Tearing my hair out

[Kaleigh]

I am sorry for the attacks you have gotten in this thread. People are generally very kind and helpful on PS. I''d love to see pics of your ring.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

So what should this girl do about her problem -- if it really is true that the diamond''s color means the boyfriend cares for and puts himself first? That''s a huge message written with two little letters "K" and "L."

 

[tradergirl]

I thought someone above had a good idea. Take iit and upgrade the color, keeping the size, out of her own pocket. I doubt the boyfriend would notice.

It is the issue of complaining about an expensive gift that is given that raises eyebrows. Terry, you and I are about the same age and we both react negatively to these very young girls who feel that they deserve the same items that we would have perhaps hoped to get after many years of marriage and working together to achieve success. There is a wonderful thread on here from a few years back where the poster had been married 20 years with no ring and finally got a really beautiful solasfera under a carat which she loved and was beautiful. That is the way it has happened traditionally but as someone noted in the Missy thread, this insane period of loose credit (which is really hitting the economy hard now) and refusal to delay gratification to more appropriate circumstances has really messed with traditions.

here's the thread I was talking about. It was really nice.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/solasfera-ring-pics.39522/


One need only look at Ebay or Craigslist to see that a lot of these diamonds come rolling back onto the market after the divorce.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:26:15 PM
Author: RxTechRN2b
So what should this girl do about her problem -- if it really is true that the diamond''s color means the boyfriend cares for and puts himself first? That''s a huge message written with two little letters ''K'' and ''L.''

upgrade to a D-F color.

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:26:15 PM
Author: RxTechRN2b
So what should this girl do about her problem -- if it really is true that the diamond''s color means the boyfriend cares for and puts himself first? That''s a huge message written with two little letters ''K'' and ''L.''

wow...i cant believe that you cant think outside this bubble...and i dont know if this is intentional or not, but most of your comments seem to be very snide and condecending to this girl. you kept pointing out that its 2ct and that she should just be happy and that if it were you, you would welcome it. well ther reality is that you are not this girl and you have no right to pass judgement just because she doesnt think the way you do. You have been downright rude, spiteful and judgemental. I dont know if this is residue from missy''s thread (which i believe had an entirely different tone) or if you''re just really this type of person.

I dont think that the OP meant that if its a K it means he doesnt love her...what i got from her posts (and the subsequent posts) is that shes concerned that he went "cheap" on the one thing she thought he would splurge on. Why can you get off the monetary value of this diamond and see this as more than just a girl that is being greedy and ungrateful?

If she found out that this was a CZ, would you still tell her that she should be happy because its 2ct? or would that change things because it was a cheaper stone?

 

[SYC]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:33:05 PM
Author: tradergirl
I thought someone above had a good idea. Take iit and upgrade the color, keeping the size, out of her own pocket. I doubt the boyfriend would notice.

It is the issue of complaining about an expensive gift that is given that raises eyebrows. Terry, you and I are about the same age and we both react negatively to these very young girls who feel that they deserve the same items that we would have perhaps hoped to get after many years of marriage and working together to achieve success. There is a wonderful thread on here from a few years back where the poster had been married 20 years with no ring and finally got a really beautiful solasfera under a carat which she loved and was beautiful. That is the way it has happened traditionally but as someone noted in the Missy thread, this insane period of loose credit (which is really hitting the economy hard now) and refusal to delay gratification to more appropriate circumstances has really messed with traditions.

here''s the thread I was talking about. It was really nice.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/solasfera-ring-pics.39522/


One need only look at Ebay or Craigslist to see that a lot of these diamonds come rolling back onto the market after the divorce.

Tradergirl, I see what you''re saying. However, I feel that how one spends one''s own money is an entirely personal decision. The advice given by people on Pricescope to look to your finances and be sensible about making such a large purchase as an engagement ring is great. But it should end there. This forum is about helping people make informed decisions about diamonds, and to learn more about these beautiful gems. Obviously, diamonds are a luxury. We are all fortunate to be wasting our time and money on these things.

I have strong personal preferences regarding certain of the "4Cs." However, I fully understand that many people don''t share those preferences. Many love the look of a big rock on their hand. And I don''t see any reason why they shouldn''t go for it, even though cut and color are most important to me.

Some people are financially set up enough in their 20s to purchase large, expensive diamonds. Whether it''s family money, or hard work through college and/or grad school resulting in great starting positions at investment banks, hedge funds, consulting firms, law firms, etc., it''s entirely up to them what they want to do with it. It certainly isn''t for us to judge their personal circumstances, or superimpose our personal preferences regarding jewelry onto them.

I completely agree with you that "instant gratification" is not a good thing, and that hard work before and during a marriage is key. But just because someone is in their 20s and wants a certain kind of ring does not mean they are overly-entitled, or that their fiance will be going into debt to purchase that ring. It is impossible to know someone''s financial circumstances based on a single post asking an innocuous question about what specs they can expect in a ring on a certain budget.

I can''t help but feel that RXRN2B''s post regarding a "cheap" ring within the OP''s stated budget was just out of line. Plenty of people on this forum have beautiful rings (because they did not compromise on the cut) in the I-J, SI1-2 range. It is offensive to them to say that these are inferior.

