Tearing my hair out

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/16/2008 4:01:21 PM
Author: RxTechRN2b
In your materialistic warped values, money = love. He needs to buy you nice, outrageously expensive things to prove how much he values and loves you.

RX .. I really think this is over the line & becoming a personal attack.

 

[Tuckins1]

Correct me if i''m wrong, but didn''t you say that you were "admiring the sparkle of your ring" since you got it? Doesn''t that mean that you were happy with it before you found out the color? I know many people who love the warmer color stones... A lower color grade doesn''t necessarily mean "poor color". Perhaps your fiance just liked the look of the warmer stone better? This forum is filled with gorgeous "warmer" color stones... They can be just as beautiful as a whiter stone. If it bothers you that much I would say you should talk to him and see if you can maybe trade it in for a slightly smaller stone of better color, or just upgrade later. I think you need to shift your perspective a little bit... A lot of women would kill for that kind of stone!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/16/2008 12:51:49 PM
Author:prettycushion

My dad educated me about diamonds when I was young and I did extra research about six months ago when my fiance started asking me about what kind of diamonds I liked. I told him I loved cushions and thought that 2ct was the perfect size. He knows I really wanted a great ring because I would have it always, but would be happy with a simple setting and a small wedding.


To give you some background, my finace owns his own business and drives a brand new 911 Porsche. He has a known tendency to be cheap with a lot of things and is always saving money. I think for the most part that is great, but an e-ring is not the place to be cheap, right?!

From what I can tell there''s about $10,000 difference between a 2ct K-L range stone and a F-H range.

I feel like if 2ct was more than he wanted to spend he should have said so. I would have been happier with an average-good stone at a smaller size. I feel like that would have been more honest. It feels like he cheaped out by getting such poor color.

I feel selfish and petty, but at the same time cheated. I''m afraid that he doesn''t value me much or that this illustrates that we have large fundamental differences in the way we view money. That could be a really big problem in a marriage that will hurt us down the road.

I want a stone that I can look at 50 years later and love.

Help me ladies!!!

so many girls are asking for a 2ct these days

maybe after buying the Porsche he couldn''t afford a more expensive ring.

you shouldn''t of ask for a 2 ct

selfish...yep!!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 7/16/2008 2:50:15 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 7/16/2008 2:42:38 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
If he is not overly sentimental about the engagement stone, I would go back to the jeweler and get a smaller, higher-colored stone. It sounds like the only parameters you gave him were that you preferred 2 carats...and that's what you got. If he asked you for a porsche and you bought him a trimline he didn't want (and the wrong color , you'd just go back to the dealer and exchange it, right?

If the 'right' color was another $15,000

I think little devils would be ice skating in hell before I bothered to pick out another nice present for him.

Absolutely, she's going to have to go smaller if she wants higher color. Something's gotta give.

ETA: If you want to keep the 2 carat mark and still want higher color, I'd recommend paying the difference out of a personal, non-joint account.

 

[customcushion]

Author: RxTechRN2b

In your materialistic warped values, money = love. He needs to buy you nice, outrageously expensive things to prove how much he values and loves you.

I was actually going to suggest the OP could go to Graf in Bal Harbour and buy herself the ring she clearly deserves. They had a nice D IF asscher last time I was there... only about 600K. It just screams I LOVE YOU!!

 

[prettycushion]

Date: 7/16/2008 4:01:21 PM
Author: RxTechRN2b
I''m hearing what you''re saying and think you need to go to him and talk about your expectations BEFORE you get married. Your feelings are not about the diamond.


Here is what I''m hearing: your boyfriend has his own business and earns quite a bit more money than you do. He bought his wildly expensive car and suits at Neimans, and must also be paying a mortgage since you mentioned the downpayment. You say he''s frugal and cheap in some areas, you didn''t say whether he has a car payment in addition to the mortgage, and I also don''t know if he had the cash for your diamond or also is making payments on that. He could even have credit card debt -- having a business does not mean he''s not loaded with debt, lots of people drive expensive cars, wear the best suits, and live in giant houses but have debt out the kazoo.


