Most hated wedding related comment. What''s yours?!

[meresal]

Sorry, NOT hated, but annoying...


I'm getting really irritated with: "Are you sure this is what YOU want..."

Please, Mom and Dad stop saying this!! I know it's not the Destination wedding that we talked about before being engaged, and no longer what you want, but YES, it IS indeed what I want.

 

[Rhea]

I had a silk sheath dress that the designer made in a few colours. I showed a photo to a friend who said something like, "I have that dress in green. It''s nice, but that''s not a wedding dress." I''m wearing it to a wedding, therefore it''s a wedding dress.

 

[gwendolyn]

I''m not engaged yet, so this isn''t a real answer, but for the past year, while my (female) cousin has been planning her wedding that just took place, her mother (my aunt and godmother) has cornered me every time she''s seen me (thankfully not very often since I now live out of the country) and grilled me about what sort of wedding I will have, how much it will cost, what my flowers will be, etc. etc. I told her repeatedly I''m not engaged yet so her questions were irrelevant, but she kept asking anyway. She keeps asking I''m SURE because she wants to make sure her daughter has the biggest and best wedding, so I told her she didn''t have anything to fear with her daughter being potentially overshadowed in the future. Then she invited herself along.

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/16/2008 10:43:44 AM
Author: gwendolyn
I''m not engaged yet, so this isn''t a real answer, but for the past year, while my (female) cousin has been planning her wedding that just took place, her mother (my aunt and godmother) has cornered me every time she''s seen me (thankfully not very often since I now live out of the country) and grilled me about what sort of wedding I will have, how much it will cost, what my flowers will be, etc. etc. I told her repeatedly I''m not engaged yet so her questions were irrelevant, but she kept asking anyway. She keeps asking I''m SURE because she wants to make sure her daughter has the biggest and best wedding, so I told her she didn''t have anything to fear with her daughter being potentially overshadowed in the future. Then she invited herself along.

Gwen, I''m so glad you replied. I was thinking after I posted this that L''IW will have some great responses as well. Is most of the palnning over by now?

 

[KesVayReas]

Meresal, you think of some fun topics!

What "annoyed" me most was my mother. She would never say it directly to my face, but I would hear her say it in conversations or when she introduced me to people she would always say "She''s way too young to be getting married." She even said it to the ladies and the bridal gown store

. So embarrassing and hurtful.

 

[newbie124]

Date: 8/16/2008 10:27:58 AM
Author:meresal
Sorry, NOT hated, but annoying...

I'm getting really irritated with: 'Are you sure this is what YOU want...'

Please, Mom and Dad stop saying this!! I know it's not the Destination wedding that we talked about before being engaged, and no longer what you want, but YES, it IS indeed what I want.

YES! Me, too! Me, too!

I heard this SOOO many times when we decided to have a destination wedding in Napa. And not just from my mom, but my aunt, my cousins...Amazingly enough, the people who would have had to travel the furthest were the most supportive of the idea and had no problems. Even my dad chimed in AFTER we had started putting down deposits asking why we don't consider moving it down to LA where he is (even though we have equal number of relatives in Northern and Southern CA). UGH.

Well, the good news is that the clamor DOES die down eventually once they finally realize this is the plan and there's no turning back! I just had to stick to my guns in the beginning (and also create a kickass website to help alleviate everyone's fears about all the logistics).

Good luck and hang in there!

ETA: Second most annoying comments were from those same cousins who were complaining about the potential costs even though they LIVE in Northern CA and at most might have to pay for 1 night's hotel stay. Nevermind that FI and I flew out to CA and stayed in a hotel multiple nights for one of those cousin's weddings this year. And nevermind that if we had it in Chicago, they would have had to pay for multiple hotel nights (at no less expensive rates) plus airfare, food, etc. One of them even tried to give me the whole "bad economy" lecture then when I made the point about costing more to come to Chicago, all of a sudden THAT wasn't a money issue b/c he'd "never been to Chicago and could make a vacation out of it." (?!?!)

 

[rockzilla]

"You can have a REALLY AMAZING wedding for VERY little money if you''re just creative ."

I''m not going to come right out and say this is a myth, and I''m sure several folks will disagree with me here, but this is the statement of someone who has never planned a wedding. Particularly in a major metropolitan area.