I just think it''s important to stay focused on the questions being asked, and the issue on hand -- ie, diamonds, rather than posters'' personal lives and personal choices.

 

[SYC]

I can''t help but feel that RXRN2B''s post regarding a ''cheap'' ring within the OP''s stated budget was just out of line. Plenty of people on this forum have beautiful rings (because they did not compromise on the cut) in the I-J, SI1-2 range. It is offensive to them to say that these are inferior.

sorry, this comment was about a post by RXRN2B in a different thread.

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:33:05 PM
Author: tradergirl
I thought someone above had a good idea. Take iit and upgrade the color, keeping the size, out of her own pocket. I doubt the boyfriend would notice.

It is the issue of complaining about an expensive gift that is given that raises eyebrows. Terry, you and I are about the same age and we both react negatively to these very young girls who feel that they deserve the same items that we would have perhaps hoped to get after many years of marriage and working together to achieve success. There is a wonderful thread on here from a few years back where the poster had been married 20 years with no ring and finally got a really beautiful solasfera under a carat which she loved and was beautiful. That is the way it has happened traditionally but as someone noted in the Missy thread, this insane period of loose credit (which is really hitting the economy hard now) and refusal to delay gratification to more appropriate circumstances has really messed with traditions.

here''s the thread I was talking about. It was really nice.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/solasfera-ring-pics.39522/


One need only look at Ebay or Craigslist to see that a lot of these diamonds come rolling back onto the market after the divorce.

why do you think that being older means that you "deserve" something more than a younger person? if a young couple can afford to buy a 20k ring and want to do it, does this mean that they dont "deserve" it? I dont understand this old fashioned way of thinking...just because when you were young, you couldnt afford it, that means that its not right for another young couples to get it? obviously, times have changed , people are getting paid more than they used to, young professionals are making more..i dont think it should be frowned upon if they wan to splurge on an engagement ring (the key being if THEY can afford it). granted i can see where you''re coming from if all cases were like missy''s, but honestly, being a young professional myself, I feel that judgemental comments that group everyone together are really uneccessary

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/16/2008 5:38:50 PM
Author: SYC

i think this is where the problem lies...everyone is stuck on the whole size thing...that she should be happy with what she got just because its 2ct, even if its not the clarity or color she wanted. Its like you gusy are disregarding that she said she would be happy with a smaller diamond with better quality. and even though you might think its sad that the size of the diamond has to increase with income, it doesnt change the fact that its the norm. the more money you make, the more that you''re able to spend. thats the reason why rich people have big diamonds and poor people have small diamonds. If brad pit got angelina jolie a 5k ring when the norm in his circle is 500k...you wouldnt think he was being a bit cheap (especially if you knew ahead of time that he''s been cheap with other stuff- but splurges on himself all the time?)

Agreed. I find it a little disturbing, though very interesting, that (a) people seem so stuck on the size thing, and (b) seem to disapprove of women knowing what they want in terms of an engagement ring. Since when do we have to be so passive?? Obviously, it is important to be sensitive to financial issues, and not ask one''s fiance to buy something he cannot afford (or offer to chip in if that''s appropriate), but when did it become a bad thing to know what you want if you''re a woman?

Imagine: a woman is buying a car for her husband in a specified price range. She knows he wants a sports car, and goes out and buys him one. Turns out it''s totally the wrong color, manufacturer, style, etc. Do you think other guys would give him so much grief, and say he should be grateful for what he gets rather than saying he should just explain to his wife that that wasn''t what he had in mind?

I am a guy who loves sports cars and has a peculiar interest in diamonds. Since guys are underrepresented on the forum, I will give my two cents. I hear where you are coming from and it is a valid point. However, I think one of the differences hear that you aren''t acknowledgeing is that he did get her basically what she wanted. She said 2 carat cushion; he bought it. To be fair, two carats is like engine size/power and cushion is like make/type. Cushion cut is like the style of the body. Lets pretend that a man asked for a ''68 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine. If his girlfriend bought him a ''69 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, but it was black instead of red, then yes, he would should be labeled as an a-hole if he voiced or felt any disappointment in the purchase. However, car color and diamond color have different ratios in pricing when viewed in option value relative to total cost. A better indicator would be mileage. So to be fair, we will instead judge by prescence of rust in the frame (something that has a relative value similar to color in diamonds). I would also say that he was still being an a-hole if he was disappointed in the car.

Now, if she had bought him an ''05 Mazda Miata, then yes, he could voice his disappointment in her buying him something that he didn''t really want. But that would be like this girl getting a 0.75 carat princess cut diamond of perfect color and clarity. These two vehicles would have roughly the same value -- maintaining a budget of around $15,000. He didn''t get her something that different from what she wanted. In that view, the analogy doesn''t quite hold water. So yes, I understand where you are coming from and you have a very valid point, but you overextended the margin of difference between the two cases.

