Now I really did it :((

[Scandinavian]

Good morning girls
Meetings today, so no time for an update - not much going on anyway - will get back to you tonight!
Hugs!

 

[missy]

Good morning girls!

Kristie, I'm sorry you are not feeling well. The doctor you went to yesterday is an internist or GYN? Never having had a UTI I am not even sure of the symptoms but would have thought it easily diagnosed. The effects of menopause on the genitourinary tract sounds a little vague to me as a proper diagnosis so if you're not feeling better very soon please go to either your regular doctor (Dr S!) or your GYN OK? I know I don't have to tell you this but sometimes when we are in the middle of it we don't see it the same as when you are observing it from the outside. I am sorry I had nothing to share about the benefits of the Vagifem vs the other med. I am interested to hear your thoughts if you find out anything else about the differences b/w the 2 meds.

And for a little bit of good news your package is scheduled to arrive today. Woohoo. Fingers crossed it fits. But in any case thank you again! Sending you lots of get well dust and healing hugs!

I'm jealous of all you west coast girls -LLJsmom and Gypsy. You lucky girls! You are definitely closer to sunny and lovely California Kristie so you should take advantage and visit all our California girls! Reminds me of the Beach boy song "California Girls".

Rainwood, you have no idea how happy I would be to send Greg your way!!! If it would be a help just say the word and off he will go. Plus I love where you live so if I could find someone to watch the kitties (oh why oh why don't the NIRDIs live closer!) I can join him and while he's gardening we can go exploring. Greg says he finds gardening relaxing and he loves being creative which I imagine he is getting from gardening as well. I asked Greg if he ever wanted to write (he loves reading books) but he said no so there you go. Not all attorneys want to write but that's not a representative poll so I am curious as to what percentage of attorneys are really potential authors inside. I would LOVE reading the book you wrote so if you were inclined to let me I would be thrilled to read it. No pressure though!

Ocean Grove is so pretty but I am not sure about living in a Victorian home because I need natural sunlight coming through and love bright homes and often Victorian homes are darker inside than I like. However I guess it depends on the house and the renos inside. If there were lots of skylights and windows it would be cool. I love them on the outside so much. Just beautiful and romantic and ethereal.

Gypsy, OMG that would be such a lucky kitty if you and your dh and fur babies were to adopt him and add him to your family. And that kitty you chose is a sweet sweet baby! OK they all are but that one was definitely a sweetheart. Oh I wish we had that trust fund!

I love the book you have about the girl struggling what to do with her life. Is it published/available to purchase? I would love reading it so please link it if it's available OK? And also interested in the urban fantasy so when that's complete remember you have a built in audience here for sure.

When I was younger (in my teens) I actually wrote a couple of books myself but nothing publishable LOL. I loved creative writing however and have an active imagination but I don't have the discipline to sit down and write. Except for the NIRDI thread where I often write short books lol... sorry.

I have so many hats but don't wear them as much as I should because I get so hot so easily. But they are great for protecting from the sun at least for your face. I love Solumbra and Coolibar for SPF hats and occasionally Costco (of course Costco rocks!) has SPF hats available too. Bought them for my whole family one year.

I hope you and John get to go to Joe E this weekend and then enjoy lunch at a wonderful Persian restaurant. Sounds like a dream day. Bling shopping and then good food. I think that might be on our agenda soon too.

Fall is my favorite season at the Jersey shore as well. Less people here, crisp autumn air, sharp horizon during sunset and sunrise and gorgeous colors everywhere.


Scandi, when I was younger (young-mid teens) I went on lots of cruises with my family. To Canada, Bermuda, etc and we always had a great time. Cruises were different those days and I haven't been on a cruise since my Alaskan adventure in 1995 with my friends.

The Alaskan cruise was a trip of a lifetime IMO and it was 2 weeks and we had plenty of time to be on land and explore and hike. It was a great way to see the scenery and get to places that were hard to get to any other way. We went on the maiden voyage of the Holland America ship the ms Ryndam to Alaska and it was awesome. That ship has since been retired. Yea I guess I'm that old now. LOL. Went with my great friends and my sister and I still remember and loved that trip.

Greg has never been on a cruise and honestly I don't have the urge to do anymore cruises unless it is a trip like my Alaska adventure where cruising might be the best way to see the sights and plenty of land time too. What I loved about cruises is that I kept the home base and didn't have to keep packing and unpacking etc. One of the things I like least about travel. But if we were staying in one place and not traveling the whole state I think not cruising is generally the way to go. Really depends on what you want to see and how much traveling you will be doing.

We have never been to Hawaii but would love to go one day. I watch all those house hunter shows and also the Hawaii House Hunters and LOVE "visiting" different places this way. No flying involved LOL and I get to see exactly where I want to travel one day. Hawaii is on my list. That and Iceland and the Scandinavian countries (Hey Scandi ) and Prague and a few more places that I cannot think of right now. If I ever get back to flying.

Marcy, Oy, I am sorry Marty had some unpleasantness at the Bare Naked Ladies concert but glad he had an overall good time. Wow how rude was that couple. WTH. Marty was too nice and should have had them escorted out from his seats.
Funny story as I got older (thirties and up) I started wearing ear plugs in my ears when attending concerts to dampen the harsh effects of the loudness because I would leave the concerts half deaf and with ringing galore. It worked. Hearing damage is cumulative and we already have enough damage from the loud subway screeching of the trains and loud traffic noise in NYC. Oh bring me to sunny California by the coast where the only loud noise is the roar of the ocean!

The kitties nails are so long because Ann forgot to clip them before she came here with them. We have to cut our cats nails every few weeks. They grow long just like our fingernails. It can be challenging because besides Francesca all our other kitties put up a fight. But we do it as a 2 person team and usually with not too much bloodshed on our ends. Though sometimes we get pretty scratched up lol but no worries. None of our cats ever get injured. Just us.

I'm glad Wyoming is extra green this June. Pretty! And our bling loves the green colors. Thanks for the compliment for Bea. She doesn't love the study room in our house where we were playing with the kitties because the walls are brown. It was the one room in the house we have not yet repainted. I am not sure what we are waiting for and should have done it the first go round when we repainted all the other rooms. My only excuse is I was recovering from my broken bones and was not thinking as clearly as I should have been. I want to paint it some shade of blue. A deeper blue than is in the LR, DR and kitchen. You know I love the blue.

Greg is trying to figure out what went wrong with the video doorbell right now. It is always something isn't it? But when something is new it would certainly be nice if it didn't malfunction right away right? Haha. IDK back it might go if he cannot figure it out. I don't want this cutting into bike time as tomorrow rain is predicted so we might not get to ride tomorrow.

Hope your work employees are behaving and being more cheerful and upbeat. And I hope your workweek is going smoothly.

Junie, how is your week going? Just a little over a week now till your mom moves in and I am sending more good thoughts your way for a smooth transition.


Jimmianne, Bonjour, I hope you are having a wonderful time! Thinking of you and Pom and sending more (((hugs))).

Sharon, hi there, hope you are having a good week.

CJ, thinking of you too.

Hey there ZestfullyBling, how are you doing and how are you enjoying that gorgeous new ring of yours?

Speaking of gorgeous new rings LLJsmom, how is your sweet beautiful OEC? Any new pics to share? And any updates about how your DD is loving her new necklace? Ooh you are so lucky to have a DD to share your love of bling with and vice versa. Enjoy that! And she is a lucky girl because she has some gorgeous bling to borrow when she gets older.

We enjoyed another long bike ride yesterday and again I was so glad to get back and get off the bike. OMG the bike is painful after being on it for 6 hours. I think I need to get a new bike seat but I hate that initial breaking in period that you have to go through with a new bike seat. I ordered that red helmet from Colorado Cyclist in the small size. Hope I don't regret it but it was nowhere else to be found and I just LOVE that color red. I am right at the border size wise with my head. I think the small was 51-55 cm head circumference and I am right at 55 cm so fingers crossed it fits. Also hoping it arrives before we leave the beach house because being the impatient girl that I am I am having it sent here but we only have a few days left. LOL I am so impatient and sometimes I regret it. Let's hope this is not one of those times.

Just sharing the helmet pic again. It's so pretty. Let the small fit my big head please.



Have a great day everyone!

 

[ZestfullyBling]

Good Morning Ladies!!!

Wanted to check in before Im off to work.


Gypsy – Im a dog lover, because I have a terrible cat allergy. But man if I could cuddle the cute kitties...they are so adorable. Im jealous. I hope the adoptions are successful. Those kitties would warm my heart.

I had the same dream when I was younger. I wanted to be married at 18. Stability and contentment. Yup. See. Im so boring. Fortunately, it work out for me. I did get married at 18 and I am stable and happy. I guess its what I needed.


