cutting losses?

[Cehrabehra]

::heavy sigh::

At what point do you cut your losses and move on? I know this is different for everyone and I''m sure I''ve already pushed it way beyond what others would tolerate, but this has become very difficult for me. I feel like I''m in a relationship with someone I love but it just isn''t working. I always thought of myself as brash and blunt but through this experience I am discovering I may be more of a people pleaser than I thought - with no skills on how to reconcile it all.

And the worst part is I feel so isolated. I feel like I cannot talk about the experience without being disloyal or hurtful. I was IMing with a diamond lover friend and he opened my eyes about a few things. But I feel like I''ve become so invested both in time and money that the losses are too great to move in another direction. And that makes me feel stuck and bound and like I need to just say DO WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST GET IT DONE. The pull of an artist to do their own thing is very great.

A couple months ago I sent off a request for an estimate from pete at quest and he came a couple thousand under with a promise to have it done in 3 weeks. Honestly, even if I kiss the $1500 I''ve put down goodbye I''d still break even or save money. Now, six months after the first talk, five months after giving up my stone, I still haven''t seen a wax, and now I''m told we need a new estimate. I have no idea what the estimate is going to come in as, but platinum has gone up a lot in the last 6 months and... I''m just feeling frustrated and it makes me kinda mad that I have no one to turn to that really *gets* this stuff.

The wax was practically done before my first designer got sick. All I wanted was for it to be finished. Everything else has been me letting go of what I wanted to allow an artist to *feel* the piece. I have NOT been miss picky other than trying to hold on to as much of my original design as possible.

I feel like this has cost me a lot of time and money so far and yet all I can think of is that this is somehow my fault. I feel horrible even hitting send but I cannot shoulder this alone any longer. What sucks more than anything is I like ocean and wink both.

 

[Skippy123]

Cehra, I would call them and tell them how you are feeling. You have been waiting a long time. Hugs, I am so sorry it isn''t working out very well.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Ditto, you are a bigger woman than I am...I would have come UNGLUED long ago.

I can''t tell you to bail on the deal, but I think a little ''push'' might help.

 

[hlmr]

I was half way through reading this post before I realized it wasn't your marriage you were talking about.

99% of all problems between people are a direct result of miscommunication. I hope you are able to communicate your wants and needs to Wink and Ocean and have them understand what you want, so you can get that ring on your finger and move on with your life.

 

[strmrdr]

storm throws a life ring in the water.
abandon ship!
This is ridiculous and a full refund is in order.

 

[TravelingGal]

Without knowing all the circumstances, all I can say is that this is taking what seems like a LONG time. Why is it taking so long anyway? Do you know?

 

[decodelighted]

I honestly can''t believe the platinum wasn''t purchased five months ago ... SURELY a ballpark # of oz. could be determined based on the SIZE and desired WIDTH of the ring! It''s not as if platinum hasn''t been rising in cost steadily for years. Geez.

As to the whole thing ... let''s get psychological for a moment. Is it possible you don''t really want this ring to get done. That you like having a project to do or that you feel guilty about the $. Ambivalence. I don''t know. I don''t have any idea why this keeps happening to you time & time again.

BTW --What were your "eyes opened" to -- all of a sudden? Hanging chad innuendo is frustrating to say the least. And because I''m easily frustrated by this whole thing I guess I should just bow out of further discussions respectfully.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 8/2/2007 5:59:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Without knowing all the circumstances, all I can say is that this is taking what seems like a LONG time. Why is it taking so long anyway? Do you know?

Well there are personal reasons this had to be put off that it isn''t my place to share and that would account for a good 6-8 weeks of this. And the first 8-9 weeks was her saying no this isn''t going to work (really she just didn''t like it mostly) and wanting to design me a ring from scratch and I went along for a while and then just coming to admit to myself, no - I really do still want my original So that''s about 16 weeks blown right there. The rest has been negotiations.... she''s a very creative woman and most of the negotiations have been me wanting to reign it in back to the original. I truly have NOT gone off on a creative spree changing everything. It''s much more about how can she make this her own so that she can feel comfortable putting her name on it.

 

[Kaleigh]

Gosh, I have been wondering what the heck is taking so long. You could have had 3 custom rings made by now. I know you had to abandon ship once, to think it''s going to happen twice has me puzzled. I don''t know the details, but yeah I''d move on. I thought you were supposed to get it by the time school starts. I thought you were close to the finish line. So very frustrating. I have no clue what the hold up is, but I''d take it up with Ocean... It''s better that way, as we simply don''t know all the details. I feel badly for you, I really do.