Now on to you - you are not as far along in the career as he is, but you do pay your own bills. Again, I don''t know how much debt you carry, but I''m assuming you do since you like nice things. You expect him to pay for a ring that you would never be able to afford yourself. You expected 2 carats of quality, which he must have understood how imprtant the size was to you but missed the quality part (an eyeclean large cushion in a warm color is absolutely devine, by the way). He might have heard you say more often that you want 2 carats than you saying smaller would be better if needed to keep the quality high. He bought you an incredibly expensive gift (what did you buy him?) and may have purposely chosen a warm color which is absolutely appropriate in a large cushion.


You are crushed with what you received. You used the angry flaming icon to describe how cheap he is and your feeling that he doesn''t value you.


Here is what I think -- you are absolutely right in that your fundamental values are different (not in your favor). You look like a gold-digger and you are afraid that he won''t give you the material items that you desire but can''t afford to buy for yourself. That 2 carat diamond sitting on your finger is nicer and bigger than probably 95% of women will ever hope to have. You need to tell him your feelings so that he understands what you expect from him. In your materialistic warped values, money = love. He needs to buy you nice, outrageously expensive things to prove how much he values and loves you.

It''s a reasonable assumption, but neither of us carry any debt except the mortgage for him and the car payment for me. (I drive a modest car). I like nice things, but not at the expense of more important values.

Its obviously hurtful to hear you say that you think I need money to prove love.

 

[RxTechRN2b]

I''m sorry it was hurtful to hear that, but being crushed over what you received and thinking he''s cheap in what he gets for you compared to him ... and that the "poor color" means he doesn''t value you -- what else should I think? I''m sorry I was harsh, but I just don''t understand people that think they need to start out with a material item that couples used to get after years of loving, hard-working together building up a marriage. If anyone ever gave me a 2 carat warm colored, eye clean cushion diamond, I''d be far from crushed -- no, I would be over the moon.

 

[galeteia]

I was under the impression that an e-ring is more than just any old ''expensive gift''. If she was on here complaining that he won''t buy her a new car, pay her bills, or buy her fancy coats and a new piece of bling for every special occasion, I would have some choice comments about her being a "gold-digger".

It''s not unheard of for men to go the extra mile when it comes to the engagement ring.

I believe that''s part of the point?

 

[prettycushion]

Thank you Galateia

 

[RxTechRN2b]

If you can forgive my upsetting outburst, I would like to offer a kind suggestion.

I don''t know what setting you have for your amazing diamond, but -- if you like antique styles, warm cushions are born to be set in them. How about taking your own money and have fun searching for the perfect antique setting in which to display that baby?

And seriously, he really did take the time to get you what you asked for and what he thought was important -- a TWO carat cushion. It could be that he does not devalue you, he might just think a warm cushion is beautiful and romantic. Have you tried eating by candlelight and admired the way it sparkles? The original cushions were meant to look their best in candlelight.

Anyway, I can get pretty worked up over these types of threads (check out Missy''s with trying to get her future mother-in-law to buy her a 2.5-3 carat cushion!) So please accept my apology.

 

[SYC]

The personal attacks in response to this post blew me away. Clearly, there is much more at issue here. It seems to me that diamonds, money, and emotions (both the love of the couple and the jealousy of others) is a highly combustible combination. Add a couple communication mishaps in there and it just gets worse! I hope the comments haven''t scared you off this site, prettycushion.

Since you asked for opinions though, without really knowing the circumstances, it sounds to me like you might be conflating two issues -- both valid. First, there is the issue of your fiance''s spending habits and general money issues. It''s probably a good idea, as others have suggested, to try to get this sorted out before getting married and to really COMMUNICATE fully about your thoughts on feelings on the issue. Second, it sounds like there was a simple misunderstanding about the ring. I''m sure that he would much prefer you to exchange it for something smaller and with a higher color grade if it will make you happy. Sounds like he just heard 2 cts (which is what you told him, to be fair), and my guess he just didn''t know anything about color grades.

Sometimes, I think people overthink diamonds and get way too exercised about them. The reality is that your relationship is a relationship, and a diamond is just a diamond. It''s the ultimate accessory -- most people wear their engagement ring every day, and just as you would give a lot of thought to anything you wear every day (the only thing I can think of that comes close fashion wise are eyeglasses, if you wear them), you should give thought to the ring you wear and have one that you love.

