Is it ok to "register" for gift cards instead of gifts?

[stepcutgirl]

My situation is that my FI and I have lived together for 4 years. I owned my own home before moving into his so we have two homes worth of stuff in our one home! What we do need is a new bed, new couch and a new computer. I know its bad manors to ask for cash but is it equally bad manors to write a little blurb on our web site about how we are blessed to have more than we need for most household items and the below (then list best buy, a furniture store and lowe's or home depot) are stores we could really use items from but since they are all big ticket items we would be so happy to get gift cards so we could use them twords these big ticket items?

I just can't decide if that is ok or the same as asking for money.

 

[princesss]

Same as asking for cash, IMO.

What about just not registering and telling people what you just told us if they ask where to get you a gift?

 

[lucyandroger]

That doesn't seem any different than asking for cash to me.

If you really don't have anything you'd like to register for, then I would just not register at all. People will either get the hint and give you cash or will pick out something on their own. My guess is you would get the same outcome if you register for giftcards anyway.

 

[RhubarbPie]

I haven't done this (as I'm not engaged yet, so not planning my wedding yet) but I've heard that you can register at places and people can say "I want to give 300.00" (for example) to the registry. Then, when enough people have given enough in monetary gifts to buy the first item on your list (so maybe its a couch or something large) the store automatically purchases it for you. I'm not sure, but I guess you would rank the order of what you wanted and that's the order that your items would be purchased. That way people can get you what you want without feeling like they need to pay 2000.00 or something for a gift. Its basically like a group gift but you don't need to know the other people you are giving it with (which obviously makes it more convenient).

 

[RhubarbPie]

This website is not exactly what I was talking about, but its a similar idea: http://www.myregistry.com/

Its like a master registry (so you can register from any store on that one site, instead of having many different registries). But you can also make a cash registry and name it something like "Baby's College Fund" or something like that or "We need a new couch!" fund and then people can donate to it that way.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I registered for stuff, but I put on the website it was OK to give gift cards. I hope that is not tacky!!!

 

[mary poppins]

My FI and I are in a similar situation and are thinking about registering for gift cards also since it's rude to ask for cash. We found a few household items to put on the registry at Crate & Barrel, but really want a new coffee table, end tables and a sideboard. We found a sideboard we like at C&B, and C&B can include gift cards on the registry. If people ask where we're registered or what we want, we just tell them about our situation - don't need much stuff but they can contribute towards furniture. If you don't register for anything, you may end up receiving a lot of weird stuff you don't want and can't return because of unknown origin. That would be wasteful.

My cousin included gift cards on her Bed, Bath and Beyond registry. Fine with me - I just slipped the giftcard in a card without having to pay for taxes and shipping, and she got whatever she and her new hubby wanted. Perfect!

 

[stepcutgirl]

Thanks for the replies. I was really hoping this would be an everyone saying its tacky or everyone saying its good issue! I'm still stumped.

Thanks for the link RP!

 

[Clairitek]

Another vote for "same as asking for cash" here (which, I suppose, would put it in the tacky category).

I do think that its just fine to say "gift cards are OK" on the registry (like LtlFirecracker did) but "registering" exclusively for gift cards or asking for them on your website isn't a great idea.

If you don't register at all people will get the hint.

 

[Autumnovember]

I agree, same as asking for cash.

I wouldn't register at all and just let guests know what the deal is if they ask, otherwise I think they will get the hint.

 

[nkarma]

I think it depends on your friends and family. My friends are all pretty young and understand that these days couples live together before marriage and don't need as much of the household items.

Also a lot of people outside the US, give cash as gifts. My soon to be Russian mother in law says any person who brought a coffee maker or toaster to a wedding would be laughed at in her circle of friends. I have seen registries with gift cards on there and also people straight up asking for cash for their honeymoon and have never blinked an eye. In my world, it is not tacky and I am happy to give the couple something useful. So I guess my two cents is what do you think your guests will think? Can you register for some real stuff for older more traditional ones and then let your peers know that you want money for a bed, etc..? My coworker said he registered at bed bath and beyond because everything is returnable there and they returned most of their gifts and kept the cash...you could do that. But I think it's ridiculous to put yourself in that situation to begin with.

 

[swingirl]

You really aren't supposed to even suggest that a gift is expected---because it isn't. By suggesting any gift, money, cards or otherwise, you are assuming people are bringing you a gift. Gifts are always appreciated but people are invited as your guest to witness your event and not finance your latest project.

It is offensive to me but it seems today's bride expects gifts and want to pick them out. If you make a suggestion you will offend some but probably not all.

That doesn't mean someone close to you couldn't spread the word to anyone who asked.

 

[mayerling]

This website is not exactly what I was talking about, but its a similar idea: http://www.myregistry.com/

Its like a master registry (so you can register from any store on that one site, instead of having many different registries). But you can also make a cash registry and name it something like "Baby's College Fund" or something like that or "We need a new couch!" fund and then people can donate to it that way.

This is a great idea! Just add gift cards to the registry.

 

[mayerling]

I haven't done this (as I'm not engaged yet, so not planning my wedding yet) but I've heard that you can register at places and people can say "I want to give 300.00" (for example) to the registry. Then, when enough people have given enough in monetary gifts to buy the first item on your list (so maybe its a couch or something large) the store automatically purchases it for you. I'm not sure, but I guess you would rank the order of what you wanted and that's the order that your items would be purchased. That way people can get you what you want without feeling like they need to pay 2000.00 or something for a gift. Its basically like a group gift but you don't need to know the other people you are giving it with (which obviously makes it more convenient).

