The Outlaws Strike Again

[Harriet]

The outlaws are planning to buy and run a B&B. Thankfully, it'll be at least 4 hours from here. They "want" us to join them for the weekend. The problem is that they either can't or won't settle on a place. It could be in eastern CT, it could be in the Berkshires. I'm the type of traveller who likes to settle my accommodations ahead of time (Is it clean? How much does it cost? ...) Also, if they're meeting us in MA, there's a gem expert I'd love to meet. Since the outlaws won't tell us where until possibly Friday morning, how am I supposed to make the relevant arrangements? I've not made a single complaint about having to spend the weekend with the outlaws to DH, but he got upset when I asked him to ask them to do us the courtesy of making firm plans. Here they go again.

ETA:
As you know, Wall Street has had a crazy few weeks, which means DH needs his rest on at least Saturday. Did the outlaws ask if he had the time? Noo.

 

[neatfreak]

Harriet if you go to the Berkshires make sure you call ahead to see if Richard is there, he often isn't in the shop on the weekends and likes to take long lunches sometimes too.

I understand the annoyance...I like to have things planned out in advance too.

 

[Harriet]

Precisely!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Hummm.....

Could you pin them down to two places? Than make reservations for both, I know it seems like extra work for you, but I think it has been established that they are beyond reason. Once again, I think you husband should be the one talking to them.

I think I know what gem dealer you are talking about, if I were going to that area, I would want to meet him too...

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:25:07 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
Hummm.....

Could you pin them down to two places? Than make reservations for both, I know it seems like extra work for you, but I think it has been established that they are beyond reason. Once again, I think you husband should be the one talking to them.

I think I know what gem dealer you are talking about, if I were going to that area, I would want to meet him too...

He should! But, when I raised the issue, he took it as my saying that I didn''t want to go and got angry.

As for meeting R.W., the other half insisted that the weekend was about spending time with the outlaws, and not about what I want to do. I doubt that R.W. would have more than an hour to spend with me though,

 

[diamondfan]

I would go with the flow here. Maybe you cannot see the gem guy this time. Do it another time, you have some flex in your schedule and I would not tack that on to this as it will only serve to annoy you as the plans are not firm. Just know they are not being considerate but rise above it. Pack a few things, climate is similar enough to pack for either place, and then just go and have a smile on your face. Plan another trip with your hubby later on and do the things you want to do. Remember when I told you not to expect them to be reasonable? Exhibit A. And if you balk and resist it, you are the one who will get frustrated, and fight with your hubby. They could not care less about inconveniencing you. Your hubby should be dealing with them. As he thinks this weekend is not about what you want and is about them, I would just drop it at this point. I also like things planned out, but oh well, if they wait too long and you cannot get a reservation somewhere, guess you cannot go? Risk they have to accept if they cannot be firm.

Harriet, in the scheme of it, you need to let go. You hopefully have a long marriage to this man and they are a part of it. I personally would not want to let them be the cause of fights over such petty stuff. Save your big guns and ammo for the real issues, things to you really have to fight for. This is not one of them. Resign yourself, smile, imagine them in the loony bin, do what you have to, but you will not do well to already letting them cause strife. I did not learn this for a long time. Now I only tell hubby when it is a major thing, and I know he supports me in those times because I am not getting upset over all the other things.

 

[Harriet]

Too true.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:21:23 PM
Author:Harriet


ETA:
As you know, Wall Street has had a crazy few weeks, which means DH needs his rest on at least Saturday. Did the outlaws ask if he had the time? Noo.

Well if he needs his rest, I would just go with the flow and not make it more difficult for him. It is just a weekend so hang in there. I
would try to keep the peace.

 

[Linda W]

Harriet, I am just like you. This would drive me NUTS. I want to know when and where we are staying. No ifs, ands or butts.


Linda

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:40:36 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 9/14/2008 11:21:23 PM
Author:Harriet


ETA:
As you know, Wall Street has had a crazy few weeks, which means DH needs his rest on at least Saturday. Did the outlaws ask if he had the time? Noo.

Well if he needs his rest, I would just go with the flow and not make it more difficult for him. It is just a weekend so hang in there. I
would try to keep the peace.

Sigh. That''s probably what I''ll end up doing.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:41:55 PM
Author: Linda W
Harriet, I am just like you. This would drive me NUTS. I want to know when and where we are staying. No ifs, ands or butts.


Linda

Exactly. But I have to pretend to be peppy. Ugh.

P.S. Did you notice your typo? Guess we've really degenerated. Haha.

 

[diamondfan]

Harriet, you gain more support and points if you make him think you are on his side. You do not have to take crap, but sometimes, sucking it up for HIS sake is the wisest thing you can do.

I am very organized and a total planner. This would not be what I want either, but you are not going to gain anything here by being tough about it. You will end up going anyway more than likely so just smile and do what you need to get through it.

Next time, you can say to him, I went last time, and you know it was tough for me. Now you need to tell them thank you but we need it a bit more organized or we cannot join them.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:45:36 PM
Author: Harriet

Date: 9/14/2008 11:41:55 PM

Author: Linda W

Harriet, I am just like you. This would drive me NUTS. I want to know when and where we are staying. No ifs, ands or butts.



Linda

Exactly. But I have to pretend to be peppy. Ugh.


P.S. Did you notice your typo? Guess we''ve really degenerated. Haha.

ha ha ha ha, No I didn''t notice. Guess I was still thinking of dog butts ha ha ha ha ha

 

[Linda W]

Harriet, how is your health??

