Do you live with your boyfriend?

[lilyfoot]

This topic comes up now and again on PS/LIW .. living together before marriage.

I live with my boyfriend, and I love it. I had no qualms about moving in together before engagement/marriage, because we had the "big" discussion, and our intentions were very clear from the beginning. We''ve been dating about 6-7 months, and lived together since June. (We''ve known each other for years as friends though). We''ve got the diamond, it was appraised earlier this month, and we finally chose a setting a week or two ago. I''m positive a proposal is coming within the next 2-3 months.

Does anyone else live with their boyfriend, and if so, how long have you been together/living together?

Do you feel like your living situation has helped or hurt your LIW status?

 

[crossmyfingers]

I was just thinking a couple days ago we needed a thread for this!

My BF and I don''t live together. We''ve been together over two years. We spend the night at one another''s places at least on Fridays and Saturdays, sometimes other days of the week too but not often. I wish we lived together, but he wants to wait till we''re married. No moral reason or anything, just I suppose to have something to look forward to. (And a *little* bit so his mom doesn''t freak out about us "living in sin.")

I think if we lived together it would make him propose sooner, honestly. And I think it would help me to chill out about wondering when we''ll get engaged/married, since I apparently have to wait till then to live with him.

 

[Amzizzle]

I''ve lived with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, and have been together almost 5 years. First off I love it! It''s just so nice coming

home together.I don''t think it''s hurt my LIW status at all.I actually think it''s made us closer and both him and me a lot more

comfortable with getting married,so comfortable in fact we have a ring and all he has left to do is get down on one knee.

 

[vc10um]

A and I have been living together officially since July 1, 2009 (both of us in the same place), unofficially since April 1, 2009 (he was completely moved into the condo we picked out together, but my things were still at my old apartment), and we''ve spent every night that we were both in town together since probably November or December, 2008.

We''ve been together since June 26, 2008.

We LOVE living together. We had rough patches at the beginning--he''d never lived with anyone other than family and that caused some...let''s say courtesy...issues--but I''m glad we took care of those things now, instead of right after the wedding! We''ll just be able to enjoy being married, instead of trying to work through all those other issues!

We also work at the same office, so it cuts down on transportation costs and time, since we go into work together every day and leave together every evening. Not to mention all the money we''re saving on rent!!! We live in the DC metro area and were paying $2200 total for our two one bedroom apartments. Our rent for our 2 bed/2 bath condo? $1500 per month. Can you say "saving for the wedding"?!?!?

All in all, it''s definitely been one of the best decisions we''ve made as a couple.

 

[princesss]

I''m about to! He moves in next week!!!!

I''m a little excited, if you couldn''t tell....

 

[suny27]

My Boyfriend and I do not live together. We have talked about it but I have decided I would like to wait. I would like to live together before marriage but not before we are engaged. That was our compromise he wants to live together as soon as possible I wanted to wait until marriage so we met in the middle sort of.

I was in a previous relationship for 7 years lived with the guy for 6 and no proposal I finnally just decided I was tired of waiting for him to marry me so I left. He didn''t see the point of marriage ... "if nothing is going to change why get married"

so i felt in that relationship living together before marriage was a bad idea but then again everything happens for a reason.

Current boyfriend is taking his time to propose but I know it''s coming ...he wants to get married 9/10/11....he will be proposing sometime within the next year. I don''t see current boyfriend changing his plans regardless of if we live together or not

. So I will play it safe and wait to move in until after engagement.

Don''t wanna be the same fool twice LOL

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

We''ve lived together for about 1.5 years now. I love it. On one hand, I miss my superneat apartment when I was on my own, but on the other hand, he more than makes up for it

Seriously, it''s awesome coming home together (or to him) and just spending time together. We''ve been cooking more too, and it''s fun cooking together. Now that we have the kittens, we''re one big (chaotic) happy family

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 10/28/2009 9:14:45 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl
We''ve lived together for about 1.5 years now. I love it. On one hand, I miss my superneat apartment when I was on my own, but on the other hand, he more than makes up for it

Seriously, it''s awesome coming home together (or to him) and just spending time together. We''ve been cooking more too, and it''s fun cooking together. Now that we have the kittens, we''re one big (chaotic) happy family

I''m > lucky in this region, my boyfriend likes a clean apartment, just like me!

I forgot to mention we have 3 dogs. 2 are mine from before we were together, and 1 was his before. We''re lucky in the fact that they get along beautifully. "Merging" the dogs was super easy for us.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 10/28/2009 8:50:20 PM
Author: princesss
I''m about to! He moves in next week!!!!

