a bad sign?!!

[Bia]

Rose-colored glasses? Hmmmm...NO. It seems harsh to me to say that...she obviously wants what is best for her family.

A lot of the time when I read these posts I think, let's not be so harsh--and yes, I understand this situation is a little different because kids are involved. Just think about your relationship, your man, how much it/he means to you. Be sensitive is all I am saying. She, unlike most of us, is a mother and therefore SHOULD know what to do. She just wants some advice--that was given. All I am saying is don't assume he doesn't want what she wants based on a thread. I don't think scenarios translate exactly the way they always should--especially in written word.

That is not to say I don't agree with her putting her family first. I think I said that anyway.

That is all...

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 5/22/2008 5:56:36 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 5/22/2008 5:44:43 PM
Author: LAJennifer

Date: 5/22/2008 2:43:41 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 5/21/2008 10:47:35 PM
Author: KimberlyH
This all sounds so familiar. Did you used to post under a different name? And the boyfriend likes to race cars on the weekends, or something of the sort, and it bothered you? And he was too distant and there was a laptop somehow involved, like he spent too much time on it?

At any rate, it sounds like being a step-parent is something he is absolutely not looking forward to. This is probably not the best situation for your children, who should be your priority. In short, if I were you, I'd walk.

Yeah! And there was something about a shower (and TMI) and a medical condition involving PMS?

OMG Moon - I was just getting ready to post the exact same response!

Yeah, I was pretty scared of that thread.

Moon, I was so bothered by that TMI post I didn't mention it, but yes, that was the poster I was referring to, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a case of deja vu all over again.

Just a big ol' DITTO to Holly's post, especially if this is the same poster with a new screen name. He "doesn't know the happy side" of you, you want to move in to alleviate your issues with money, it's all fixed with an apology, a kindergarten graduation and a trip to a lake. Too strange and confusing for me and much more importantly it sounds like a very bad situation for three kids to be involved in.

Bia, what you define as harsh others see as helpful. Admonishing posters for how they "wite one another" is the job of admin, so if you think someone has violated PS policy hit the "Report Abuse" button, but telling people how they should address one another internet forum is sort of silly. People choose to post what they want about their sitations and ask for advice, they're going to get all kinds, from coddling to head-smacking, and neither is right or wrong, just a different way of approaching or seeing things.

 

[Bia]

Why would I report? That is silly...I am not offended by anything. I am also not trying to offend these ladies, just giving my input--based on how she may feel hearing her BF is not good for her. Anyhow, that is all.

 

[Jewels305]

Date: 5/22/2008 8:13:06 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 5/22/2008 5:56:36 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 5/22/2008 5:44:43 PM
Author: LAJennifer

Date: 5/22/2008 2:43:41 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 5/21/2008 10:47:35 PM
Author: KimberlyH
This all sounds so familiar. Did you used to post under a different name? And the boyfriend likes to race cars on the weekends, or something of the sort, and it bothered you? And he was too distant and there was a laptop somehow involved, like he spent too much time on it?

At any rate, it sounds like being a step-parent is something he is absolutely not looking forward to. This is probably not the best situation for your children, who should be your priority. In short, if I were you, I''d walk.

Yeah! And there was something about a shower (and TMI) and a medical condition involving PMS?

OMG Moon - I was just getting ready to post the exact same response!

Yeah, I was pretty scared of that thread.

Moon, I was so bothered by that TMI post I didn''t mention it, but yes, that was the poster I was referring to, and I''m glad I''m not the only one who has a case of deja vu all over again.

I agree, I thought the same thing with I read this. I tried to go back and look for that other one but I couldn''t find it. It''s also why I asked some clarifying questions, which the OP did come back and answer. Glad to know I''m not the only one who thinks thie is eerily similar!!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 5/22/2008 10:33:00 PM
Author: Bia
Why would I report? That is silly...I am not offended by anything. I am also not trying to offend these ladies, just giving my input--based on how she may feel hearing her BF is not good for her. Anyhow, that is all.

