Tearing my hair out

[rcrosier]

OH LORD... I really hope that my future fiance never takes her diamond to a jeweler behind my back!

I would hate to be the poor ol'' guy that gave the OP that ring who is caught up in the middle of this pricescope debate on morality!

People calling me cheap

, including my girlfriend and others who don''t know me

, after I just spent $15-20K on a ring that apparently was was an utter disappointment

. I wonder how this guy would feed if he found this post?

I bet he would be the one who would be crushed!

All things aside, I hope that this situation works out for both people in the relationship.

Ladies -- Please understand that most of us incompetent men do the absolute best we can in attempting to make you happy.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

Disneybride, I NEVER said being young and getting a big diamond makes a girl selfish. If you see my responses to the ones who share photos of their large diamonds without complaining that they''re not large enough or a good enough color, you will see that I compliment and move on. And I''ll have you know that I don''t lack for diamonds. In fact, mine are of high quality and in the sizes I find most attractive. If I wanted larger or more diamonds, I have the money for them -- but I already have what I want and want what I have (not what anyone else has). Indeed, I am far from jealous and definitely not bitter. It would appear that the OP in this thread is the one that has bitter feelings about being "cheaped out" on her engagement ring. If it''s a cheap diamond of such poor color given to her by a selfish boyfriend who spends more on himself and won''t keep her happy after they are married, what exactly is there to be jealous of? I would have to agree with Cara that the OP needs to voice her concerns with the boyfriend, and decide if she can be happy with him (or if he can make her happy). I still stand by my statement that if you depend on another person for your happiness, you''re just setting yourself up for failure. But Cara is correct -- communication is the key.

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 10:33:45 PM
Author: disneybride
Rxtech and tradergirl, not to be rude but you two have commiserated in many young girls'' posts about your lack of diamonds and the need for others to appreciate their size. You both have repeatedly insinuated that young girls are selfish and that because both of you didn''t start out with huge diamonds that there''s no reason for anyone else to either. I hate to be a jerk but the world doesn''t revolve around either of you and your bitterness really sticks out like a sore thumb in these posts. If this topic strikes such a nerve then perhaps it would be best for you to stay away from it instead of contributing negativity. Life isn''t always fair and you don''t always get what you feel you deserve. People value different things in a relationship and it isn''t up to you to decide the morality of it all. There will always be someone out there who has bigger and better and that''s just the way it is. We all start off at different socioeconomic levels and not every marriage has to begin with a smaller diamond to be upgraded as a testament of time and fidelity. There will always be situations where you hear about 21-year-olds who sport 3 carat rocks and others who scrimp and save for years to afford that 1 carat upgrade. In the end it comes down to the fact that no one can judge anyone else by what''s said on a diamond forum considering the whole concept itself can be considered a generally shallow one if you think about it. We don''t truly know what goes on behind anyone else''s closed doors. I really think it would be best for the two of you to leave these topics alone in the future until you can find peace with yourselves.

This is an awesome post and i agreed with you 100%.

people should be able to come on here to ask questions (the OP is a newbie on here as am i), not to be judged and condemned for the choices they make and certainly not so people they dont even know can make personal attacks on their character and snide remarks and comments that obviously show an underlying bitterness on their end. apparently the anonymity of the internet makes some people believe that they can throw common decency out the window....

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/16/2008 11:33:16 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 7/16/2008 11:08:48 PM
Author: NovemberBride
I also want to add that I mostly lurk on this site, but have always thought it very friendly and welcoming, but over the last few weeks have noticed the nasty tone as well. As a relatively young (under 30) person, I resent many of the generalizations that have been made about my peers. I have no idea why certain posters choose to assume the worst about us. If the first assumption, which is that we can''t afford it is refuted, certain posters persist in saying that there''s no way you can afford it, you must be in debt, etc. I don''t know why people are choosing to assume the absolute worst about people based on absolutely no facts at all, but I find it uncharitable and unbecoming. In my opinion, life is so much sweeter if you assume the best rather than the worst.

Can I say DITTO? Minus the lurking part. There has been a lot of unbecoming behavior recently that has ruined the intended spirit of the forum, and it''s really making me sad. And it''s making me want to stay away from certain threads and areas of the forum, and that''s not right, helpful or welcoming. And I''m so sad to hear that some newbies are being scared away by the vile attitudes. That isn''t what this forum is about.