 

[neatfreak]

I personally think it''s getting a bit ridiculous! In the time you have spent, I have started my search for my stone, found the stone, had it set in Ritani, got engaged, and am almost to my wedding! LOL!

I think you really need to have a frank discussion and say that you need the ring by X date or else you are going to take your business elsewhere. Leon the prince doesn''t even take this long!

 

[mrssalvo]

well, i know there is always 2 sides to every story but that said, the amount of time you''ve waited for your setting is just not acceptable. if the designer/vendor felt you were being unreasonable in your requests, they should have fired you and sent back the stone and your $ and ended the project themselves. I''ve heard of popular designers doing that to folks here. To draw it out seems just plain unfair to me.

i''d ask for a refund, pull the plug and go with quest, but that''s very impatient (once I know what I want) me

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:03:07 PM
Author: decodelighted
I honestly can''t believe the platinum wasn''t purchased five months ago ... SURELY a ballpark # of oz. could be determined based on the SIZE and desired WIDTH of the ring! It''s not as if platinum hasn''t been rising in cost steadily for years. Geez.

As to the whole thing ... let''s get psychological for a moment. Is it possible you don''t really want this ring to get done. That you like having a project to do or that you feel guilty about the $. Ambivalence. I don''t know. I don''t have any idea why this keeps happening to you time & time again.

BTW --What were your ''eyes opened'' to -- all of a sudden? Hanging chad innuendo is frustrating to say the least. And because I''m easily frustrated by this whole thing I guess I should just bow out of further discussions respectfully.

No deco I don''t want you to bow out - I appreciate your frank perspective... its okay to temper it with kindness though too

I''ve only worked with two jewelers and the first became unable to work. I think one of the problems is that I get too involved with the feelings of the designer and I FAIL to make this a good clean business transaction. As for not wanting it done, there may have been bits of that when I first got the stone, but now I want it done and over yesterday and thinking that I need to reign her in a bit more makes me cringe and think crap, this is gonna take another month, isn''t it? As for what my eyes are opened to is that I realized I was agreeing to things even if I didn''t like them JUST TO GET IT DONE.

 

[TravelingGal]

Cehra, it seems to me that if it''s taken this long for you both to come up with a design that she is comfortable putting her name on, it wasn''t meant to be. Honestly, it has seemed from the beginning that you have very strong opinions of the ring you want, and that it is essentially your design. Perhaps you should find someone who will create YOUR ring for you instead of trying to work with an artist where she feels it needs to have a bit of her vision in it.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:08:12 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 8/2/2007 5:59:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Without knowing all the circumstances, all I can say is that this is taking what seems like a LONG time. Why is it taking so long anyway? Do you know?

Well there are personal reasons this had to be put off that it isn''t my place to share and that would account for a good 6-8 weeks of this. And the first 8-9 weeks was her saying no this isn''t going to work (really she just didn''t like it mostly) and wanting to design me a ring from scratch and I went along for a while and then just coming to admit to myself, no - I really do still want my original So that''s about 16 weeks blown right there. The rest has been negotiations.... she''s a very creative woman and most of the negotiations have been me wanting to reign it in back to the original. I truly have NOT gone off on a creative spree changing everything. It''s much more about how can she make this her own so that she can feel comfortable putting her name on it.

Well I would have been going off a very long time ago.
I could take your design, go too my local guy, pencil in any structural changes we agreed on and had the ring in hand in under 2 weeks.

Wink is a good guy and hopefully he will get this fixed.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:11:33 PM
Author: mrssalvo
well, i know there is always 2 sides to every story but that said, the amount of time you''ve waited for your setting is just not acceptable. if the designer/vendor felt you were being unreasonable in your requests, they should have fired you and sent back the stone and your $ and ended the project themselves. I''ve heard of popular designers doing that to folks here. To draw it out seems just plain unfair to me.

i''d ask for a refund, pull the plug and go with quest, but that''s very impatient (once I know what I want) me

Ocean WANTS to do this... in fact disappointing her is one of the major concerns I have. I haven''t been unreasonable in my requests, I''ve been very patient. She adds a lot of flourish and then I request for everything to be more plain LOL