Marcy - Nice Coach!!! I love Coach. Marty's ring looks great! . I hope the stretching works out fine. Nothing worse than have new bling that cant be worn because its uncomfortable. Sounds like a refreshing, relaxing evening. I bet the air and scenery in Wyoming is breathtaking.

Jimmianne –LOL! Gone in 60 seconds!!! That's so awesome of you.!

Azstone – I hope you get well soon. Water and Cranberry worked for me. Did you know garlic is a natural antibiotic?

Scandinavia – You'd be so surprised how refreshing a “good walk” (outside) is on the lunch break. Gets the circulation going, your mind enters wonderland...its pretty cool. Great photo of you and your baby, so much love!!


Missy - The poem is so heart warming. Thank you for that. The style of your new helmet is so cool looking.
I dont know how Im feeling. Im trying to be ok overall. June and July months are extremely hard for me. Im a broken person trying to mend myself daily. Anywho, my ring!!! Yes! I had to send it back to BGD to size down to a 6. I used to be a 7 didn't think loosing 15 pounds affected my ring finger, but I guess it did. Cool right!

Hi Rainwood, Junie, Sharon, Calliecake.
I hope I didn't miss anyone.

Happy Tuesday!!

 

[Scandinavian]

My new work baby

 

[junebug17]

Hi girls - I won't be able to catch up completely but wanted to check in -

Missy, the kitties are just so sweet and beautiful, love their pink noses. I'm so glad the visit went well. Oh I wish I could take one but dh is at his limit with one I think you're about an hour and a half from me, which isn't bad and I do wish I could have stopped by to see the kittens - I still have some things to do at my house though so maybe it was for the best.

Yes, my mother will be here soon - I am very nervous about certain things, the main one being my mother's schedule is off and she is awake more during the night than during the day - she doesn't roam around but gets up frequently at times to use the bedside commode - I'll attempt to change it but it will be hard because my brother has encouraged this sleep pattern - my main concern is being able to get enough rest. I'll just have to see how this all plays out. Melatonin has been suggested by her doctor and I've tried it intermittently but I'm going to give it to her regularly at my house and I'm hoping it helps.

Marcy, glad you enjoyed Zoolander, I like silly movies and I enjoyed the first one so I'll have to watch it. I never saw Finding Nemo; my daughter loves it. Another movie I'll have to see. Hope work is going ok and you're having a good visit with the in-laws.

Hugs to you about your parents' anniversary - I'm sure the day was emotional for you and I know how much you miss them - thinking of you and sending thoughts of comfort.

Scandinavian, a cruise to Hawaii sounds great and it will be so much fun to go with friends - especially friends with kids so that your children have someone to play with lol. Keeping you in my thoughts as you try to resolve the log problem, it really is such an unfortunate thing to have happen. Love your purse

Jimmianne, so good to hear from you - sorry for the travel issues but you sound like you're hanging in there - too bad about your bag but sounds like it was the best thing to do under the circumstances. I hope things go smoothly from this point and you have a wonderful time.

Rainwood, thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, and for your input. So helpful to me that you have faced the issue of aging and ill parents and can understand the challenges - yes, I agree that care-giving can give rise to thoughts and feelings that are, well, let's just say less than charitable and that it's understandable to have these feelings sometimes. Thank you for the reminder, and for your understanding and your kindness, I do appreciate it.

Please finish your second book because I want to read it lol! Reading is one of the few things I truly enjoy these days. That and chatting with the nirdis ha.

And I think it's perfectly ok to get a beautiful ring simply for the reason that it will bring some joy into your life. Trying to add symbolism to something sometimes only puts more pressure on a situation. I'm sorry you are struggling with your grief, you have been through so much and it's understandable it's going to take some time to feel okay. We are all here for you to lend our support and to just listen. I wish I could offer more but I'm hoping this thread can at least provide you with some company and comfort. Big hugs to you, we're here for you.

Calliecake, it's so good to see you posting! It sounds like things are going more smoothly for you and your family right now and I am so happy about that. My sister is going to go to my mother's house with me and will be staying for a while. My sister will be here when the process starts to get an aide (the agency does an evaluation before they assign a person) and that will really help in case my mother gives me a hard time about it.

Kristie, sorry you might have a UTI, I've had a few in my lifetime and they stink - soooo uncomfortable. Hope you can get some relief soon.

Zestfullybling, sorry you had to be separated from your gorgeous ring but it will be worth it - love your new 3 stone, I know I've already told you I love your taste and style but it bears repeating

I know I've missed a ton but hope I got the highlights - hello to everyone and have a great day!

 

[LLJsmom]

Good morning NIRDIs, It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to catch up with all of you. A large part of the problem is after I read a page or two, I’ve already forgotten what has happened to whom. So sorry in advance if I miss anyone. I’m going LIFO (accounting term).

Scandi – That is a gorgeous, fab bag. I guess you work where business attire is necessary? It seems very professional. I go to work with a big Northface backpack and a beat up purse. I don’t need to see clients though, and I can wear sneakers. Your bag looks big. I could probably even fit my lunch in there.

Hi Zest – nice to see you here. I’m kinda lazy. If you don’t want me to abbreviate, just tell me. All good. Wow, 18 is young to be married by today’s standard (in the US). I was 25, which was kinda young back in the day, and practically unheard of now. Glad you’re still in it!

Missy – The red helmet is fab. FAB. If I was flying down the road on a bike, I would want to be wearing THAT. I’m crossing my fingers for you. It’s so annoying when you buy something on line but aren’t entirely sure that you fit it. Seriously, I don’t know how you can sit on a bike for 6 hours. That’s endurance. How long does it take to break in a new seat?

I’ve had no time for anything but running while the kids are in lessons this week. I’ve run about 4 days in a row, unheard of for me for a while. My DS is just like me sometimes, whiney and doesn’t want to start. But once we get him out there, he is so happy. He ran five miles with me two days ago, and pushed the pace. I don’t know how he does it. At 13, I could barely do half a mile. But he is so young. I don’t want to push him to participate at the competitive level if he doesn’t want it. I want him to preserve his knees and enjoy running whenever he feels like it, and then he can keep doing it when he’s older.

Missy, I just saw all the pics you posted here, and the kitties are adorable. So wish DH was allergic. Too bad he would take exception to us asking him to get allergy shots for the sake of kitties. I so hope they find homes soon. How can you say no to such sweet little faces? And going back further, love the poem. People who can write poetry amaze me. Just amazing.

Jimmianne, I hope you are having a good trip. I didn’t even know you were gone. However, while shopping at Galleries Lafayette, please have a couple of Pierre Herme macarons for me!! They are my absolute favorite macarons in the entire world.

Gypsy, I am glad you find Alameda more to your liking, and more reasonably priced. I know the peninsula is ridiculous. It does amaze me that people can even live here, unless they bought a long time ago. The cost of living is truly expensive. And the weather is so nice across the bridge. 10 degrees warmer at the very least. I’ve been having a few “gotta buy something” moments lately. It comes on when I’m at my most stressed. It’s kinda hilarious. It takes the place of “I’ve gotta eat something”, which is my other reaction when I am stressed. I was just thinking about your story. I think you’re a pretty gifted writer. The story was complicated, and it could have been a “you had to be there” kinda story for it to be funny. But it was f*ckin’ hilarious even in writing. Then I read through a few other posts and see that you have always been a good writer and were close to law school. Makes total sense now. So you’re kinda writing? You should write, whatever comes to you. You’ve got a gift. You should do it. Heck self publish it. I’m trying to convince my daughter to write a book this summer. Not a long one, just a short starter. She has all these ideas and is constantly starting stories and not finishing them. I want her to finish one, and then get it out there. Even if only 5 people buy it, that is cool. Would you ever consider going to law school? I have an aunt that started after her two kids entered college. She ended up doing tax law, cause she was a CPA. I would consider that. After the kids are in college, it might be fun.

Btw, I was looking for your thread about your new ring. I do really like the graduated bezeled five stone. I think that would look really good on you, and you could wear it daily and beat it up. Go for it!! And if you got millgrain, I would say just wear it anyway. Let the millgrain wear out. It looks cool kinda a little bit worn down.

Rainwood, I didn’t get too far back, but I am so sorry for all that you went through. To lose that many loved ones in a short time frame, wow. You’re a strong woman to get through it, get up every day, and move forward. Respect. I don’t mean to diminish your feelings to say that it’s not hard. It’s just amazing that you get up and move on with living each day. I hope you find a time of peace and rest each day, a little bit for yourself. And bling away. Get that solitaire if you like seeing something pretty on your hand. I feel that way when I look at my OEC. I smile when I see it while I’m typing. And if it’s the fifth time I’m going to out pick up another person and I’m stuck in traffic, and I’m stuck waiting because another person is late, or it’s 11 pm and I still have everyone’s dirty dishes to wash, that sparkle makes me happy. Yup, there it is.