I can''t wait to post my ering and be questioned about our financial status and our relationship.

And PrettyCushion-I do hope that you aren''t scared off and that you post a thread in Show Me The Ring, because I''m hankering to see your beautiful diamond!!

ETA: rcrosier Just to let you know, Dancing Fire is a dude.

Haha, who ever said I was into women? JUST KIDDING. From the tone of the response, I assumed Dancing Fire was a woman... Um, sorry for the confusion? hahaha

 

[diamondfan]

Maybe he kept size in mind thinking that above all else would make you happy, and had to sacrifice cut to get there? what do you think?

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

Date: 7/16/2008 10:48:53 PM
Author: grapegravity
I read through all four pages (my eyes are getting so sore

) I totally agree with disneybride and Allison D. and I would like add that Communication is the most important element in any relationship. I understand where your unhappiness coming from and I think you should address this colour issue to your FI in a way that'' yes you did get me a 2ct cushion which I asked for, but I did not know that I''m actually colour sensitive...'' and see what''s his response...

Good luck!

This is phrased perfectly!

 

[PawnShopHustler]

I can relate.

In every relationship I''ve ever been in I''ve always expressed to the man under no circumstances whatsoever was he ever to consider buying me a piece of jewelry because no matter how hard he looked, how much money he spent, or what expert opinion he got, in my eyes the jewelry would be sub-par. And I''m not one to hold my tongue. I''m quick to tell a man to take it back.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

rcrosier, if you don''t describe your financial situation and fears of a fundamental difference in your relationship, and tell how crushed you are over your cheaped out ring (all from the OPs first post in this thread) and then ask for advise on the poor color of your ring and if that could point towards relationship problems during your future marriage, I''m sure you won''t have any of those things talked about when you share your new ring. THIS GIRL ASKED FOR HELP AND GAVE ALL THESE DETAILS HERSELF, why are you upset when this is what she asked for?

 

[DiamondGirly]

Loooooong time lurker -- former poster (forgot my old p-word so i reregistered)


You know, I don't think jealousy has much to do with the negativity on here. There are sooooo so so many wonderful rings on here that it's crazy to think someone would get jealous over any 1 more than the others. For instance, someone had a 5+ ct on SMTR today and nothing but positive comments were present. The OP there just said something like, "here's my ring." That's cool -- nobody is going to take offense to that.


Other threads have other things going on. Here the OP and then other posters make comments that make others feel as though they're being degraded (i.e. K color is crappy). On another recent thread someone with a large ring drew a lot of criticism and I think it was b/c of the way she handled herself on the thread. Basically coming off like a princess and refusing to admit that there was another side to her story. Then when people called the OP out on it, a bunch of "net nannies" jumped to her defense and began starting more trouble than there ever should have been. I think by this point a lot of you know I'm talking about crookedrocks thread a while back. I didn't care one bit about the ring but it made me sick that she felt the need to pass judgment on everyones' comments whether they were positive or negative.


Sometimes people just annoy you with the way they conduct themselves. I think that's the reason for negativity rather than mere jealousy. I will say though that jealousy is evident in a lot of posts within these already negative threads.

Just my 2 cents. The net nanny syndrome on here really perplexes me at times... That's what drives these threads more than negativity

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:07:18 AM
Author: RxTechRN2b
rcrosier, if you don''t describe your financial situation and fears of a fundamental difference in your relationship, and tell how crushed you are over your cheaped out ring (all from the OPs first post in this thread) and then ask for advise on the poor color of your ring and if that could point towards relationship problems during your future marriage, I''m sure you won''t have any of those things talked about when you share your new ring. THIS GIRL ASKED FOR HELP AND GAVE ALL THESE DETAILS HERSELF, why are you upset when this is what she asked for?

do you think what you said to this girl actually helped her? I think there are quite a few of us that have commented on this thread that believe your comments have been anything but helpful. hateful, ignorant, petty, rude and malicious yes...helpful? i dont think so...even after you "apologized" you continued on with the snide remarks and comments. She asked for help on how to approach her FI with this subject, she DID NOT ask you to tell her what you thought of her character or to pass judgement on what she wants.

