The Outlaws Strike Again

[Linda W]

OMG!!!!! Harriet, that is outrageous!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Maisie]

Poor Harriet. It would probably work out cheaper to get a last minute flight and come visit me for the weekend!! Just think, we could spend all day in M&S looking at the cakes and biscuits. Now thats a worthwhile weekend!

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 1:56:53 PM
Author: Linda W
OMG!!!!! Harriet, that is outrageous!!!!!!!!!!!

You''re telling me. Not to mention food etc.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 2:08:08 PM
Author: Maisie
Poor Harriet. It would probably work out cheaper to get a last minute flight and come visit me for the weekend!! Just think, we could spend all day in M&S looking at the cakes and biscuits. Now thats a worthwhile weekend!

That would be a way better weekend.

 

[Linda W]

I know my hubby would not do that for one night, but that is the way he is.

Do you know where you are staying yet?? Or is that a bad question to ask??

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/15/2008 12:13:57 PM
Author: Eva17

Date: 9/14/2008 11:31:41 PM
Author: diamondfan
I would go with the flow here. Maybe you cannot see the gem guy this time. Do it another time, you have some flex in your schedule and I would not tack that on to this as it will only serve to annoy you as the plans are not firm. Just know they are not being considerate but rise above it. Pack a few things, climate is similar enough to pack for either place, and then just go and have a smile on your face. Plan another trip with your hubby later on and do the things you want to do. Remember when I told you not to expect them to be reasonable? Exhibit A. And if you balk and resist it, you are the one who will get frustrated, and fight with your hubby. They could not care less about inconveniencing you. Your hubby should be dealing with them. As he thinks this weekend is not about what you want and is about them, I would just drop it at this point. I also like things planned out, but oh well, if they wait too long and you cannot get a reservation somewhere, guess you cannot go? Risk they have to accept if they cannot be firm.

Harriet, in the scheme of it, you need to let go. You hopefully have a long marriage to this man and they are a part of it. I personally would not want to let them be the cause of fights over such petty stuff. Save your big guns and ammo for the real issues, things to you really have to fight for. This is not one of them. Resign yourself, smile, imagine them in the loony bin, do what you have to, but you will not do well to already letting them cause strife. I did not learn this for a long time. Now I only tell hubby when it is a major thing, and I know he supports me in those times because I am not getting upset over all the other things.

I have to go with DiamondFan on this one. word for word


plus sometimes when we dread something (especailly when every detail isn''t planned) we have a better time than we ever thought we would



after 22 years i also have a few dreadful stops in the history books that we had to go to,( to see the family), and it is something we tell jokes about now. remember when we, OMG, blah blah blah....

I have to thritto Dfan, and ditto Eva, on everything.

I know how you like to have all your i''s dotted and t''s crossed, I used to too. But I''m tellin ya, if you''d just "move down the alphabet" a bit, things would go/be so much better!

 

[Efe]

Date: 9/15/2008 8:35:20 AM
Author: Harriet
ILs are not good for one''s mental health, are they?

Great. The ''getaway'' is going to cost about $1,000.

Oh Harriet, I feel for you, especially because I am going through my own MIL hell right now and she only just arrived.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 2:51:39 PM
Author: Linda W
I know my hubby would not do that for one night, but that is the way he is.

Do you know where you are staying yet?? Or is that a bad question to ask??

The other half finally pinned them down. We''ll be going to the Berkshires afterall.

 

[Linda W]

I gather you are happy with that choice (I hope)

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 2:54:24 PM
Author: Ellen
I have to thritto Dfan, and ditto Eva, on everything.

I know how you like to have all your i''s dotted and t''s crossed, I used to too. But I''m tellin ya, if you''d just ''move down the alphabet'' a bit, things would go/be so much better!

I know, I know.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 2:59:29 PM
Author: BizouMom
Oh Harriet, I feel for you, especially because I am going through my own MIL hell right now and she only just arrived.

I''m sorry. Do you want to vent? Go ahead if you do.

 

[Linda W]

Harriet sweetheart, I am always here to listen to you. Either here, on your WW''s thread or mine.

Love, your adopted mom,

Linda xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 3:01:24 PM
Author: Linda W
I gather you are happy with that choice (I hope)

I'm not. We went to the Berkshires once. Because we're such city dwellers, we almost continued driving to Boston. I do want to meet the gem expert, but not necessarily in the Berkshires. Meeting him would be making the best of a bad situation.

Thank you, dear.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 9/15/2008 3:09:00 PM
Author: Harriet

Date: 9/15/2008 3:01:24 PM
Author: Linda W
I gather you are happy with that choice (I hope)

I''m not. We went to the Berkshires once. Because we''re such city dwellers, we almost continued driving to Boston. I do want to meet the gem expert, but not necessarily in the Berkshires. Meeting him would be making the best of a bad situation.

Thank you, dear.

Harriet...seriously, there are a LOT of great cultural things to do in the Berkshires and it is BEAUTIFUL this time of year. Just because it''s not the city doesn''t mean it isn''t a great place to visit and relax...I can think of about a million places that would rank far far lower than the berkshires for a vacation!