 

[SYC]

Date: 7/16/2008 5:48:09 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 7/16/2008 5:38:50 PM
Author: SYC

Agreed. I find it a little disturbing, though very interesting, that (a) people seem so stuck on the size thing, and (b) seem to disapprove of women knowing what they want in terms of an engagement ring. Since when do we have to be so passive?? Obviously, it is important to be sensitive to financial issues, and not ask one''s fiance to buy something he cannot afford (or offer to chip in if that''s appropriate), but when did it become a bad thing to know what you want if you''re a woman?

Imagine: a woman is buying a car for her husband in a specified price range. She knows he wants a sports car, and goes out and buys him one. Turns out it''s totally the wrong color, manufacturer, style, etc. Do you think other guys would give him so much grief, and say he should be grateful for what he gets rather than saying he should just explain to his wife that that wasn''t what he had in mind?

If I bought my husband a sportscar and he came to me saying ''thanks but its the wrong color'' someone would not be sleeping in the same bed as me.

But again I just got out of the starving college student income to can actually go to the mall and buy myself something without having to eat Mac-n-cheese for a week category so this may all be way out of my league

haha, you''ll get there! I think after being married a long time, people really view their finances as one pool (as far as I can tell), so I think it''s important that each person get what they want if they''re going to make a big purchase like a car or jewelry

 

[tradergirl]

No argument from me. I''m in that "hedge fund" type world myself. When I was 20, my BF at the time suprised me with a 2 carat rock which he had purchased with money he inherited from his parents'' business. It didn''t even put a dent in his finances. Unfortunately, I didn''t want to marry him and turned it down. I do hate the word "expect" when it comes to things like this however.

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:54:04 PM
Author: SYC

Date: 7/16/2008 6:33:05 PM
Author: tradergirl
I thought someone above had a good idea. Take iit and upgrade the color, keeping the size, out of her own pocket. I doubt the boyfriend would notice.

It is the issue of complaining about an expensive gift that is given that raises eyebrows. Terry, you and I are about the same age and we both react negatively to these very young girls who feel that they deserve the same items that we would have perhaps hoped to get after many years of marriage and working together to achieve success. There is a wonderful thread on here from a few years back where the poster had been married 20 years with no ring and finally got a really beautiful solasfera under a carat which she loved and was beautiful. That is the way it has happened traditionally but as someone noted in the Missy thread, this insane period of loose credit (which is really hitting the economy hard now) and refusal to delay gratification to more appropriate circumstances has really messed with traditions.

here''s the thread I was talking about. It was really nice.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/solasfera-ring-pics.39522/


One need only look at Ebay or Craigslist to see that a lot of these diamonds come rolling back onto the market after the divorce.

Tradergirl, I see what you''re saying. However, I feel that how one spends one''s own money is an entirely personal decision. The advice given by people on Pricescope to look to your finances and be sensible about making such a large purchase as an engagement ring is great. But it should end there. This forum is about helping people make informed decisions about diamonds, and to learn more about these beautiful gems. Obviously, diamonds are a luxury. We are all fortunate to be wasting our time and money on these things.

I have strong personal preferences regarding certain of the ''4Cs.'' However, I fully understand that many people don''t share those preferences. Many love the look of a big rock on their hand. And I don''t see any reason why they shouldn''t go for it, even though cut and color are most important to me.

Some people are financially set up enough in their 20s to purchase large, expensive diamonds. Whether it''s family money, or hard work through college and/or grad school resulting in great starting positions at investment banks, hedge funds, consulting firms, law firms, etc., it''s entirely up to them what they want to do with it. It certainly isn''t for us to judge their personal circumstances, or superimpose our personal preferences regarding jewelry onto them.

I completely agree with you that ''instant gratification'' is not a good thing, and that hard work before and during a marriage is key. But just because someone is in their 20s and wants a certain kind of ring does not mean they are overly-entitled, or that their fiance will be going into debt to purchase that ring. It is impossible to know someone''s financial circumstances based on a single post asking an innocuous question about what specs they can expect in a ring on a certain budget.

I can''t help but feel that RXRN2B''s post regarding a ''cheap'' ring within the OP''s stated budget was just out of line. Plenty of people on this forum have beautiful rings (because they did not compromise on the cut) in the I-J, SI1-2 range. It is offensive to them to say that these are inferior.

I just think it''s important to stay focused on the questions being asked, and the issue on hand -- ie, diamonds, rather than posters'' personal lives and personal choices.

very well said syc...

 

[tradergirl]

Check back with me in 20 years and we''ll see if you still think that.

 

[iheartscience]

I think you should just talk to your fiance about how you''re feeling. Ask why he got you the stone he got you, and go from there.

If he picked it out of a line up of 2 carat cushions because it sparkled the most, I don''t think you can hold that against him.

If he tells you he got it because it was the cheapest one, then definitely have a chat with him about his unwillingness to splurge on you, which is a totally valid concern, in my opinion.

And in the mean time...can we see some pictures?!

 

[rcrosier]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:59:27 PM
Author: SYC

Date: 7/16/2008 5:48:09 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 7/16/2008 5:38:50 PM
Author: SYC

Agreed. I find it a little disturbing, though very interesting, that (a) people seem so stuck on the size thing, and (b) seem to disapprove of women knowing what they want in terms of an engagement ring. Since when do we have to be so passive?? Obviously, it is important to be sensitive to financial issues, and not ask one''s fiance to buy something he cannot afford (or offer to chip in if that''s appropriate), but when did it become a bad thing to know what you want if you''re a woman?

