Save the Dates to get an informal head count?

[AustenNut]

I''m planning a wedding where about 90% of the guests are coming from out-of-town and I could easily see many of them coming, or I could just as easily see many of them not coming. But in doing the planning it will be a significantly different wedding if there''s 90 people who come than if there''s 40.

So I''ve started thinking about using the Save-the-Dates as an informal way to gauge the likely attendance. Something like "I am likely to attend" or "I am unlikely to attend" while letting them know that this is not binding, and it''s not the formal invitation. I know that Evites has a poll function on their electronic save-the-dates to do it that way, but I didn''t know if anyone knew of a different way to poll people. Or if it''s too tacky to try and do. Or what the wording actually should be if I do this. Or if there''s another way to get a decent estimate of how many people are going to come before you send out the official invitations with the RSVP info. Egads, I need ideas!

 

[Amzizzle]

Hi Austen, It seemed like when I sent out my Save the Dates that people just started informally telling us and our parents if they were coming or not.

We even had people already saying if they were bringing dates and we are still 8 months away!

My fiance and I are also having a mostly out of town wedding and it could go anywhere from between 40-70 people.So I understand,but I think people will be confused by the save the date if they have to respond to anything.You may end up getting people not replying to your invitations because they think they have already.

I would just maybe make some phone calls,you would be surprised how fast people talk about your wedding!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I had the same experience as Amzizzle. When I sent the save the dates I started hearing through word-of-mouth who could come and who couldn''t. My entire family was from out-of-town and we were planning a small wedding, so I wanted to get a get a pretty good idea of how many could make it. Sending the save the dates without a response worked like a charm--within a couple of weeks after sending them I had an accurate head count.

 

[megumic]

Samesies. We also got lots of questions about accommodations, weekend plans surrounding the wedding, etc. So informally we can gauge who is and is not coming. I say skip the informal STD poll - it will save you the trouble and any potential confusion.

 

[purselover]

Honestly I wouldn''t try to poll people I do think it''s tacky to press for an answer that far in advance even if it''s not binding. The people from out of town may not be sure if they can afford to go yet and may want to wait to see if they can find a cheap flight/hotel - you don''t want to make anyone uncomfortable by prying.

Plan the wedding you can afford if every single person RSVP''s yes.

 

[LabRatPhD]

Ditto to everything Purselover said.

That being said, in our case we have put our wedding website on the STD . We have already posted accomodation and travel info, etc. We are also doing an online RSVP to avoid any confusion between our us and our parents. If our guests want to RSVP online upon receiving the STD, they can, but we are not going to assume anything until after the real invitations are sent.

 

[Nov2109]

I agree with what everyone has said as well.

Send out the save the dates and if people know they definitely wont be going, they will let you know.

I had a few people let me know they couldn''t make it the week after the save the dates went out....

 

[redfaerythinker]

We''re thinking of doing something similar. Our guest count is around 32 people... and we wanted to use the save the dates to make sure that we could get everyone in that we could. So if we already know that someone isn''t going to make it we might be able to squeeze a couple more people in!

 

[AustenNut]

Thanks for the feedback! I guess I didn''t realize that most people make some sort of indication when they get the Save-the-Date. (And apparently I didn''t follow protocol for my cousin''s wedding...oops!) So now I just need to get working on them. Glad I have the brilliant PS ladies to help me sidestep all the gaffes I would otherwise make.

And Amzizzle, glad to hear from my wedding twin!

 

[cara]

Well, many people didn't make a formal reply but if you will see them between when you send out the STD and when you send out the invites, people will often indicate their plans in the course of conversation.

Just... be realistic. Even if people *want* to come or indicate they will try to come, you are probably in a fairly good position to estimate how realistic and likely they are to attend. Are they financially strapped? Is getting the time off a huge challenge? Do they have lots of kids that either will need watching or transportation and lodging? Do they regularly visit the area of your wedding, or regularly take vacations in places similarly expensive and far from their homes as your wedding venue? Or have they never been that far away from home to your knowledge/never take 'vacations' etc. Knowing those things will help you guess. Certainly some people gave us a heads up on their plans, but for the rest our estimates were pretty good - we got a few surprises one way or another, but they balanced out.

My warning tale is a good friend that planned a destination wedding in a foreign country... She DID do a STD poll to gauge interest but MANY people ended up bailing after initially saying they would come because of money reasons or their infamiliarity with foreign travel. Even though the coutry was english-speaking and not *super* challenging travel or $$$, some of her relatives were middle-aged and had never left the coutry before. I'm sure they had good intentions, but push came to shove and they didn't end up leaving the country. Then there were a bunch of broke 20-somethings that *wanted* to come and probably intended to come but didn't manage to scrape up the dough. There were other people in both age ranges that did come and had a fabulous time.

 

[Amzizzle]

Oh Austen I believe we are soul mates! lol

 

[AustenNut]

Cara as some really good questions. Unfortunately, the answers don''t help me much!

Are they financially strapped? Most of them aren''t. And the ones who are most financially strapped on my side are probably still pretty likely to come.

Is getting the time off a huge challenge? Not for most.

Do they have lots of kids that either will need watching or transportation and lodging? There are many more kids since the last wedding of the cousins. The last wedding (''03?) the cousins had 3 children. Now there''s 9.

Do they regularly visit the area of your wedding, or regularly take vacations in places similarly expensive and far from their homes as your wedding venue? The financially strapped cousin usually makes an annual pilgrimage with her family for a week, so it would be likely that they would choose to make my wedding that time. The other cousins don''t regularly visit, but I did get an e-mail from one that they were planning on coming down this year. Most of the cousins travel around though.

So basically, grr! I can easily see why many of my cousins won''t come (which is a huge chunk of my invite list when their kids are added in...about 1/4 of my invite list). It''s either a LONG day''s drive (for most it''s at least 12 hours) or they have to get airfare for everybody and I think only one of the kids might still be under two by the time of the wedding. Plus the hotel, etc. So it would be expensive. It''s also the weekend before Thanksgiving, so if they were planning on going somewhere else to spend the holiday, it might be a bit hectic. And thinking back to the other cousins'' weddings (I''m 2nd to last to marry) I don''t think there was strong attendance by the cousins. All these reasons say they won''t come.

But the side that says they will come says that it would be a mini family reunion which our family hasn''t had in 20 years. I attended the wedding of one of the cousins who didn''t show up to the others'' weddings (same cousin who said he wants to come down this year). And I''m probably closest to another cousin who didn''t show for other weddings. If any of the parents (aunts/uncles) decide to stay for Thanksgiving then it might also increase the odds of their children coming (and staying).

After mulling through all of this (thanks for the patience!) I think I have a better idea as to who will attend. We''ll see!