Marcy, last post I remember was that you were watching Finding Nemo. So here is a funny story. I was really late to the Nemo party, and had not seen the movie for years after it came out. We went to Disneyland with the kids and were in a store where they sold stuffed Nemos. I picked one up and noticed that one fin was a lot smaller than the other. I thought, defective product, so I picked up another one. What? The manufacturer made the same mistake on all these fishies! OMG. I told my kids and husband, and they all burst out laughing. They’re like, “Mom, supposed to be like that! Didn’t you see the movie?!” Uhhhh…clearly NOT. See, I think Gypsy could have written that better.

Junie and Callie, I haven’t heard how you are doing, but I’m thinking about you a lot. (((hug))) Wait June, just read your post. I hope you will be able to help your mom into a regular schedule that works for you both. You're gonna do great.

Kristie, hope you are feeling better today. Every day must be better. Keep repeating it to yourself.

Have a great day everyone. My diamond is dirty. Off to clean it!

 

[Gypsy]

Well, don't take this the wrong way, but hopefully (unless I am working and taking a break) you all will not see me alert enough to be posting this early again. I am a night owl and hate mornings. But insominia hit HARD last night and I did not get a lick of sleep no matter what I tried. I almost smothered poor John for his, admittedly soft, snoring. Now I'm just waiting for him to wake (he has today off and is sleeping in) so we can go watch the new X-Men movie.

Where to start? I'm at a cross roads in my life right now professionally and physically. And I'm frankly depressed and stressed and angry. My health is beating me over the head and I am angry at my body and lashing out at it. I need to start back on my low carb diet ASAP (so, today), I need to call my GYN and make an appointment. I need to go to a podiatrist and right now I'm just angry about my body's betrayal, as I see it. Professionally, I just can't get into past events on here. But trust me, it's a doozy and while I am actively looking for work, I'm not working right now.

I don't really know what to do right now. Okay that's not entirely true. I know all the things I SHOULD be doing. I should start to work out (I even bought work out clothes). I should be on a low carb diet. I should go to the doctor. I should, I should, I should. The weight of those kept me up last night.

I think I may take the suggestion of a friend and start volunteering somewhere. I like teaching kids to read, so I may look into programs that focus on that just to dip my toe in. And it would get me out of the house and out of my head. I need to get out of my head.

As for writing. Yes, I write. On and off, but I haven't finished anything yet. John just finished his first book and I promised to edit it. But I haven't. Another should I'm not doing.

Sleepless nights have a way of stripping me bare. I wanted to reply to all your posts, and... I will, but later. Not just now. Hopefully John will wake soon and we can go about the business of distracting me from all the shoulds. And maybe just maybe I'll be in a better place at the end of it. At least for a little while.

I do understand LLJ, I shop when I am stressed too. Oh, and I went to law school and have the damned degree. Oh, if I could only go back in time, still somehow meet my husband, but NOT go to law school. I wonder how different life would be. But there's no future in the past. Just regrets and lessons. I wonder when I will have learned all the lessons.

Anyway. I'll go and distract myself on RT for a while. There's someone who needs an EC and has no idea what they doing.

 

[LLJsmom]

Gypsy, you're very hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. I think you'll find it easier to break out of the rut if you don't beat yourself up about having been in it. You have and are still going through a lot. And maybe that was the only way you could cope with it. And that is O.K.. Really.

So now you wanna start moving forward. That's good. Just stop thinking too much because that will make something like going to work out a big project. Sometimes I think about how much I don't feel like running and I don't go. I never regret going, or doing, only not going or not doing. So just think about only the next thing you have to do. Go change. Once you've done that, get your clean clothes for after working out. Then, grab your purse and keys. Go put on your shoes and head out the door. Just do it and don't think. Movement. It's how it starts. (((hug))) You can do it. I believe in you.

This is step one. Some exercise will help clear the head and rejuvenate the body. And then let whatever comes into you head next come. But at least go get yourself some free endorphins and happy pills without the pills. Just one thing. Don't need to do everything today. Forgive your body. Show it some tough love, and it will thank you.

Let us know how it goes. We're here for you.

 

[Calliecake]

Gypsy, i'm so sorry you are going thru a difficult time right now. Is there ANYTHING I can do to help you? Sleep deprivation really messes with your head. Please call your doctor and tell her/him how you are feeling. Missy, Kristie and I have all gone thru the not sleeping and it can make everything seem overwhelming.

You are such a generous person and do so many things to help others. What a huge way to make a difference in a child's life by teaching them to read. So many people look down at amazing diamonds because you took the time to help them find their perfect diamond. Look what wonderful lives you have given to so many fur babies. I guess what I'm really trying to say is you are an amazing woman Gypsy. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm pretty sure most everyone out there wishes they would have done some things differently in their lives and unfortunately most of us have had to learn lessons the hard way.

If I lived close to you I would workout with you. You aren't the only one who needs to do that. Oh wait, I don't have the clothes! See you aren't doing too bad. At least you bought the workout clothes!

I had a much longer well thought out post written but have no idea where it disappeared to. Grrrr I hate when that happens. I will write more to everyone else later when I have time. Like LLJsmom, I read everyone's posts and forget what I read.

 

[CJ2008]

OK so I don't check in for a few days and then I see tons of pictures of cute kittens!

I am sorry my posts are not long and that I don't answer to everyone all the time. Thank you for having me anyway.

missy The kittens are just so so so cute I am kind of jealous right now that you get to have 4. But I know the REALITY is that you need to find homes for them and that they take work. Good luck missy and give each one of the little guys a huge kiss for me.

rainwood - that is a picture of my hubby while we were traveling one night overseas I snapped a picture of him walking away - I forget why I found it so amusing. I think we were having an issue with the hotel maybe and he was like "f it. this is what we're gonna do." I wish I could remember now.

callie - I feel so glad to see you too. I was actually thinking the other day that it had been a long time since I've seen you post - glad you're doing good.

scandi - thank you for posting a picture of your doggie again just for me.

gypsy - i hope you're able to get back on track with the low carbs soon - I know what a huge difference that makes for me in how I feel *and* look. You can do it. I've been overeating for the past week and a half or so like potato chips and cookies and damn carbs and sugar and salt taste good. But today I ate better / more like I usually do so hopefully that's the end of that run for me.

june, llj, azstonie, jimmyanne and everyone I may have missed! -

and especially everyone having a little bit of hard days lately I hope you have a great night and that your day is better tomorrow.

 

[CJ2008]

missy thought of you today...watched Sugar Coated on Netflix (well, started it earlier, picked it back up now.) Pretty good.

 

[rainwood]

Hello, everyone!

Missy, I so wish I was like Greg and found gardening creative and relaxing. For me, it's a really good way to start swearing my head off, causing my back to hurt, and wishing that weeds, once pulled, didn't grow back. And I have a very complicated yard in the city, challenging topography so different levels and zones, inside the fences and outside the fences. There is nothing low-maintenance about it. It's not big, it's just labor-intensive and I don't want to be that labor. So I've started the first step to changing that (details at the end of my part to Gypsy).

And no, you can't read my starter novel. I hate to deny you anything, but nobody's reading that thing unless and until I revamp it so it's a lot better. It's not bad and it has its charms, but it's not representative of what I can do. I learned a lot while writing it and that is it's primary function and will probably remain so. And the cruise I'd like to do is from Manhattan up to New England then down the St. Lawrence and ending up in Quebec City and Montreal. Doing it in the fall for some leaf peeping (which I've done before but never in Maine). Wanna come? And I might someday go on an Alaska cruise if only because I can see and hear them leaving every day all summer long!

I'd normally try to respond to everyone, especially CJ who I'm still getting to know, and love the story around the avatar even if you can't remember all of it, but I'm going to spend the rest of the post responding to Gypsy.

Gypsy, are you me? Or more specifically, are you me about 15 years ago? I totally get where you're coming from so I'm going to fire off all my thoughts as they come to me. First, thank you on the persuade comment. I don't know why the hell they didn't teach that in law school or at least when I was a young whippersnapper at the law firm. It would have saved me about a decade and a half of flailing around not being as good a lawyer as I could have been. All the terminology points in the absolutely wrong direction. Same with all the metaphors about litigation as going to war. No, it's not!! It's about trying to persuade a judge or jury to see things your client's way. Totally different. A very talented litigator taught me that and not a moment too soon. He helped me win my first and only jury trial.