Imagine: a woman is buying a car for her husband in a specified price range. She knows he wants a sports car, and goes out and buys him one. Turns out it''s totally the wrong color, manufacturer, style, etc. Do you think other guys would give him so much grief, and say he should be grateful for what he gets rather than saying he should just explain to his wife that that wasn''t what he had in mind?

If I bought my husband a sportscar and he came to me saying ''thanks but its the wrong color'' someone would not be sleeping in the same bed as me.

But again I just got out of the starving college student income to can actually go to the mall and buy myself something without having to eat Mac-n-cheese for a week category so this may all be way out of my league

haha, you''ll get there! I think after being married a long time, people really view their finances as one pool (as far as I can tell), so I think it''s important that each person get what they want if they''re going to make a big purchase like a car or jewelry

I completely agree with you. However, an engagement ring is bought way before that ime comes, when most people still view their money as their own. I only wish that their was an American tradition that called for a girl to buy her man an expensive toy prior to marriage, like a big-screen TV/car/boat/motorcycle/etc. That way we could really appreciate where you girls are coming from... but also you guys would be more forgiving of us when it comes to engagement rings.

I took the time to learn about diamonds and grow an appreciation for what my girlfriend liked and buy her an engagement ring that I think she will love. Not every man will do that, just like every man won''t keep his hands to himself in a nightclub, or pay for dinner and a movie on a first date. Every man has pros and cons, and it is the appreciation of the whole package that makes all of the difference. I wonder if the OP would be happier marrying a guy that loved diamonds and bought her the perfect setup, but cheated on her every chance he got? Haha, I know that wouldn''t be the case!

 

[ursulawrite]

I am sympathetic to your situation. I originally came to Pricescope needing to vent. I was too ashamed to approach friends; too ashamed, perhaps, to hear myself aloud, moaning over something that was simultaneously trivial and all-consuming.

In any case, I was 24 when presented with a lovely solitaire, of just over a carat. I couldn''t get over the whiteness (lately I''ve learnt that it''s a D, not an E

), the awesome proposal, the fact that my fiance cherished me enough to want to be with me, and his superb financial prudence (he paid $6k for the ring, having swung a chunky discount through a friend). A switch of continents--from Europe to the US--and the rug was literally pulled from beneath me. Suddenly my fiance was "cheap", the ring dismissed as "cute"; a couple of his friends--not to him, but to me--insinuated that he had performed poorly. Pitying looks abounded at engagement parties, where, it is true, the solitaires were usually twice the size of mine. I felt like the chubby kid at games practise, picked last for the swapping and swooning games a lot of women apparently like to play at e-parties.

It was a hard time for me, moving countries, and I was already emotionally vulnerable. I had to pick myself up, remember what a tough bit of leather I am, and ignore those damn haters. My ring was, is, and always will be, a beautiful symbol of my now husband''s love for me. He hadn''t "cheaped" out; the guy had law school loans to pay, and I''m glad that he didn''t approach his parents, or whack $30k on a credit card.

Don''t think about the numbers. Didn''t you love your ring to death in the beginning? Try to remember that. And if not, you could try and broach the subject gently. The average guy is more sentimental than you might think. Good luck.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

I have already apologized if you''ll look back (twice, I believe on the second page), and I referred to the ring as cheap because the OP herself feels it was cheap (her own word) due to the poor (her own word) color and the fact that her boyfriend can afford more. She herself compared what she got with the price of a higher color and found a large price difference. Then if you will look at the post above the one where I can''t think out of my bubble -- I was trying to think in that posters bubble who came to the conclusion that since he can afford his luxury car he might be putting himself first. And I''m trying to think inside the OPs bubble -- I do believe the original topic and question had something to do with him getting better things for himself and her feeling crushed (her word) that he might not value her because he got her a diamond of poor color. At this point I don''t really care anymore because her issues run way deeper than the color size clarity or whatever of her diamond and we aren''t going to solve it here. She needs some other kind of help that she won''t find on a forum for diamond lovers. If her boyfriend has that kind of money then I don''t know why he didn''t buy her a better diamond. He should have and it will always eat away at her. I feel bad for her and am very sorry that she is so crushed and angry (her flaming icon in the original post) over her engagement ring. And I did apologize twice and don''t feel the need to fall all over myself. Sometimes the truth just hurts.

 

[SYC]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:58:54 PM
Author: rcrosier

Date: 7/16/2008 5:38:50 PM
Author: SYC

i think this is where the problem lies...everyone is stuck on the whole size thing...that she should be happy with what she got just because its 2ct, even if its not the clarity or color she wanted. Its like you gusy are disregarding that she said she would be happy with a smaller diamond with better quality. and even though you might think its sad that the size of the diamond has to increase with income, it doesnt change the fact that its the norm. the more money you make, the more that you''re able to spend. thats the reason why rich people have big diamonds and poor people have small diamonds. If brad pit got angelina jolie a 5k ring when the norm in his circle is 500k...you wouldnt think he was being a bit cheap (especially if you knew ahead of time that he''s been cheap with other stuff- but splurges on himself all the time?)

