Tearing my hair out

[prettycushion]

My fiance proposed to me almost a month ago now. Since then I have been admiring the sparkle of my pretty cushion in a simple solitaire setting.

My dad educated me about diamonds when I was young and I did extra research about six months ago when my fiance started asking me about what kind of diamonds I liked. I told him I loved cushions and thought that 2ct was the perfect size. He knows I really wanted a great ring because I would have it always, but would be happy with a simple setting and a small wedding.

So when I got the ring I resisted the urge to know all the specs right away. I thought it would be rude. I could see that it was very clean, about 2ct, but not D-E range color. fine. When I went to my trusted jewelry store yesterday I broke down and asked about the color. I was told it was in the K-L range. I was crushed.

To give you some background, my finace owns his own business and drives a brand new 911 Porsche. He has a known tendency to be cheap with a lot of things and is always saving money. I think for the most part that is great, but an e-ring is not the place to be cheap, right?!

From what I can tell there''s about $10,000 difference between a 2ct K-L range stone and a F-H range.

I feel like if 2ct was more than he wanted to spend he should have said so. I would have been happier with an average-good stone at a smaller size. I feel like that would have been more honest. It feels like he cheaped out by getting such poor color.

I feel selfish and petty, but at the same time cheated. I''m afraid that he doesn''t value me much or that this illustrates that we have large fundamental differences in the way we view money. That could be a really big problem in a marriage that will hurt us down the road.

I want a stone that I can look at 50 years later and love.

Help me ladies!!!

 

[RxTechRN2b]

I would have to agree in your case that there is a fundamental difference in values (you don''t want to know what else I''m thinking, but if you check out Missy''s recent thread you''ll get a pretty good idea).

 

[innerkitten]

After your feeling a little better I would talk to him about your feelings. I don''t think you should talk while you feel angry and you both should be willing to compromise. Maybe he wants to save the extra cash for your first house or something like that. Maybe you can go slightly smaller with a higher color and still stay within the amount he''s willing to spend. Or maybe he''s wiling to spend more. Who knows. A lot of women here help pick out the stones for their e-rings.

Oh and my DH drives an s type jag and my stone is a small by PS standards .65

 

[Circe]

Just to play devil''s advocate for a sec ... how reliable was the appraisal, and how jewelry-oriented is your FI? Because the first two thoughts to occur to me are, a) it''s really hard to gauge color accurately once a stone is set (did the unmount it? appraise it formally? use a master set, even?), and, b) if your FI decided to go with an EGL certificate, he may well have paid for an I and just ... not been able to tell the difference. It *does* happen, and for that reason, I''d say you should probably mention it to him discreetly: something along the lines of, "Hey honey, time to insure the ring ... do you have the appraisal lying around somewhere?" If he doesn''t have an appraisal, well ... good reason to go and get one.

More on the personal issues in a mo'' - first, lunch beckons!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/16/2008 12:51:49 PM
Author:prettycushion
I feel selfish and petty, but at the same time cheated. I''m afraid that he doesn''t value me much or that this illustrates that we have large fundamental differences in the way we view money. That could be a really big problem in a marriage that will hurt us down the road.

Ooooooookay. Slow down. Let''s look at some other ways to view this. You''re assuming that he *knows* K/L is below your desired standards and assumes that it is sub-par in the big scheme of life. It''s POSSIBLE that he didn''t educate himself enough about stones ... or that he''s not color-sensitive & couldn''t see what he''d be paying so much extra for ... or actually preferred a lower color with an antique cut (candlelight glow, they call it).

Did *you* love it when you first saw it? Could *you* see it was "sub-par" color or just thought it''s not D-E?

We have a term around here "mind clean" ... like you need to KNOW something is IF or VVS1 even if you can''t *see* any flaws. Are you so turned off about the stone now (& feel "cheated"

) because you *know* it''s K/L or because you can *see* its K/L.

I really think you''re feeling so strongly about it because of *other* things in the relationship or things that have happened in yr. past. So really analyze what else is informing this feeling of being "cheated" and not "valued". That will help you be more calm when you approach your FI to discuss these feelings. Which, IMHO, you should do in *some* way. You might find out its an innocent mistake. But whatever you find out about the ring -- the feelings that its stirred up are worth looking at.