Now I'm going to tell you something you might not take to so quickly. Going to law school was not the wrong decision for you; it was the right decision for what you wanted in life. You wanted stability (financial and otherwise). People think that's a terrible reason to go to grad school or pick a major, but that's not necessarily true. That's what I did and looking back I'm not sorry AT ALL. I watched my divorced mom with a high school education and two kids live from paycheck to paycheck while I was growing up and I didn't want that for myself. I was a business major (accounting) for that reason until I realized I didn't give a fig what depreciation method I should use, and I wasn't good with science or math which ruled out being a doctor. I was good with words and I liked my business law class in high school so off to law school. I think the mistake people make is believing that your profession has to provide you emotional satisfaction (or whatever term you want to use) as well. It's great if it does and I envied the lawyers at my firm who LOVED what they did. I wasn't one of them, but that's not why I was there. I was there to make sure I had financial stability because that was important to me. It also allowed me to use my brain in a way I'm good at and work with smart, interesting people. It didn't fulfill me, and sometimes that was frustrating, but that's not why I was doing it. That's why I had hobbies.

So please don't think going to law school was a mistake. You went for good reasons. It may not have turned out quite as you wanted, but it wasn't wrong to go. And law school and practicing law gives you very valuable skills. It really does. I once had the now retired CEO of my company tell me he was always amazed at how I could come into a situation, ask the right questions, sift through what was and wasn't relevant information, decide when I had enough info, and then lay out the options and the possible risks of each. When he said that, I was thinking "Isn't that what everybody does?" And the answer is no. That's what lawyers are trained to do. You have that skill forever and it's valuable. If you got nothing out of law school but that, you're still ahead of the game. So don't regret. You could be living hand to mouth, struggling to put food on the table, doing something you "love." Only you can decide which is worse, but I'll bet it's not starving.

I can't speak to what's going on professionally and not working can really mess with your head, but one thing I know to be true. You do learn more from the bad than the good. I've learned so much about myself and life since all the bad stuff started happening. The things that test you to your core are not only what eventually make you stronger, they make you smarter. Being inside your head can either be a good place or a bad place. And the really great part is you get to choose. And sometimes you have to choose over and over again. When you're writing, it's a good place. When you're doing the "shouldas" or the "shoulds" (which I'll get to in a minute), it's an unhappy place. Do what makes your head a happy place (and harkening back to Nemo, your head also provides your happy place). If you can't sleep, work on your novel for a little while or listen to a somewhat soothing podcast (Garrison Keillor and The Splendid Table do this for me - oh those voices!) And now for the last kernel of wisdom I learned the hard way as well. Anytime I said "I should _______" or "I should do _____," I'd already made the decision not to do it. That at the end of every sentence that starts with "I should," there should have been a "but I'm not going to." I don't think the language forced the result. I think I used the language because I knew on some level I wasn't going to. Think about if that's you. And if it is, stop using "should" at all. Be honest with yourself. If you're not going to do it, admit it. And if it's something you need to do but aren't, there's a reason for that. That's the part of the journey I'm on. I'm trying to figure out why I choose (because it is a choice) to stand in the way of my own progress on some things.

And "shouldas" are just ways to beat yourself up. I've starting easing up and saying "I'm doing the best I can." If that's not good enough (and sometimes it isn't in ways that matter), I need to either take steps so my best gets better for those things or change the part of my life that requires me to up my game on those things. Case in point, gardening. My yard is starting to look like no one lives here or is on their way to a nursing home soon so my best is clearly not good enough. So I either need to hire someone or move. Beating myself up because if I were a better person I'd be out there weeding and planting for hours at a time is not making those dandelions disappear. It just makes me feel inadequate. I don't want to move so I've put in a call to see if I can hire my neighbor's gardener. He's not calling me back but that's a different lesson I'm still having to learn. Stick to it, even when it's the stuff I don't want to do.

So I'm being a different Lucy - the one at the psychiatrist's booth dispensing wisdom for 5 cents. You can drop the nickel in the jar on your way out. I'm closing up shop so I can run over and grab the football away from Charlie Brown as he starts to kick it.

Later, NIRDI-gators.

 

[marcy]

Hi NIRDIs!

Gypsy, that gray and white kitty is adorable. I hate to slather sunblock all over me too. It is so darned greasy. There is a Neutrogena I don’t mind but I just try to avoid the Sun. Sorry to hear how much you miss Hally. I hope you get to make a day out of it on Sunday - ring shopping and lunch. I love Sarcasmo. That is wonderful. I often tell Marty “everyone’s a comedian; not everyone’s funny.” Sorry you didn’t sleep well. I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I think we all have regrets and put off making big or difficult changes in our lives. I am right there with you on I should start exercising and eating better. Don’t beat yourself up over shoulda, coulda, woulda. I think looking in to helping kids read sounds like a wonderful idea and would be so rewarding for you. Big hugs to you and I hope you get a good nights rest; that can always help.

Scandi. I love your new work baby.

Kristie, I hope you are feeling better today.

Missy, good idea to wear ear plugs to concerts. They can be so loud! Yes, sunny California sounds fabulous to me. I bet clipping your kitties claws would be a 2 person job. I bet they can put up a fight. Bea looks good in any light. I am with you on loving blue. It’s my favorite color too. Did Greg figure out what’s wrong with the video doorbell? Such a pain when something new goes bad. How rude of it to take away time from your bike ride. Nothing new with my employees. I always keep trying though. Your red helmet looks great. I bet 6 hours on a bike can make you a bit sore or tired.

Zestfullybling, I am glad your stability and contentment dream worked out well for you. I am enjoying my new Coach tote bag plus having Snoopy on it just makes it better. Parts of Wyoming can be pretty; other parts not so much. After it warms up and dries out it gets pretty brown. The wind makes it pretty dry here too.

Junebug, I hope your mom’s sleeping pattern changes. That will be rough on you if she doesn’t adjust. It is worth a try to use Melatonin. That’s nice the agency will work to find a good fit for the aide to help with your mom. If you like silly / fun movies then Zoolander 2 and Finding Nemo would probably be enjoyable for you. Thanks for the hug and thinking of me. NIRDIs and reading seem to be my main past time these days too. I’ve been neglecting my reading though.

LLJsmom, that is awesome you son likes running with you. That is pretty funny about the stuffed Nemo. Mom! Too cute.

CJ2008, I don’t see your picture, please post it again. My husband is doing low carbs high protein right now. He is doing well with it.

Not much new here. I am deciding my naysayer employee is wily - she went home sick at lunch so I didn’t get to have my one on one with her. I’ll get her. I talked to 2 of my employees though and brought up not listening to the negativity, not believing it and to come ask me if they hear things. Grr.

My in-laws went out tonight so we had 3 hours to ourselves (and the teddies and rabbits.)
Have a great evening.
Marcy

 

[Gypsy]

Okay so. In a better head space now. Still no sleep and I did try for a nap, but failed miserably. I've got the right medications now, though, and I know that I will be able to get a good night's sleep tonight. And won't have to smother my husband. That's a lot.

So I'm going to respond out of order of the posts to me. Because I just read Rainwood's and it's the freshest in my mind.

So first, hello Rainwood and thank you so much for your words and your wisdom. If it wasn't for my (frankly crippling) student loan debt I wouldn't regret law school. But, because law school was such a hard thing for me (I was diagnosed with very bad depression and struggled with it from my first year until after graduation) I ended up taking 5 years to complete. Tuition at Georgetown was 40k a year. I walked out of there with a mortgage. And I didn't have the fiscal understanding to know what that meant. And it took me a WHILE before I found the right fit for me-- contract management. And you are absolutely right about the skills and the problem solving ability. It's what makes me an excellent contract manager. I excel at exactly what you said-- I ask the right questions, get to the point, outline risks and a plan of action to recommend and I get it done. I AM smarter for it and I have an valuable skill set. It's the financial security part I didn't get. I fell behind on my student loan payments YEARS ago and the majority of them were with private lenders and by the time I realized what "compound interest" meant my loans had been bought and sold and I was in a pit and digging myself out with a rusted spoon. I am still paying for it. And at 42 all I have is that and my furnishings and two cars. No real retirement investments, no house, and a lot of instability as a result. Yes, when I am working I make a nice salary. But it all goes to paying that down. So... I do bitterly regret my choices and my fiscal ignorance about what that debt meant long term.

All the advice I received was well intentioned. But I didn't know then to question the source. I was told to 'go to the best law school you can, no matter what.' By my cousin the lawyer, who my mother STRONGLY advised me to listen to. But her father paid for everything for her, including a new Acura when she graduated. I had three school options: Georgetown, UCLA, and USD. USD offered me a scholarship and tuition at UCLA was 13,000 a year. So, when I say I regret lawschool, I regret the whole (horribly inept) decision making of it all. I was 18. And I was very sheltered. My family was from another country and NO ONE in my whole family know what student loan laws were, how they functioned, or really ANYTHING about student loans. My mother to this day doesn't understand it. And she was the one I looked to for advice. She was a single mother, an immigrant with a good education herself that believed the education was THE WAY to a comfortable life for me. There's other stuff that also had an impact, but that's what it boils down to.