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:31:41 PM
Author: diamondfan
I would go with the flow here. Maybe you cannot see the gem guy this time. Do it another time, you have some flex in your schedule and I would not tack that on to this as it will only serve to annoy you as the plans are not firm. Just know they are not being considerate but rise above it. Pack a few things, climate is similar enough to pack for either place, and then just go and have a smile on your face. Plan another trip with your hubby later on and do the things you want to do. Remember when I told you not to expect them to be reasonable? Exhibit A. And if you balk and resist it, you are the one who will get frustrated, and fight with your hubby. They could not care less about inconveniencing you. Your hubby should be dealing with them. As he thinks this weekend is not about what you want and is about them, I would just drop it at this point. I also like things planned out, but oh well, if they wait too long and you cannot get a reservation somewhere, guess you cannot go? Risk they have to accept if they cannot be firm.

Harriet, in the scheme of it, you need to let go. You hopefully have a long marriage to this man and they are a part of it. I personally would not want to let them be the cause of fights over such petty stuff. Save your big guns and ammo for the real issues, things to you really have to fight for. This is not one of them. Resign yourself, smile, imagine them in the loony bin, do what you have to, but you will not do well to already letting them cause strife. I did not learn this for a long time. Now I only tell hubby when it is a major thing, and I know he supports me in those times because I am not getting upset over all the other things.

Gotta say I agree with DF here. I know they suck, but now is the time to be there for your hubby if not them. I know what you are saying about Wall Street, I am really afraid of what tomorrow will bring. My husband owns an investment firm, and it''s been rough for the past few weeks. I don''t know what tomorrow will bring, but know his stress level. You can be the bigger person here, be there for him and just suck it up. It will go a long way.... Your husband will love that you were a trooper. Trust me on that.

I learned a thing or two, just celebrated 22 years on Saturday. My MIL drove me insane, but we are really good friends now.
There can be a happy ending..... Or can say, there is always hope.

 

[Harriet]

Caroline,

I know. When he's calm, he understands that I'm being supportive of him, as I should be; when he's riled up, he does a 180.

P.S. Not only will we have to fork out $300 to board the dogs, we'll have to stay in the B&B of their choice. Since they're 'thrifty,' ...

 

[Linda W]

Hope it has a comfortable bed.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:51:25 PM
Author: Linda W
Harriet, how is your health??

Still meh. Thanks for asking.

 

[Linda W]

Well, I hope this trip doesn''t upset your poor tummy.

Love, adopted mom Linda

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:51:52 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Gotta say I agree with DF here. I know they suck, but now is the time to be there for your hubby if not them. I know what you are saying about Wall Street, I am really afraid of what tomorrow will bring. My husband owns an investment firm, and it''s been rough for the past few weeks. I don''t know what tomorrow will bring, but know his stress level. You can be the bigger person here, be there for him and just suck it up. It will go a long way.... Your husband will love that you were a trooper. Trust me on that.

I learned a thing or two, just celebrated 22 years on Saturday. My MIL drove me insane, but we are really good friends now.
There can be a happy ending..... Or can say, there is always hope.

Congratulations on your anniversary!

Thanks for your understanding. The last two weeks have been hellish and the next one threatens to be the same.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/14/2008 11:56:51 PM
Author: Linda W
Hope it has a comfortable bed.

I hope it''s clean and has a private bathroom!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

The advise above is good, the art of choosing your battles I guess. It is not an art I have ever been good at, but I am learning it is a skill necessary to get though life without burning bridges.

I hope that your health situation gets better. Not being 100% always makes life''s little road bumps harder to handle.

 

[Harriet]

Thanks. Oh well, if it''s the Berkshires, there''s a chance of meeting R.W.; if it''s Mystic, at least it''s purdy.

 

[diamondfan]

Well, if you know that, just deal and know it will come back to you in spades. Trust me, he will recall times when you could have pitched a fit and did not. It goes into that nice bank of feelings. Each little thing is worth it. Can you ask to stay somewhere else nearby so you can have newlywed privacy?

 

[Linda W]

ACK!!!! I am not one for sharing a bathroom.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 12:07:57 AM
Author: diamondfan
Well, if you know that, just deal and know it will come back to you in spades. Trust me, he will recall times when you could have pitched a fit and did not. It goes into that nice bank of feelings. Each little thing is worth it. Can you ask to stay somewhere else nearby so you can have newlywed privacy?

Nice try. Unfortunately, he insists on staying with them. And it won''t be the Canyon Ranch.

 

[Miranda]

I agree with DFan, too. Put a smile on your pretty face and go. Do it for your hubby.

Just a thought here...Do you ever trade ''services'' for jewelry?

Hahaha - No I do not mean that how it sounds! Maybe you could tell DH you will go and you will be happy about it (ok, you will go at least). Though, it would make you happier if you had a little something fun to think of along the way. Say, a new project - other than the spess. It works for us! If I have to go to an event I really don''t want to or DH wants to go someplace (like racing Porsches in Alabama!

) a little bit of jewelry always helps to sweeten things up. It certainly improves my mood!

And, for what it''s worth, I totally understand your frustration! I have been in a similar situation with DH''s parents.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 9/15/2008 12:08:42 AM
Author: Linda W
ACK!!!! I am not one for sharing a bathroom.

Gross, right? The outlaws are perfectly comfortable doing that when they travel.

 

[diamondfan]

Oh well, I would not be able to be romantic under those circumstances. That would have my hubby on the phone to Canyon Ranch in an instant. He would tell his folks, stay where you want, we will see you for meals and sightseeing but we need our privacy.

And bathroom sharing would undo me as my mother in law takes so freaking long it is ridiculous.

 

[diamondfan]

Miranda, that is how I get some fun bling. Mother in law coming to visit? There is a "little" something that I want that soothes the pain of it all.

But with the market the way it is, I would hesitate to drive that home now if he is worried. You can always collect later.