That was sorta the point of the comment I directed towards you. If what people said wasn't reportable, why would you admonish them for stating their opinions and advice, which is what the OP asked for? If she doesn't want to hear that he's "not good for her" than she shouldn't be posting about her personal life and asking for advice on the internet. She shared what she thought readers should know, they responded in kind, and you recommend that people be "careful" about what they say. I was just trying to shed some light on the difering styles of posters, and the lack of need for such reminders, as we have a moderator who handles that job when necessary.

Jewels, thanks for making me feel a bit more sane re: deja vu. If our suspicions are correct, this is the same person, this relationship needs a lot more than a trip to the lake.

 

[MoonWater]

If this is the same person, I seriously need to continue biting my tongue before making anyone cry. The

really does say a lot.

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Date: 5/22/2008 10:58:34 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 5/22/2008 10:33:00 PM

Author: Bia

Why would I report? That is silly...I am not offended by anything. I am also not trying to offend these ladies, just giving my input--based on how she may feel hearing her BF is not good for her. Anyhow, that is all.

That was sorta the point of the comment I directed towards you. If what people said wasn''t reportable, why would you admonish them for stating their opinions and advice, which is what the OP asked for? If she doesn''t want to hear that he''s ''not good for her'' than she shouldn''t be posting about her personal life and asking for advice on the internet. She shared what she thought readers should know, they responded in kind, and you recommend that people be ''careful'' about what they say. I was just trying to shed some light on the difering styles of posters, and the lack of need for such reminders, as we have a moderator who handles that job when necessary.


Jewels, thanks for making me feel a bit more sane re: deja vu. If our suspicions are correct, this is the same person, this relationship needs a lot more than a trip to the lake.

I''m not sure it''s an admonishment but I think many of us recall times where we post some pretty hard truths and then... the poor girl never comes back.

I''m not saying the opinions aren''t valid or in most cases, have great points. I agree very much with Holly in this case. And I actually don''t think it was worded too harshly at all. But I can see instances where we need a warmer voice so that the message doesn''t fall on deaf ears.

Does anyone think dncr is coming back?

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 5/22/2008 11:10:10 PM
Author: moderatelypoorstudent

Date: 5/22/2008 10:58:34 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 5/22/2008 10:33:00 PM

Author: Bia

Why would I report? That is silly...I am not offended by anything. I am also not trying to offend these ladies, just giving my input--based on how she may feel hearing her BF is not good for her. Anyhow, that is all.

That was sorta the point of the comment I directed towards you. If what people said wasn''t reportable, why would you admonish them for stating their opinions and advice, which is what the OP asked for? If she doesn''t want to hear that he''s ''not good for her'' than she shouldn''t be posting about her personal life and asking for advice on the internet. She shared what she thought readers should know, they responded in kind, and you recommend that people be ''careful'' about what they say. I was just trying to shed some light on the difering styles of posters, and the lack of need for such reminders, as we have a moderator who handles that job when necessary.


Jewels, thanks for making me feel a bit more sane re: deja vu. If our suspicions are correct, this is the same person, this relationship needs a lot more than a trip to the lake.

I''m not sure it''s an admonishment but I think many of us recall times where we post some pretty hard truths and then... the poor girl never comes back.

I''m not saying the opinions aren''t valid or in most cases, have great points. I agree very much with Holly in this case. And I actually don''t think it was worded too harshly at all. But I can see instances where we need a warmer voice so that the message doesn''t fall on deaf ears.

Does anyone think dncr is coming back?

She''ll be back - she works nights (I think her BF works nights too - maybe at the same place?).

 

[FrekeChild]

Ok Renee, I stand by my first post. I went back and read through your older posts and the recurring theme in most of them is that your BF does not want to live with your children and you have been putting a lot of pressure on him to marry you.

February 25:
"I told him there comes a time in a relationship where you either go one way or the other-you can''t sit still. I told him it wasn''t good for my kids and I was tired of being strung along. I think that comment upset him b/c he snapped back that he might not want to marry me until the kids are 18 b/c I won''t get my child support or the tax break and we can''t afford to raise them alone. we both make about 3 grand a month so we can live easily. I started to cry after he made this comment and tried to get up to leave. He wrapped his arms around me saying he was sorry, he had just said it b/c he was mad."

