Update on my work situation

[Maisie]

Well I took the advice of my fellow PS'ers and confronted the man I work with over his behaviour.

Me David can we have a quick word?

Him Of course darling whats up?

Me I just wanted to say that I am getting tired of your suggestive remarks and the way you keep touching me. I don't like it and it has to stop.

Him I don't know what you mean....

Me Yes you do - I have told you to stop so many times but you don't listen. I don't like the rude comments all the time. Can't you just speak to me normally?

Him Well I'm a man. Its just the way we are. I don't need to change. You need to learn how to take a joke!

Me It isn't funny - in fact I actually find you to be very offensive. From now on if you can't speak to me normally then I would prefer it if you would just not speak to me at all.

Him Well fine if thats what you want.

About an hour after this exchange we started chatting about his kids etc. He really opened up about his life and his marriage. I tried to be supportive and offer him solutions to help him decide what to do about how miserable he is. I thought that everything would be ok now and that he had listened to what I had said to him earlier.

Wrong!

When we finish work we have to be searched. Its standard practice and we use one of those hand held scanner things. David was the one doing the searching. We have to stand with our arms out to the sides and the scanner is passed up our sides, along our arms, over our heads then down our backs. He decided to use the scanner to press against the sides of my breasts. I was furious. I slapped him really hard across the face but he just laughed.

I requested a meeting with the manager today. He took my comments seriously and scheduled a meeting with David after I left this evening. I won't find out how it went until the weekend when I am back at work. I hope this will be enough to stop his behaviour. I doubt he would be stupid enough to carry it on after being warned by management.

I think I was silly trying to help him with his marriage problems. He obviously saw that as me enocouraging him in some way. I wish I had just kept my distance. I won't talk to him again unless its work related. I am worried about how people will be with me once he tells them he was pulled up about this.

 

[princesss]

Good for you! You stood up for yourself. You had every right to report him. He touched your breast, and whether with his hand or some scanner wand, that is 10,000,000 steps too far. I would''ve hit him, too. And then I probably would have run home to shower.

I''m not gonna lie...I hope he gets fired.

 

[HappyAnniversary]

Maisie--please come prepared to the meeting with written documentation about his comments, dates, etc. Congrats for confronting him. Good luck with what''s to come!

 

[KimberlyH]

Document, document, document, Maisie. Write down the dates and times of every offense, what was said, where it occurred, including the wand incident. Be prepared when you go back to work, present it to the manager you spoke with (but only a copy, keep the original for yourself). Good for you for taking the bull by the horns.

 

[iheartscience]

Good for you for standing up to him. What a dirtbag! I can''t believe he thinks it''s appropriate to act that way. It''s making me mad just thinking about it! I''m glad your manager is taking you seriously. Keep us posted!

 

[Kaleigh]

I have no words for this jerk, but hopefully your manager will!! I''m glad you stood up to him. And agree, you really need to document everything, as was previously mentioned. Good luck Maisie!!!

 

[Maisie]

Thankyou everyone. He is sleazy for sure. I did slap him quite hard you know - I don''t know why he laughed. I would cry if someone hit me that hard.

 

[Beacon]

Good for you maisie, to bring this to management's attention.

In the future I would avoid talking to this guy about anything personal. Talking about his marriage/personal life creates an air of intimacy between you two that obviously he cannot deal with correctly. Keep it business *only*.

It could get nasty b/c he can start lying to management and saying different things, so certainly document everything. I would make every effort never to be alone with this guy in the future. Is that possible?

This guy is just bad news - for sure you are not the first lady he is harrassing. I would avoid anything physical with him, especially slapping. Using violence might get you more of the same. Watch your back.

No wonder his personal life is a big mess!

 

[Maisie]

Date: 7/4/2007 6:05:28 PM
Author: Beacon
Good for you maisie, to bring this to management''s attention.

In the future I would avoid talking to this guy about anything personal. Talking about his marriage/personal life creates an air of intimacy between you two that obviously he cannot deal with correctly. Keep it business *only*.

It could get nasty b/c he can start lying to management and saying different things, so certainly document everything. I would make every effort never to be alone with this guy in the future. Is that possible?

This guy is just bad news - for sure you are not the first lady he is harrassing. I would avoid anything physical with him, especially slapping. Using violence might get you more of the same. Watch your back.

No wonder his personal life is a big mess!

I know. You are right. It was just a reaction. I know it was wrong though.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I''m sorry to hear you''re having to deal with that guy! Best of luck to you. I''m so glad to hear you''re sticking up for yourself.

 

[MoonWater]

I think you should keep a log of what he does and write one for past incidents that you remember. What he's doing is considered sexual harassment and it's against the law. If your boss doesn't take care of this problem, the company can have a lawsuit on their hands.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am glad you stood up for yourself as well! Obviously most women he talks to don''t (other wise hopefully his behavior would be different). Hopefully your manager will take it seriously.

 

[Regular Guy]

Maisie,

I am sorry for your situation, respect what you''ve done, and wish you well with this.

Keep us informed.

 

[Harriet]

Good on you for speaking up!

 

[snlee]

Good for you Maisie! I'm glad you stood up for yourself! That jerk deserved your slap! What a sleaze bag. I'm glad you brought this up to management. I agree that you should document everything. It's also a good idea to not talk to him about anything non-work related. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[anchor31]

Go Maisie! It''s wonderful how you stood up for yourself and confronted him. I''m glad that you reported him! Take care of yourself, I hope it ends up well for you and badly for him!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this at your new job! How is your husband handling this? Or are you telling him? I can only imagine that he''d NOT be happy!

Hopefully you won''t have to be alone with this man. If you will, then I predict one of you will have to go. And needless to say, I hope it is him!