Unless your uncle is a 5 star chef and you''re using your grandfather''s historic estate and your best friend just happens to be a high fashion photographer...

Weddings cost money. A lot. Even so-so weddings cost a lot of money. Yes, adding creative touches and thinking outside the box can help, but SO many people seem to be deluded into thinking that for $5k in Los Angeles you can have a spectacular, blow-you-away wedding for 100 people. Sorry, it doesn''t work that way!

 

[vita*dolce]

i''m not engaged either, but my best friend got married last year and the morning of her wedding her mom did something so heinous i can not even begin to describe it with any justice...

to set the scene, my boyfriend and i were staying at her parents'' house. she lived about 4 hours away and he had never met her family before that weekend. he and i were sitting at the breakfast table having oatmeal (which was oddly the only breakfast option in the whole house..) when her mother turns to us and says, "well, how long do you think THIS is gonna last?" (referring to my best friend''s marriage...) my boyfriend immediately starts wolfing down the oatmeal he''d previously been completely disinterested in and i sputter something like, "uhh.."
and then she says, "i just think this is a gigantic mistake. will you please try to talk her out of it?"

I WAS HER MAID OF HONOR!!

 

[fieryred33143]

"Well etiquette says that..."

Unless the authors of etiquette books are cutting me a check for my wedding, I really don't care what the rule is. It's my wedding and I'm giong to do what I want.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 8/16/2008 12:49:57 PM
Author: rockzilla
''You can have a REALLY AMAZING wedding for VERY little money if you''re just creative .''


I''m not going to come right out and say this is a myth, and I''m sure several folks will disagree with me here, but this is the statement of someone who has never planned a wedding. Particularly in a major metropolitan area.


Unless your uncle is a 5 star chef and you''re using your grandfather''s historic estate and your best friend just happens to be a high fashion photographer...


Weddings cost money. A lot. Even so-so weddings cost a lot of money. Yes, adding creative touches and thinking outside the box can help, but SO many people seem to be deluded into thinking that for $5k in Los Angeles you can have a spectacular, blow-you-away wedding for 100 people. Sorry, it doesn''t work that way!

Agreed! I had a so-so wedding and got sick of people making comments that it shouldn''t cost that much and if I had it at another place instead... But then the other place needed more decoration or had no parking so it wasn''t actually saving and people just could not understand that.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/16/2008 1:18:50 PM
Author: fieryred33143
''Well etiquette says that...''


Unless the authors of etiquette books are cutting me a check for my wedding, I really don''t care what the rule is. It''s my wedding and I''m giong to do what I want.

Well said! I love it!!!!

 

[lauralu]

You have been together for so long, why does getting married even matter anymore. "from a random co-worker"

Beings this is your 2nd time...Your not going to wear a real wedding dress are you? "another random co-worker"

Mental note to self.......stay away from random co-workers...

 

[StarbuttsKoffee]

lol I love this thread....

"Oh your venue is going to be in a busy area without public parking lot, so your guests have to pay for their own parking fees? I think it is not a good idea and they won''t be happy about this?" (*sorry, valet parking card is gonna be included and provided by the hotel...)

"This photographer, I know him... he is not that good....(*a photographer vendor who is also a not-close-at-all-friend of mine said to me after bugging me to tell her who am I getting instead of her studio team...this is the reason I didn''t pick her studio)

"Are your guests going to have enough food??" (*I guess my guests won''t starve themselves for a week before my wedding day...?)

"I definitely won''t pick this solitaire diamond ring!" (*rolling my eyes on my solitaire and looked at her again...)

"Your evening gown is too plain, I tried that on too, I didn''t like it too much" (*What the.....)

Do people actually think before they speak??

 

[jcarlylew]

(in response to wanting to use my gma''s wedding set)
"well honey, i just want to make sure you are not selling yourself short".


er, thanks mom. how about i just want to make sure i marry the man of my dreams and have a loving marriage instead?

 

[Neveah]

I know people mean well, but ALL I heard the 6 weeks leading up to the wedding was.... "OMG are you getting excited??"

Now that we''re married.... "When are you going to have kids???"..... We''ve only been married 3 months

 

[CNOS128]

From my to-be SIL:

"Why did you get your dress so far ahead of time? Anything could happen -- you could be PREGNANT by then!"