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:07:18 AM
Author: RxTechRN2b
rcrosier, if you don't describe your financial situation and fears of a fundamental difference in your relationship, and tell how crushed you are over your cheaped out ring (all from the OPs first post in this thread) and then ask for advise on the poor color of your ring and if that could point towards relationship problems during your future marriage, I'm sure you won't have any of those things talked about when you share your new ring. THIS GIRL ASKED FOR HELP AND GAVE ALL THESE DETAILS HERSELF, why are you upset when this is what she asked for?

PLEASE READ -- I WANT TO CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION REGARDING MY ATTITUDE IN THIS FORUM ---


Wow... Out for blood?

I am somewhat taken by the fact that you have singled me out so quickly. If you read my original post in this topic, you would see that I am not saying that "she doesn't deserve this" ridicule that the OP is getting from some of us on the forum. My first post on this thread voiced me being "offended" by her original post. I didn't criticize her statements and rip apart her relationship, I just said that I was offended by her comment of disappointment. Not because I don't like her antics, just because I have been in the situation her fiance is in and have done my best to make my future fiance happy. Sadly, the best of intentions don't always yield the best results. I am not upset about her getting "what she asked for"... In all honesty, I was merely pointing out that I hope that this fiasco doesn't happen to me (i.e. I hope my future fiance is happy with what I bought for her). No need to jump on me for the post I made that you are referenceing. That was simply a lighthearted post to remind others to consider that there are REAL PEOPLE behind the stories in these postings. I wasn't trying to TAKE SIDES on wheter or not she is being harshly treated or whether or not my values are better/worse than hers. I tried to be kind and show her a way to think of it in a positive fashion and give her fiance the benefit of the doubt. Take it easy

...

I'm starting to think that some of us are taking this whole forum thing a wee be too seriously... Be content with yourself and your own opinions. There is nothing that anyone on this website can say that will change my core beliefs. Hopefully you and the OP are the same way. I don't think that its unfair for people to give their opinions, even if others think they are harsh -- membership and censorship of this form are trusted to the moderators. However, some discretion should be used knowing that the people on this site are all bonded by a common interest.

Respectfully,

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:19:08 AM
Author: mystiqkal

Date: 7/17/2008 12:07:18 AM
Author: RxTechRN2b
rcrosier, if you don''t describe your financial situation and fears of a fundamental difference in your relationship, and tell how crushed you are over your cheaped out ring (all from the OPs first post in this thread) and then ask for advise on the poor color of your ring and if that could point towards relationship problems during your future marriage, I''m sure you won''t have any of those things talked about when you share your new ring. THIS GIRL ASKED FOR HELP AND GAVE ALL THESE DETAILS HERSELF, why are you upset when this is what she asked for?

do you think what you said to this girl actually helped her? I think there are quite a few of us that have commented on this thread that believe your comments have been anything but helpful. hateful, ignorant, petty, rude and malicious yes...helpful? i dont think so...even after you ''apologized'' you continued on with the snide remarks and comments. She asked for help on how to approach her FI with this subject, she DID NOT ask you to tell her what you thought of her character or to pass judgement on what she wants.

Agree.

 

[DiamondGirly]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:25:11 AM
Author: rcrosier

Date: 7/17/2008 12:07:18 AM

Author: RxTechRN2b

rcrosier, if you don''t describe your financial situation and fears of a fundamental difference in your relationship, and tell how crushed you are over your cheaped out ring (all from the OPs first post in this thread) and then ask for advise on the poor color of your ring and if that could point towards relationship problems during your future marriage, I''m sure you won''t have any of those things talked about when you share your new ring. THIS GIRL ASKED FOR HELP AND GAVE ALL THESE DETAILS HERSELF, why are you upset when this is what she asked for?

PLEASE READ -- I WANT TO CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION REGARDING MY ATTITUDE IN THIS FORUM ---



Wow... Out for blood?