March 9:
"so for now, i''m sure my bf is a little relieved that i''m not breathing down his neck about getting married (he''s still worried about me though) and i know as soon as i''m feeling better-i''ll be back to wanting that ring just as much as i did before. lol!!!"

"ohhhhh man!!! it''s threads like these that get me in SO much trouble!!! but i''ve had to put my proposal wishing on hold for now (well at least the hinting and kind of hounding my poor bf part-my thread explains)."

April 6:
"we still aren''t living together which is pretty stressful on me b/c i''m spending about 890/month for my apt only to live there about 8 days a month!! the rest of the time I''m at his house. when I pointed this out to him a while ago-he excuse was that if me and the kids (I have 3 girls from previous marriage) were to live w/him full time-he''d do stir crazy and have to move out of his house!! this comment of course hurt my feelings so I made myself scarce for several days (including not staying at his house). this seemed to work b/c he came back apologizing and said he''s just scared to give up that last little bit of freedom he has (he has said in the past about other stuff-not us that he likes having the option of backing out of things which worries me). I told him I wouldn''t wait around forever b/c it wasn''t fair to me or the kids. "

"my bf always tells me (although I haven''t mentioned it since Feb when we got into an argument over it around my b-day) that the minute I stop thinking about it and let things be is when it will happen-how the heck do i just stop thinking about it?!!! I really wish men knew what we went through with this (Lol)

I too feel like everyone around me is getting engaged/married. It started last year w/my co-worker getting engaged (they''ve been dating the same amount of time as us), then 2 more coworkers followed suit!! if that wasn''t bad enough-his sister got engaged just 5 months after dating one of my bf''s best friends!! Just this year, we have 3 wedding to attend. all of that can be taxing on a girl who is so terribly wanting to be there herself!! I''ve not said anything to him just b/c it doens''t get me anywhere-he knows how badly I want us to be married and I know for a fact that he would let me go if it wasn''t what he wanted too-I just have to be patient."

Based on everything you''ve said now and in the past, I think that you have every right to be concerned about this, and have had reason to be concerned. After going back, this seems like a recurring trend in your relationship and I can''t see how this is positive for your girls.

I''m sorry, but I would walk out of this relationship in a heartbeat. I don''t think you will, but you asked for advice...

 

[diamondfan]

I am not going to totally judge the guy without knowing more than these posts. However, I think that BOTTOM line, if I were a single mom, I would NOT date a guy who did not want to be helpful with my kids. I would think, if I were tired and needed a break, my boyfriend would say, Hey, take a nap, I will play with the kids for a couple of hours. I mean, if you are thinking of marrying someone who feels no responsibility at all to your kids...whoa. Yes, they are your kids with your ex, but still and all, if he is to be part of your life, he must exhibit appropriate levels of caring towards your kids. If you are bringing them into a life with him I think that is necessary. I know in other posts you said he is wonderful with them, I would make DAMN sure that is the rule and not the exception.

I think you are in your rights to scale back, and let him make some hard choices, as well as you. This does not seem unreasonable to me.

 

[Pandora II]

I'm sorry, but I really don't understand why you are posting about the exact same problems as before but under a different user name?

You used to post as prncessang228 and I'm afraid there are too many coincidences - 3 girls with same ages as yours, bf's name is Mike, both like rc planes, both from Chandler, same problems, same arguments...

I really don't understand why you are both still in this relationship? He has made it very clear on many occasions reading through your posts under both names that he is not ready for this kind of commitment.

Honestly, I think you are wrong to be putting your children's emotional health at risk and you should spend your time sorting yourself and your life out before trying to establish a healthy relationship with someone else.

I see BIG RED FLAGS everywhere in this one.

 

[Bia]

Kimberly, YOU ARE RIGHT. Everyone here is right. I am not saying that she didn't come here and ask for advice. Or that things are all roses and butterflies in her life--maybe they are, honestly, do we really know?

I agree with the posts here. What I am saying is, there have been posts where women come on, describe their current bad scenario, and then the ladies here, including me, come to do battle with words. And that should be fine, because they asked. However, then they never come back. I don't want that, do you? I like having people here to share my stuff with...good and bad. I just think, in cases like this, we can tell it like we see it, just in a way that doesn't make them run for the hills.