So it's a bitter pill for me. Because it has handcuffed me financially instead of providing me with a stable income it has done the exact opposite. And I can honestly tell you that the loans were NOT worth the Georgetown name. I SHOULD have gone to UCLA if I was going to go to law school.

But then, I wouldn't have met my husband. Or maybe I would have. Who knows.

On top of that, in terms of functional knowledge and job placement? I'll be honest, Georgetown sucked. I was in my bar class in NJ and all the students from Rutgers knew SO MUCH MORE than I did. I was learning things for the first time while studying for the bar. BASIC things like "consideration." And they were all getting better jobs too, because they went to a regional school with PRACTICAL contacts for PRACTICAL jobs. Instead of "top of the heap" interviews with law firms that only want pedigrees. I studied twice as hard just to get to the same place as those I took the bar with. And I scored higher than most of them. But because I worked my ass off, not because of anything Georgetown did.

SO maybe it's best to say I don't regret law school. But I regret, bitterly, Georgetown as my law school.

I agree that jobs are for stability and that hobbies and so forth are for satisfaction. I agree because I've lived it and been content. I guard my work life balance as much as I am able, and I like Contract Management because it allows me to have a better balance than traditional legal careers while still using my skills, and as you know, there is satisfaction in doing something you are GOOD at, even if it's not your passion. So I agree with you.

But right now, in this place I'm in. I'm having trouble finding a job. And that IS DEFINITELY screwing with my head. And that's trickling down to my interviews where I KNOW I am not coming across the way I WANT TO. So it's a vicious cycle. And still those loans are my constant shadow. I've sold most of my jewelry to pay them down even, but... nothing I do really makes an appreciable impact. So I'm wondering if I should make a career change and if I do, what to. But I can't work up any enthusiasm for any alternate careers either.

So that more than anything is the crux of it. I feel trapped. And I don't have a way out. And I am so angry and so so very tired of it. But it is what it is. I just have to figure out a path through it. Or around it. Or under it.

 

[Gypsy]

LLJ, I think you must be a very good mom. That was a whole post full of excellent advice. And not hard to take advice either. So I am going to take it. You are right, just moving is the first step. And getting dressed. I'll focus on the manageable part first, which is exactly that. And then once that's done, I'll deal with the next steps. I will try to be less hard on myself. I promise. Thank you so much for the mothering, I didn't even know I needed it, but I did. And my own mother isn't very good at it, though she tries. (HUGS).

Callie, you are helping just with your posts. Everyone has hard lessons they need to learn. These are some of mine. I would LOVE and ADORE a work out buddy. Thank you so much for your very kind words.

CJ, well the low carb thing didn't happen today. As Rainwood said that "should" had a "but I didn't" attached to it. But instead of thinking about it as a long endless line of low carb days. I think I will try to take a bit sized chunk starting tomorrow with breakfast and take it a meal at a time. Get some movement on it like LLJ recommended. I did buy apricots, so I am going to allow myself some of those until they run out. But one meal at a time is much more manageable than thinking of it as a diet.

Hi Marcy, I have reactions to Neutrogena products I don't know why. I find them harsh on my skin. I will try not to beat myself up too much on the should woulda coulda. And yes, I do think working with the kids will be rewarding for me and for them.

I voted today. So that was good. And went to a Farmer's Market. Duncan isn't feeling well though, so we skipped the movie.

 

[Polished]

Dear Gypsy - I'm sorry you are feeling trapped through the financial situation you have found yourself in. ILander wrote a rather lovely post on the "sex" thread about the different seasons in life how we can go from a full house to suddenly an empty one. How life goes along in a pattern (eg with children) with no discernable end in sight and then things shift sometimes radically. I wonder if it would help if you did an overview of your finances to give you a sense of how things might go long term rather than that neverending, swamped feeling you are currently experiencing. Eg how many more years you are likely to work, how much will you expect to earn in this time. It might help to give you perspective - I know at the time of taking out a house mortgage, it can seem enormous, an amount that you could not see yourself ever clearing. However with persistence, patience and time it surprising how quickly it can get cut down to size. I hope the same thing might happen with your debt. Don't forget too that there are enormous savings you have made by choices you've made - not having children for one. You just sound too bright and too together to me, to not right yourself sometime. Would less "ambitious" work, work that would be easier on you appeal at this time? I hope you look after yourself and your health.

 

[missy]

Good morning girls!

Gypsy, I am sorry I am late in responding to your posts yesterday but I am glad to see that you have received excellent advice from quite a few of the ladies here. I agree with everything that was said. Rainwood and LLJsmom and Callie and all the other girls have shared their hard earned wisdom. I am so grateful for all the wonderful women in this thread.

Like you concerns and worries keep me awake and once again I got about 4 hours sleep. And I'm on vacation. But for me the best thing is sharing and talking it out and I hope that is helping you too.

As for looking back regretting decisions it is wasted energy. What's done is done and now all you can do is learn from past "mistakes" (and I say it in quotations because sometimes a mistake isn't really a mistake and allows for better decisions and actions etc.) and keep moving forward and keep making what you think are the best decisions for you right now. Learning from our past mistakes help us make better decisions now and in the future. Always remembering to be in the moment and enjoy the present right now because it all goes so dizzyingly fast. LLJsmom and I were chatting yesterday and well yes life goes too fast and before you know it you're like whoa where did the last decade plus go.

When it gets to feel overwhelming all you can do is one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Day by day hour by hour. Breaking it up into small manageable pieces to make it work. If something is not working you change it. I found not being around negative people really helps me with my mood and allows me to be in a more positive head space. That's another reason I love the girls here. They are always supporting, encouraging, loving and share positive energy. Even when they are going through difficult times they are here to help.
And another reason I love the fur babies. When they are just hanging out with us purring up a storm being content in the moment well it allows me to see life differently just a bit. Being content and at peace in the moment goes a long way in feeling better about everything.
And helping animals in need also allows me to feel there is a purpose and meaning to my life that is bigger than just me. I know you get that too being the generous and loving animal person that you are and all you do for the animals too.

Student loan debt sucks but you will get through it. When a problem can be fixed with money it's not the most serious problem. I am paraphrasing but it is a sage quote. Real problems are things we cannot fix and I know you have your share of that too. Health issues being number one. Well what I say to that is you are managing your symptoms much of the time and thank goodness there are meds that help provide relief and treatment for you. Thank goodness you are in a time where they have these treatments available. And yeah having these health issues suck but you can live a good quality life and a happy long life with these diseases. You can Gypsy and that's the best way to look at it IMO. I feel the same way as you with much of what you have written. How many times over the last decade have I felt betrayed by my body. Countless times. I can list so many conditions I have gotten just in my 40's and yeah I felt betrayed. My body started breaking down just as I started coming into my own in so many other ways. But then I realized OK this is life and I am grateful it isn't something worse and I am so grateful for all the amazing people and good fortune in my life. Like you I (probably) wouldn't have met my dh if I hadn't gone into my career so for that I am forever thankful. And as for my diseases (all autoimmune much like yours) OK I am managing the sxs as best I can (no cure just like yours) and grateful I can still enjoy what I love albeit a little bit differently. We are pretty good at adaptation so that's something too.

As much as I generally dislike change I know in order to be happy and flourish I must embrace it and make the best of the situation. And that is what I am (trying) to do and that is what you are doing too. It is OK to feel sad and down and of course OK to feel what you are feeling. And if talking it through with friends and loved ones isn't enough it is OK to ask for professional help. Because any way you can make sense of things and feel better about your life and get a renewed sense of love and energy for living is a GOOD thing. So fight for it and don't let anyone or anything bring you down.

It is very true that things worth having are often hard fought for. It's the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth. You are a wonderful woman Gypsy. So many people respect and love you here and you are an amazing person and friend to animals everywhere and you have the biggest most generous heart. It's important for you to realize and internalize that and how much richer the lives are of the people and animals in your life for you being in their life. (((HUGS))).

As for food issues my best advice is to find a way of eating that is not "diet" like and a way of eating you can happily live with forever. The reason most diets fail is because they are just not sustainable and they are too much like deprivation diets. For me I don't do well with quantity control as I enjoy abundance (perhaps I was a depression era baby in another life) so I eat foods that have lots of nutritional value and are satisfying and I don't deprive myself. If I really want something I will have it so I don't set myself up for a binge later on. And I have rewired my cravings for sugar. I went cold turkey with processed foods and added sugar and now when I have cravings almonds, cashews and pistachios really satisfy me and I eat lots of them though they are high in calories because they are good calories. And when I must have ice cream (as in every day of this vacation LOL) I have it. I don't beat myself up about it either because being hard on yourself is a way to set yourself up for a fail. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. You wouldn't talk to your friends the way sometimes we talk to ourselves right? So just treat yourself as well as you do others. With a loving kind voice and understanding and don't be so hard on yourself. Celebrate each success and when things don't go the way you want them to know you will make better choices the next time. And don't deprive yourself. Find good foods you enjoy eating. And then you will be on the way to a healthier way of life and it won't be difficult to continue that way forever.