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:15:13 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 8/2/2007 6:11:33 PM
Author: mrssalvo
well, i know there is always 2 sides to every story but that said, the amount of time you''ve waited for your setting is just not acceptable. if the designer/vendor felt you were being unreasonable in your requests, they should have fired you and sent back the stone and your $ and ended the project themselves. I''ve heard of popular designers doing that to folks here. To draw it out seems just plain unfair to me.

i''d ask for a refund, pull the plug and go with quest, but that''s very impatient (once I know what I want) me

Ocean WANTS to do this... in fact disappointing her is one of the major concerns I have. I haven''t been unreasonable in my requests, I''ve been very patient. She adds a lot of flourish and then I request for everything to be more plain LOL

Cehra, enough with finding DESIGNERS and ARTISTS already. You just need a plain old benchman!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:15:13 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 8/2/2007 6:11:33 PM

Author: mrssalvo

well, i know there is always 2 sides to every story but that said, the amount of time you''ve waited for your setting is just not acceptable. if the designer/vendor felt you were being unreasonable in your requests, they should have fired you and sent back the stone and your $ and ended the project themselves. I''ve heard of popular designers doing that to folks here. To draw it out seems just plain unfair to me.


i''d ask for a refund, pull the plug and go with quest, but that''s very impatient (once I know what I want) me

Ocean WANTS to do this... in fact disappointing her is one of the major concerns I have. I haven''t been unreasonable in my requests, I''ve been very patient. She adds a lot of flourish and then I request for everything to be more plain LOL

that''s great that she wants to do that, but it''s obvious your vision and hers just aren''t the same. you want someone to just make your design, she wants more freedom, nothing personal, just not a good business match. the timeline is seriously crazy for this project, surely she would agree, business is businesss. I''d still move on at this point.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:13:28 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 8/2/2007 6:08:12 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 8/2/2007 5:59:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Without knowing all the circumstances, all I can say is that this is taking what seems like a LONG time. Why is it taking so long anyway? Do you know?

Well there are personal reasons this had to be put off that it isn''t my place to share and that would account for a good 6-8 weeks of this. And the first 8-9 weeks was her saying no this isn''t going to work (really she just didn''t like it mostly) and wanting to design me a ring from scratch and I went along for a while and then just coming to admit to myself, no - I really do still want my original So that''s about 16 weeks blown right there. The rest has been negotiations.... she''s a very creative woman and most of the negotiations have been me wanting to reign it in back to the original. I truly have NOT gone off on a creative spree changing everything. It''s much more about how can she make this her own so that she can feel comfortable putting her name on it.

Well I would have been going off a very long time ago.
I could take your design, go too my local guy, pencil in any structural changes we agreed on and had the ring in hand in under 2 weeks.

Wink is a good guy and hopefully he will get this fixed.

Wink IS a good guy and he has made it clear that he is at peace with whatever I need to do. I sent pete the *same* proposal I sent ocean and he said it looked great and would be done in 3 weeks. I really need to move on from this. I feel like I''ve been simmering a long time and someone keeps adding water to the pot and I feel good for a while.... then feel frantic anxiety as the water empties then it starts over again. I need to sh*t or get off the pot!!!!!!

 

[decodelighted]

I apologize if my post came across as un-kind. I *do* want this project finished for you MORE THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE

.

How this went from Girl-Crush to Loss-Cutting ...

.???!!!

 

[FireGoddess]

I went through a different process than you...I really liked the jewelry store owner I was working with and she had done several other pieces for me that were great. But my ring took 5 months and it involved a lot of miscommunication, non-communication, frustration, and at some points, what seemed to me like outright lying. It drove me nuts and I pulled the plug once only to have her ask me to work with one other benchman before completely walking away. I didn't walk away and while I do love my ring, there are minor points that slightly irritate me still, and I would never have her do another piece for me, ever.

Having waited for my ring as long as you have, there is NO WAY I could wait any longer. To have not seen a wax yet is absurd!!! I don't know the specifics of the situation since most of them have not been divulged by you, and you have written a lot of threads talking about the emotional aspect of this and the creative process and all that, and I think you are a doll but some of it I just couldn't read anymore...I just kept thinking come ON now, where is the (#)(*(#)@#()@$*# ring for pete's sake?!?!!?!? Enough with the creative process and the journey and the love fest...let's talk RING. And if I remember correctly Ocean is/was preggo and of course that needs to be considered in the time frame, but either this ring should have been done before work had to be stopped, or it shouldn't have been taken on as a project.