Since you''re the one who will be wearing the ring all the time, and since cushions do show more color and it sounds like you''re color sensitive, you should probably just talk with him abotu exchanging it for some smaller and whiter.

I definitely would not assume that he values you less because of this particular purchase. HOWEVER, it sounds to me like you may be reacting to other things in the past (a more frugal with respect to gifts for others than for himself), and are extending those feelings to the ring. It is important that both partners in a relationship are generous and giving towards each other, maybe you just need to start the conversation on some larger issues. But I do think that''s a separate conversation from the one you have about the ring.

Sorry if I made a number of assumptions, etc. Just felt sorry to see the negative posts and personal attacks.

Good luck with everything!

 

[2Artists]

Hi there prettycushion I should have said welcome to Pricescope in my first post. So welcome to Pricescope!

I agree with the other lovers of warm stones. On my skin tone I think that warmer stones look much better on me at least. Differs from person to person I guess. Icy looks best on some and warm on others.

I love love love warm cushions. I bet it is so pretty! Check out some of the gorgeous warm stones PSers have! It will blow your mind.

If you like an antique feel than I bet that an antique or antique style wedding band could really play this stone up to fabulous advantage and be just stunning. Or maybe rose gold. You could have such a blast with this!

If your tastes run modern than maybe a band with some color like maybe sapphires or rubies. Come to think of it that could be really nice with an antique style one too.

You could maybe reframe this and think of the warmth as something fun and interesting to work with as far as what you pair it with.

E-rings are hard for sure and a hot button issue since so many emotions are tied up in them. Best luck and I know you can get this sorted out!

Mrs.2Artists

 

[fieryred33143]

You loved your ring when you got it. You noticed some color in it but you still loved it. Now that you know its in the K range, you are upset? AND to top it off, you throw in that he has the money so he should have spent it on you if he’s spending it on cars??

I can tell you are very frustrated which is probably why you sounded spoiled in your post.
And I (or my FF for that matter) don’t have the type of income that perhaps you and your fiance have so take my opinion for what its worth…but I don’t think showing someone how valuable they are is depicted by the dollar worth of the items given to them. It’s shown through love, compassion, trust, respect, etc. If you think love is shown through the value of a diamond, then that’s you and you are entitled…but that seems like a very sad perception in my opinion.

ETA: Just wanted to note that this is in response to the very first post...I haven't read through the others (because I'm at work with a nosy boss LOL) so if things in my post was addressed already, then my apologies.

 

[2Artists]

Oh yes I agree about looking at it in candlelight. Too pretty!

Mrs.2Artists

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 7/16/2008 4:30:57 PM
Author: Galateia
I was under the impression that an e-ring is more than just any old ''expensive gift''. If she was on here complaining that he won''t buy her a new car, pay her bills, or buy her fancy coats and a new piece of bling for every special occasion, I would have some choice comments about her being a ''gold-digger''.

It''s not unheard of for men to go the extra mile when it comes to the engagement ring.

I believe that''s part of the point?

It''s also not unheard of to get married without an e-ring. Have your husband purchase you a hideous, carbon infested, 2ct (2 years into the marriage) rock cause "you did say big". Then even do less work and leave it up to you for the upgrade. (yes happened to me). My husband has no interest in diamonds so I did all the work the second time around. Doesn''t mean he doesn''t love me.

My point is- symbolically our wedding rings mean much more to him than any e-ring i ccould wear. Maybe prettycushions fiance feels the same.
Let''s face it, most men in the world go to a chain store or their local jeweler and buy something within their budget without giving it much thought.
I don''t think the women are as upset as prettycushion is about the color of their stone. They''re just thrilled to be engaged.

That''s why in my other post I said it sounds like they need to be open about their financial expectations with eachother. This goes way deeper than "I don''t like the color of my diamond".

 

[mystiqkal]

hi, im new on thisi forum too but i honestly think the judgements and critism in this thread are going a bit far, with no one knowing the OP or what she''s like.

I personally can see where you''re coming from because i had a friend that was in the same position as you are now. Her ex husband made more money (even though they both worked hard), and spent ALOT of money on himself (meaning everything that he wanted he got) but skimped on everything else. I know some of you are saying, how is it her business what he spends his money on...well, since they''ve made this decision isnt it THEIR money?