And exercise is one of the single best things you can do for yourself and your frame of mind. It really does make you feel better. Moving and getting those endorphins flowing. It doesn't have to be organized exercise. Anything you enjoy that involves moving works. Do you like bike riding? Walking? Swimming? Roller skating? Any of those work well. Just moving each day and making it a priority will ensure success. What I do is do it first thing in the AM so no excuses because getting started is the hardest part. So I do it first thing and then it gets done and I actually do enjoy it much of the time. And then I have the rest of the day to enjoy knowing I already accomplished one of the most important things I could do for myself. Exercise and taking care of my body so I am also taking care of and nourishing my mind and soul.

I am sorry I am not an eloquent writer and I sort of write in stream of consciousness which I apply loosely to what I have written this AM after only having slept 4 hours last night. Hopefully I was somewhat coherent and you get what I am trying to say. And I am sorry Duncan wasn't feeling well yesterday and I hope he is feeling much better this morning! (((HUGS))).


Marcy, glad you had a quiet evening at home and that your inlaws amused themselves and went out to dinner and you got a bit of a break. How long are they staying? Hope the killer bunnies aren't playing too many tricks on them. LOL. The doorbell appears to be working fine now. Not sure what to do because it depends on our (very unreliable) wireless connection. When we are in the beach house we have a poor wireless connection and no mobile phone service and often miss texts too. I think it is all related and believe me Greg has put lots of extenders etc all over trying to improve our connection but still it is unreliable. So I am thinking it is related to the doorbell issue. It worked yesterday when I received a Fed Ex delivery so that's something. And (((HUGS))) to you for missing your dear parents during their anniversary.

Rainwood, thank you for sharing your hard earned advice and wisdom. I always love reading what you write. And that's OK about the book. I will wait till you have something I can read plus I have you here and that's better than reading any book. Reading you live and in the present makes me happy. But whenever you are ready I am ready to read your books.

Junie, I am sorry about the difficulty your mom has sleeping. I hope that you find something that helps her. Let me know if you try the melatonin and if it does help her sleep. That has been suggested for me too but I have been reluctant to take it.

Kristie, hope you are continuing to feel much better and that you are 100% this morning. And thank you again for my lovely new shoes. They are so cute and very summery. Perfect. And thank Finn and Maggie from their Aunt Missy for such a thoughtful gift!

Callie, sorry we missed each other yesterday. Hope we can catch up today! I will text you when I am back from our ride.

LLJSmom, OMG darn holiday weekends LOL. Still hoping we can make it work somehow at least during the week. Keep me posted and fingers crossed. I have been meaning to get to Adam's anyway and this would be the perfect opportunity. As if I needed an excuse to go diamond shopping. And a big congrats on your DD and DS's graduations. WOW they are growing up fast but you are such a great mom and no matter what you think you are always present for them and they know it. Enjoy every second. You have raised/are raising great kids. I mean that sincerely and from my heart. They really are great kids.


Scandi, I love your new bag. So handsome. Nice purchase.

ZestfullyBling, If you feel like expanding on what you wrote please do. I feel I am missing something about you being a broken person in June and July but no matter even if you don't feel like explaining I am sending you hugs and good vibes. And yay for the good bling news and also for losing weight (if you were trying to that is). I would love to lose a little bit weight on my fingers haha. Finger lipo. I have PS tiny finger envy because I have huge man hands! Think how big our diamonds would look with smaller fingers. And now you have that woohoo. Thank you for enjoying the poem.

CJ, I am glad you saw the kitten photos. They are just precious.

Hi Polished, Nice to see you and I hope you are well.


We had a nice bike ride yesterday though the past 2 days have been very warm. Today is cold again. Gotta love the unpredictability of the weather. Much like life right?
Yesterday Ann called me and said we have to remove the food for the feral cats at night at least while we are here on vacation because all of the remaining non trapped ferals just come out and eat at night and Ann said we cannot trap at night for various reasons. So even though we are only here for 5 more days she wants us to take the food away each night and put it back in the AM for the time we have remaining during our vacation. I am not happy because we won't be able to continue when we go back to NY but she said it is worth a try to retrain the ferals to come out and eat during the day and then we will start trying to trap them next Monday afternoon. Fingers crossed because Ann said this is the most challenging feral population she has ever dealt with since they only come out at night and we cannot trap at night.

That's why I didn't sleep well and at 5 AM I woke Greg saying please put their food back. LOL. But that's OK as rain is predicted soon so we are leaving at 7AM for an early bike ride and hope we can get enough miles in before the rain comes.

Have a great day girls and (((HUGS))) to everyone.

 

[Scandinavian]

Hello
Working too much, lots of things that need finishing by end of June..

Gypsy: Like Missy said: It is only money!! You *can* do this!! Just do it one step of the time! Write down a plan with baby steps perhaps? And get your DH involved in making and following the plan. It is amazing how much easier it is to fix something when you do it together If I'm tired and unmotivated at work, I tell my DH to ask me what I should do that day in the morning, and then he asks again in the evening, how it went. Sell more jewlery (you can always buy some new later!), sell your mother , or your car or something. If it is possible, try to remove some of the stress by removing some of the loan. And then try to look for a job that you actually want Or just take the first one that comes along as a temporary thing. I really (!) don't mean to be superficial, but I have read enough of your posts to know that you are very intelligent and very caring, and such people always prevail!! Intelligens is a good thing So get your head up high (as we say here) and just do it. One baby step at a time! If you didn't have the energy to go to the store yesterday, and you did it today - one point for you! That is one baby step. Take credit! (Please forgive me if I'm over stepping, I want the world for you as I think you deserve it.)

 

[missy]

Rainwood forgot to say YES count me in on your New England Cruise or Alaskan cruise for that matter if you end up going because that is a trip of a lifetime. But definitely yes to the cruise that starts in NYC and goes to Montreal. I'm IN.

Marcy, hope that employee is behaving herself today if she even showed up to work. Grrr.

Hey Scandi, good luck finishing your work projects.

Jimmianne says hi to everyone. She has tried posting here every day but she says PS kicks her off. Must have to do with her French IP address or something who knows. But good news Pom is doing well and due to go home this Friday woohoo! And Jimmianne is enjoying her trip and just wanted to say hey to the NIRDIs.

More good news is Fresca showed up during the daylight this morning as did Cola and Sammy (of course Sammy always shows up during the day and she is already spayed so no biggie there) so maybe taking the food away at night is helping them show up during the daytime and eat. That will make trapping a bit easier. Fingers crossed.

Just got back from a bike ride and we managed to avoid the rain so yay for that because now it is coming down torrential downpours and thunderstorms. Of course I am worried about the sweet ferals outside. But trusting they will be OK!
Just going to relax this afternoon and let Greg enjoy some projects. I'm tired anyway and will enjoy just hanging around and relaxing this afternoon and catching up with some friends via phone. And of course will check out PS some more. See you girls later.

 

[LLJsmom]

Missy! That is awesome news! That must be the trick. Don't leave food at night and they come back in the morning. You'll get them.

Gypsy, good job! You got apricots. Those are super healthy and your body will love them. I'll share something that might seem silly, but I do it and it works for me. Every time I do something that is good for me, I give myself a little mental pat on the back. I love apples. I eat at least one a day, usually 2 and sometimes 3. Everytime I'm eating an apple, I tell myself, "good job" and my body thanks me for it. I eat my apple and drink at least 12 ounces of water as I'm eating it. It keeps the plumbing clean and ensures daily VBMs. OK. That might be TMI, but I blame it on the millenials. They are rubbing off on me. Lots of fiber, clean fresh whole food. That makes me happy. See, I'm a simpleton and easy to please (about that stuff).

This makes me happy. You've done something wonderful for your body.
Apricots are rich in many plant antioxidants. Some of these are the vitamin antioxidants so familiar to regular users of this site. Others are more difficult to obtain from other foods, and may be responsible for specific health benefits. Overall, consider the apricot to be a great food that provides you with the protective effects of antioxidants while adding very few calories to your daily total.

About the whole regret thing. You already know that it serves no purpose. At this point, it's only hurting you. So you need to cut it out of your life. From what I can tell, you are a practical girl. Me too. So I just wanted to share some of my coping mechanisms. I know that if I let myself start thinking about things I should have done in the past (I'm turning 45 this year.), my mind will go into a downward spiral of self-recrimination, depression and hopelessness. I truly cannot say I've forgiven myself. This is very hard for me to do. However, I don't beat myself up about it. What I do is not allow brain to "go there". In my head, I picture a big metal door, maybe like the double sliding doors in Star Wars, on the Death Star, and I slam my thoughts about those "shoulda's" shut behind that door. Then I immediately do something else. I grab my sudoku book. My DH was out of a job for 8 months, and I was the only one supporting our immediate family of four, and my parents. I had to NOT think about his job hunt or I would have had panic attacks on a daily basis. The sudoku worked. Or I would force my ass out of my chair, grab my workout stuff and leave the office to go work out. I would do things that required intense concentration. Or I would look at my closet and force myself to get rid of stuff I haven't worn in 10 years. In your case, maybe you should look up a school that would appreciate people volunteering to help. Would you consider going to an animal shelter. Remember the SPCA in SF, and all those awesome kitty condos, and how they needed the help of volunteers to help socialize the cats? Find a thing, anything.