I''m a little excited, if you couldn''t tell....

Congratulations!!! It''s a really exciting step in a relationship. Going to sleep and waking up next to each other every night/day is amazing!

 

[babycush]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, living together for 6 months. We were long distance for a year, and then he moved to Chicago in May to be with me and we moved into a new apartment together. Before we moved in, we talked about how neither of us would ever live with someone we didn''t want to spend the rest of our lives with. Also, both sets of parents shacked up before getting engaged (pretty progressive in my opinion!), so we had great models... they''ve been married 26 and 29 years!

I think that living together has not hurt LIW status at all, and probably has helped the cause. In May, we decided to shelf the engagement topic for 6 months to give MP time to adjust to a new city and job, but both of us kept bringing it up to the point where we talk about it several times a week. I can''t imagine having him move here and NOT living together. This just seems like the most natural thing in the world.

 

[MrsHToBe]

I''ve been with my FF for almost 9 years, now, and we''ve been living together off-and-on for about 7½ of those years (on for the last 5 years, though). That being said, we have a DD together who is 5, so moving in together just made more sense.
I don''t think moving in together has helped nor hurt my LIW status.

 

[jaylex]

Date: 10/28/2009 8:50:20 PM
Author: princesss
I'm about to! He moves in next week!!!!

I'm a little excited, if you couldn't tell....

I just have to say:
Congrats, princess!

Fiance and i don't live together yet. We're still both rather "young" (i'm 19, he's 21) so we live at our parents homes. It's really hard on our relationship because our mothers are pretty controlling and we never get a minute to ourselves to just relax.

Small example.. today, we were laying on the sofa under a blanket watching tv (like we always do... in front of her) and she stared at us for a minute and then said "it looks kinda weird to see you guys under a blanket like 'that'". Then she just looked at us until he moved.
It was like C'mon. He's slept over before (us and another couple in our living room).. We've been together for 4 years.. have gone on vacation together.. we're engaged and we TOLD you that we are moving out this year.

Silly mother.


Anywho.. December is the month we are shooting for (and it can't come soon enough).

 

[UnderBlue]

My BF and I have lived together for almost 13 months. I moved in with him after meeting him online 8 months before and seeing him for a week visit. Thank god for Skype and IMs!

I didn''t consider myself a LIW until recently, so that wasn''t an issue at all.

I had never lived with a guy before so I didn''t know what to expect and went out and got books to try to make things smoother, but there weren''t any issues really. I don''t really miss having my own space since I do get a bit of time on my own during the day. He''d probably say he''s neater (but I don''t see any proof of that =p).

 

[Callisto]

Yep, we''ve been together almost 3 1/2 years and have been living together almost 6 months now. I moved across the country to where he was finishing school so it seemed silly to get my own place when he was the sole reason I was coming here anyways.

I think it helped me dealing with being a LIW. We were long distance for 3 years and by the end I was crazed to get engaged cause I wanted to be together forever and not across the country from each other and I guess engagement really solidified that for me. Now that I''m with him every day though I''m enjoying what we have now much more than freaking out about getting engaged. I''m enjoying being young and in love and living together, waiting for the engagement is a lot more bearable.

 

[Callisto]

Date: 10/28/2009 8:50:20 PM
Author: princesss
I''m about to! He moves in next week!!!!


I''m a little excited, if you couldn''t tell....

Yay congrats!!!

Just a quick word of advice since he''s moving into your place:

I recently moved into my bf''s place and I wish he had done more to make me feel like it was now "our place". Granted we weren''t there that long before moving to rent a different house (which I definitely feel is "our place") but really make sure you go above and beyond to make him feel like its his place too.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi, Fun topic

I''ve lived with my boyfriend pretty much our entire relationship. We met in a residence situation, so it''s hard to imagine him anywhere farther away than down the hall. It''s just lonely without him!

Recently we''ve been semi-long distance because he works out of town during the week and comes home weekends. Our home feels like something is missing when he''s gone.

If you start living together I think it''s very important to find a new palce that can be equaly both of yours, as soon as possible. I moved in with him, which was great, but I always felt like a houseguest. It was so much better when we had a new place that was "ours".

I like falling asleep next to him and doing household chores as a team (but don''t enjoy cleaning on my own).

I don''t think living together has afected my LIW status one iota.
(Except maybe he has seen that I''d make a good wife)

 

[restheo]

I''ve been with the BF for 3 years, lived together for 2.

I love living with him. It really makes our apartment feel like home, and our pets are our little babies...it''s like we already have a family together.