This is actually quite common in other countries and I don't think it's tacky at all.

 

[stephbolt]

I think it's the same as asking for cash.

I would tell some key people to spread the word that you'd like gift cards if someone asks them. My MIL told anyone on her side who asked that we were spending a lot of time fixing up our house and would love Home Depot gift cards. We got a bunch of them.

 

[Indylady]

I don't like it. I'm sorry, I know that's not the answer you probably wanted.

A close friend of mine got married last weekend. When I asked if she was registered, she said, "Just get me a gift card!" Sadly, I heard comments for a few people, and I think its something that's going to be remembered negatively for longer than it probably should. I wouldn't ask for giftcards.

 

[stepcutgirl]

Thank you for your thoughts. I think I am going to not register so I don't risk coming across poorly to my guests.

Swing girl-I've been asked by 3 people in the past two days where I was going to register at. Do you see a registry as asking for gifts? My FMIL pretty much told me I don't need anything but that I do need to find a way to register for the few big ticket items we do need. I honestly can't find a way to register for a bed and couch where we want one from.

 

[Haven]

You might as well ask for cash if you plan to register for gift cards.
I wouldn't do it.

If you truly have everything you need, then don't register for anything at all. If people ask what they can get you, *then* you can tell them your situation because *they* are asking about a gift, so the presumption on your part is no longer an issue.

 

[marcy]

My niece just got married and they had a website (tietheknot). They listed their 2 registries and had a note that said "also gifts cards to . . ." I did not take offense or find it tacky. It depends on your family and friends. If you don't have a registry you'll get lots of things you don't need or want. I'd rather pick something on the registry or give cash then waste money on something the couple doesn't want.

 

[slg47]

I have read that it is proper etiquette to actually not directly state where you are registered (although many websites have this function) and just have this be by word-of-mouth...so if a guest wants to get you a gift, then they would have to ask a member of the bridal party or a close friend where you are registered (you presumably would have told them). Anyway, I think if someone asks what they can get you, you could suggest that a gift card to ___ would be greatly appreciated (or if they asked a relative/member of bridal party) but it would be weird to ASK for them specifically. I think on registries at websites you can include gift card options so maybe you could do that too

 

[stepcutgirl]

You are correct SLG. I watched a video on wedding etiquette this afternoon and they suggested exactly what you said. They say it is bad manors to list any registries and it should be by word of mouth from your family and bridal party only.

This is what I will be doing. Thanks!

 

[slg47]

StepCutGirl...I just read this somewhere. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with it or that where I read it is the definition of proper etiquette! I don't have a wedding to plan yet so I haven't put too much thought into these things

Here's a summary of weddings I have been invited to

-listed the registry information in the wedding invitation (I found this tacky personally)
-listed it on the website (I thought this was OK)
-did not list, had to ask member of bridal party (sort of annoying to ask but probably the most polite?)

Anyway that seems to be the three options...so go with whatever works best for you. It's pretty tricky because I think everyone wants to get you a gift but it's not really polite to ask...even though they probably know that you are registered somewhere anyway. I've always wondered about the best way to go about this. Good luck!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

So I will give more of an opinion on it based on my experience.

Some people are going to respect your wishes and some people are going to do what they want. I had a very "practical" registry full of the stuff I need for the house. I have fine china and silverware, and it is my mother's. So I asked for everyday stuff and kitchen stuff. Well, people took one look at the registry, didn't find something they wanted to get, and got me aluminum serving trays with a design that was not to my tastes and did not give me a gift receipt and I got some other fluff. After the third person did this, I decided to take a different approach after my FI said "some people can't get over tradition."

I went back to my registry and registered for some traditional table linens, and some silver plated serving ware. I won't budge on the china and the silverware....nobody is replacing my mom's stuff. Here is my rational. If I keep it, it is something I at least like and want in my house, and I will have the option to return it.

I would do at least a small registry with maybe a statement that is similar to what I have on top of the registry about being OK with gift cards. That way, the traditional people will likely get you something to your tastes and you have the option to return it. Let the preferences about what you really want be spread by word of mouth, the people who want to make YOU happy will honor them.

I think it is OK to list registry info on a wedding website, people want a quick way of finding out, but I would not ask just for cash or gift cards.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

You could do what a friend of mine did since she knew her family would only go off the registry, even though the couple and most people I know would rather have cash. She registered at Target, made sure they could return just about everything and used the credit for groceries.
Frankly, I think it is far ruder to go to a wedding without a gift than to hint that one expects them. I never got people not giving a couple what they wanted, isn't that the point of a gift? In other countries it is rude to give a gift. In China it sends the message that the couple cannot be trusted to make a good decision with their money so the guest has to do it for them.

 

[sunnyd]

Maybe your family could spread the word that you'd like GCs?

 

[stepcutgirl]

We will have a section on our web site where people can contact us if they want to. If people contact us, our friends or our family we can spread the word that way.

 

[that_someone_special]

I don't know if it is OK, but I have seen a few people register for gift cards through target. Honestly, I don't mind seeing them on a registry, because sometimes they are just easier. It helps the couple buy things they needed but didn't get.. I dunno.

 

[Should Be Studying]

I never understand this etiquette rule. As a guest, I would be way more annoyed about having to guess what someone wants than having a list to pick from. It is just so much easier. While I think demanding a gift is tacky, I look at a registry as more of a helpful suggestion.