Hope you had a chance to do something good for YOU today. Keep us posted. (((hug)))

Btw, I didn't even think of what I said in the previous post as mothering. I tell myself this stuff. I get overwhelmed easily. I get in my own way. I overthink and it paralyzes me. So movement, physical movement has worked to help clear the head. Maybe it's the endorphins or just the act of "doing" versus "thinking". I swear after I work out, I come up with solutions that NEVER occurred to me. Or I see things in a completely different perspective, that never would have occurred to me before.

You aren't working now, so you do have the time and head space to see what you like. Of course, money is always an issue, but other than that, its an opportunity to allow yourself the time to see what you truly want to do, given of course you need the money to survive. I watched my DH do it for 8 months. He did LOTS of phone interviews, and some seconds, thirds, and in-house interviews. It was a grueling process, but he stayed positive most of the time. Didn't dwell. Moved forward. Next job. There were several jobs that he did not get, and WE could not for the world understand why. He was so thoroughly qualified, competent, professional, polished and such a great speaker. At first he was just looking for a job to replace lost income. But as certain jobs didn't work out, he had a chance to sit back, reflect, and ask himself if he really even wanted that job. It took a while, but as the weeks, months went by, he admitted that there were certain jobs he didn't even want, would have dreaded doing every day. He branched out and pushed himself, applied for jobs that he thought he would be more happy to do on a daily basis. We decided to let up on the salary requirements. And he landed a job where the industry isn't new to him, but the actual work is. He's excited about it, and most importantly does not dread going to work. He needed to go through the process of looking, interviewing, telling a hundred phone interviewers who he is, what he did, why he wanted the job, to in the end, learn a lot about himself. He took a very significant pay cut, but we changed our spending habits, and reprioritized many things. We are fine. We are blessed. My family is healthy right now. We just needed our heads in the right place.

You too will get there. You're starting down the road right now. Every day, YOU make a decision. YOU decide to get up. YOU decide to buy the food that your body will love, that will turn into good energy for you. YOU decide to put on those new workout clothes and exercise. YOU decide to go out that door and breathe in the fresh air and let the sun shine on you. Each one of those decisions is a victory. YOU can and will do it. (((HUG)))

I believe in you.

 

[rainwood]

Missy, I think Ann has given you a good strategy about the nighttime feeding. The ferals will come in the day if they have to. And I'm so glad Sammy is coming back to feed!! I didn't pick up on that earlier and I know you were worried about that. So yay, Sammy! The power of food.

And I'd take a cruise with you any time. It would be fun, especially if it started in New York. There are a lot of places I wouldn't want to do a cruise to because it really is just a quick passover of a place in the company of hundreds or thousands of others, but the NE/Canada trip appeals to me for some reason. I've wanted to go to Montreal and Quebec City, have never been to eastern Canada except for Ottawa to visit my sister many, many years ago and Maine is the one NE state I haven't been to. Plus, anything that takes me to New York is okay by me. And I'm glad Jimmianne is having a good trip. Thanks for the update.

Gypsy, I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was that bad, and I can see how why you feel that student loan debt traps your future. I wish I had more ideas. Non-federal student loans are so tricky. They really should be treated like a dangerous drug with lots of warnings and disclosures before people sign up. Here's the one off-the-wall idea that came to me and feel free to laugh or disregard it if you want. You're smart, you're in Cali, and could get a cheap flight. Have you ever thought of trying out for Jeopardy? If you did win, you could put some money toward the debt, maybe even thousands if you won. What do you think? Could you make it a true daily double?

And one of my nieces is coping with a ton of auto-immune diseases, including RA. Movement is so important for that, and for getting yourself out of a mental funk. And it's one of life's mysteries why when we need it most, we find it hardest to do. So don't think about starting an exercise program, just think about doing something physical today. Doesn't even matter what it is. Just do it once. Same with food. Just try to eat differently for your next meal. Then see if you can make that same decision tomorrow or the next meal. If you can't, you'll have lots more chances to make a different decision. Geez, when I say it that way, it seems so simple. I need to do that too!

LLJ, I love your door technique! Physical imagery can be so important in shooing away the bad thoughts we inflict on ourselves. And you're both a great mother and a great wife. It sounds like you helped and supported your DH in all the best ways doing his job search. That's a true partner!

Marcy, something tells me you're a great manager, knowing when to pull back and when to give the equivalent of the Gibbs head slap. Your Negative Nellie probably realizes you're on to her tricks and is now hoping her disappearing act will make you give up. She doesn't know you like we do! And that you're backed up by an army of bears and bunnies. And NIRDI's!

Kristie, hope you're surviving the AZ heat. And your pups are happy and healthy and you and your DH are enjoying your new kitchen. Are you?

Scandi, sounds like life is busy, and I so admire your upbeat attitude. And I hope your DH calls the expert who's doing the evaluation on the logs. It doesn't hurt to keep checking in.

Junie, if the melatonin doesn't work for your mom, let me know because I might have another suggestion. My naturopath recommended a different kind of natural supplement when I was trying to change my sleep cycle. It wasn't a sleeping pill, but makes you drowsy for a bit so you can fall asleep. It's not fool-proof. I sometimes powered through it when I was so inclined, but it doesn't make you groggy or foggy in the morning and might help your mother get on a different schedule. My one hesitation is I don't know if it would interact with any meds she's taking. I wouldn't think so, but don't actually know that.

Callie, isn't it the worst when you've just done a post with lots of wonderful anecdotes and good advice, and the PS gods choose to eat it? I haven't had it happen much, but we're never as articulate the second time around.

I'm sure I've left someone out, but have to head to work.

And maybe the NIRDI motto should be: One day at a time. We all seem to be doing some variant of that.

Plus: All for one and one for all. I know I feel better that all of you are there to help lift me up when I'm struggling. Maybe this is my happy place!

 

[azstonie]

NIRDI CRUISE!!!!!!

 

[LLJsmom]

OMG guys, I went off on a poster in RT "Advice on Price" who was so combative and rude to Gypsy. I couldn't NOT post. I am not usually like this, but I could not get this thread out of my head. And everyone else was soooo nice and helpful, and she was just UNGRATEFUL AND RUDE!!! I knew I should say good luck to her on her search. But I could not say it and mean it truthfully. So I didn't. I'm sure this poster will go off. But I've said my piece.

 

[Gypsy]

OMG guys, I went off on a poster in RT "Advice on Price" who was so combative and rude to Gypsy. I couldn't NOT post. I am not usually like this, but I could not get this thread out of my head. And everyone else was soooo nice and helpful, and she was just UNGRATEFUL AND RUDE!!! I knew I should say good luck to her on her search. But I could not say it and mean it truthfully. So I didn't. I'm sure this poster will go off. But I've said my piece.

Thank you LLJ. It's better not to start anything on RT. It always gets out of hand. Of course I don't always succeed, but I like to think I'm getting better about it.

I just bowed out. It wasn't worth my aggravation. Or yours.

 

[Gypsy]

Polished thank you so much for your post. I've been to an accountant. Actually I've been to several. They end up firing me once they realize what a mess it all is. It's pretty spectacular. They end up researching all the laws (that I have researched myself) and are horrified and appalled, and basically throw their hands up in the air and say, "there's nothing I can really do to help you that you aren't already doing, good luck," and that's the end of it. They stop taking my calls. Private Student loans aren't structured anything like a mortgage. They aren't amortized the same way. The interest isn't regulated the same way (by the market or the government). There is no real regulation and no way to rehabilitate them if your lender doesn't want to work with you. Unlike Federal Loans. And there is no reason to, since they can't be discharged in bankruptcy or court, and in CA and most states they can easily get a lien on all your assets and your income with little to no effort on their part, whereas on the borrowers part it is expensive to defend.

So basically unless I get a large cash infusion, from Jeapordy, the lottery or anything else. Paying them down the way you would a mortgage is next to impossible in any real timeframe because of the way the are continuously bought and sold and the way the interest accrues. My payments never touch the principal in effect.

Federal loans are very different and manageable. I am very open to less ambitious work. I'm actually not a very ambitious person, at least in terms of work. I am very happy as an individual contributor and don't have dreams of being a director or a VP anywhere. I'll keep you all updated and let you know if I figure anything out. Thanks so much, again, for your supportive post.

