Post by dockman3 » July 18th, 2008, 7:40 am

I''ve got a question for you. I read your post over in the "Questions for married PSer''s" thread and you sounded exactly like my gf. She is deathly afraid of being tied down and being called somebody''s wife. She''s afraid she will lose her identity and become Mrs. Dockman only and won''t be herself anymore. She doesn''t want to be the housewife that does all of the cooking and cleaning (which she never has been as we share those responsibilities). She doesn''t really like my last name. She thinks that once you''re married your life is over and the rest is all downhill from there (which I don''t understand because her parents have been happily married for almost 30 years and are very happy with their lives). We''ve been together for about 4.5 years now, living together for the last (almost) 2 years and I''m ready to get engaged. We''re both in our mid 20''s and the majority of our friends are already married, some with kids.

Right now, my gf is telling me that she''s not ready to get married, though she has told me she has every intention of marrying me some day. We even have kids names picked out and have discussed where we want to live and how often we want to move and how often we want to travel. We''ve got just about everything sorted out. My question for you is: How did you know you were ready to get married and how are you dealing with all of these emotional issues that you have going on? I want to help my gf through this and let her know that she won''t be known solely has Mrs. Dockman and that she''ll still have her own identity. Any suggestions? If all its going to take is time, I''ll gladly wait for her. She''s terrific, and one of the reasons I love her so much is her independence and free spirit, but that''s what''s keeping her from settling down with me. I feel like us not getting married is holding our lives back and we can''t truly start our lives together until we are married. (I''m talking about a house and kids and things of that nature) I just can''t convince her that marriage is a good thing, not a bad thing, and that she doesn''t have to be afraid of it.

Thanks in advance for any help you might have, and if you don''t feel like discussing it, I understand that too. Its a really personal thing and I don''t mean to pry. I just want to help my gf get over her fear of marriage so we can move forward with our lives. Thanks again!