hello ladies
it''s been a while since i''ve posted. I hope all is well with you.
had some things come up w/bf of 3 years this past week that concern me (mostly today) so I''m looking for a little reassurance and some insight...
We traveled to Chicago on 5/13/08 (he flew out the week beforehand to celebrate his mother''s b-day and mother''s day with her-I flew out to meet him on 5-13). We had a wonderful vacation and attended his stepsister''s wedding on sat 5-17 before flying home sunday am. The wedding was ok (kind of hillbillyish-they were driking beers in the parking lot prior to the wedding starting) and we did have alot of fun at the reception (he even picked up the garter when it was time for all of the guys to try to catch it-nobody wanted to pick it up off the floor so he picked it up). we danced together for the first time. His family was giving him a hard time about dragging his feet and not wanting to marry me but he assured them he did.
the problems started today when I got up. I was still a little upset from the wedding (I have a hard time attending these things when it''s something I want so badly myself) and not to mention, we went out to dinner with an ex-girlfriend of his (who he is now friends with-talks to her about once a year) and her fiance (lapped again!! she''s only been dating him a month). the dinner was nice but the girl''s fiance kept asking us things like if we lived together,when we were getting married,etc. It''s painful to be asked those things.
I got up today (early at 2p b/c I was supposed to work at 3p-7a). I''m working a ton of overtime right now b/c my wages are being garnished for a bill I couldn''t pay about 4 years ago. they are taking about 350.00 from each paycheck which is killing me. I''m only staying at my apt 4 days a month and pay 900 for it!! It caught up with me today (after spending 3 days being irritated about it) and I mentioned it to him. I said I was getting tired of having to kill myself to try and pay all of my bills (he is still having to loan me money to help cover the rent b/c sometimes even with the overtime, my check isnt enough). He said that in a couple of months things would be alot better b/c my garnishment will be done (by the middle of next month) and I only owe 2k on my car. I argued saying that if I didn''t have the 900 rent payment-my car and garnishment would already by paid off!! He then said that he''s not ready to have me and the kids move in b/c we fight alot (usually over the money situation-nothing else) and if we fought, he''d have to leave.
I started to cry, telling him I felt rejected and I felt like there was something wrong w/me b/c he doesn''t want to commit fully. He said that I was wrong. He said he''s only seen me stressed out, worried,and upset about my bills so he doesn''t know the happy side of me. He wants to make sure that the happy side does indeed exist.
then we started talking about what we were going to do w/the kids b/c school gets out for summer on friday. My 6 year old daughter is already out and Thursdays are my days to have the kids (I share joint custody with my ex). Normally, I come home from work on Thursdays and sleep until 2p when I have to go to school to get the girls. But now since my 6 year old is out, I may have to go straight from work to pick her up and then go home (with no sleep after working 12 hours overnight). My boyfriend will be home but said today (and part of me thinks he said it just b/c he was tired and upset from us arguing) that he doesn''t feel like being my babysitter while I sleep. When he saw how hurt I was by the comment, he then said "I don''t mind you coming over as long as you mostly watch her-I can help some." He then said that the kids weren''t his and it was between me and my ex to decide who watches them. This greatly hurt my feelings too so I got up to walk away. I asked him why the hell he was in a relationship w/a mom and kids if he didnt consider the kids partially his or wanted to treat them like his own. He said he was sorry for hurting my feelings but said nothing else. I told him the truth would come out eventually and everyone would be ten times more hurt in the future if it came out a ready made family isn''t what he wanted and I wanted the truth now and I said I felt like he was dragging his feet. He said he wasn''t dragging his feet and did want those things-just when the time was right and when my bills were caught up and I wasn''t so stressed out. part of me feels like he''s just stalling.
I left for work (now almost 2 hours late) with very hurt feelings.