Missy, I did sleep well last night. And I am reading a very funny book, so that is providing a nice vacation for me right now. I do go to therapy, once a week actually. It's one of those things I have to do for myself with my depression and anxiety issues. It's invaluable and I am lucky that I can do so, and can control the symptoms of my conditions. I hope you are enjoying your vacation. The fur kiddos help a lot. And I very much appreciate and plan to internalize your wisdom: "Breaking it up into small manageable pieces to make it work. If something is not working you change it." I am going to think about the diet thing, and perhaps see a nutritionist and see what if I can get help with it. Maybe if I stop being an island with respect with that it will make things manageable. Posting on this thread though, even in the last week, has been such a help. I don't tend to talk about people (other than my therapist), even my friends, about a lot of what I am going through. Just John really. And I needed to change that. So here I am. And I am so grateful you have all welcomed me with such open arms. Hopefully my cup fills up a bit and then I can give instead of just take.

I think you write from the heart. That's very important and don't ever apologize for it. And you have a huge heart. Thank you (ALL OF YOU) for being my friends.


Scandi, what a lovely post. DH and I are a team and we have a few balls in the air. We'll see if any of them come to fruition. Right now we've downsized our living space and our monthly expenses and DH changed to a better job all around, so that's been good. The cats are healthy right now. And we have a strict limit on getting any more, though I would have 20 if I could afford it. As for jewelry-- I sold a lot of mine to pay down some debt a while back, and flipped some jewelry on ebay to pay down some more. So I do what I can. But you are absolutely right that having DH's support makes everything easier.

LLJ, the advice was "mom to adult child" or what I imagine "big sister" to little sister advice would be. And just right. I did keep it in mind today and it helped. I had a bad inflammation of my foot the last several days, but it was much better today so while I was out I just... got out of the car and went for a walk. No special clothes or anything. Just started walking, got my heart rate up, took it easy when my foot started to give me a warning, and even got a little sweaty. I felt good about it. I also did something else. Instead of listing the shouldas, I made a mental list of all the things I AM doing for myself. And thanked myself for those things. And it helped. Tremendously actually.

I use PS as my distraction. Exactly as you described with the Sodoku for you, that's what posting on RT does for me. It gives me a way to get out of my head, and makes me work on something that is absorbing. Everyone always gives me praise for it, but its' a largely selfish endeavor, honestly. It gives me the distraction I need and makes me feel like I am doing something positive. That's why I do it. Thank you for believing in me though, I will do the same.

 

[Gypsy]

Oops, hit send to soon (my computer is acting up and I was afraid of losing all that).

Rainwood, First, you are such a wonderful person. Thank you for caring for me. I don't know about Jeopardy, I'm not good at on the spot thinking like that and am too ignorant of pop culture and things like that. I wish they would have a couples tournament, DH and I together would do very well. But I have seriously thought about a game show or reality show thing that pays. I buy lottery tickets like a sinner goes to church... with devotion and constantly hoping for absolution. Thank you for understanding the private student loan hell of it all. It really is just a BLEEPING BLEEPING nightmare. And no, there were no warnings about HOW the private loans where different than the Federal ones, and what that meant. And everyone my family thought, "you'll make partner and be making 400k a year." And well...I never went into practice like that. Took the bar and struggled to find a path, found it eventually, but while it is a relatively healthy one in terms of income, it's not the bankroll I would have needed to be able to pay those down.

The main reason I wanted to move to Texas or North Carolina was my student loans actually. Texas and North Carolina in the union, Sourth Carolina and Pennsylvania being the other two, that will not allow a private lender to take a lien against your income. What does that mean for me? Well, right now in CA I don't have that protection. That means I have to pay WHATEVER the private lenders want, up to the amount of a wage garnishment (which is a large amount--15% of my income), because if I don't the lender will simply to straight to garnishment AND charge me all the fees that I will incur as a result of that ADDING to my principle. So the lender has no impetuous to negotiate my payment schedule with me. Or anything else for that matter. In a state that doesn't allow the garnishment, they don't have that stick so they are forced to negotiate with you more.

I have crossed Texas, except for Austin, off the list though. As I think ending up in prison or shot will not be an improvement over my current 'quality of life.' But North Carolina is still in the offing. PA doesn't offer the cost of living savings that I would need, so its off the list. And SC is worse than TX. So don't be surprised if I move still. It's a definite possibility. While I ADORE Alameda, NOTHING compares to the Holy Grail of a debt free life for me. And there is very little ( except my family, my DH, my friends and my cats) I wouldn't give up for that.

 

[marcy]

Hi NIRDIs!

Gypsy, everyone has come up with some good thoughts and ideas. Like so many have said I approach things one thing at a time, one day at a time and trying to get the most enjoyment I can out of the present. Student loan debt is really tough to pay off and I am sorry to hear your loans have been bought and sold and increased through compound interest. They way it multiplies and grows almost sounds like a bunch of loan sharks. Finding a job can be so discouraging. All you can do is keep trying. Big hugs to you! I am looking forward to the farmer’s market starting here. I am hungry to peaches. I hate to hear Duncan isn’t feeling well. I hope you get a good night’s sleep.

Hi Polished.

Missy, my in-laws are here through Sunday. The Killer Rabbits have left them alone but one greeted me at the door yesterday name and called me a name. I am glad to hear the doorbell is working again. I bet the internet would have a lot to do with whether it is working or not. Ours is hooked to our phone line which is run through our internet so it probably wouldn’t work if our internet was out. Did Fedex bring you something fun? Sorry that the rain and chilly weather is hampering your bike rides but I hope you enjoy your vacation. Ann is really working at trapping those feral kitties. Good plan to train them to eat during the day but I know you want them to eat when they are hungry. Thanks for the update on Pom and I am glad to hear Jimmianne is enjoyed herself.

LLJsmom, are the kids enjoying being out of school? Is Darryl enjoying his new job? I really like your door technique too.

Rainwood, my NN sure is nice and polite to me when she knows she’s pushed me too far. She was quite pleasant to me today. As I told my newest employee yesterday I am always on their side and watching out for them whether they see it or not. Thank you for the kind words. And no one can survive an attack of some angry killer rabbits and NIRDIs! This a definitely a happy place. I am glad you feel a bit better after chatting here with us NIRDIs. I don’t really talk about things bothering me to anybody so being able to express my feelings here has helped pull me out of a very deep hole. NIRDI’s ROCK!

Kristie, a NIRDI cruise with lots of stars at night. How are you feeling today?

Scandinavian, good luck getting all of your tasks and projects finished by the end of the month. Marty’s deadline is within an hour or two and poor guy slept 3 hours and has been working all day. He did quit working long enough to go out to supper tonight but he’s back at it. It’s not up to his usual quality either because it was so last minute.

My naysayer employee came to work today and had a few questions about “changes” we made while she was gone. I filled her in by email on most of it. I was trying to find an online course about negativity in the work place to assign her but sadly our elearn classes are kind of lame.

We went to Olive Garden for supper. I swear I have 4 lunches out of my leftovers. Wow do they give you a TON of food.

After we came home my MIL and I went back to the mall and then Office Depot. They called today to say that ring had come in for me to see and I needed some notebooks for work.

I did buy the ring. It fits my left hand perfectly but not my right hand and it is a RHR. Nice fat band. Sweet.

Have a great evening.
Marcy

 

[marcy]

Oh and here is what you really wanted to see. My new WG/RG ring. It fits my left hand perfectly but since it's a RHR and thick band I needed it sized up. He said it could be tomorrow or the next day.

The little diamonds are not PS quality melee but I really wanted a fat band like this.

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you Marcy for your thoughtful post.

I love that band. Pretty design! None of my bands, except my wedding band, have PS quality melee. My sapphire and diamond band from Blue Nile originally (I color and clarity, though you can't tell) and my emerald band (goodness knows what the quality is I got it from ebay).

In general, my remaining pieces are 'steals' I got on ebay or pearlmans clearance. My blue nile band ended up costing me around 80 bucks. And my emerald band, I don't recall exactly how much it was now, but I recall it being about 200 bucks.

I wear them with my PS quality pieces. You can't tell. If you love it, it doesn't matter.

Though in general I have a STRONG preference for pre-owned pieces because I like to be able to resell them when I get tired of them for at least what I paid.

If I lose money on jewelry it bugs the crap out of me. Even if I can consider it 'rent' it bugs me. LOL. I'm super cheap when it comes to jewelry in general.

The band I am considering in the other thread is a special circumstance, a specific behest. I would only get it if certain things happen to allow me the funds. And that's AFTER a lot of debt is paid off.

 

[LLJsmom]

Marcy, I have always loved these kinds of phat bands! It looks great on you. Very beverlyk style. I would love a great fat one for my right hand. I love it.