Did that make sense? Anyway, you all know I would never try to offend anyone, as I value your inputs (I hope you know that, anyway)...I for one, always want you to GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT--EVEN IF I DONT LIKE IT!

If she comes back, and everything is fine, then I am full of it and you can ignore me

 

[MoonWater]

The fact that she was willing to change her name, pretend to be new, and give us the same exact scenario speaks leaps and bounds and honestly gives me a little insight as to why this relationship is having problems. Did she really think we were all too stupid to notice???

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/moving-in-right-direction.71855/

 

[Bia]

Date: 5/23/2008 8:26:37 AM
Author: MoonWater
The fact that she was willing to change her name, pretend to be new, and give us the same exact scenario speaks leaps and bounds and honestly gives me a little insight as to why this relationship is having problems. Did she really think we were all too stupid to notice???


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/moving-in-right-direction.71855/

If this is the case...I, for one, was too stupid to notice...but I am kinda new too, if that makes a difference.

 

[MoonWater]

Look at the date on that post. It''s from Nov 2007. I''m not saying everyone would notice, but how could she not realize that a large group would? She started a fire storm so bad that one thread was deleted.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 5/23/2008 8:26:35 AM
Author: Bia
Kimberly, YOU ARE RIGHT. Everyone here is right. I am not saying that she didn''t come here and ask for advice. Or that things are all roses and butterflies in her life--maybe they are, honestly, do we really know?

I agree with the posts here. What I am saying is, there have been posts where women come on, describe their current bad scenario, and then the ladies here, including me, come to do battle with words. And that should be fine, because they asked. However, then they never come back. I don''t want that, do you? I like having people here to share my stuff with...good and bad. I just think, in cases like this, we can tell it like we see it, just in a way that doesn''t make them run for the hills.

Did that make sense? Anyway, you all know I would never try to offend anyone, as I value your inputs (I hope you know that, anyway)...I for one, always want you to GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT--EVEN IF I DONT LIKE IT!

If she comes back, and everything is fine, then I am full of it and you can ignore me

It stilll doesn''t make sense to me, but that''s okay (if she doesn''t come back it''s her personal choice, not the responsiblity of anyone who replied to her in a manner you or she may deem harsh). Your definitiion of how things should be worded could be quite different than mine, or Holly''s, or TGals. So when you respond to people, do so based on your definition of what is acceptable, and allow others to do the same without the friendly reminders. PS is a special place because people are kind, honest, and thoughtful. You might not always agree with what everyone says, or how they say it, and that''s okay; again, if someone is out of line let the moderator solve it. I feel like this conversation is quite circular so I''m going to bow out of it now.

Pandora, your response is another that hits the nail on the head.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/23/2008 8:36:40 AM
Author: MoonWater
Look at the date on that post. It''s from Nov 2007. I''m not saying everyone would notice, but how could she not realize that a large group would? She started a fire storm so bad that one thread was deleted.

She wasn''t banned from the forum when that happened, was she? Just wondering, since that might explain (to some degree) why someone would come back and post under a different username (although it seems she is Renee here and was Angela before, so...I dunno).

 

[Bia]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 84px">Date: 5/23/2008 8:51:50 AM
Author: KimberlyH
It stilll doesn''t make sense to me, but that''s okay (if she doesn''t come back it''s her personal choice, not the responsiblity of anyone who replied to her in a manner you or she may deem harsh). Your definitiion of how things should be worded could be quite different than mine, or Holly''s, or TGals. So when you respond to people, do so based on your definition of what is acceptable, and allow others to do the same without the friendly reminders.

I was (and am) trying to explain myself correctly but am not doing a great job, otherwise you wouldn''t think I was trying to "admonish" you or the others. And it is fine, as I get what you''re saying. I would hope no one took offense to my asking that we be careful what we say to her.

Anyway, sorry for ruffling any feathers, that wasn''t my intention

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 5/23/2008 8:57:58 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/23/2008 8:36:40 AM
Author: MoonWater
Look at the date on that post. It''s from Nov 2007. I''m not saying everyone would notice, but how could she not realize that a large group would? She started a fire storm so bad that one thread was deleted.

