We are less than a month away from our wedding. It's an exciting, albeit scary, time.
Four years ago, when FBIL graduated from college, he crashed on our sofa while looking for a job. He stayed (and didn't lift a finger) for more than a month, before DF gave him a talking-to. He proceeded to do the same time, with the FILs' help, at his aunt's and second cousin! He still doesn't have a full-time job, because he's pursuing his dream career on a free-lance basis. Said dream career involves his coming to NY about 5 times over the course of this month. He called DF and asked if he could crash with us.
Because of FBIL's previous behaviour, we agreed on a no-guest policy until we actually have a guest room. We have 2 bedrooms, but the second is an office. So, DF said "no." FFIL got on the phone and argued with DF. Then, FMIL got on the phone and yelled at DF. I took over, hoping to calm them both. The first thing she said to me was "You are being selfish. I wasn't raised that way and neither was my son." I asked her whether she was implying that my parents raised me to be selfish. She did not attempt to deny that. DF finally hung up on her. Needless to say, he was upset and took it out on me.
The next morning, we received an e-mail from FFIL laying on the guilt -- our policy means that we're shutting them out of our lives, they cannot truly visit with us unless they stay with us. He also proceeded to talk about Asian filial piety (um, I was the one who grew up in an Asian family).
At a very wise lady's advice, I e-mailed FFIL back. I stated that we would re-think our policy, but that it's a bad time to do so right now. DF sent a similar e-mail. No answer.
We are scheduled to go to MI for FFIL's birthday in 2 week's time. I'm not sure I can take this much tension at this time. Any advice?
Oh, and FMIL had the temerity to add that they didn't ask to crash with us during our wedding!
Four years ago, when FBIL graduated from college, he crashed on our sofa while looking for a job. He stayed (and didn't lift a finger) for more than a month, before DF gave him a talking-to. He proceeded to do the same time, with the FILs' help, at his aunt's and second cousin! He still doesn't have a full-time job, because he's pursuing his dream career on a free-lance basis. Said dream career involves his coming to NY about 5 times over the course of this month. He called DF and asked if he could crash with us.
Because of FBIL's previous behaviour, we agreed on a no-guest policy until we actually have a guest room. We have 2 bedrooms, but the second is an office. So, DF said "no." FFIL got on the phone and argued with DF. Then, FMIL got on the phone and yelled at DF. I took over, hoping to calm them both. The first thing she said to me was "You are being selfish. I wasn't raised that way and neither was my son." I asked her whether she was implying that my parents raised me to be selfish. She did not attempt to deny that. DF finally hung up on her. Needless to say, he was upset and took it out on me.
The next morning, we received an e-mail from FFIL laying on the guilt -- our policy means that we're shutting them out of our lives, they cannot truly visit with us unless they stay with us. He also proceeded to talk about Asian filial piety (um, I was the one who grew up in an Asian family).
At a very wise lady's advice, I e-mailed FFIL back. I stated that we would re-think our policy, but that it's a bad time to do so right now. DF sent a similar e-mail. No answer.
We are scheduled to go to MI for FFIL's birthday in 2 week's time. I'm not sure I can take this much tension at this time. Any advice?
Oh, and FMIL had the temerity to add that they didn't ask to crash with us during our wedding!