 

[Skippy123]

I think when life gives you lemons make lemonade (take a deep breath) and by just seeing the silver lining really makes life less stressful in the end!!!! I agree w/the others, you can laugh about the absurdity of their behavior all later. Honestly, if you think about it, they are going to own a B&B soon so how often will you have to see them?? Once they do that for a living it will be really hard for them to get away and see you all. I would just earn some brownie points because this is really about doing it for your hubby's sake and that is what marriage is about, some sacrifices from time to time

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/15/2008 5:57:59 PM
Author: Skippy123
I think when life gives you lemons make lemonade (take a deep breath) and by just seeing the silver lining really makes life less stressful in the end!!!! I agree w/the others, you can laugh about the absurdity of their behavior all later. Honestly, if you think about it, they are going to own a B&B soon so how often will you have to see them?? Once they do that for a living it will be really hard for them to get away and see you all. I would just earn some brownie points because this is really about doing it for your hubby''s sake and that is what marriage is about, some sacrifices from time to time

Ditto. Listen to the wise Miss Skippy.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 3:14:47 PM
Author: neatfreak

Harriet...seriously, there are a LOT of great cultural things to do in the Berkshires and it is BEAUTIFUL this time of year. Just because it''s not the city doesn''t mean it isn''t a great place to visit and relax...I can think of about a million places that would rank far far lower than the berkshires for a vacation!

Hi neatfreak,

I hope I didn''t offend you. The Berkshires are beautiful and I''d love to be at Tanglewood one year. By "bad situation," I meant a weekend with the outlaws. Sorry!

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 6:04:22 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 9/15/2008 5:57:59 PM
Author: Skippy123
I think when life gives you lemons make lemonade (take a deep breath) and by just seeing the silver lining really makes life less stressful in the end!!!! I agree w/the others, you can laugh about the absurdity of their behavior all later. Honestly, if you think about it, they are going to own a B&B soon so how often will you have to see them?? Once they do that for a living it will be really hard for them to get away and see you all. I would just earn some brownie points because this is really about doing it for your hubby''s sake and that is what marriage is about, some sacrifices from time to time

Ditto. Listen to the wise Miss Skippy.

I''m listening and agreeing, dear ladies.

P.S. Please let their future B&B be a good ways from here. It''ll be open only during the summer.

 

[Linda W]

Harriet, if it does well, maybe DH can talk them into opening it year round, tee hee

 

[Harriet]

And we can have a PS GTG there!

 

[Linda W]

Oh sure we can, ha ha ha

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 9/15/2008 1:54:39 PM
Author: Harriet
No. Early Saturday. So all that expense is just for one freaking night.

How bad can the place be at hundreds of dollars for a B and B for one night? look on the bright side...

 

[Harriet]

That''s what I''m doing.

 

[diamondfan]

Harriet, I am only trying to bless you with the wisdom I lacked and the fruits of my suffering back in the day

I can tell you if you wish, you can go to the mat about them constantly. You will be the only one that comes out poorly, and hubby will get frustrated.

I am certain they are tough, demanding, entitled...but they are always going to be that way. The best thing ever is to be soooo calm (you can even get to the point with your hubby where you can laugh about it)...I am finally there, hubby now points out the crap his mom does before I DO!

Also, you will gain his admiration if you, not as a martyr but as his partner, pick the battles you fight over and let the rest roll over you. Trust me this is much easier said than done. I learned it over the years, the hard way. I knew I was right and I wanted him to grovel to me about my rightness, and when he did not I would get livid. Over time I realized that I could right all the way home and still not get anywhere. Now, believe me the sight of my mother in law makes me cringe, but I try my best to suck it up. I am NOT always successful (I ain''t no saint) but I do try. Hubby appreciates it.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I''m chiming in really late on this thread, but I think the reason some of us have been married 20-30+ years is that we have followed the very good advice given on this thread! We can come here to vent, but it is always best not to vent to the spouse about his family. They may even know the complaints are true, but they don''t want to hear it.

I figure if Caroline has survived her MIL, anyone can!

 

[diamondfan]

DS, you are so right! It makes so much sense to come here to punch the proverbial bag, get out the feelings, and be able to smile and deal.

hubby will tell me, in times of vulnerability, that he KNOWS she is a wretch a lot of the time, but he feels badly because she is his mom and she is old. It is not that he does not agree with me or support me, but he hates to be between us. If he could just talk to her and get her to understand the consequences of her actions, great, but she is clueless. He knows it, and if I keep harping on it (me?) he gets upset because he knows I am right but yet what can he really do? I never try nowadays to put him in that spot, I let it be more his own conclusions so I am not that voice. I am a mom too, and hope that I never have my sons feeling upset or that they have to take sides between their wives and me.

That said, she sucks and I am always right!!

 

[Linda W]

That may be true for some but....... my MIL was so bad, we stopped speaking to her completely. It was DH''s decision. She was toxic poison to all of her kids.


Linda

 

[diamondfan]

Linda, there are those terrible and extreme cases for sure, and sometimes things are just escalating and building to that final outcome. But it is tough for a kid to cut off their parent, so I can imagine your mother in law really was awful. Toxic is not good and I refuse to allow it near me or my kids. I have cut people out for it, most namely my sister. I wish I could get hubby to be tough, but I also do love that he is such a good son. (even if she makes me bonkers and I cannot stand the sight of her!)

 

[Linda W]

Caroline,

I can definitely see what you are saying. I guess with my DH, she was such a rotten mother to begin with to all of her 6 kids, then their spouses, it was the last straw for him.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/15/2008 11:15:40 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
I''m chiming in really late on this thread, but I think the reason some of us have been married 20-30+ years is that we have followed the very good advice given on this thread! We can come here to vent, but it is always best not to vent to the spouse about his family. They may even know the complaints are true, but they don''t want to hear it.

I figure if Caroline has survived her MIL, anyone can!

Find a way to find something in them that you like. Your life will be richer for it, your marriage happier for it.