Agreed. I find it a little disturbing, though very interesting, that (a) people seem so stuck on the size thing, and (b) seem to disapprove of women knowing what they want in terms of an engagement ring. Since when do we have to be so passive?? Obviously, it is important to be sensitive to financial issues, and not ask one''s fiance to buy something he cannot afford (or offer to chip in if that''s appropriate), but when did it become a bad thing to know what you want if you''re a woman?

Imagine: a woman is buying a car for her husband in a specified price range. She knows he wants a sports car, and goes out and buys him one. Turns out it''s totally the wrong color, manufacturer, style, etc. Do you think other guys would give him so much grief, and say he should be grateful for what he gets rather than saying he should just explain to his wife that that wasn''t what he had in mind?

I am a guy who loves sports cars and has a peculiar interest in diamonds. Since guys are underrepresented on the forum, I will give my two cents. I hear where you are coming from and it is a valid point. However, I think one of the differences hear that you aren''t acknowledgeing is that he did get her basically what she wanted. She said 2 carat cushion; he bought it. To be fair, two carats is like engine size/power and cushion is like make/type. Cushion cut is like the style of the body. Lets pretend that a man asked for a ''68 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine. If his girlfriend bought him a ''69 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, but it was black instead of red, then yes, he would should be labeled as an a-hole if he voiced or felt any disappointment in the purchase. However, car color and diamond color have different ratios in pricing when viewed in option value relative to total cost. A better indicator would be mileage. So to be fair, we will instead judge by prescence of rust in the frame (something that has a relative value similar to color in diamonds). I would also say that he was still being an a-hole if he was disappointed in the car.

Now, if she had bought him an ''05 Mazda Miata, then yes, he could voice his disappointment in her buying him something that he didn''t really want. But that would be like this girl getting a 0.75 carat princess cut diamond of perfect color and clarity. These two vehicles would have roughly the same value -- maintaining a budget of around $15,000. He didn''t get her something that different from what she wanted. In that view, the analogy doesn''t quite hold water. So yes, I understand where you are coming from and you have a very valid point, but you overextended the margin of difference between the two cases.

Rob, wow, first I started laughing hysterically over your post, then my head started to hurt because of the references to engine size, mileage, option values relative to total cost, etc. In any case, I must say I appreciate the detailed analysis regarding my analogy''s shortcomings!

I also think it''s great that you offered a male perspective on this issue.

But did I really overextend the margin of difference between the two cases?...

Perhaps specifying 2 carats is like specifying a ''68 Camaro with no other details. If the woman comes back with a ''68 Camaro that is a bit rusty and has a non-427 cubic inch engine (I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what the alternative to a 427 cubic inch engine is), then I think the man should be happy that his wife tried, but clarify that he wanted a ''68 Camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, better condition, etc. Personally, I wouldn''t have a problem with this if I were making the purchase. The lesson, I suppose, is to fully communicate all important parameters, especially when the purchasing spouse is not especially informed about the item being purchased.

 

[Bliss]

Date: 7/16/2008 7:00:54 PM
Author: tradergirl
No argument from me. I'm in that 'hedge fund' type world myself. When I was 20, my BF at the time suprised me with a 2 carat rock which he had purchased with money he inherited from his parents' business. It didn't even put a dent in his finances. Unfortunately, I didn't want to marry him and turned it down. I do hate the word 'expect' when it comes to things like this however.

I agree. I'm sure some people would be really upset and angry over what we spend on diamonds here. And there are some who would call us greedy or spoiled for wanting a diamond at all. It's all relative. I think the emotion comes into play when a post hits a nerve or sore spot. It has to be hard to read posts in which someone young who hasn't had to struggle very much in life is getting something really nice and doesn't seem to appreciate it as much as others would. So sure, I can also see that perspective & try to understand how hard it must be from the other side.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Bliss, I couldn''t agree more with your post.

Miranda, you are right. ESPECIALLY about the nasty comments being made. It is absolutely ridiculous. I speculate that a lot of this criticism is stemming from jealousy. But when I speculate, I''m just as bad as the judgmental PSers who make mean comments about people they don''t know.

PrettyCushion, hi there! I''m sorry about your situation. Luckily you did the right thing and vented to us instead of the FI. I bet you''re feeling better already. You should look at the actual specs of the diamond first before you decide what you want to do. If you still think you''d like a different stone, I''d talk to the FI. You''re getting married!!!! Now would be a good time to make sure the lines of communication are wide open.

Now, look at your ring. SMILE!!! I''ll bet it''s absolutely FABULOUS with it''s cushiony pillowy amazingness!



(I wish I could look at it...... in other words: POST PICTURES DAMMIT!)

