Mayflower25
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 21, 2007
- Messages
- 98
Hello Ladies, I am here looking for some advice on how to best handle an unfortunate situation.
My dear FI (hereon referred to as F) has only one (biological) brother who is several years older than he is. During the last year, F moved from the East coast to be with me, where, coincidentally, his brother (referred to as B) lives as well. This seemed to be a fantastic opportunity for F and B to reconnect as well as build a relationship with his young niece. All seemed fine and F made a true effort to spend time with B. At one point, he visited B''s house every-other weekend (which is on the complete OTHER side of town from where we live). We often brought small gifts for their family and especially F''s niece and did favors for them, with very little in return. We even hosted a co-family Christmas complete with gifts and dinners at each of our family''s homes. It seemed that their relationship was on an upswing, so much that F asked B to be his best man at our wedding!
Now, over the last few months, communications from my B have died down, so much that we NEVER hear from him. It has always been common for F to be the one to reach out to B, as B & his wife rarely leave the home or venture out on the town (they are somewhat reclusive). However, as of late, he also hasn''t returned any of F''s calls, even regarding an urgent family matter. The fact that B never treated F very *warmly* despite F''s efforts, always made me sad (as I knew it must hurt F''s feelings). I have a large, tightly-knit (albeit dysfunctional!) family, and who has done their best to adopt F as one of our own. I could never understand B''s treatment of F as an aquaintance rather than as a blood-relative.
Since B decided to ignore F''s calls regarding the URGENT family issue, F is FUMING mad. F previously did his best to dismiss B''s shortcomings, but can no longer do so. Now he doesn''t even want to invite B (including wife and niece, whom I had hoped to be our flower girl) to the wedding. I can understand his frustruation, but I''m insisting that we must AT LEAST send an invite. Whether they decide to leave their cave is up to them
We also need to add another groomsman to the wedding party, so I suggested his step brother who is in college. F thinks this is a great idea. My question is... how will F''s mother feel having his other son replaced? She is not happy with B''s actions or his treatment of any of his family members, but I''d hate to be on the receiving end of her frustrations due to B being left out (whether he cares or not). I''ve had some rocky times with my FMIL, and we have a delicate balance (one that I''d like to call "keeping a safe distance") thats still in the process of healing.
I may be overthinking this matter, but I''d hate for us to assign B and his daughter roles in our wedding, only for them to disappoint us further. I''d also like to avoid upsetting F''s parents. Thoughts??
Thank you!
My dear FI (hereon referred to as F) has only one (biological) brother who is several years older than he is. During the last year, F moved from the East coast to be with me, where, coincidentally, his brother (referred to as B) lives as well. This seemed to be a fantastic opportunity for F and B to reconnect as well as build a relationship with his young niece. All seemed fine and F made a true effort to spend time with B. At one point, he visited B''s house every-other weekend (which is on the complete OTHER side of town from where we live). We often brought small gifts for their family and especially F''s niece and did favors for them, with very little in return. We even hosted a co-family Christmas complete with gifts and dinners at each of our family''s homes. It seemed that their relationship was on an upswing, so much that F asked B to be his best man at our wedding!
Now, over the last few months, communications from my B have died down, so much that we NEVER hear from him. It has always been common for F to be the one to reach out to B, as B & his wife rarely leave the home or venture out on the town (they are somewhat reclusive). However, as of late, he also hasn''t returned any of F''s calls, even regarding an urgent family matter. The fact that B never treated F very *warmly* despite F''s efforts, always made me sad (as I knew it must hurt F''s feelings). I have a large, tightly-knit (albeit dysfunctional!) family, and who has done their best to adopt F as one of our own. I could never understand B''s treatment of F as an aquaintance rather than as a blood-relative.
Since B decided to ignore F''s calls regarding the URGENT family issue, F is FUMING mad. F previously did his best to dismiss B''s shortcomings, but can no longer do so. Now he doesn''t even want to invite B (including wife and niece, whom I had hoped to be our flower girl) to the wedding. I can understand his frustruation, but I''m insisting that we must AT LEAST send an invite. Whether they decide to leave their cave is up to them
We also need to add another groomsman to the wedding party, so I suggested his step brother who is in college. F thinks this is a great idea. My question is... how will F''s mother feel having his other son replaced? She is not happy with B''s actions or his treatment of any of his family members, but I''d hate to be on the receiving end of her frustrations due to B being left out (whether he cares or not). I''ve had some rocky times with my FMIL, and we have a delicate balance (one that I''d like to call "keeping a safe distance") thats still in the process of healing.
I may be overthinking this matter, but I''d hate for us to assign B and his daughter roles in our wedding, only for them to disappoint us further. I''d also like to avoid upsetting F''s parents. Thoughts??
Thank you!