I just think the judgement here became a bit one sided. If this guy was a millionaire and bought her a low qaulity 2ct diamond (and bought himself multiple cars, toys and trinkets) you wouldnt think there is something odd with this picture? I''m not saying that a 2ct is cheap by any means, but you have to understand that some people can spend 15k without blinking an eye and just because you cant or you choose not to, it doesnt give you the right to judge anyone else. usually the size of the engagement ring has alot to do with the amount of money the person is making and where they''re from.

If the OP came on here and said...hey my FI got me a .1ct diamond that he bought for 200 bucks but he makes 100k a year...wouldnt you think that the guy was being a bit stingy? The impression that i got from the OP was that she was concerned that he got her this 2ct diamond because it was cheap and a good deal and she thought that this, being a once in a lifetime purchase and extremly special event, would be the one time that he would splurge on her too...maybe she''s just seeing the light that if he wouldn''t spurge on this, would he ever? i mean at what point do you stop being judgemental and say...i understand why you might feel hurt...

 

[honey22]

Date: 7/16/2008 4:08:37 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 7/16/2008 4:01:21 PM

Author: RxTechRN2b

In your materialistic warped values, money = love. He needs to buy you nice, outrageously expensive things to prove how much he values and loves you.

RX .. I really think this is over the line & becoming a personal attack.

Ditto! The OP came here for advice not to be attacked. Can we please make all our members feel comfortable and be treated with respect regardless of our opinions of their behavior etc.

 

[honey22]

Date: 7/16/2008 4:16:40 PM
Author: customcushion

Author: RxTechRN2b


In your materialistic warped values, money = love. He needs to buy you nice, outrageously expensive things to prove how much he values and loves you.

I was actually going to suggest the OP could go to Graf in Bal Harbour and buy herself the ring she clearly deserves. They had a nice D IF asscher last time I was there... only about 600K. It just screams I LOVE YOU!!

So not necessary!

 

[motownmama]

you were LOVING your ring for a month b/f some jeweler took the wind out of your sails - don''t let that happen to you. I''ve seen beautiful M color
stones on PS - take a look! You will love this ring in 50 yrs b/c it''s the one your FI gave you - post some pics and you''ll get alot of oohs and ahhs here. I bet you''ve gotten tons of compliments in real life too, right? Start tomorrow off loving you ring again, like you were before!!!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/16/2008 4:55:03 PM
Author: mystiqkal
hi, im new on thisi forum too but i honestly think the judgements and critism in this thread are going a bit far, with no one knowing the OP or what she's like.

I personally can see where you're coming from because i had a friend that was in the same position as you are now. Her ex husband made more money (even though they both worked hard), and spent ALOT of money on himself (meaning everything that he wanted he got) but skimped on everything else. I know some of you are saying, how is it her business what he spends his money on...well, since they've made this decision isnt it THEIR money?

I just think the judgement here became a bit one sided. If this guy was a millionaire and bought her a low qaulity 2ct diamond (and bought himself multiple cars, toys and trinkets) you wouldnt think there is something odd with this picture? I'm not saying that a 2ct is cheap by any means, but you have to understand that some people can spend 15k without blinking an eye and just because you cant or you choose not to, it doesnt give you the right to judge anyone else. usually the size of the engagement ring has alot to do with the amount of money the person is making and where they're from.

If the OP came on here and said...hey my FI got me a .1ct diamond that he bought for 200 bucks but he makes 100k a year...wouldnt you think that the guy was being a bit stingy? The impression that i got from the OP was that she was concerned that he got her this 2ct diamond because it was cheap and a good deal and she thought that this, being a once in a lifetime purchase and extremly special event, would be the one time that he would splurge on her too...maybe she's just seeing the light that if he wouldn't spurge on this, would he ever? i mean at what point do you stop being judgemental and say...i understand why you might feel hurt...

I think its sad that the size of the diamond has to increase with the size of the income or you (meaning society…not you) would expect someone with a lot of money to have a large diamond. That’s just beyond me.

To the OP: I think that if the color is very noticeable and it bothers you that much, then say something. I'm color sensitive and I prefer "whiter" stones so I could see where a K would bother me. But I still think its worth noting that you loved it before you found out.