 

[lovegem]

While I think 2ct is a very good size for most of the girls to ask for, prettycushion got a point about her FI is spending so much money on himself (his expensive new car) while spending relatively "cheapish" on one of the most important items to most girls or couples. I think if it were me, I would feel bitter. No, I would be completely happy with the stone, but totally bitter that the guy seems to be NOT treating me as well as he would have treated himself. If he had known her for long enough, he should have known how color sensitive, or quality sensitive she is about diamond. It seems to me that he was ignoring those specs and just try finish the homework by buying exactly 2 ct.

As most of the guys here, they prefer good quality stone over size (colorless and very good clarity). If we can all afford it, we would like to pay for a diamond with good color/clarity as well as big size, won''t we?

No, I am not advocating that he should spend 100K on the ring. I just feel that something is wrong with the picture here.

 

[Bliss]

Iowa Lizzy, right on sista girl!

Well, you''re absolutely right. I''ve never really had to suffer in a financial sense so I can see why it would rub some the wrong way when they see younger people getting expensive things that they aren''t quite happy with. But the truth is, somewhere in the world -- someone thinks we are fabulously blessed and wealthy simply because we''re American and get to live in this incredible country.

Anyway... I hope everyone finds their way and gets to a place in which they can wish everyone happiness. Usually in life, I find that it''s past pain or present suffering that causes people to be less than generous. Life is too short, you know? I read a cardiologist once told a patient, "Rule number one: don''t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two: it''s all small stuff."

My brother is a perfect example. He has a Teflon coated brain.

Things go in and they slide right out like eggs from a pan. Nothing negative really sticks! Amazing.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:04:04 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I am sorry for the attacks you have gotten in this thread. People are generally very kind and helpful on PS. I''d love to see pics of your ring.

Ditto , I love cushions all shapes and all colours .

Colour in a diamond is a really personal choice as is clarity, and like others have said maybe your FI thought gees this is the prettiest, sparkliest diamond and it is the size she wants = WOOHOO . Have you had a chance to ask him how he came to choose that particular stone, what drew him to it? It might give you some insight to how he came to his decision and help put your mind at ease.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

A lot of you guys are pointing out that he really may not have been very aware of the distinction. Sometimes it''s easy to think everybody knows what you do. He probably just saw 2ct and a great price and thought ''that''ll do it''. I still think he should have been smarter, realizing that I am very educated and enthusiastic about diamonds and so at least aimed for average on the 4 c''s.

It is really sentimental and important to me and so I want it to be ''mind clean'' and I want to love it!

Hi. In a way you post makes me kind of smile and shake my head (not in a bad way) because your FI reminds me of my boyfriend. I recently learned this lesson with a much smaller gift, and it caused some problems in our relationship. My boyfirend acts like he is listening, but really, he only processes about half of what I say. In this case, he got the wrong half. I said I wanted something that me and my mother (who has now passed) used together. What he missed is that I wanted the one she owned. He just saw me looking at this in the store and 6 months later, said, oh she wants this. So its my birthday and this gift is there, and when I asked him about details he said, oh "I just bought the one that looked better, I didn''t do any research." This upset me because one, I am sad because I am thinking of my mother, and, 2) he does a ton of research for stuff he buys himself. Instead of venting to someone elce (which is wise for you to do despite some unnecessary replies), I talked to him and it was ugly. When I told him I wanted my mother''s, he kind of understood he missed the point, but still felt like I shuld be more greatful. It took awhile to resolve. All my young friends said I had every right to be upset, he didn''t listen. I finally came around when I talked to someone who was 10 years older than me (who had met my boyfriend and knew there was more to him than this story). She told me that he meant well, and guys don''t pick up on these things like girls do. I don''t want people here to get the wrong idea about my BF. He is very good to me, and he is there for me when things are rough in my life ready to help. He is just not good at picking up on the little things.

I am telling you this because even the best guys have some weak spots. Would I like my BF to put as much time into the things he buys for me as he buys for himself? Sure. Than again, he is so paticular, I don''t even bother buying the things he really likes unless he pointed it out to me and said "I wan''t this exact one" (in his case it is tools and sporting goods) . I know I would not be able to make him happy and I would fall asleep everytime I tried to learn about it. So I am kind of holding him to a double standard in that way. If we end up getting engaged, because I learned this early, I am kind of preparing myself for a situation like yours. I know he is traditional and will not ask for my help. I know he does not want to spend a lot of money, which is fine by me. And I know he knows I am well educated on diamonds. I have droped some hints, but I am not sure which ones he herd and which ones he didn''t. I am not sure how I will react, but I know it is not because he dosn''t care for me, it is just, this is one of his week spots. I have plenty of my own.

All is I am saying in a very long way is give him the benefit of the doubt. Approach it carefully, because in his mind, he got what you asked for and guys are very sensitive about this stuff. But I think you should have a ring you will be happy with. If you can''t get over the warm color, and it is going to bug you everyday you look at it. Well I am sure your FI wants you to brag about your ring and love it. That is usually the intention.

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 7/16/2008 12:51:49 PM
Author:prettycushion
My fiance proposed to me almost a month ago now. Since then I have been admiring the sparkle of my pretty cushion in a simple solitaire setting.