I am somewhat taken by the fact that you have singled me out so quickly. If you read my original post in this topic, you would see that I am not saying that ''she doesn''t deserve this'' ridicule that the OP is getting from some of us on the forum. My first post on this thread voiced me being ''offended'' by her original post. I didn''t criticize her statements and rip apart her relationship, I just said that I was offended by her comment of disappointment. Not because I don''t like her antics, just because I have been in the situation her fiance is in and have done my best to make my future fiance happy. Sadly, the best of intentions don''t always yield the best results. I am not upset about her getting ''what she asked for''... In all honesty, I was merely pointing out that I hope that this fiasco doesn''t happen to me (i.e. I hope my future fiance is happy with what I bought for her). No need to jump on me for the post I made that you are referenceing. That was simply a lighthearted post to remind others to consider that there are REAL PEOPLE behind the stories in these postings. I wasn''t trying to TAKE SIDES on wheter or not she is being harshly treated or whether or not my values are better/worse than hers. I tried to be kind and show her a way to think of it in a positive fashion and give her fiance the benefit of the doubt. Take it easy

...


I''m starting to think that some of us are taking this whole forum thing a wee be too seriously... Be content with yourself and your own opinions. There is nothing that anyone on this website can say that will change my core beliefs. Hopefully you and the OP are the same way. I don''t think that its unfair for people to give their opinions, even if others think they are harsh -- membership and censorship of this form are trusted to the moderators. However, some discretion should be used knowing that the people on this site are all bonded by a common interest.


Respectfully,

Rob,

I stopped posting a long time ago b/c people used to jump down my throat. It''s not worth the time. It''s really just as good to lurk and as an occasional question. People act as if you''ve insulted their first born child at times. It''s sad really. People use this forum for more than just diamond info -- a lot of people treat it like it''s the "real world" (if that makes any sense) -- I guess I mean to say I agree with you stating that people take it too seriously...

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:28:56 AM
Author: Your Girl


Rob,

I stopped posting a long time ago b/c people used to jump down my throat. It''s not worth the time. It''s really just as good to lurk and as an occasional question. People act as if you''ve insulted their first born child at times. It''s sad really. People use this forum for more than just diamond info -- a lot of people treat it like it''s the ''real world'' (if that makes any sense) -- I guess I mean to say I agree with you stating that people take it too seriously...

I''m sorry that it worked out like that, but I understand where you are coming from. BTW, I love your name, it''s very sweet.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

So what "help" have we come up with so far?

1) Communicate desires and expectations with boyfriend

2) Exchange diamond for a smaller stone of higher color

3) Keep this one and have fun shopping for a setting she loves

4) Exchange this one for the same size and higher color and pay the difference herself

5) Give the diamond back and leave if she determines the boyfriend will be unable to make her happy

Have I missed any of the helpful suggestions? So far communication sounds like the best plan to get what she wants.

 

[DiamondGirly]

5) Give the diamond back and leave if she determines the boyfriend will be unable to make her happy

Haha, this is just too funny to me -- I bet the OP never thought that her thread would contain this type of deep life coaching. I''m not knoking you for giving it but let''s think about this for a minute...

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:34:35 AM
Author: RxTechRN2b
So what ''help'' have we come up with so far?

1) Communicate desires and expectations with boyfriend

2) Exchange diamond for a smaller stone of higher color

3) Keep this one and have fun shopping for a setting she loves

4) Exchange this one for the same size and higher color and pay the difference herself

5) Give the diamond back and leave if she determines the boyfriend will be unable to make her happy

Have I missed any of the helpful suggestions? So far communication sounds like the best plan to get what she wants.

I think that is a good assessment of what we''ve come up with.

Your Girl --

I know it may be funny, but reason #5 is a very important one. RN2b has come up with a very good summary of the OP''s options, but I would like to add one more:

6) Be happy and enjoy what you have

Regards,

 

[RxTechRN2b]

I can''t take credit for that last one (#5) -- someone else suggested that awhile back. The only one I thought of was shopping for an antique setting.

 

[DiamondGirly]

I''m not saying it''s necessarily bad advice; it''s just bizarre to read such heavy stuff on a diamond forum. I mean nobody knows this person...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:00:06 AM
Author: NeverEndingUpgrade

Date: 7/16/2008 10:48:53 PM
Author: grapegravity
I read through all four pages (my eyes are getting so sore

) I totally agree with disneybride and Allison D. and I would like add that Communication is the most important element in any relationship. I understand where your unhappiness coming from and I think you should address this colour issue to your FI in a way that'' yes you did get me a 2ct cushion which I asked for, but I did not know that I''m actually colour sensitive...'' and see what''s his response...