And one more note because I love looking at everyone's beautiful rings:

 

[LD]

Not many women are lucky enough to receive a 2ct engagement ring. There was a thread on here recently about the average size and, from memory, it was around 1ct. You loved the ring when you first saw it and it''s only hearing the K-L grading that I suspect has upset you. A clean K-L diamond - especially if it has a bit of fluor - can light up a room with it''s beauty and warmth.

Forget what car he drives. Forget what car you drive. You asked for 2ct - you got 2ct. Clarity and colour grades are not something that "most" men are informed about so at the end of the day he may think he''s bought you exactly what you asked for.

Having said all of that, I''m wondering from your original post if you''re having doubts about your fundamental differences and this has just brought everything to the forefront? Is the ring more important to you than being with a man who listens and buys you a big ring that you''ve asked for? If it is then I suspect perhaps your concerns may be right.

I hope that''s not the case and you can get over your disappointment and learn to love your ring that I suspect has been bought with love in mind.

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 5:05:29 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 7/16/2008 4:55:03 PM
Author: mystiqkal
hi, im new on thisi forum too but i honestly think the judgements and critism in this thread are going a bit far, with no one knowing the OP or what she''s like.

I personally can see where you''re coming from because i had a friend that was in the same position as you are now. Her ex husband made more money (even though they both worked hard), and spent ALOT of money on himself (meaning everything that he wanted he got) but skimped on everything else. I know some of you are saying, how is it her business what he spends his money on...well, since they''ve made this decision isnt it THEIR money?

I just think the judgement here became a bit one sided. If this guy was a millionaire and bought her a low qaulity 2ct diamond (and bought himself multiple cars, toys and trinkets) you wouldnt think there is something odd with this picture? I''m not saying that a 2ct is cheap by any means, but you have to understand that some people can spend 15k without blinking an eye and just because you cant or you choose not to, it doesnt give you the right to judge anyone else. usually the size of the engagement ring has alot to do with the amount of money the person is making and where they''re from.

If the OP came on here and said...hey my FI got me a .1ct diamond that he bought for 200 bucks but he makes 100k a year...wouldnt you think that the guy was being a bit stingy? The impression that i got from the OP was that she was concerned that he got her this 2ct diamond because it was cheap and a good deal and she thought that this, being a once in a lifetime purchase and extremly special event, would be the one time that he would splurge on her too...maybe she''s just seeing the light that if he wouldn''t spurge on this, would he ever? i mean at what point do you stop being judgemental and say...i understand why you might feel hurt...

I think its sad that the size of the diamond has to increase with the size of the income or you (meaning society…not you) would expect someone with a lot of money to have a large diamond. That’s just beyond me.

To the OP: I think that if the color is very noticeable and it bothers you that much, then say something. I''m color sensitive and I prefer ''whiter'' stones so I could see where a K would bother me. But I still think its worth noting that you loved it before you found out.

And one more note because I love looking at everyone''s beautiful rings:

i think this is where the problem lies...everyone is stuck on the whole size thing...that she should be happy with what she got just because its 2ct, even if its not the clarity or color she wanted. Its like you gusy are disregarding that she said she would be happy with a smaller diamond with better quality. and even though you might think its sad that the size of the diamond has to increase with income, it doesnt change the fact that its the norm. the more money you make, the more that you''re able to spend. thats the reason why rich people have big diamonds and poor people have small diamonds. If brad pit got angelina jolie a 5k ring when the norm in his circle is 500k...you wouldnt think he was being a bit cheap (especially if you knew ahead of time that he''s been cheap with other stuff- but splurges on himself all the time?)

 

[prettycushion]

I keep hearing about this Missy''s thread and I''m curious to read it, but don''t know where it is. How do I find it?


Thanks!

 

[mystiqkal]

Date: 7/16/2008 5:31:57 PM
Author: prettycushion
I keep hearing about this Missy''s thread and I''m curious to read it, but don''t know where it is. How do I find it?


Thanks!

this is the thread...