My dad educated me about diamonds when I was young and I did extra research about six months ago when my fiance started asking me about what kind of diamonds I liked. I told him I loved cushions and thought that 2ct was the perfect size. He knows I really wanted a great ring because I would have it always, but would be happy with a simple setting and a small wedding.

So when I got the ring I resisted the urge to know all the specs right away. I thought it would be rude. I could see that it was very clean, about 2ct, but not D-E range color. fine. When I went to my trusted jewelry store yesterday I broke down and asked about the color. I was told it was in the K-L range. I was crushed.

To give you some background, my finace owns his own business and drives a brand new 911 Porsche. He has a known tendency to be cheap with a lot of things and is always saving money. I think for the most part that is great, but an e-ring is not the place to be cheap, right?!

From what I can tell there's about $10,000 difference between a 2ct K-L range stone and a F-H range.

I feel like if 2ct was more than he wanted to spend he should have said so. I would have been happier with an average-good stone at a smaller size. I feel like that would have been more honest. It feels like he cheaped out by getting such poor color.

I feel selfish and petty, but at the same time cheated. I'm afraid that he doesn't value me much or that this illustrates that we have large fundamental differences in the way we view money. That could be a really big problem in a marriage that will hurt us down the road.

I want a stone that I can look at 50 years later and love.

Help me ladies!!!

FWIW, my opinions had nothing to do with OP's age. I would have the same reaction if this was posted by a middle aged matron. The sense of entitlement that comes through the poster's own words is just

No one should be "pulling their hair out" or "crushed" after receiving an eyeclean 2 carat diamond.

Someone asked if the comments would have been the same if it was a CZ? First of all CZ's do not retail for the $10K to $18K that a 2 carat diamond does. Secondly, if someone is presented with a CZ under false pretenses, yes that is cheap. If a guy wants to give a CZ, no problem. Just do it honestly. The fact remains that prettycushion made judgements when she decided that receipt of a K-L stone is crushing, cheap, and cheating. I just think that's a pretty sad state of affairs, especially when she decided that the receipt of the diamond could mean that he doesn't value me much. Further it seems materialistic that the diamond was OK until someone put a label on it. No one put words in her mouth. She said exactly what she meant.

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 7/16/2008 5:44:48 PM
Author: Haywood74

The moral of everything that I just said is this. Sometimes guys ''listen'', but they don''t ''hear.'' Your guy may have completely had the best of intentions as getting your diamond with the ''2 carat'' qualification and may have thought that the most important quality was the carat size. Not every person out there is going to have a vast diamond knowledge as to what to buy. Not every person out there is going to want to learn said knowledge before making a purchase. Not every person out there is going to walk in and tell the sales associate to give the the very best no matter what. Honestly speaking, when it comes to color and clarity, there are some HUGE price differences to gain very small upgrades in clarity and color. I am personally not sensitive to color that much and that may have been what your man saw. If it were me, I would have been asking what I was getting for the difference in price. He may very well have not seen the differences in the jewelry store as worth the additional costs. That is just smart shopping in my opinion. Keep this in mind. Just the simple fact that your man took the time to go and get what you asked for should tell you what his feelings are.

PC, I think this entry by Haywood is the most spot-on contribution to this thread.

I was thinking the same thing myself; there are times when I wonder what makes my husband do a certain thing, and when I ask him what he was thinking at the time, it ALWAYS ends up being "well, you said you wanted THIS, and I thought that was the most important thing."

I''m with Haywood - he likely did the best he could and didn''t realize that the warm color would bother you. Have a chat and tell him you''re delighted that he clearly tried to get what he thought was important to you and that you appreciate that, but you''d rather go slightly smaller and improve on the color.

Marriage is about communication; this is a great time to start.

 

[cara]

ETA: Firecracker said it better. Your guy probably thought he was doing a good job following orders with the 2ct cushion, and you are judging him for not going higher on perceived quality when he may not have known you value higher color or known he was supposed to pay more for it. Color is somewhat personal decision, though it does correlate with price. Please don't be so mad until you ask more about the decision making process. Even if it was rushed, incomplete, less care taken than for his car, he still might care about YOU and you may be able to find a workable compromise.

Also, please consider that you may not have fully communicated your values to your future husband. This idea that men should spoil women with jewelry is not universally shared. I know I thought it was lovely and romantic that my grandfather always gave my grandmother jewelry at Chrismas, but it never seemed to inspire my father to give my mother so much as an engagement or anniversary band. You may need to "train" your fiance, or just do a better job picking your own gifts, in the future

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 8:21:32 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 7/16/2008 12:51:49 PM
Author:prettycushion
My fiance proposed to me almost a month ago now. Since then I have been admiring the sparkle of my pretty cushion in a simple solitaire setting.

My dad educated me about diamonds when I was young and I did extra research about six months ago when my fiance started asking me about what kind of diamonds I liked. I told him I loved cushions and thought that 2ct was the perfect size. He knows I really wanted a great ring because I would have it always, but would be happy with a simple setting and a small wedding.

So when I got the ring I resisted the urge to know all the specs right away. I thought it would be rude. I could see that it was very clean, about 2ct, but not D-E range color. fine. When I went to my trusted jewelry store yesterday I broke down and asked about the color. I was told it was in the K-L range. I was crushed.