She wasn''t banned from the forum when that happened, was she? Just wondering, since that might explain (to some degree) why someone would come back and post under a different username (although it seems she is Renee here and was Angela before, so...I dunno).

There are TOO MANY circumstances that are identical between prncessang228 and dncr228
-3 daughters, ages very similar
-BF named Mike
-BF works as a airplane mechanic perhaps? regardless, he works at the airport
-the 228 attached to the SN
-her age
-his age
-commitment issues
-moving in issues
-anniversary date is February 14th

I could probably go on, but I think this is enough. Regardless, I think Angela Renee is a pretty name...


Moon-do you remember the thread that got deleted? I wasn''t around or was a newb then...

 

[surfgirl]

Pandora, I''ll just WORD! you, Holly and most everyone else.

Freke, that thread got deleted because the OP couldn''t restrain from giving us way WAY too many "shower details" and it was just TMI...

 

[FrekeChild]

Yikes. Sounds scary. Glad I managed to miss it!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/23/2008 1:05:49 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 5/23/2008 8:57:58 AM

Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/23/2008 8:36:40 AM

Author: MoonWater

Look at the date on that post. It''s from Nov 2007. I''m not saying everyone would notice, but how could she not realize that a large group would? She started a fire storm so bad that one thread was deleted.

She wasn''t banned from the forum when that happened, was she? Just wondering, since that might explain (to some degree) why someone would come back and post under a different username (although it seems she is Renee here and was Angela before, so...I dunno).

There are TOO MANY circumstances that are identical between prncessang228 and dncr228

-3 daughters, ages very similar

-BF named Mike

-BF works as a airplane mechanic perhaps? regardless, he works at the airport

-the 228 attached to the SN

-her age

-his age

-commitment issues

-moving in issues

-anniversary date is February 14th


I could probably go on, but I think this is enough. Regardless, I think Angela Renee is a pretty name...



Moon-do you remember the thread that got deleted? I wasn''t around or was a newb then...

No, no, I get that there are lots of similarities--I was just wondering if she got banned before and had to come back under a different screen name. If she did, obviously it would''ve been more honest to tell us so, but I was just wondering if she HAD been banned before that maybe that could be why she changed screen names.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 5/23/2008 8:26:37 AM
Author: MoonWater
The fact that she was willing to change her name, pretend to be new, and give us the same exact scenario speaks leaps and bounds and honestly gives me a little insight as to why this relationship is having problems. Did she really think we were all too stupid to notice???

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/moving-in-right-direction.71855/

Yep. I couldn''t remember the name, but I knew by the ''tone'' and the familiar scenario that I''d given her much the same advice before.

It worries me when people are so caught up in the fear of being alone, they stay mired in the mud of a bad relationship just to say they ''have someone''. If everyone else can see the forest for the trees, why can''t they? The answer is they can, they just don''t like the view.

 

[CNOS128]

So many thoughts running through my head. But I will heed Bia''s advice and not say anything here that could be construed as offensive. Suffice it to say I find none of the dual-personality stuff as concerning as the fact that OP seems to be in an incredibly unstable relationship where the man she''s involved with keeps hurting her (in her words), and she seems unable to take the advice she''s soliciting. That makes me sad.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 5/23/2008 1:32:08 PM
Author: gwendolyn

No, no, I get that there are lots of similarities--I was just wondering if she got banned before and had to come back under a different screen name. If she did, obviously it would've been more honest to tell us so, but I was just wondering if she HAD been banned before that maybe that could be why she changed screen names.

I didn't think you didn't. Lol. I just decided to post that because I went to the trouble of reading all the old stuff and decided to put it all together. I totally agree with you.

ETA: I totally agree with you, TheBigT...It is sad.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/23/2008 1:13:45 PM
Author: surfgirl
Pandora, I''ll just WORD! you, Holly and most everyone else.

Freke, that thread got deleted because the OP couldn''t restrain from giving us way WAY too many ''shower details'' and it was just TMI...

Yes, TMI!!!! Honestly, and this may be considered offensive but it needs to be said, I simply think this person likes the attention she receives here. I don''t think she wants anyone''s help or advice. She just wants to ramble on about her problems, most of which seem to be the result of he own actions. Because kids are involved, this situation sickens me.