We''re not engaged, but I feel like we''ve been married for at least a year now...lol

Living with him taught me that I can handle his habits, even if they do make me angry sometimes. I found that our biggest source (and pretty much only source) of conflict is who cleans what--that can be a pain in the butt, cause we both tend to get lazy and then blame each other when there''s a ton of dishes in the sink.

But it''s also awesome to get to be with someone and to share everything with them, and be totally and utterly comfortable with them.

My only suggestion to someone who is looking to move in with their SO...treat it as if it IS marriage. If you go into it thinking it''s just something you can slip out of at a moment''s notice, you won''t be as inclined to work through the little issues you have...such as leaving plates in the sink or dirty underwear on the floor...

 

[Littletreasure]

I was raised in a religion where living together before marriage was a huge sin. As was my SO. Even though I left that religion a lot of it''s teachings have stuck with me. Marriage had always come before sex, living together, etc. I saw it as the beginning of a "new" life as a partnership.

My views on many things have evolved and changed which is why I can proudly say I have been living with my boyfriend for 9 months now! It hasn''t been particularly hard or trying. It is not much different than having lived with roommates in the past. I love being "home" together.

The SO and I decided that a wedding/marriage weren''t a prerequisite for starting our life together. When we get married it will be a celebration of the life we already have.

It is what works for us. We consider ourselves partners. In the same way same-sex couples can be comitted without marriage. I wouldn''t reccomend it for everyone but for us it has been a very rewarding experience.

All that said, we are getting engaged within the next year and have plans to marry. If it wasn''t for the long haul I would not be content with living together.

 

[bobbin]

I have been living with SO for three years next week (or the week after, can''t quite remember) and we have been together just under four years. We moved in together out of convenience and it was really great at first. I now wished I had waited a little longer.

I have had a really stressful few years combining work and the final years of law school. I have not had ANY time to really work on our relationship. It took its toll last year and we are slowly recovering from that. I think I needed to recognise that being together all the time without being able to spend quality time together would be a VERY bad thing. Also buying a house together last year added to the pressure and made it worse for us.

As far as the LIW status thing, I think it has made some impact. If things had been all peachy, I think he would have proposed at the end of 2008. Because of the issues we were having, it was put off. I honestly don''t think those problems would have occurred if we weren''t living together. Having space makes a huge difference to a relationship, even if you are seeing each other all the time anyway.

Also, when I was in the worst throws of LIWitis, living together made the resentment I felt SOOO much worse.

Now I am more relaxed about getting engaged, but I am really worried that if he waits too long the vicious cycle might start again.

 

[UnderBlue]

Date: 10/29/2009 1:08:29 AM
Author: restheo
I found that our biggest source (and pretty much only source) of conflict is who cleans what--that can be a pain in the butt, cause we both tend to get lazy and then blame each other when there''s a ton of dishes in the sink.

We made a list of all the chores that had to be done around the house and divided them up, keeping in mind which ones were more annoying or took more time so that it wasn''t one of us with all the easy jobs. I''ve also heard of couples making a list and rotating the jobs around. It works for the most part, though sometimes he ends up doing the dishes for me.

 

[misskitty]

B and I moved in together in January. It was a challenge at first, because neither of us knew anyone in our new city, and it took us some time to make friends and get out of the house. Now, we''re pretty well adjusted, and I''m enjoying it -- although I''m still stuck in the pattern of cooking for 4+ people (we both used to have roommates) so we still end up with way too much dinner most nights!

 

[Lozza]

I''ve been living with my SO for four years, except for 9 months where we moved back in with our folks to save a home deposit (we are in Sydney where home prices are ridiculous). We bought a place together in Feb this year.

I love living with him. Just tonight I got home all stressed from work. He stopped me from cooking dinner, and took me out on our balcony to watch the sunset

We share finances (obviously, with the mortgage), and behave just like a stereotypical married couple (in fact, more so than some of our friends who are married!). We should be getting engaged in the next 4 weeks, and will hopefully be married by the end of next year. We will have been together 8 years by then.

 

[Parsley]

We live together, but with 5 other people as well, including another couple, so it''s not that usual. We have separate rooms as we''re both at uni and felt like we needed our own place to go to work etc. It''s not been much of a change, as before this year he slept at mine every night anyway. I definitely feel like he''s forgotten that we need to have special time for the two of us that isn''t just when we go to sleep...anyone else felt that?

