Willful ignorance and judgement

[Yelena]

I think its a combination of me not working and us both being a bit shy
also after living in Wellington some times i think ive forgotten how to be small town freindly
And with Gary's eyes playing up with his Sarcoidosis and now he needs a cataract opp caused by the steroid eye drops we tend to not go far from home
ive always made freinds at work - the good thing about work is isually you have a real mix of ages and backgrounds

Im serously thinking about attending the Catholic church in our suburb just to meet people and im not even Catholic

Sounds like your current life circumstances are making it difficult which is a shame. I expect Gary’s health issues have their challenges and then on top of that you don’t have people popping in to say ‘Hi, how are you? Can I help you out?’ . I feel for you both being in that situation.

It’s interesting how friendship becomes almost effortless when you work in a place where you regularly interact with a big enough group of people. It just kind of happens. Now that I think about it, other helpers of friendship are having a child/children in school, or a child playing some sort of sport on the weekends where you need to sit there and watch. Classes/groups can be good too, like a sewing/quilting group, or an art group, book club, walking/fitness group etc. The problem is that these things aren’t always available in a small town which is a shame :-/

It sounds like the local Catholic Church might be just the right place to meet people. A fair number of people who attend church do so for the friendships and supportive community that comes with regular church attendance. My mother attended church to socialise rather than to listen to sermons. Sermons were kind of like the ‘price of admission’ to the group from her point of view. She wasn’t the only one at church who thought that way. If you think that is your best local option, give it a go

 

[Yelena]

To lighten up this thread a little i just thought this was the prettiest mask
i beleave its made by the poppy factory- the people who make the remembrance day poppies in the UK

Love it. I also cannot believe that it’s almost Remembrance Day AGAIN. I don’t know where the past year has gone. It has been a very difficult year.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I would rather have six months living life to the full than a year of imprisonment in my own home, as a hypothetical example. I would rather 'live' than merely 'exist'.

We have been living our normal life for the past 8 months. I'd wear a mask out in public.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Love it. I also cannot believe that it’s almost Remembrance Day AGAIN. I don’t know where the past year has gone. It has been a very difficult year.

For a year that has dragged by minute at a time it is a shock its November already
i finally found a picture of The Queen visiting the unknown warrior

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I’m sorry you are dealing with folks that don’t seem to grasp the very real consequences of their actions. I say that you have to look out for yourself and ignore what these kinds of people say.

It’s tough because you just don’t know how the virus will affect each individual person. When my husband was diagnosed he should have been the worst possible case, diabetic with high blood pressure and overweight. He was sick for two days and then he was fine. Our older son also had really mild symptoms and both were confirmed cases.

Despite our experience we are all still wearing a mask, it is just the right thing to do. Just don’t let these people get to you, also you don’t necessarily have to go to the drastic step of cutting them out of your life either. It’s really easy for someone to say just cut them off but that action can have lasting effects for all concerned, it shouldn’t be just thrown out there so casually.

 

[House Cat]

I’m sorry you are dealing with folks that don’t seem to grasp the very real consequences of their actions. I say that you have to look out for yourself and ignore what these kinds of people say.

It’s tough because you just don’t know how the virus will affect each individual person. When my husband was diagnosed he should have been the worst possible case, diabetic with high blood pressure and overweight. He was sick for two days and then he was fine. Our older son also had really mild symptoms and both were confirmed cases.

Despite our experience we are all still wearing a mask, it is just the right thing to do. Just don’t let these people get to you, also you don’t necessarily have to go to the drastic step of cutting them out of your life either. It’s really easy for someone to say just cut them off but that action can have lasting effects for all concerned, it shouldn’t be just thrown out there so casually.

This virus is so unpredictable. I was pleasantly surprised by your husband’s story. I’m so happy he did so well with it. All of the information out there makes it sound like people like our husbands will definitely die if they get the virus. Although we still won’t take any chances, I’m glad to know there are people out there who’ve made it. I’m also really happy for you and your family.

I just can’t cut these friends out of my life. I had a best friendship end a few years back and I still don’t know how I feel about it. The feelings I have defined are of great loss. I miss having a close friend like that even if the friendship had its flaws. These friends that I’ve described in this thread have been in my life for thirty years. They’ve been there for the birth of my children. These aren’t casual friends. I know that I feel differently about them due to their actions but I don’t know how that is going to pan out in the end. Will I find new friends and make them more casual? Will this pandemic blow over and will I just forgive them because this was a really hard time for all of us? Only time will tell.

I am hurt by them at this time. I don’t feel brave enough to bring it up because my feelings are overwhelming.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@House Cat, ironically I had a friendship end four years ago, I regret it still, so that’s where my advice comes from, you know that pain unfortunately. It’s very much like a death, the mourning process is much the same.

 

[House Cat]

@House Cat, ironically I had a friendship end four years ago, I regret it still, so that’s where my advice comes from, you know that pain unfortunately. It’s very much like a death, the mourning process is much the same.

((((Hugs)))))

Yes. It is like a death.

 

[seaurchin]

I just can’t cut these friends out of my life. I had a best friendship end a few years back and I still don’t know how I feel about it. The feelings I have defined are of great loss. I miss having a close friend like that even if the friendship had its flaws. These friends that I’ve described in this thread have been in my life for thirty years. They’ve been there for the birth of my children. These aren’t casual friends. I know that I feel differently about them due to their actions but I don’t know how that is going to pan out in the end. Will I find new friends and make them more casual? Will this pandemic blow over and will I just forgive them because this was a really hard time for all of us? Only time will tell.