 

[mountainman99]

The fact that he drives a 911 doesn't say too much if he's still paying for it But he shouldn't have to drive a saturn to prove his love to you. 2ct is a huge rock and way more than I can afford, and I'm sure he spent a lot on it. If you told him you wanted 2ct then maybe he did his best to fit that size into his budget. How does the ring look? Do you see a yellow diamond when you look at it? If it looks good, then don't sweat it. You say he's got a tendency to be cheap, but from my standpoint, that ring is anything but cheap. It really comes down to his motivation. If he was avoiding paying extra because he doesn't think you're worth it, that's one thing, but if he was sacrificing color to get you the size you want on a limited budget, you should give him a break. I don't know what his motivation was, but there's a lot of decisions to make when buying a ring, and if he loves you, I'm sure he tried his best to get you what he thought you wanted.

MM

 

[marchswallowbird]

You''re evaluating love by the amount of money someone spends on you. I think you need to take a close look at that.

 

[purrfectpear]

Are you wearing an engagement ring or a piece of paper

If you are crushed by a 2 carat stone, eyeclean, K/L then you should buy your own. What your FI spends his money on is really his business now isn't it?

I hope if you have this conversation with him, he takes you at your word that you'd be happier with a smaller better color stone. I'm thinking he should buy you something to match your values.

.20 should do it.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/16/2008 1:08:00 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 7/16/2008 12:51:49 PM
Author:prettycushion
I feel selfish and petty, but at the same time cheated. I'm afraid that he doesn't value me much or that this illustrates that we have large fundamental differences in the way we view money. That could be a really big problem in a marriage that will hurt us down the road.

Ooooooookay. Slow down. Let's look at some other ways to view this. You're assuming that he *knows* K/L is below your desired standards and assumes that it is sub-par in the big scheme of life. It's POSSIBLE that he didn't educate himself enough about stones ... or that he's not color-sensitive & couldn't see what he'd be paying so much extra for ... or actually preferred a lower color with an antique cut (candlelight glow, they call it).

Did *you* love it when you first saw it? Could *you* see it was 'sub-par' color or just thought it's not D-E?

We have a term around here 'mind clean' ... like you need to KNOW something is IF or VVS1 even if you can't *see* any flaws. Are you so turned off about the stone now (& feel 'cheated'

) because you *know* it's K/L or because you can *see* its K/L.

I really think you're feeling so strongly about it because of *other* things in the relationship or things that have happened in yr. past. So really analyze what else is informing this feeling of being 'cheated' and not 'valued'. That will help you be more calm when you approach your FI to discuss these feelings. Which, IMHO, you should do in *some* way. You might find out its an innocent mistake. But whatever you find out about the ring -- the feelings that its stirred up are worth looking at.

I agree with this; try and be calm and talk to him about it, maybe there is a good reason he couldn't spend the extra money or something; maybe he doesn't understand the 4 C's? I guess since you are planning on marrying him you should try and give him the benefit of doubt and listen to why this happened and hopefully work it out. Sorry and I hope it all works out.

 

[2Artists]

I want to make sure that I am understanding correctly because it can be easy to not understand written words sans vocal inflection.

So I ask this totally without being judgmental.

So are diamonds a family thing if your Dad taught you about them? That could certainly make things more sentimental and heighten feelings about this ring. Like my Dad is major into cars so classic car shows make me sentimental. If you feel a family affiliation to diamonds than this would feel more difficult. Like some families are into cooking, some into sports, some into jewelry depends on the family. Things that fall into a category of significance hold weight and importance with your own tribe.

To better clarify. Did you originally like the color and clarity when you first saw it or did your feelings change after your jeweler gave you the news? Because if you were OK before knowing the specs than remembering how you initially felt about the ring could help.

From your post it sounds as if what is hard for you is that perhaps you feel that he is willing to spend money on himself(like on his sweet ride but not on you or your ring. Not as much as you would like. I think that feeling of disparity is probably where the problem lies. If something feels disproportionate with what someone spends on themselves then that would feel not so good. I do know sometimes people with nice cars actually need them for business. And many well to do people are still very careful with money which is how they stay well to do. But a feeling of financial inequality would be hurtful.

What if he was not very well to do and drove a crappy car-would the ring feel different in that context?

Was he aware that you would have been OK with a smaller stone of higher color etc.? The guy really might have been trying his very best. Guys can''t read minds and maybe he had no idea especially if he doesn''t know much about diamonds.

Don''t know if this helps but I actually like stones with warmth especially with cushions. Sounds just lovely! But if that''s not what YOU like than that is a problem.

If you feel that this illustrates fundamental differences in how you view money than pay attention to that feeling explore and clarify that part of your relationship before you get married. Money issues should not be underestimated. Good for you for paying attention to that and not trying to ignore it and sweep it under the rug.