I love living with him, but I know that we''ll be apart again in under a year. When we finish uni we''ll both be going back home for awhile, and home is opposite sides of the country. As much as I want that time to be as short as possible he keeps telling me it''s likely it will be a long time, which gets to me a lot, like he doesn''t care that we''ll be LD again!

 

[princesss]

Date: 10/28/2009 11:39:19 PM
Author: Callisto

Date: 10/28/2009 8:50:20 PM
Author: princesss
I''m about to! He moves in next week!!!!


I''m a little excited, if you couldn''t tell....

Yay congrats!!!

Just a quick word of advice since he''s moving into your place:

I recently moved into my bf''s place and I wish he had done more to make me feel like it was now ''our place''. Granted we weren''t there that long before moving to rent a different house (which I definitely feel is ''our place'') but really make sure you go above and beyond to make him feel like its his place too.

Thanks! I''ll be sure to keep that in mind. I want to make sure he''s comfy and happy, and we have enough working against us right now that anything I can do to make this go smoothly, I''ll do!

 

[brandithib]

Personally, I don''t live with my boyfriend of 4 years. That''s actually an impossibility for us at the moment. But even if we could move in together, I''d prefer to at least be engaged first and serious about marriage. I enjoy my solitude and when I move in with someone, I want it to hopefully be the first and last time I move in with a man. And I don''t feel like I need a "trial run" to see if we can live with each others habits. We love each other and I''m sure we''ll work through any annoying habits that come up. I''m not disagreeing with anyone''s choice to live together while dating... that definitely works for some people! It just isn''t for me.

 

[princesss]

Date: 10/29/2009 9:05:47 AM
Author: brandithib
Personally, I don''t live with my boyfriend of 4 years. That''s actually an impossibility for us at the moment. But even if we could move in together, I''d prefer to at least be engaged first and serious about marriage. I enjoy my solitude and when I move in with someone, I want it to hopefully be the first and last time I move in with a man. And I don''t feel like I need a ''trial run'' to see if we can live with each others habits. We love each other and I''m sure we''ll work through any annoying habits that come up. I''m not disagreeing with anyone''s choice to live together while dating... that definitely works for some people! It just isn''t for me.

That''s cool, but I know I personally don''t see it as a "trial run" of anything. It''s the exciting next step in our relationship. More serious than dating, less serious than engagement. Just wanted to put it out there that most people that make this decision aren''t doing it to see if they can live with the person''s quirks, since your post was worded in a way that made it seem like maybe that''s the only reason you thought people lived together before marriage. I''m sure you don''t, but I thought I''d clarify just in case.

 

[lilyfoot]

Princess, I completely agree with your POV. Our living together is not out of convenience, it''s not a "trial run", it''s not to "test the waters", or to get to know each other "annoying habits" or anything like that.

We love spending time together, and knew we were going to be getting engaged soon. We weren''t spending any nights apart, so why put off the "official" moving in? It is the best decision I have ever made, and I don''t regret it at all.

 

[CurlySue]

I''ve been with my BF since February of 2008 and I officially moved in with him at the end of June 2009. I say "officially," because throughout our relationship, we were gradually moving towards it. By our 1-year anniversary, I was spending about 5 nights a week with him, and I had half of my clothes in a closet in the second bedroom. By the time I moved in with him, we had already divided up chores around the house, and our personal habits/quirks/etc. were already well known to each other.

With that said, I didn''t give up my place and move in with him or change my finances until we agreed we were going to get married. In March of this year, we talked about where things were headed, and it was at that time that we agreed I''d move in with him once my lease was up in June.

Things have been awesome since I moved in with him. We''ve remodeled the kitchen together, redecorated a few rooms, gotten comfortable managing our shared expenses, etc. It''s undoubtedly strengthened our partnership.

At this point, I don''t think our co-habitation has helped or hurt my LIW status, because we talked about our engagement/wedding timeline several months prior to my move. Now... if for some reason my BF does not stick to the timeline, then that might change my answer... but he''s always been a man of his word, so I''m confident that we''ll be engaged sometime in the next 6 months.

 

[winelover23]

Yup, we''re shacked up! Have been for almost 7 months now. We had been together 10 months when we moved in together! I love it.

 

[sunnyd]

Wow, I think this is most civil a ''living together'' thread has ever been! Good work everyone.

We got together in Feb of 07. We each moved into places in Mar. He stayed at my place every single night. He officially moved in in July I think and dumped his very expensive storage unit. LOL! It worked extremely well for us (gettin'' hitched next weekend!), though obviously living with someone from the get go sounds nutty. The moral of the story is to do what works for you as a couple.