Good luck!

This is phrased perfectly!

yeah but.....she wasn''t color sensitive until somebody at the jewelry store told her that it was a K/L stone.

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:34:35 AM
Author: RxTechRN2b
So what ''help'' have we come up with so far?

1) Communicate desires and expectations with boyfriend

2) Exchange diamond for a smaller stone of higher color

3) Keep this one and have fun shopping for a setting she loves

4) Exchange this one for the same size and higher color and pay the difference herself

5) Give the diamond back and leave if she determines the boyfriend will be unable to make her happy

Have I missed any of the helpful suggestions? So far communication sounds like the best plan to get what she wants.

some of these suggestions came from other posters who were actually kind, understanding and not judgemental in their posts. the "helpful" suggestion you made was stated so:

"you are absolutely right in that your fundamental values are different (not in your favor). You look like a gold-digger and you are afraid that he won''t give you the material items that you desire but can''t afford to buy for yourself. That 2 carat diamond sitting on your finger is nicer and bigger than probably 95% of women will ever hope to have. You need to tell him your feelings so that he understands what you expect from him. In your materialistic warped values, money = love. He needs to buy you nice, outrageously expensive things to prove how much he values and loves you."

I dont believe this comment necessary or helpful in anyway.

 

[Circe]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:34:35 AM
Author: RxTechRN2b
So what ''help'' have we come up with so far?


1) Communicate desires and expectations with boyfriend


2) Exchange diamond for a smaller stone of higher color


3) Keep this one and have fun shopping for a setting she loves


4) Exchange this one for the same size and higher color and pay the difference herself


5) Give the diamond back and leave if she determines the boyfriend will be unable to make her happy


Have I missed any of the helpful suggestions? So far communication sounds like the best plan to get what she wants.

Just one that I can see ... and that''s to talk it out with a bunch of like-minded strangers on the internet, commiserate, cool down, and THEN make her decision concerning the next step. I think that''s the major thing that''s been bugging me about this thread and Missy26''s: we''re talking ABOUT the OP''s, and not TO them, and that''s kinda problematic. As I understand it, the purpose of this site is to enjoy a shared love of knowledge, and to share knowledge further, regardless of whether it''s about the pavilion angles of a given stone, or the etiquette of communicating what you want to your significant other. These last few threads have felt weirdly like a chance for certain posters to vent their own issues ... and I think that''s when it''s appropriate to start a separate thread, rather than piling it onto some hapless OP who has no idea of how or why they''ve become a lightening rod for dissent.

[finishes "net-nannying"]

[thinks about what a silly concept "net-nannying" is - what, we should all just revel in apathy?]

Getting back on target ... PrettyCushion, I''d reiterate the advice that you take a while to cool down, get the ring appraised, and talk to your fiance (these last two steps in no particular order). For all you know, he may have bought from an uncerted source, and be wandering around thinking he got you a fantastic G. If not, well, there are a lot of possibilities. Maybe he liked the look of a tinted stone, and bought it deliberately (I did - I kept picking J''s over D''s). Maybe it was the best his budget could allow, and he was trying to give you what (he thought) you wanted. Regardless, the underlying issue isn''t the RING ... it''s the niggling feeling that he doesn''t value you as highly as he ought to. And THAT is definitely something that needs to be addressed: I''m married to an, er, frugal man myself, but I''ve never felt that reflected in our relationship. If you are, *that* is something that does need to be addressed.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

Rob, I would have added #6 be happy and enjoy what you have -- which I actually suggested awhile back, but that attitude was critisized as counterproductive. Apparently (I don''t agree), when a woman knows what she wants, she shouldn''t be passive. She should go after and get what she wants. She should not simply be gracious and accept what she has if it is not good enough. I am not trying to be snide, these are not my thoughts, they are the feelings of another poster (or two or three posters awhile back).

 

[DiamondGirly]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:54:33 AM
Author: Circe

Date: 7/17/2008 12:34:35 AM



[finishes ''net-nannying'']


[thinks about what a silly concept ''net-nannying'' is - what, we should all just revel in apathy?]