Well, I bought it already, so what am I supposed to do about it now? I also think I know how to avoid pregnancy.


also from FSIL:

"I''m not sure the dishes you''ve chosen go with your decor..."

What decor?!

 

[WishfulThinking]

"Oh... you're not going to tell [insert name here], right?"

Everyone seems to have SOMEONE they think I should lie to in order to protect their tiny and oh-so-fragile ideas of what marriage ought to look like. It's not even just annoying... it's hurtful. I hate when people jump right to that without even saying congratulations.

 

[Sarah@GOG]

i love reading this thread.

The case with me is that we got engaged Feb 18th 2008 and got married June 21 2008. Why? because when you meet the one you just know it and there is no point waisting time considering how short this life really is.

Anyway. All i heard within that 4 month period was "Too soon for me!" "Don''t you think that''s too soon?" "Oh, you should wait longer" "wowwww you''re so young!" "wowwww that''s fast!"

HELLO isn''t the purpose of getting engaged to eventually get married?!?!!?

NOW the annoying thing that me and my husband can not STAND is when people say

"So hows married life?"
We say: "loving it/ its amazing/ the best thing that could ever happen to me" and yes we both mean it because we are just that type of couple who are more like best friends.

The usual response "yea talk to me in 10 years/yea thats what they all say in the begining/oh just wait it will fade away"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and yes i would agree that that is the case with the majority of married couples. But there are many reasons why that is so not us. but besides that.. it''s like you see that we are so happy, why do you have to say something like that?

 

[Pandora II]

Okay, beat this!

My aunt, on my wedding day, whilst feeling my wedding-dress:

"Well, you''ve got your new sitting-room curtains sorted there haven''t you!"

My expression .....

at the time because I was just so darned happy that day, but the day after...

 

[SarahLovesJS]

"You''re so young..." I personally consider it pretty rude.

 

[taovandel]

"Oh, I can make ________ for the wedding".......I have to tell a million people everyday that I''ve already bought such and such (even if I haven''t)....it''s a nice gesture but...I''m not a smoker and normally the people offering to make something from their home are HEAVY smokers....and I just don''t want it.

Hope this post wasn''t too mean.

Also, I get the, "Are you sure this is what you want"....no mom, I''m wasting all of your money and my money on something I don''t want! ARGH!

I think everyones intentions are in the right place..

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 8/16/2008 6:11:16 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
''You''re so young...'' I personally consider it pretty rude.

I agree, Sarah. It makes me feel like people think we''re stupid and impulsive when we''re not.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/16/2008 1:02:10 PM
Author: vita*dolce
i''m not engaged either, but my best friend got married last year and the morning of her wedding her mom did something so heinous i can not even begin to describe it with any justice...


to set the scene, my boyfriend and i were staying at her parents'' house. she lived about 4 hours away and he had never met her family before that weekend. he and i were sitting at the breakfast table having oatmeal (which was oddly the only breakfast option in the whole house..) when her mother turns to us and says, ''well, how long do you think THIS is gonna last?'' (referring to my best friend''s marriage...) my boyfriend immediately starts wolfing down the oatmeal he''d previously been completely disinterested in and i sputter something like, ''uhh..''

and then she says, ''i just think this is a gigantic mistake. will you please try to talk her out of it?''


I WAS HER MAID OF HONOR!!

Just...wow. Did you manage to get any words out?!! If so, please tell us how the rest of the conversation went!

 

[hthip]

I am so tired of hearing

It''s your wedding. Do what you really want, but you just can''t ......

 

[Haven]

I can''t think of any from before we were married, but we were just at a bar mitzvah and had the following conversation:

Stranger: Hi! I''m Lisa, a good friend of the bar mitzvah boy''s mom.
Haven: Hello, I''m Haven, this is my husband Mr. Haven.
Stranger: OH! You two were just married, right? Mazel tov!
Us: Thank you!
Stranger: It''s great at first, you''re still in the honeymoon period. I''ve been married for 13 years. It''s going to be awful after a while, but trust me, it''s better than the alternative. (Pauses. Thinks to herself for several moments.) Much better than the alternative. Just stick it out, trust me. Even if it''s horrible, it''s better than being alone.
Us:

Stranger:

Us:

Stranger: Well, (smirks . . . ) good luck!
Us:

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 8/16/2008 7:22:23 PM
Author: Haven
I can''t think of any from before we were married, but we were just at a bar mitzvah and had the following conversation:


Stranger: Hi! I''m Lisa, a good friend of the bar mitzvah boy''s mom.