I am hurt by them at this time. I don’t feel brave enough to bring it up because my feelings are overwhelming.

It sounds to me like you're handling it pretty well.

In my experience, no one we're very close to is likely to never, ever let us down, first of all. Sometimes we all fall short. Though sometimes a situation is that "last straw," there are also rare times where someone is just being a temporarily insane, ridiculous butthead but it will pass.

So I feel like there is a lot of gray area between feeling like you have to sit there smiling while they disrespect you and permanently cutting ties with them. I think it's also a good idea to consider your words carefully or leave them for a later, calmer time, as you are doing.

Also, considering what's going on in their minds might provide insight. Some people deal with hardship by "denial" without even realizing they're not making much sense, for example. Which is not to excuse them but to point out that their strange attitudes seem like your facing reality threatens their denial of it or something along those lines.

I'd back off from them until the pandemic ends - or until they get the unfortunate wake up call that so many other Covid deniers have gotten. It does seem a double slap when something awful happens and the ones who should help you through it just make it worse. Good luck with it.

 

[dk168]

The larger town about 17 miles away from me reported a fatal shooting recently, allegedly it had something to do with a house party against the current restrictions for the second lockdown.

It is still under investigation, however, the person being shot dead was allegedly waving an air riffle, possibly under the influence of alcohol, and refused to lay down the weapon when repeatedly requested by armed police.

It made front page news in the national newspaper that I subscibe.

So sad and so avoidable!

DK

 

[Yelena]

This virus is so unpredictable. I was pleasantly surprised by your husband’s story. I’m so happy he did so well with it. All of the information out there makes it sound like people like our husbands will definitely die if they get the virus. Although we still won’t take any chances, I’m glad to know there are people out there who’ve made it. I’m also really happy for you and your family.

I just can’t cut these friends out of my life. I had a best friendship end a few years back and I still don’t know how I feel about it. The feelings I have defined are of great loss. I miss having a close friend like that even if the friendship had its flaws. These friends that I’ve described in this thread have been in my life for thirty years. They’ve been there for the birth of my children. These aren’t casual friends. I know that I feel differently about them due to their actions but I don’t know how that is going to pan out in the end. Will I find new friends and make them more casual? Will this pandemic blow over and will I just forgive them because this was a really hard time for all of us? Only time will tell.

I am hurt by them at this time. I don’t feel brave enough to bring it up because my feelings are overwhelming.

*hugs*. What you are going through is very hard, on many fronts. I think we are all going to be happy to see 2020 go and welcome 2021 with fingers crossed that a good vaccine can get out to people ASAP.

I have members of the extended family who thankfully haven’t pushed too hard for get togethers. I told them my position and thankfully they respected it, even though they think I am being a bit crazy. I couldn’t forgive myself if I brought Covid home to my Dad. He lives with us and is in his late 80’s.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

*hugs*. What you are going through is very hard, on many fronts. I think we are all going to be happy to see 2020 go and welcome 2021 with fingers crossed that a good vaccine can get out to people ASAP.

I have members of the extended family who thankfully haven’t pushed too hard for get togethers. I told them my position and thankfully they respected it, even though they think I am being a bit crazy. I couldn’t forgive myself if I brought Covid home to my Dad. He lives with us and is in his late 80’s.

Stay safe Dad

 

[Yelena]

Stay safe Dad

Thanks Daisys. I feel very blessed to still have him in my life and now at my age can really appreciate how incredibly lucky I am to have him as a Dad.

 

[AdaBeta27]

May I ask what your opinion would be if they have read up thoroughly on the various elements of the subject and have determined that their current approach is suitable?

And, similarly, if those people who are at elevated risk have actively chosen to exercise what agency they have (while they still have it) to lead their life to the fullest while they can?

My strategy is I'll definitely avoid anything other than phone or social media contact with those people. And if I'm forced to be in the same room with them for any reason, I'll wear my KN95 / N95 mask and stay 10 feet away from them. And if their feelings are hurt, I'll instruct them to look for sympathy in the dictionary between sh*t and syphilis. They can do as they please and stay away from me. I already turned down invitations to a relative's bridal shower and wedding, because I've seen the photos they posted all over FB and Instagram of traveling all over the place, having big gatherings, traveling from state to state for various reasons, mixing with unmasked people from other states that are hot zones for outbreaks, and only wearing masks if a location had a strict mask policy. I am done with it. They do as the please. I do as I please. I'm not "scared" of covid but I don't think the company of those relatives is worth reducing my health, comfort, or income.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Wife and I would rather risk contracting the virus then not to see our grandkids b/c they grow up so fast. The youngest one is already 15 months old running around.

 

[seaurchin]

... And if their feelings are hurt, I'll instruct them to look for sympathy in the dictionary between sh*t and syphilis.

I'm totally stealing that phrase. Haha!

 

[AdaBeta27]

I'm totally stealing that phrase. Haha!

I stole it from some Texas oil and gas guys. lol

 

[autumngems]

I am so tired of hearing it's fake or it's going to disappear after the election. I have had several family members get it and luckily they survived. 6 months of "living your best life no matter what" compared to death and no more living your best life is not a hard decision.

 

[Dancing Fire]

luckily none of our friends nor family members had contracted the virus.