 

[phoenixgirl]

Good for you!

As part of this discussion, I think he needs to be relieved of any wand duties. If he is still put in charge of using the wand, then I''d demand that somebody else do it for you only.

And bring that documentation to the meeting! And write out "t*ts" with no asterisk in it. That''s inappropriate no matter what the context was.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 7/4/2007 6:13:08 PM
Author: Maisie

I know. You are right. It was just a reaction. I know it was wrong though.

So is his touching you.


I''m proud of you, and frankly, I don''t give a wit that you slapped him. He deserved it.

I''m sorry this is happening, and I''m thinking good thoughts that all goes well Maise. {{{hugs}}}


Please let us know.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Yeah, if somebody touches your privates all bets are off. Especially when you had just asked him to behave more appropriately.

Also, if he ever used any other vulgar language, write it out explicitly in your complaint. We do this when we write kids up at our school. You feel a little naughty putting that language on paper, but it makes a more powerful statement to the person who has to evaluate that behavior.

 

[monarch64]

Maisie, my heart really goes out to you! I''m so glad you stuck up for yourself and smacked him hard, he totally deserved it! Please don''t feel bad at all for doing that because he had it coming. I hope that this all gets taken care of soon and that he loses his job, he shouldn''t be allowed to work in a place where he is harrassing someone anymore. Also I''m glad you came here to vent about it, you can look back at your posts and document dates and things that happened from here if you haven''t kept track already. I''m cheering for you girl!

 

[strmrdr]

Bravo on confronting him and double Bravo on smacking him.
There would be a lot less creeps around if people stood up too them.
Want to borrow a baseball bat?
If he makes any kind of threat call the police immediately.

 

[Skippy123]

Good for you Maisie, I am proud of you!!!! He needs a talking to by the higher ups.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 7/4/2007 10:58:29 PM
Author: strmrdr
Bravo on confronting him and double Bravo on smacking him.
There would be a lot less creeps around if people stood up too them.
Want to borrow a baseball bat?
If he makes any kind of threat call the police immediately.

hee hee, that''s our weapon of choice, Storm! We have one by the back door, and i have a neat little sawed off version next to my side of the bed, along with the panic remote to the security system. We''re not knowledgeable about guns and don''t really want them in the house, so ball bats are good enough for us. Haven''t had to use them ever, but I would feel bad for whoever tried to break into our house, DH went to college on a baseball scholarship and I''m no slouch with a bat as well!

 

[marvel]

This is sexual harassment 101. If management doesn''t do something to make him stop, they could have a serious problem on their hands. You should not have to work in a ''hostel'' environment.

Good job for standing up for yourself. He sounds really manipulating too...playing the sympathy card by talking to you about his family...what a jerk. Everybody''s right about keeping these incidents documented. Also, keep your distance from him. He should only talk to you if it''s about work. I can certainly understand why you slapped him

Now that you got one good slap in, try and refrain yourself next time, then document it and go to HR.

 

[AGBF]

I had been planning to ask you how it was going, Maisie, but I assumed that if there had been another incident you would have reported it. I am so sorry.

I, also, advise you not to use violence unless it is necessary for your self-defense. Having said that-which is for your sake, not for your harasser's-I will tell you that I, also, snapped and slapped a man across the face once. And felt proud of it. I just do not want you to get into trouble.

This man needed firm boundaries. You have set them now. I think the advice to document everything is excellent. Do not forget that you have these threads from Pricescope which are documentation, too. They are date stamped and are proof that you did not cook up some phoney charges against him after you slapped him to try to cover your actions. He had been harassing you with impunity in your workplace for some time and the workplace appeared hostile to your concerns, with co-workers failing to support you.

Best of luck!

Deborah

 

[Ellen]

Date: 7/4/2007 11:46:13 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 7/4/2007 10:58:29 PM
Author: strmrdr
Bravo on confronting him and double Bravo on smacking him.
There would be a lot less creeps around if people stood up too them.
Want to borrow a baseball bat?
If he makes any kind of threat call the police immediately.

hee hee, that's our weapon of choice, Storm! We have one by the back door, and i have a neat little sawed off version next to my side of the bed, along with the panic remote to the security system. We're not knowledgeable about guns and don't really want them in the house, so ball bats are good enough for us. Haven't had to use them ever, but I would feel bad for whoever tried to break into our house, DH went to college on a baseball scholarship and I'm no slouch with a bat as well!

Hubby's got a flash light that doubles as a weapon. It's a MAG LITE, have you seen one? They seriously can hurt somebody.

 

[sevens one]

Hey Maisie,
So sorry to hear about this situation. This is nothing you needed while going back to work.

I''m glad you''re standing strong and taking care of business. All in good time......


PS- Hey Storm, Can I borrow that bat???

 

[enbcfsobe]

Maisie, I''m so sorry this guy is such a jerk, but I''m so proud of you that you stood up to him!! I truly hope that your supervisors handle this well. If you don''t think they take it seriously enough, you may want to think about making clear that any further unwanted physical contact or atempts at physical contact will result in you involving the police. It does sound like they are on the right track, though, and I do hope that things do get better for you at work! Sending out protective/supportive thoughts to you from across the pond...

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I agree that this is a sexual harassment case, but I''d hold off on filing any litigation for now. Suing your employer is not the best way to stay employed and if you can''t live without your income, then I''d not do it at all - you shouldn''t have to lose your job over something that a jerk did to you.

I''d definately take it up with the management at your company and try to get the jerk fired. What he''s done is wrong on so many levels and it ticks me off to think that HE thinks it''s okay for him to act like that because "he''s a man". Give me a break! What a sorry excuse.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. Arm yourself with all the evidence you can get and hopefully he will be terminated immediately.

Jess