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/help-with-surprise-engagement-ring.89968/

 

[SYC]

i think this is where the problem lies...everyone is stuck on the whole size thing...that she should be happy with what she got just because its 2ct, even if its not the clarity or color she wanted. Its like you gusy are disregarding that she said she would be happy with a smaller diamond with better quality. and even though you might think its sad that the size of the diamond has to increase with income, it doesnt change the fact that its the norm. the more money you make, the more that you''re able to spend. thats the reason why rich people have big diamonds and poor people have small diamonds. If brad pit got angelina jolie a 5k ring when the norm in his circle is 500k...you wouldnt think he was being a bit cheap (especially if you knew ahead of time that he''s been cheap with other stuff- but splurges on himself all the time?)

Agreed. I find it a little disturbing, though very interesting, that (a) people seem so stuck on the size thing, and (b) seem to disapprove of women knowing what they want in terms of an engagement ring. Since when do we have to be so passive?? Obviously, it is important to be sensitive to financial issues, and not ask one''s fiance to buy something he cannot afford (or offer to chip in if that''s appropriate), but when did it become a bad thing to know what you want if you''re a woman?

Imagine: a woman is buying a car for her husband in a specified price range. She knows he wants a sports car, and goes out and buys him one. Turns out it''s totally the wrong color, manufacturer, style, etc. Do you think other guys would give him so much grief, and say he should be grateful for what he gets rather than saying he should just explain to his wife that that wasn''t what he had in mind?

 

[Haywood74]

Just wanted to chime in with another guy''s perspective on things.

When I first mulling over the idea of purchasing a ering, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to buy a 3 stone ring with an Asscher or Radiant center stone. I dabbled, searched, drove to jewelry stores, found pricescope, called in stones, and finally got to what I thought was a winning combination of a final choice of setting and choice of 3 different Asschers. However, I wasn''t 100% completely sure what my girl wanted, so I took her with me to look at what I had come up with before I finalized the deal. It kind of ruined the surprise, but I didn''t want to run into an unhappy situation. It''s a good thing I did as it turned out she liked rounds better than the square cuts I was fond of. Long story short, 2 weeks later I purchased a round diamond because she wanted it and not the square or rectangular that I wanted to buy.

The moral of everything that I just said is this. Sometimes guys "listen", but they don''t "hear." Your guy may have completely had the best of intentions as getting your diamond with the "2 carat" qualification and may have thought that the most important quality was the carat size. Not every person out there is going to have a vast diamond knowledge as to what to buy. Not every person out there is going to want to learn said knowledge before making a purchase. Not every person out there is going to walk in and tell the sales associate to give the the very best no matter what. Honestly speaking, when it comes to color and clarity, there are some HUGE price differences to gain very small upgrades in clarity and color. I am personally not sensitive to color that much and that may have been what your man saw. If it were me, I would have been asking what I was getting for the difference in price. He may very well have not seen the differences in the jewelry store as worth the additional costs. That is just smart shopping in my opinion. Keep this in mind. Just the simple fact that your man took the time to go and get what you asked for should tell you what his feelings are.

In closing I want to tell you this as well. My girl told me that she would have been happy with a bent up rusty nail for a ring. Imagine her surprise when she got a 3-stone Solasfera set-up instead. The bottom line is that when the day is done, it is only a ring. Although it is a super shiny and sparkly one, it is still just a ring. The ring can be stolen, misplaced, broken, or bent. What it symbolizes is supposed to be so much more important. It can always be replaced with a nail if need be.

 

[loverocks]

Some of the comments here really do border on personal attacks, and have admittedly hurt and offened prettycushion. Really, it is not in keeping with the spirit of this forum. Perhaps the thread may have been better posted in BIW, but nevertheless, we should try to be open minded especially if going off of just one original post that began the thread. Things are easily misinterpreted on forums. This is easily the 3rd or 4th thread in memory just from the past week or two that turned very harsh.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/16/2008 5:38:50 PM
Author: SYC

Agreed. I find it a little disturbing, though very interesting, that (a) people seem so stuck on the size thing, and (b) seem to disapprove of women knowing what they want in terms of an engagement ring. Since when do we have to be so passive?? Obviously, it is important to be sensitive to financial issues, and not ask one''s fiance to buy something he cannot afford (or offer to chip in if that''s appropriate), but when did it become a bad thing to know what you want if you''re a woman?

