pichuchy21
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2008
- Messages
- 334
I usually hang out in BWW and for those of you who might remember my last post was of my wedding pics. I got married to my bff on 7/3 and my amazing mom walked me down the aisle. It was really the best day of my life. I have never been happier. Three days later my mom was in the hospital after suffering from several strokes. Test results came back a few days later and her lung cancer had metastisized to her brain and other parts of her body within a few days. I went home to be by her side and it was so hard to see her deteriorate right before my very eyes. It was so sad to see my mom bed bond not being able to walk, talking incoherently it just messed me up. I came back home to take care of some school stuff and got a call from my sis on Monday 8/11 telling me to drive home because mom was trying to pass. All this time I knew she was bad, but I kept praying that she would get better she always did. SHe was strong. I drove home which is 6 hours away and made it to see my loving mother one last time. She couldn't talk and didn't have her eyes open, but the doctors said she can still hear us. I held her hands and told her how much I love her and how great she was. I didn't want to say bye to her. I was gonna sleep at the hospital, but decided that I didn't want to see my poor mom take her last breath. I left like at 1am and at 4:05am she took one last breath my stepdad said and was gone. I am so sad I feel like I am just giving up. Nothing make me happy anymore not my husband, not my dog, nothing. I miss her deeply. She was not only my mom, but my friend. We talked everyday on the phone in the morning, during lunch, on my drive home, while I cooked, before bed. I feel so lost without her. This is my first loss and I just can't deal with this pain. School starts for me on Monday and I don't even feel like going. For what? I am so mad that she fought so hard did chemo, brain radiation, and this nasty beast called cancer still took her from me. She was 59 years old and I am 25 I still needed her and I just don't understand how eveything happend so fast. I feel scared all the time now, alone I mean she was the one person that I always wanted to make happy and now that she is not here with me I just feel lost without her. Will this pain and emptiness ever go away? I feel so confused right now. Life just isn't gonna be the same without my mom.