Yes... Stop net nannying -- it''s 100x more annoying than anything else on this forum. High and mighty BS has got to go. It''s counterproductive, it gets under peoples'' skin, it adds nothing to a discussion about diamonds.

If someone says something out of line... LET IT GO ------ Then it will...it''ll just go away instead of spiraling into a 6 page thread about NOTHING!

Reading this has been a riot...really

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:47:40 AM
Author: rcrosier

I think that is a good assessment of what we''ve come up with.

Your Girl --

I know it may be funny, but reason #5 is a very important one. RN2b has come up with a very good summary of the OP''s options, but I would like to add one more:

6) Be happy and enjoy what you have

Regards,

if she was happy....she wouldn''t be here crying about her ring.

 

[DiamondGirly]

Date: 7/17/2008 1:02:00 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/17/2008 12:47:40 AM

Author: rcrosier



I think that is a good assessment of what we''ve come up with.


Your Girl --


I know it may be funny, but reason #5 is a very important one. RN2b has come up with a very good summary of the OP''s options, but I would like to add one more:


6) Be happy and enjoy what you have


Regards,

if she was happy....she wouldn''t be here crying about her ring.

Hahaha... DING DING DING!

 

[Circe]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:56:58 AM
Author: RxTechRN2b
Rob, I would have added #6 be happy and enjoy what you have -- which I actually suggested awhile back, but that attitude was critisized as counterproductive. Apparently (I don''t agree), when a woman knows what she wants, she shouldn''t be passive. She should go after and get what she wants. She should not simply be gracious and accept what she has if it is not good enough. I am not trying to be snide, these are not my thoughts, they are the feelings of another poster (or two or three posters awhile back).

Well ... woman, man, or any other category you care to incorporate. Look, here''s a personal example: my hubby''s birthday was a few weeks ago. I *agonized* over what to get him, remembered his having admired a damascus steel collectors knife on our wedding trip, hunted one down, and presented it to him as proudly as a cat with a mouse. The damn thing cost $500 bucks, which isn''t quite on par with a 2 carat e-ring ... but it''s still a nice chunk of change. And, after all that ... he hated it. He''d been admiring them with *me* in mind, since he knows I like those sorts of things ... but *he* would have preferred a techy toy, or an experience.

Do I feel chagrined after having invested a lot of time and a bit of money in the wrong thing? Yep. Am I glad he told me? YEP. Otherwise, he could have ended up with a whole collection of them, and I would have felt reaaaaaaaaally silly thirty years down the line.

There''s a difference between graciousness and passivity. It comes right around the point when staying silent makes a fool of your friend, partner, or loved one, let''s them think they understand you when they really don''t. The only way to really be happy is to be honest: tactful, yes, but still honest.

 

[Circe]

Date: 7/17/2008 1:01:56 AM
Author: Your Girl

Date: 7/17/2008 12:54:33 AM

Author: Circe

Date: 7/17/2008 12:34:35 AM




[finishes ''net-nannying'']



[thinks about what a silly concept ''net-nannying'' is - what, we should all just revel in apathy?]

Yes... Stop net nannying -- it''s 100x more annoying than anything else on this forum. High and mighty BS has got to go. It''s counterproductive, it gets under peoples'' skin, it adds nothing to a discussion about diamonds.


If someone says something out of line... LET IT GO ------ Then it will...it''ll just go away instead of spiraling into a 6 page thread about NOTHING!


Reading this has been a riot...really

Heh, yeah, it has been - JP''s comment about popcorn was on target. And I notice that since we''re leap-frogging comments, it''s not a completely isolated mind-set: you''re posting too, right?

Going completely OT, but net-nannying as a term implies that someone here is in a position of authority. Which ... isn''t the case, except for the mods. We''re a bunch of individuals who agree and disagree with one another, sometimes on concrete advice, sometimes on attitude, but beyond that, we''re a bunch of individuals engaging in a common interest/enterprise, a kind of collective. It necessitates a certain amount of self-policing, and I do mean SELF-policing. Some people have different standards for that sort of thing ... which leads others to intervene, because they/we don''t like the idea that silence equals consent.