Imagine: a woman is buying a car for her husband in a specified price range. She knows he wants a sports car, and goes out and buys him one. Turns out it''s totally the wrong color, manufacturer, style, etc. Do you think other guys would give him so much grief, and say he should be grateful for what he gets rather than saying he should just explain to his wife that that wasn''t what he had in mind?

If I bought my husband a sportscar and he came to me saying "thanks but its the wrong color" someone would not be sleeping in the same bed as me.

But again I just got out of the starving college student income to can actually go to the mall and buy myself something without having to eat Mac-n-cheese for a week category so this may all be way out of my league

 

[Miranda]

I''m so sorry you are feeling bad prettycushion. I am also very sorry for the attacks from several members. Lately there have been quite a few really rude people posting here. Luckily, most everyone else is nice and helpful!

It''s one thing to disagree, it''s quite another to insult. I figure it''s a reflection of them. Not you. The new mean-ness here has really been bothering me. It seems like a thread doesn''t go by (especially involving large stones) without negative comments.

With that off my chest...Let''s get to your problem. I fully understand what you are saying and what a touchy topic this can be. Does the color really bother you? Or is it just the thought that he cheaped out? Both are valid concerns for you to have. My point is that, if you love the stone and the color is fine. Leave it alone. There could be so many factors that you do not know. Perhaps this is the most beautiful stone he looked at and he figured that sparkle and personality in a stone are more important than color...And a lower price tag is a bonus. Lots of people (me included) actually prefer cushions in a lower color. Could this be the case? Have you talked to him about his buying experience? I know you don''t want to ask about specs, but, if you find out where he is coming from you may feel better. If the color is really driving you nuts, I second NewEnglandLady''s suggestion to go down in size and up in color. And make sure you have a good upgrade policy!

Now, since I do not know you or your FI I have NO advice on what would be the best way to approach that topic!

Good luck!!!!

 

[Bliss]

I actually do understand what prettycushion is trying to say. The kernel of her post is, she doesn't feel like her FH will value her the same way he does himself. Those are her concerns and they are valid, though this may not be the best example from their relationship to illustrate that.

Say the issue weren't color but it was a 2ct with big chunks of black carbon inclusions? I'm sure we'd be more sympathetic. The point is, while most of us (myself included) love color, OP does not. Most of us are nuts about cut. Say she had said she got a 2ct but it was cut poorly? Then a lot of us would understand, too. Color is so subjective. Some love it and some do not want any. He should have asked, I think before he went warmer or at least communicated with her to see what she likes. But then again, he did get the right size and shape! So he was at least listening.

Lots of guys here go above and beyond to get the very best they can afford for their future wives. If there was a time to take care and do research and splurge (within reason without debt), then this is it for many people. So maybe there was a communication problem (he just heard 2ct cushion and went with it) or who knows? Certainly what he got her was not "cheap" in any way, but expectations were mismatched here.

One thing is, FH rarely buys nice things for himself. He has excellent taste, but he's not into self-indulgence. He's very practical when it comes to finances (hooray!) and very good with money. That said, if he ever splurges, it's on me. And I do the same for him. I think OP was voicing a concern that her FH would willingly splurge on himself but cut corners with her. And I think that does have big underlying issues. The whole point of love is being able to put the other before yourself. Right?

My advice would be... you loved the sparkle. You love the size. The warmth is also lovely but I'm not you. Can you learn to love it? It's a perfect metaphor for the guy. No human being is perfect in every single way. You'll love this and that, but then there are imperfections here and there. It's part of what makes us so beautiful and unique. Do you think you could fall in love with the stone all over again?

I really hope so. It sounds like a beauty.

ETA: I think differences in background have caused a big rift here. But there's a whole different world out there, one in which what some would consider "big money" is just small potatoes. And then some. It's all so relative. So it makes sense there would be outrage on some members' minds because maybe it is unfathomable to not be satisfied with X. But in the other member's mind, it is perfectly reasonable and then some. We're all on one board, but we are all worlds apart and in some ways, galaxies. Then again, we're all human beings with human desires, fears and emotions so that ties us together in a more substantial way. Thankfully, we all share a love for diamonds and for the most part, have enough humanity in us all to treat each other with respect.