The part of your post that made me the saddest was you being afraid that he does not value you much. That really needs to be worked through because that is serious. Remember people show and receive love differently (like that 5 languages of love book).

This reminds me of an old post where a guy got drums or something and the woman felt hurt about what he spent on her ring. Anyone remember that one?

I think an independent appraisal might be a good idea.

Chin up prettycushion you can get this figured out. It will be OK.

Mrs. 2Artists

 

[GolfGirl2008]

I think sneaking to the jewelry store isn''t a good way to handle this. Ask your fiance for the report and talk it over with him if you want. Does it look like a K to you? You loved it when you got it right? If he paid $30,000 or $40,000 does that somehow devalue the stone and what it signifies in your eyes? That''s sad if it does. No one knows it''s a K except for you guys. Everyone else views it as a huge beautiful 2 carat cushion (would love to see pics btw!). It''s still a huge amount of money and you have your whole lives together in front of you - there will be many more gifts and monetary expenses to come.

My ring is substantial also - like yours - and I wasn''t 100% happy with mine either, but I fully trust the fiance did *everything plus some* in his power to make me happy. I am the problem not him. I obsess over details. It''s disabling to be honest but I am glad I can talk to my fiance openly about it.

If you suspect your fiance purposely cheated you out of the ring you "deserve" or is a cheap man in general there are bigger issues in your relationship than the color of your rock. You need to talk to HIM about it, not us.

 

[vespergirl]

Hey there, I understand that you''re disappointed with the ring, so you should talk to him about it. He probably just didn''t understand that you would have wanted maybe a higher color in a smaller stone. I bet that he will let you exchange it. Would you be willing to go with a G-H color? I have a 2 ct G (it''s EGL so maybe it''s as low as an H) that I absolutely love. I think that warmer stones can be beautiful too, though (look at Coatimundi''s K solitaire - it''s a total stunner!)

He may be disappointed when you bring it up, but maybe if you have some higher color diamond jewelry that you can compare the color to, he will see the difference.

 

[2Artists]

Also I wanted to add it sounds like lovely sizable diamond-not cheap looking by any stretch or on any planet.

Mrs.2Artists

 

[customcushion]

As a man who just bought his lovely FI a very nice ring, which was much nicer than she expected, I have to say it sounds awful to complain about a *2 carat* diamond.

If my FI ever made some remark that ''it better be this big'' or ''this colour'' etc., as opposed to being so grateful and excited to receive a ring, and all it symbolizes, no matter the material stats of it (size, clarity etc), I would rething whether she was right for me.

I hope your FI doesn''t read PS

 

[vespergirl]

One more thing, I understand your perspective of wondering if he "cheaped out" on the stone. My first husband went around bragging to everyone what a cheap ring he bought me, and it made me feel like crap, especially since he had just spent 3 times that amount on a new musical instrument for himself - it made me think that his own happiness was more important to him than mine at the time of our engagement. It sounds like your ring is lovely, but if you think there''s going to be a trend of him splurging on himself and skimping on you, that can be a problem down the road. Everyone told me not to be materialistic when I confided to my friends how I felt, but lo and behold, my first marriage failed because of money issues (my husband wouldn''t contribute to the mortgage, car payment or groceries, but always had money to spend on his music or trips he wanted to take.) My current husband was committed to spending two months salary on my ring because we are both from cultures where it''s expected for the guy to do that, and he has been more than generous with me in every aspect of our marriage, so in my experience, the ring purchase can be a good example of how the couple will handle finances in the marriage.

It sounds like your FI isn''t a cheap guy, though, by any means, and he probably just couldn''t tell the color difference, and the jeweler probably convinced him that you would love the stone. So just talk to him about maybe looking at stones in the "near colorless" instead of "slightly tinted" category - he just probably didn''t know what to look for.

 

[PleaseSayYes]

Date: 7/16/2008 1:26:09 PM
Author: marchswallowbird
You''re evaluating love by the amount of money someone spends on you. I think you need to take a close look at that.

TITCR

 

[rcrosier]

Prettycushion --

There are men on this forum as well, but since you didn't ask men you might not want to read on

. The following is only my opinion. I understand that I don't know you, and that sometimes things come across differently than they are meant to come across. But, being a guy who has spent money on women his entire life, your post pretty much offends me and sends a bad message to other men on this forum -- suggesting they have to buy huge, perfect stones that are outrageously expensive. You need to learn to be happy with who you are and what you have. There is NOTHING a guy dislikes more than a woman who expects things -- trust me, I know. Normally the girls that expect things don't deserve them, and the one's that don't expect things do. The point of what follows is not to "slam" your name, but rather open your eyes to how lucky you really are and subject you to the type of criticism that you are applying toward your fiance.