I don''t want PrettyCushion, or Missy26 to flee into the night thinking this place is full of people just waiting to jump down their throats if something they say or do inadvertently pushes somebody else''s trigger button; I don''t want lurkers to continue to lurk because it''s better than taking the chance of starring in a dog-pile. Didn''t you say you stopped posting because you hated being in the hot-seat?

And, as for time ... well, it''s better to engage in civilized discourse than to disengage with the boob-tube, right? And, in a larger sense, it does add something to a discussion about diamonds: it tells us a hell of a lot about the attitudes that surround them. Maybe it''s just me, but with 3000+ views and counting, I doubt it ....

 

[diamondfan]

Many people do decide if they like the overall color, not just by the color grade itself, so perhaps he knew you wanted the size and decided the warmer stone looked great and thus he was able get you the two carat cushion you wanted.


communication, not just about gifts but in general, is so important. If he told you he loved such and such car, with beige leather seats, but did not tell you what color exterior he wanted, would it bother you if you brought home a black one and he said, great, but I really wanted the white with the V8 and not the black with the V6? Maybe not totally apt, but at least it would make sense in relationship to partial or full communication and how vital it is to be clear. But know in your marriage, he might not always get you what you want when, even if you are clear, and sometimes you have to suck it up, because the cost outweighs the benefits. Being explicit is great, but do not assume just because you were, that he is going to always "get" it. (I have a drawer full of scarves I do not wear because even though I said, I am not a scarf girl, I really ONLY like HERMES and only certain colors, I still got all kinds of scarves I do not love in years past. So, I smile, say thanks, and figure maybe I will wear them someday. Then he usually forgets about them. If he asks why I do not wear them, I just nicely say, Oh, I am really not a scarf girl)

If you think this is indicative of a trend in your marriage, and you are not happy with that thought, then you must face that with him now.

 

[mausketeer]

Wow - this one got heated! No wonder not many people replied to my posts about some vintage rings (please go look at the pictures and tell me if you think the price of the "paisley" ring is a good one) I know it doesn''t compare to a 2 ct stone, but it''s what I love and what we can afford.....

I have two things to add to this (and PLEASE nobody get mad at me - I''m not judging anyone, believe me):

A) keep in mind that the colour of a diamond has an almost "elite" factor to it (sorry, don''t know what else to call it! I am seriously not meaning to offend anyone that prefers the whitest stones! I know where you''re coming from, I really do!) It''s supposedly due to rarity but really, WHY is it exactly that SLIGHT yellow stones are undesirable, but VERY yellow stones are called "fancies" and you are charged a premium for them? At what intensity does a yellow cast to the stone cease being something that is BAD and begin being something that is GOOD? (I''m posing this as a rhetorical question. I know there are actual very distinct guidelines between the two that would be defined in gemmology etc.) How long ago was it that BROWN diamonds were just called BROWN and now they''re referred to as "champagne" and "cognac" and you see them everywhere? (could it be - GASP - due to marketing???) From what I hear they could hardly GIVE them away twenty years ago, isn''t that so? My point with this is, maybe you can reframe the whole "good colour" "bad colour" argument. I, as some other people in this post have also said, PREFER the "lesser" colour stones. I am actually having a difficult time finding ones as so many places don''t carry stones "below" what, J or K? I think that''s usually the cut off (I''ve been wondering - if stones are graded from D - Z, where ARE the stones from L through Z? They''re probably all being sold as "champagne" and "cognac" now and I couldn''t afford one! lol) Lesser and better are all a matter of how you look at it - that''s all I''m saying. Just because someone SAYS "this colour is better" doesn''t mean you have to believe it.

B) I think it''s kinda hard to compare a diamond ring with a car. A diamond ring is basically designed to sit on your finger and look pretty. A car actually DOES something (unless you all were talking about a car that was just too fabulous to drive and would just sit in the garage waiting to be washed every Sunday, driven around the block, and put back again. My uncle has about EIGHT of those! Boy, my aunt was a VERY understanding wife!). Probably better to compare a ring to...... let''s see....... how about an autographed baseball from the "19something" World Series where Babe Ruth hit one out of the stands to Joe Dimaggio etc etc? Basically it would sit in an exhalted position on your desk, and everyone would come around to admire it! What do you think?