I don''t know what to think. I want commitment and to be a happy family. any insight would be great b/c I love this man w/all my heart and don''t want to just give up.
it''s been a while since i''ve posted. I hope all is well with you.
had some things come up w/bf of 3 years this past week that concern me (mostly today) so I''m looking for a little reassurance and some insight...
We traveled to Chicago on 5/13/08 (he flew out the week beforehand to celebrate his mother''s b-day and mother''s day with her-I flew out to meet him on 5-13). We had a wonderful vacation and attended his stepsister''s wedding on sat 5-17 before flying home sunday am. The wedding was ok (kind of hillbillyish-they were driking beers in the parking lot prior to the wedding starting) and we did have alot of fun at the reception (he even picked up the garter when it was time for all of the guys to try to catch it-nobody wanted to pick it up off the floor so he picked it up). we danced together for the first time. His family was giving him a hard time about dragging his feet and not wanting to marry me but he assured them he did.
the problems started today when I got up. I was still a little upset from the wedding (I have a hard time attending these things when it''s something I want so badly myself) and not to mention, we went out to dinner with an ex-girlfriend of his (who he is now friends with-talks to her about once a year) and her fiance (lapped again!! she''s only been dating him a month). the dinner was nice but the girl''s fiance kept asking us things like if we lived together,when we were getting married,etc. It''s painful to be asked those things.
I got up today (early at 2p b/c I was supposed to work at 3p-7a). I''m working a ton of overtime right now b/c my wages are being garnished for a bill I couldn''t pay about 4 years ago. they are taking about 350.00 from each paycheck which is killing me. I''m only staying at my apt 4 days a month and pay 900 for it!! It caught up with me today (after spending 3 days being irritated about it) and I mentioned it to him. I said I was getting tired of having to kill myself to try and pay all of my bills (he is still having to loan me money to help cover the rent b/c sometimes even with the overtime, my check isnt enough). He said that in a couple of months things would be alot better b/c my garnishment will be done (by the middle of next month) and I only owe 2k on my car. I argued saying that if I didn''t have the 900 rent payment-my car and garnishment would already by paid off!! He then said that he''s not ready to have me and the kids move in b/c we fight alot (usually over the money situation-nothing else) and if we fought, he''d have to leave.
I started to cry, telling him I felt rejected and I felt like there was something wrong w/me b/c he doesn''t want to commit fully. He said that I was wrong. He said he''s only seen me stressed out, worried,and upset about my bills so he doesn''t know the happy side of me. He wants to make sure that the happy side does indeed exist.
then we started talking about what we were going to do w/the kids b/c school gets out for summer on friday. My 6 year old daughter is already out and Thursdays are my days to have the kids (I share joint custody with my ex). Normally, I come home from work on Thursdays and sleep until 2p when I have to go to school to get the girls. But now since my 6 year old is out, I may have to go straight from work to pick her up and then go home (with no sleep after working 12 hours overnight). My boyfriend will be home but said today (and part of me thinks he said it just b/c he was tired and upset from us arguing) that he doesn''t feel like being my babysitter while I sleep. When he saw how hurt I was by the comment, he then said "I don''t mind you coming over as long as you mostly watch her-I can help some." He then said that the kids weren''t his and it was between me and my ex to decide who watches them. This greatly hurt my feelings too so I got up to walk away. I asked him why the hell he was in a relationship w/a mom and kids if he didnt consider the kids partially his or wanted to treat them like his own. He said he was sorry for hurting my feelings but said nothing else. I told him the truth would come out eventually and everyone would be ten times more hurt in the future if it came out a ready made family isn''t what he wanted and I wanted the truth now and I said I felt like he was dragging his feet. He said he wasn''t dragging his feet and did want those things-just when the time was right and when my bills were caught up and I wasn''t so stressed out. part of me feels like he''s just stalling.
I left for work (now almost 2 hours late) with very hurt feelings.
I don''t know what to think. I want commitment and to be a happy family. any insight would be great b/c I love this man w/all my heart and don''t want to just give up.