What difference does it make what kind of car he drives? Did you buy him the car? Have you bought him anything worth $15-20K? If not, how did you get cheated out of anything? If you love him you won't say anything about it, and you would appreciate what you got. Maybe your fiance can afford more, maybe he can't, but that is not the point.

How would you feel if you bought him a Harley Davidson that he was happy with until he took it to a dealer and found out that it had been repainted and wasn't it's original color? Would it hurt your feelings if he felt cheated that you hadn't gotten him something more perfect? How would you feel if he told you that? I'm guessing the guy bought you something that he thought you would love.

Sounds like you do have large fundamental differences in the way you view money... Diamonds are pretty much worthless when it comes to getting a "value" for your money... unless you consider a .4 gram stone to be truely worth $20K. It's not, but what truly makes a diamond valuable to the end user/consumer is the devotion and commitment that it symbolizes. You should focus on what's important...

 

[2Artists]

Wow that is a very very interesting point about the Harley! I like that a lot. I am mulling that one over. It''s useful to hear a guys perspective on this.

Mrs. 2Artists

 

[NewEnglandLady]

If he is not overly sentimental about the engagement stone, I would go back to the jeweler and get a smaller, higher-colored stone. It sounds like the only parameters you gave him were that you preferred 2 carats...and that''s what you got. If he asked you for a porsche and you bought him a trimline he didn''t want (and the wrong color , you''d just go back to the dealer and exchange it, right?

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 7/16/2008 2:42:38 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
If he is not overly sentimental about the engagement stone, I would go back to the jeweler and get a smaller, higher-colored stone. It sounds like the only parameters you gave him were that you preferred 2 carats...and that''s what you got. If he asked you for a porsche and you bought him a trimline he didn''t want (and the wrong color , you''d just go back to the dealer and exchange it, right?

If the "right" color was another $15,000

I think little devils would be ice skating in hell before I bothered to pick out another nice present for him.

 

[elle_chris]

Trying not to judge you here but to tell your then boyfriend (now fiance) that you''d like a 2ct.. wow, just wow.

As rcrosier said "What difference does it make what kind of car he drives? Did you buy him the car? Have you bought him anything worth $15-20K? If not, how did you get cheated out of anything? If you love him you won''t say anything about it, and you would appreciate what you got. Maybe your fiance can afford more, maybe he can''t, but that is not the point. "

If you''re really unhappy with it, maybe you can talk to him, find out where it was purchased and trade it in for a better color stone. If your fiance isn''t willing to put more cash into it, maybe you can. I''m sure many couples have split the bill for an e-ring.
As far as him being cheap goes, I''m going to assume you''ve spent thousands on gifts for him and do so on a regular basis. If not, I wouldn''t call him cheap.

 

[galeteia]

I''ve learned that it''s impossible to make snap judgments about a relationship''s dynamics from a single OP, so my advice to you is that if you feel your fiance tends to be eager to spend money on himself and reluctant to spend money on you in general, then I urge you to consider this at length and what kind of impact it will have on your marriage.

When I first joined this forum I was horrified by posts like yours from women complaining about getting a giant rock well beyond anything I would even want to wear, and still not being happy about it. I couldn''t relate and though they were demanding and superficial. Since then, I have realized that without being in your shoes, I can''t make judgments about whether or not a diamond is ''too big'' based on what would be too big/expensive/ostentatious for me. I still feel that more than someone can afford is ''too big'' i.e. debt, serious financial hardship, etc, but if they can easily afford it and it''s important to them, then it''s their call.

What bothers me is the women who come to this board and paint a picture of men who are willing and eager to blow huge amounts of money on themselves, but comparatively skimp on her ring when they know it''s important to her and they could easily afford it if they stopped treating themselves to expensive goodies for a few months. Vespergirl''s story is an example. One component of the tradition of an e-ring is that the man makes sacrifices/saves to show he values her. In our case, we put money towards immigration instead of a ring, but the principle of sacrifice remained the same. Part of being married is a willingness to put the other person first.

If you truly feel that this is indicative of an overall trend of your fiance''s to always put himself first, then yes, it is a problem. Only you can say whether or not this ring is just one more example in a long list of hurtful evidence that he isn''t willing to put your needs before his own, ever. Only you know your relationship well enough to say if that is what is going on.