To give you some background, my finace owns his own business and drives a brand new 911 Porsche. He has a known tendency to be cheap with a lot of things and is always saving money. I think for the most part that is great, but an e-ring is not the place to be cheap, right?!

From what I can tell there''s about $10,000 difference between a 2ct K-L range stone and a F-H range.

I feel like if 2ct was more than he wanted to spend he should have said so. I would have been happier with an average-good stone at a smaller size. I feel like that would have been more honest. It feels like he cheaped out by getting such poor color.

I feel selfish and petty, but at the same time cheated. I''m afraid that he doesn''t value me much or that this illustrates that we have large fundamental differences in the way we view money. That could be a really big problem in a marriage that will hurt us down the road.

I want a stone that I can look at 50 years later and love.

Help me ladies!!!

FWIW, my opinions had nothing to do with OP''s age. I would have the same reaction if this was posted by a middle aged matron. The sense of entitlement that comes through the poster''s own words is just

No one should be ''pulling their hair out'' or ''crushed'' after receiving an eyeclean 2 carat diamond.

Someone asked if the comments would have been the same if it was a CZ? First of all CZ''s do not retail for the $10K to $18K that a 2 carat diamond does. Secondly, if someone is presented with a CZ under false pretenses, yes that is cheap. If a guy wants to give a CZ, no problem. Just do it honestly. The fact remains that prettycushion made judgements when she decided that receipt of a K-L stone is crushing, cheap, and cheating. I just think that''s a pretty sad state of affairs, especially when she decided that the receipt of the diamond could mean that he doesn''t value me much. Further it seems materialistic that the diamond was OK until someone put a label on it. No one put words in her mouth. She said exactly what she meant.

I think the difference here is that she is making a judgement on her own life and on a person that she knows and understands....what right do you have to make a judgement about her?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/16/2008 6:58:54 PM
Author: rcrosier

I am a guy who loves sports cars and has a peculiar interest in diamonds. Since guys are underrepresented on the forum, I will give my two cents. I hear where you are coming from and it is a valid point. However, I think one of the differences hear that you aren''t acknowledgeing is that he did get her basically what she wanted. She said 2 carat cushion; he bought it. To be fair, two carats is like engine size/power and cushion is like make/type. Cushion cut is like the style of the body. Lets pretend that a man asked for a ''68 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine. If his girlfriend bought him a ''69 camaro with a 427 cubic inch engine, but it was black instead of red, then yes, he would should be labeled as an a-hole if he voiced or felt any disappointment in the purchase. However, car color and diamond color have different ratios in pricing when viewed in option value relative to total cost. A better indicator would be mileage. So to be fair, we will instead judge by prescence of rust in the frame (something that has a relative value similar to color in diamonds). I would also say that he was still being an a-hole if he was disappointed in the car.

i hope she was smart enough to buy him a all original ZL-1 or a RS/SS 396/375 HP convertible.

 

[Fly Girl]

Date: 7/16/2008 8:32:18 PM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 7/16/2008 5:44:48 PM
Author: Haywood74

The moral of everything that I just said is this. Sometimes guys ''listen'', but they don''t ''hear.'' Your guy may have completely had the best of intentions as getting your diamond with the ''2 carat'' qualification and may have thought that the most important quality was the carat size. Not every person out there is going to have a vast diamond knowledge as to what to buy. Not every person out there is going to want to learn said knowledge before making a purchase. Not every person out there is going to walk in and tell the sales associate to give the the very best no matter what. Honestly speaking, when it comes to color and clarity, there are some HUGE price differences to gain very small upgrades in clarity and color. I am personally not sensitive to color that much and that may have been what your man saw. If it were me, I would have been asking what I was getting for the difference in price. He may very well have not seen the differences in the jewelry store as worth the additional costs. That is just smart shopping in my opinion. Keep this in mind. Just the simple fact that your man took the time to go and get what you asked for should tell you what his feelings are.

PC, I think this entry by Haywood is the most spot-on contribution to this thread.

I was thinking the same thing myself; there are times when I wonder what makes my husband do a certain thing, and when I ask him what he was thinking at the time, it ALWAYS ends up being ''well, you said you wanted THIS, and I thought that was the most important thing.''

I''m with Haywood - he likely did the best he could and didn''t realize that the warm color would bother you. Have a chat and tell him you''re delighted that he clearly tried to get what he thought was important to you and that you appreciate that, but you''d rather go slightly smaller and improve on the color.

Marriage is about communication; this is a great time to start.

Exactly. These two posters are close to what I was thinking. It has been my experience that a man cannot read a woman''s mind. If the OP expected a minimum color in her diamond, she has to tell him what it is. He listened and got her what she asked for. My guess is that he got to the store and not knowing what color she wanted, took a look at different colors. The cost premium for tiny changes in color is huge, and not knowing what she wanted, I''d be inclined to save money as well. The cost of a tiny piece of carbon is already enormous. There are many, many women here on PS who selected a warmer color stone in order to get a larger size. It is smart shopping, and I think it is hugely unfair to conclude he is somehow being selfish.