if it differs from those around you can be sorta loaded.

I'm in academia, and in NY, and my ring isn't outrageous by geographical standards. And by academic female standards, I do plenty of things outside the norm - I choose to wear make-up and heels and be sorta butch/femme, but all of those things are about me, and not any weirder than, say, one of my colleague's choices of purple hair. But the ring? That supposedly says something about my husband and what he earns, and in a profession where being married to anything other than your job is slightly suspect, that can be interesting.

I'm still wearing my e-ring, though I've been having an internal monologue on the topic recently. Another faculty meeting tomorrow - we shall see.

 

[Haven]

Oh, I don't doubt it. Thank you for the reference, Suchende, I'll add them to my Goodreads "to read" shelf right now.

I double majored in English and costume design in college, and I always really enjoyed designing costumes to fit characters. We did a lot of really interesting observation studies where we examined the "costumes" students wear to class and analyzed what they communicated to the world.

I'd say I would put more thought into how my appearance is perceived by others at work, but thus far in my career it hasn't been an issue, so I will likely remain happily ignorant of the situation. My fellow professors' dress and jewelry really runs the gamut from extremely casual to formal, huge bling to nothing at all. I tend to wear the same type of clothes I wore when I taught high school, which had a more formal atmosphere overall. Professional, but not stuffy.

 

[Black Jade]

I read 'I Do but I Don't' awhile ago. Dancing Fire wouldn't like the author--she has a gorgeous e-ring that on the one hand she boasts about(while pretending not to boast) but that she eventually decides to keep in a drawer instead of wearing, not because she worries about not its effect on her job but because she decides it doesn't fit her feminist principles.

This thread seems to have a subtext of whether its good to want to fit in or not. It makes me remember when I was sixteen and wearing the same ripped blue jeans as all my friends (and really, everyone my age in the whole country) wore--but screaming at my mother (who wanted me to at least wash them) "I have to be myself! You want to make me dress like everybody else but I need my clothes to express who I am!"

It's always an interesting reality check to consider whether the opinions you are so proud of having formed all by yourself are actually also those of the people whose good opinions you actually DO care most about. They may not be those of the family you grew up with or the community you grew up in anymore--but are they sort of seriously in sync with the opinions of your friends or the people that you view as intelligent and advanced--or whatever quality you value most?

 

[Haven]

Really interesting post, Black Jade.

The thing that I find interesting about this thread is this notion that your e-ring *can* match your lifestyle or occupation. I have a hard time identifying what sort of ering would match my lifestyle, if anything. By which standards should I define my lifestyle? My income? Car? Hobbies? Neighborhood? What if these things don't even "match" each other?

Does my ering not match my lifestyle because it is worth the same amount of money as my car? Or does my car not match my lifestyle because it is only worth the same amount of money as my ering? Am I mismatched because I live in a *really* nice neighborhood, but I own a very small home in it? What if my lifestyle is so finely tailored to my own personal desires that it is filled with contradiction? Does my ering then fit in by virtue of it not fitting in at all?

 

[Black Jade]

Really interesting post, Black Jade.

The thing that I find interesting about this thread is this notion that your e-ring *can* match your lifestyle or occupation. I have a hard time identifying what sort of ering would match my lifestyle, if anything. By which standards should I define my lifestyle? My income? Car? Hobbies? Neighborhood? What if these things don't even "match" each other?

Does my ering not match my lifestyle because it is worth the same amount of money as my car? Or does my car not match my lifestyle because it is only worth the same amount of money as my ering? Am I mismatched because I live in a *really* nice neighborhood, but I own a very small home in it? What if my lifestyle is so finely tailored to my own personal desires that it is filled with contradiction? Does my ering then fit in by virtue of it not fitting in at all?

You made me laugh out loud; so on the mark. I think few of us DO match up in all these areas.

 

[GraceAva]

Well i live in a little town in wales, UK and i do feel my ring is a little out of place. Its only a 1ct center stone with .40ct side stones but people around here just dont wear diamonds over .50ct. Its an upgrade and i think my perception of acceptable diamond size got warped by spending so much time on PS!! When i was waiting for it i was even thinking it was a bit small and dreaming of a 1.50ct stone but now i feel a bit self concious of it. When i speak to people i dont move my hands to much or make my ring obvious as i don't want them to think im showing of. My mum even said it looks fake its so big!Im a stay at home mum so i don't have to worry about work mates for a few years.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I hear that "most women don't wear..." and I think WHO CARES! Stand out, start a trend, buck the norm

My ring absolutely does not fit my lifestyle. I usually don't wear makeup, I dress for comfort and eschew trends. I think the next largest ring in my entire social circle is more than a full carat (probably 1.25) SMALLER than mine. Most are probably 2 carats smaller - but I don't care. I felt self conscious at first but got over it.

 

[elrohwen]

Not really. I work in a technical field with almost all men - I don't fit in (in a way) just because I'm female, so I don't think the ering matters at that point. The dress code around here is casual and if any of the women actually dress nicely and wear heels they're noticed. I know that my ring stands out, but I wear it anyway because I don't think it will change people's opinions. Everyone here makes more money than me anyway, so it's not like they can't afford nice things - most engineers are just frugal in my experience (which includes DH and me, since my ring was inherited) and men in general don't tend to wear jewelry.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

My ring-on-the-way will be bigger than most of my friends. It's the stone I wanted and a gorgeous size on my finger, but it's probably at least .75 larger than most others I know. Along with that, it's much better cut than many of my friends, who don't understand diamonds at all..

I tried to be conscious of it, because I will be marrying into the military, and most of the females in that circle have smaller stones. A lot of it is not because they can't afford it, but because they just don't care. I was willing to go bigger than my friends, but even I reached a point where I thought I would look obnoxious. I didn't want to come in as the new girl with the big, showy rock that wears dresses all of the time and loves shopping. I don't think that makes me insecure, I'm just self aware.

 

[rosetta]

The 3 stone doesn't fit, but I wear a 1 ct solitaire to work instead which is just about ok.

I don't mind.

More excuses to buy different carats of diamonds!

How is that not a good thing?