Now hon, don't take this the wrong way but some of this does fall on you. At least to us, you have stressed that you gave her wide berth and 'all the time in the world' to experience the process with you, blah blah blah. If that has changed and you've found your patience isn't as infinite as you once thought, it's time to come clean to HER and talk about it. I can be blunt sometimes in written word but IRL I really don't like conflict and would try to avoid it (and did try for months on my ring project...but when enough is enough, my turkey timer pokes out and I am DONE) but I think your timer has popped too, y'know?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:28:08 PM
Author: FireGoddess
I went through a different process than you...I really liked the jewelry store owner I was working with and she had done several other pieces for me that were great. But my ring took 5 months and it involved a lot of miscommunication, non-communication, frustration, and at some points, what seemed to me like outright lying. It drove me nuts and I pulled the plug once only to have her ask me to work with one other benchman before completely walking away. I didn''t walk away and while I do love my ring, there are minor points that slightly irritate me still, and I would never have her do another piece for me, ever.

Having waited for my ring as long as you have, there is NO WAY I could wait any longer. To have not seen a wax yet is absurd!!! I don''t know the specifics of the situation since most of them have not been divulged by you, and you have written a lot of threads talking about the emotional aspect of this and the creative process and all that, and I think you are a doll but some of it I just couldn''t read anymore...I just kept thinking come ON now, where is the (#)(*(#)@#()@$*# ring for pete''s sake?!?!!?!? Enough with the creative process and the journey and the love fest...let''s talk RING. And if I remember correctly Ocean is/was preggo and of course that needs to be considered in the time frame, but either this ring should have been done before work had to be stopped, or it shouldn''t have been taken on as a project.

Now hon, don''t take this the wrong way but some of this does fall on you. At least to us, you have stressed that you gave her wide berth and ''all the time in the world'' to experience the process with you, blah blah blah. If that has changed and you''ve found your patience isn''t as infinite as you once thought, it''s time to come clean to HER and talk about it. I can be blunt sometimes in written word but IRL I really don''t like conflict and would try to avoid it (and did try for months on my ring project...but when enough is enough, my turkey timer pokes out and I am DONE) but I think your timer has popped too, y''know?

Yeah! If you want to be creative, paint a picture! If you want a journey, get on a plane! This is a BUSINESS agreement. Time to cut throat and go!

*puts down pitchfork and sits back down in the peanut gallery*

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:28:08 PM
Author: FireGoddess
you have written a lot of threads talking about the emotional aspect of this and the creative process and all that, and I think you are a doll but some of it I just couldn't read anymore...I just kept thinking come ON now, where is the (#)(*(#)@#()@$*# ring for pete's sake?!?!!?!? Enough with the creative process and the journey and the love fest...let's talk RING.

FG -- thank goodness YOU are thinking/writing clearly .. cuz you speak for me too!

DITTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOfreakinOOOOOOOOOOO.

And you're BOTH dolls in my book so let's start our own love fest while sorting the MESS out.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:17:27 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Cehra, enough with finding DESIGNERS and ARTISTS already. You just need a plain old benchman!

bingo and well said.

or even a young great one would work too :}

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:37:27 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 8/2/2007 6:28:08 PM
Author: FireGoddess
you have written a lot of threads talking about the emotional aspect of this and the creative process and all that, and I think you are a doll but some of it I just couldn't read anymore...I just kept thinking come ON now, where is the (#)(*(#)@#()@$*# ring for pete's sake?!?!!?!? Enough with the creative process and the journey and the love fest...let's talk RING.

FG -- thank goodness YOU are thinking/writing clearly .. cuz you speak for me too!

DITTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOfreakinOOOOOOOOOOO.

And you're BOTH dolls in my book so let's start our own love fest while sorting the MESS out.

I rarely achieve anything approaching eloquent insight so I'll take the compliment! Usually I look at your posts and think 'gosh, she is so freakin insightful and witty'. You're one poster I've considered subscribing to...and I don't subscribe to any!! Love fest underway!

But back to the ring....

 

[onedrop]

I guess I have to say that I am on the let''s get it movin'' bandwago!! Sara darling, you have done MORE than enough to be considered a patient, understanding client. But the whole point is to get a ring in the end (sooner rather than later). Yes, you want perfection and YOUR design. I totally agree with that and you should have that. If the artist cant''s deliver than it''s time to let go. Cut your losses.