Haven: Hello, I''m Haven, this is my husband Mr. Haven.

Stranger: OH! You two were just married, right? Mazel tov!

Us: Thank you!

Stranger: It''s great at first, you''re still in the honeymoon period. I''ve been married for 13 years. It''s going to be awful after a while, but trust me, it''s better than the alternative. (Pauses. Thinks to herself for several moments.) Much better than the alternative. Just stick it out, trust me. Even if it''s horrible, it''s better than being alone.

Us:

Stranger:

Us:

Stranger: Well, (smirks . . . ) good luck!

Us:

Haven, I am laughing right now! What would possess a total stranger to say such stuff, as if you were even indicating you might be needing a stay in it pep talk? People are not sensitive at all. Mazel tov would have been enough.

 

[diamondfan]

Rock, you are right! there are many creative and talented people who can pull off amazing things. But as I am about to plan my second bar mitzvah weekend, I know there is no way to do what I want for what my hubby initially thought it could be done for in 2005. NO WAY.

When I got married, I recall people saying, of course you can have that, it''s only money! Yikes, no duh. But is it getable and worth doing? That is what I am asking YOU about. I know I can spend the money, thanks.

 

[iluvcarats]

Date: 8/16/2008 7:22:23 PM
Author: Haven
I can''t think of any from before we were married, but we were just at a bar mitzvah and had the following conversation:


Stranger: Hi! I''m Lisa, a good friend of the bar mitzvah boy''s mom.

Haven: Hello, I''m Haven, this is my husband Mr. Haven.

Stranger: OH! You two were just married, right? Mazel tov!

Us: Thank you!

Stranger: It''s great at first, you''re still in the honeymoon period. I''ve been married for 13 years. It''s going to be awful after a while, but trust me, it''s better than the alternative. (Pauses. Thinks to herself for several moments.) Much better than the alternative. Just stick it out, trust me. Even if it''s horrible, it''s better than being alone.

Us:

Stranger:

Us:

Stranger: Well, (smirks . . . ) good luck!

Us:

This reminds me of our wedding story.
We got married in Grammercy Park in NYC. The ceremony and reception were a block apart, so we walked, which was really neat to walk in NYC in my big wedding dress.
When the ceremony was over, we took a cab to our hotel.
We got into the cab exhausted at about 2am. I''m in my dress and DH in his tux.
The cab driver looks at us and says "Did you just get married?"
We look at each other, and then at him, and say yes (what gave it away?)
He says "I just got married too. Biggest mistake of my life!"and then proceeds to tell DH how horrible wives are.

Such a New York moment.
My favorite wedding story.

 

[cellososweet]

we were renewing our vows and had been married for a year, so it''s a little different, but still:

Guest: "Oh my gosh! You look so beautiful! When are you guys going to have kids?"
Me (cocktail in hand. take a gulp. hold it up) "not tonight!"


Geez, give me a freakin'' minute. I just had my "wedding" 30 minutes ago.

Worst part? I had over 10 out 100 people ask me this!

 

[doodle]

my all-time favorite: we''re at one of my cousin''s bridal showers. Her now-husband''s family is wealthy and snobby and icky for the most part, and T has had her fair share of issues with them, but she''s generally pretty gracious. i, on the other hand, have the reputation for being a TOTAL smart mouth...his family wasn''t aware of this. apparently, my cousin decided to adopt some of my...ahem...spunk...for the evening, so the worst of the groom''s hag aunts walks over, looks at my cousin and says, "(Groom) sure is robbing the cradle, isn''t he?" (there''s a 9 year age difference). My cousin''s reply: "No ma''am, i dug him out of a grave. how''s YOUR husband doing?"

as for me, my least favorite is the constant "WHY are you doing ____!?" from my blue shoes to submerged centerpieces, someone has something to say about everything...by now, you think they''d realize that i always respond the same to all of them: "because i like it!"