The advice you''ve been given about him being unaware is excellent, and I''d explore all options.

Lastly, I might think it''s a better idea to spend money on a house, college funds for future children, retirement, etc, but there are people who make so much money that they can afford to spend 40k on a ring, and it would be rude of me to admonish someone and tell them that they don''t deserve a ring larger than .20 because I think it''s superficial to have a ring that size. Advice is good, but there is no excuse for being rude about it. Take a page out of rcosier''s book and state that while it offends you, these are the things you think they should focus on. One can be honest and diplomatic without being nasty.

The rudeness on PS is getting out of hand. People need advice and honesty, but not unhelpful stone-throwing and vitriol.

 

[cbs102]

I think Prettycushion and Missy26 need to hang out. i have never been so embarrassed by my peer group in my entire life. i was literally getting bright red reading this thread and Missy''s from a few days ago.

 

[han001]

Hi PrettyCushion,

I''m sorry you feel this way and I can understand that you are torn between feeling "selfish and petty" but "cheated" at the same time. At least you admit it! I do not mean to judge as I certainly don''t know you personally or anything about your relationship besides what you posted here. But what really stood out to me was how you said "I''m afraid that he doesn''t value me much."

It sounds like you need to have an honest conversation with your fiance and YOURSELF.

I''ve been with my boyfriend for a long time and he understands that diamonds are very important to me (as they are to all PSers, I''m sure!) But if he got me a stone I wasn''t 100% completely satisfied with - I would never ever jump to the conclusion that he doesn''t value ME as a person, or that he values himself over me. I would think that maybe there was simply a lack of understanding (not maliciously) on his part about how much diamonds mean to me, or that he isn''t educated enough on diamonds, or that maybe his budget just didn''t allow for it.

Perhaps there are underlying things that led you to feel this way? Maybe the different ways you view money, as you described in your post, have been an issue before and you are worried it will cause issues in your future. If this is the case - than you are wise to seriously consider these problems now. But, I would be hesitant to lay all of these feelings you are having simply on the fact that he got you a K/L colored stone (which I think is still lovely btw - I would LOVE 2 ct myself

)

If you don''t feel anything of the above holds any truth - than I think you should just have an honest and carefully thought out conversation (choose the right words ) with your fiance. Explain that you LOVE the ring - and it''s obvious that you do because you described "the sparkle of my pretty cushion" so delicately - but that it would give you a better piece of mind if you got a smaller, whiter stone. None of us can guarantee how he will react, but I believe that expressing your true feelings in the right way is an important part of every relationship.

Don''t worry Pretty Cushion, you''ll work it out!

 

[prettycushion]

First thank you guys all for listening and your input!!

Especially 2Artists, you had such a balanced and thoughtful approach.

Thank you!

I think you guys hit it on the head when you said that my frustration is a result of deeper, ongoing issues in the relationship: feeling like he splurges on himself and not on me. There is a big income disparity between us. He does love his "sweet ride" (and it is sweet) and buys his suits at Neiman''s. Now, he works hard and is successful, so I think he absolutely has a right to that! I also understand that I am not as far along in my life and career and so I should not expect to have all those things without earning them. No problem. I try to make compromises because of his frugality and I do not ask him to buy me stuff. I stick to a budget while buying things for the house and I buy my car, insurance, clothes (from bebe and target) etc myself. He has paid his down-payment on his house etc, so it''s not like I want for him to really hurt himself financially on this. It''s really the feeling that once in a while on the important stuff he won''t go out of his way for me.

If he were a different guy in different circumstances you bet my expectations would be different. I''m all about financial responsibility. And I don''t like princesses who expect guys to buy them stuff any more than the rest of you.

I get that lots of you guys think that anyone who gets a big ring should be happy and if they''re not they are ungrateful you-know-whats, and I expect some of that.
But I do think that, in a lot of circumstances, there are more issues at stake.

Jewelry is a family thing for us. My dad would always have a little box under the Christmas tree for my sister and I and explain all about the differences between rubies and emeralds.

To answer the question about if I happy with the stone before: I could tell that it was not colorless, but I figured that was because I am especially sensitive to color. (I know that''s not his thing) I could see the color, I just didn''t know how pronounced it was. I really do love the shape and cut!!!!

But I know that I would have chosen a smaller, more balanced stone myself.

 

[customcushion]

he won''t go out of his way for me.

He bought you a 2ct rock. Takes a lot of chutzpah to say he didn''t go out of his way.