Deco, TG and FG...you''ve all said it better than I could have. I am continuing the love-fest if I might, to say that I just love reading ALL of your posts!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:19:29 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
Wink IS a good guy and he has made it clear that he is at peace with whatever I need to do. I sent pete the *same* proposal I sent ocean and he said it looked great and would be done in 3 weeks. I really need to move on from this. I feel like I've been simmering a long time and someone keeps adding water to the pot and I feel good for a while.... then feel frantic anxiety as the water empties then it starts over again. I need to sh*t or get off the pot!!!!!!

THAT, is the way it's SUPPOSED to work my dear.

And I have to agree with whoever said some of this falls on you. Remember my last post to you about this ring? I think you prolly do, so I won't reiterate.

And, about putting her name on it?? Her name WILL (or would, yet to be determined) be on it, but it's YOUR ring. Who's she trying to make happy here, you or herself??


In my humble opinion, I would drop this like a hot potato. You've given it MORE than ample time. Send it to Pete (he is such a DREAM to work with) and let him make the ring.


{{{hugs}}}

 

[risingsun]

Sara...evidently, you and Ocean each have a vision for your ring, but it is not the same vision. It's really time to move on. It seems that Pete understands what you want and is prepared to create it for you. This process with Ocean is not working. It's important that you tell her so and put an end to this frustration. I feel for you, I really do...but put this one to rest

 

[Stone Hunter]

I''m so sorry to read this. Really it''s time to have a ring in hand. School starts soon. I do really really feel for you. Best of luck sorting it all out.

 

[surfgirl]

Cehra, I never comment on your threads regarding your ring and the creative process and how great Ocean is and how she''s giving her soul to your ring and blah blah blah, because I think the entire situation is ridiculous, IMO of course. It does seem that on some level you enjoy the process and talking about this process and how great your personal relationship is with the designer but where the hell is the freak''in ring already?! Honestly, I''d never put up with this. You might *think* you have a buddy buddy relationship with this "artist" but IMO you''re being taken for a ride. Time to wake up and get off this sinking ship already. And get your money back, it''s the least they could do for you after all this nonsense! The fact that they want to re-quote you because it''s so many months later? What the heck??? They ought to be giving you a price reduction, not an increase...That alone should tell you, they''re NOT YOUR FRIENDS! This is business, pure and simple. If they were your "friends" they''d have finished this by now and/or given you a price break because of all the delays. I wont play armchair psychologist on this, but yes, you play a part in all of this. But you also can play a part in fixing it.

Give it to Pete and let them take care of it already. Then you can wear the ring, as you''re supposed to. Pull the plug and move on already.

ETA: Yes I know the tone isn''t tempered but there are times when pure unadulterated honesty is needed. This is one of those times. Consider it ''tough love'', my gift to help you move on...

 

[WinkHPD]

Interesting,

I had a very nice conversation with Cehra earlier today, just before I left for a doctors appointment to give her the new estimate from changing from a gold ring to a platinum ring. At no point during the conversation did she even intimate to me that she had started a thread saying that she was not happy.

She did say that she was not sure about the design and I told her to let me know what she decided and that I would be fine either way. The ring will be ready in ten days if she says go.

She and Ocean have had many hours of discussions about the designs and many design concepts have been drawn and presented and it was my understanding that she was good to go with the last one subject to approving the bid to do it in platinum which she received today.

I told her then, and I reiterate, that I am fine with her going forward or not, and that there would be no hard feelings either way. She has placed a deposit of $1,500 down, of which $500 is non refundable, but the $1.000 is. I have no idea how many hours Ocean has been working with Cehra, but they are WAY more than normal because Ocean likes her too.

I can not speak for Ocean or for Cehra, but I know that they have spent many hours on the phone about this design and about life in general. Both Ocean and I like Cehra and we are both working very hard to make this something that is what she wants and it appears that we may have failed. It happens that way with custom design sometimes. It is okay, we are good to go forward or to stop. I have paid Ocean the $500 that is non refundable, and frankly, she has earned it. If Cehra tells me to go, I will. If she tells me to stop, I will.

I am not at all sure that this is proper forum discussion and would rather have it be a private discussion as I thought it was, but since I am getting emails telling me I am not behaving properly I guess I should respond here. Actually I am glad for the emails, otherwise I would never have known about this thread as I do not normally come to the hangout.

Wink