 

[prettycushion]

Galateia:

You are so right about "more than someone can afford is ''too big''" I agree 100%

I agree that both snotty princesses and selfish guys bother me. It was really hard when I first found out about the color not to feel pretty petty and nasty, but that is subsiding fast.

Han001, thank you for this: "But if he got me a stone I wasn''t 100% completely satisfied with - I would never ever jump to the conclusion that he doesn''t value ME as a person, or that he values himself over me. I would think that maybe there was simply a lack of understanding (not maliciously) on his part about how much diamonds mean to me, or that he isn''t educated enough on diamonds, or that maybe his budget just didn''t allow for it."

A lot of you guys are pointing out that he really may not have been very aware of the distinction. Sometimes it''s easy to think everybody knows what you do. He probably just saw 2ct and a great price and thought "that''ll do it". I still think he should have been smarter, realizing that I am very educated and enthusiastic about diamonds and so at least aimed for average on the 4 c''s.

It is really sentimental and important to me and so I want it to be "mind clean" and I want to love it!

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

prettycushion, there is nothing wrong with a K-L color diamond (it should be graded as one or the other, though). Do a PS search and look at all the gorgeous K's on this site. I myself want one! Not being a mind reader, what I suspect happpened is that you told you FI you wanted a 2 ct. and he got you that, but had to go down in color to stay in the budget. Had he consulted with you, you might have told him that you favor color over size. But he surprised you.

I happen to think that lower color cushions are cool because they look antique. Most old stones were of lower colors because that used to be valued more. I always go lower in color in order to get a better clarity. Do you love the stone? How about getting it reset into another setting? Or, if you don't love the stone (and I think that your FI would probably want you to love it), go ahead and have a conversation with him about it (good practice for marriage-LOL). My FI gave me a round and I never told him I didn't like it on me until we had been married about 2 years. I finally told him I wanted a marquise and he was like "Fine, trade it in." I thought he would be offended, but he didn't care.

Have you posted photos of this diamond? I would love to see! I bet several of us would be drooling over it!

 

[RxTechRN2b]

I''m hearing what you''re saying and think you need to go to him and talk about your expectations BEFORE you get married. Your feelings are not about the diamond.

Here is what I''m hearing: your boyfriend has his own business and earns quite a bit more money than you do. He bought his wildly expensive car and suits at Neimans, and must also be paying a mortgage since you mentioned the downpayment. You say he''s frugal and cheap in some areas, you didn''t say whether he has a car payment in addition to the mortgage, and I also don''t know if he had the cash for your diamond or also is making payments on that. He could even have credit card debt -- having a business does not mean he''s not loaded with debt, lots of people drive expensive cars, wear the best suits, and live in giant houses but have debt out the kazoo.

Now on to you - you are not as far along in the career as he is, but you do pay your own bills. Again, I don''t know how much debt you carry, but I''m assuming you do since you like nice things. You expect him to pay for a ring that you would never be able to afford yourself. You expected 2 carats of quality, which he must have understood how imprtant the size was to you but missed the quality part (an eyeclean large cushion in a warm color is absolutely devine, by the way). He might have heard you say more often that you want 2 carats than you saying smaller would be better if needed to keep the quality high. He bought you an incredibly expensive gift (what did you buy him?) and may have purposely chosen a warm color which is absolutely appropriate in a large cushion.

You are crushed with what you received. You used the angry flaming icon to describe how cheap he is and your feeling that he doesn''t value you.

Here is what I think -- you are absolutely right in that your fundamental values are different (not in your favor). You look like a gold-digger and you are afraid that he won''t give you the material items that you desire but can''t afford to buy for yourself. That 2 carat diamond sitting on your finger is nicer and bigger than probably 95% of women will ever hope to have. You need to tell him your feelings so that he understands what you expect from him. In your materialistic warped values, money = love. He needs to buy you nice, outrageously expensive things to prove how much he values and loves you.

 

[elle_chris]

Thanks for clarifying.

My opinion (and i can be totally off here)but i think you two really need to have a talk about finance and your expectations from one another. I know it''s not easy when your other half makes much more. It does create issues and sometimes resentments.
Best to be open about it now, before the wedding and try to work it out. One of my friends is a stylist. Her husband, while a great guy has no ambition and is perfectly happy making minimum wage. She''s ok with it, but does tend to splurge more on herself than him. We''ve talked about something similiar and her response is always the same, it''s her money. Not once have i heard her say "our money". But he''s ok with it. You don''t sound like you are.