My First Post- Proposing in 1 week

[AmorousWarrior]

This is my first post. I have been lurking on this site gleaning information for the past few months and I have finally put it to good use today.
I picked out the stone for the ring today. I think that I finally found what I want but I am just really hoping that she will love it. I have decided to propose on Christmas Eve because we have exchanged gifts on that date because typically I have to work on Christmas Day. This year I won't have to, but it will look normal if we do everything the same as we have done in the past.

We have talked about marriage and she even picked her setting, so the fact that I will be proposing is not a surprise. She's smart enough to know that based upon my salary, she'll probably have her ring in June or July of 2013. But what she doesn't know is that I have been working a second job so that I could surprise her with her ring early. So on Christmas Eve after the house is quiet, I will set it all up while she is relaxing in bed watching tv.

Originally I planned on doing something very extravagant but I think that the ring will be a huge surprise. Right now the plan is that I will make sure that she's in bed relaxing, which is easy enough. I am going to line the hallway on either side with tealights and make a path into the living room where the lit Christmas Tree is. I have 10 dozen red roses that I am ordering to place throughout the room. I made a slide show of all the pictures from the last 1.5 years of our relationship. I have even saved the first picture that she texted me. I have saved every text from about the last 14 months of us telling each other that we love each other and our inside jokes. I took screen shots of those. Pictures from trips that we have taken and all sorts of things that are important to us.

I bought a digital picture frame and have made a slide show with music showing all of these pictures. The song that will play is the first song that we danced to. I'll lead her into the living room, have her watch the slideshow on the digital frame that she will be holding, and then I'll ask.

Like I said, today I actually chose the center stone. I settled on a 1.3c round which will be in a 4 prong solitaire setting and I got an amazing deal. We live in California and her mother is local and knows that the proposal is coming, she just doesn't know when. Her father lives in Texas but does not know as she is not close to him. I want to ask both of her parents for their permission. Her mother because she is close with her, and her father out of respect.

Aside from that, I have to figure out how I am going to sneak all these flowers into the house and I need to find a few more vases. I thought the hard part was over!

Sorry for the long post, but I don't have anyone that I can tell all this too and I wanted to talk to someone! I had originally posted this in another forum, but that one gets very little traffic.
Thanks everyone.

 

[madelise]

Wow, you worked a second job w/o her knowing? You sneaky guy, you! Good luck with all your plans, it seems like you have everything all ready to go! Be careful with those candles, though!

 

[mary poppins]

Woah, what a well thought out plan. Very impressive that you got a second job to get the ring early. Your girlfriend (almost fiance!!) will definitely be surprised by a Christmas proposal.

Your proposal plan is so sweet. I was a little concerned when I read about the candles too. Be careful - no long nightgown, bathrobe, towel or curtains in the way!

Be sure to come back with an update. And pictures if you can - I can't imagine what 10 dozen roses would look like all in one room. I bet they will smell amazing, though! Good luck!

 

[pandabee]

It sounds wonderful!!! Best of luck to you. I think everything sounds awesome and you don't need todo anything different. I think she will be very pleasantly surprised, especially with you working your second job and getting the ring earlier than she expected!! Please don't forget to come back and share photos!! Obviously we are all living vicariously through romantic gentlemen like you!

 

[audball]

Completely sweet! I hope it goes well and that you come back to share the final story and pictures of her ring!

 

[AmorousWarrior]

Thanks very much for all of the kind words. I'll have to take a couple pictures when I get the ring on Thursday. The jeweler is actually a good friend of hers so I am going to pay for the ring and then have them keep it in their safe for me until Monday afternoon. I can't take it home and hide it because my future fiance likes to search for presents!
The second job wasn't so hard, I work in the medical field and 3 days a week is a full shift. I just told her that I had errands to run, meetings or trainings at work, or gotten a few extra days, which is true, just with another job.

I think that the hardest part is going to be figuring out where to put these flowers until I need them. It's funny because I thought that the hardest part would be figuring out what to say at the exact moment. But in actuality, it's much harder to get everything perfect to get to that point. As far as what to say, I'll just speak from the heart.

I'll be careful with the candles, the house had dark hardwood floors and I'm not putting any on the carpet. The warm glow of the candles with the wood floors should look very nice.

Best wishes to all of you and hopefully I won't be the only one with a big announcement after the holiday!

 

[antiquesparkler]

I love your proposal plan! It is so sweet and romantic. Just perfect. She will be so suprised too.

As far as the flowers, what kind of climate are you in? Is it possible to leave them in your car? Their ideal temp is 36-46 degrees F. Sorry... used to be a florist.

Do you have a friend or relative that would store them and put them in vases and drive over to meet you when you are ready for them?

Now that I am thinking about it... maybe when SO says he is going to play golf- he is actually planning his proposal.... A girl can dream!! hehehe

 

[AmorousWarrior]

Thank you . I had thought about leaving them in the car or outside for a few hours. The temps here are about mid to low 40's. I'm planning on picking them up in the afternoon or early evening. As late as possible.

 

[AmorousWarrior]

Oh and yeah, we have to come up with normal reasons to go out. I used the gym yesterday to go pick the stone. I'm about to go and see if I can convince her nail lady to squeeze in an appointment the day after Christmas. Time to go back to the gym.

 

[Rosebloom]

Oh wow what fun! You are good!!! Let us know how it goes!

 

[antiquesparkler]

They should be fine in your car then...

You thought of her nails?! Lucky lady!

 

[Chewbacca]

This all sounds so amazing!

I think flowers in the car is probably the way to go, AmWarrior! Although when I've snuck around in the past, opening and closing the car door has always felt so loud and potentially suspicious!

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Aww, how lucky she is to have a guy so committed, sweet, and romantic! Your plan sounds perfect! She is going to be so surprised! Please let us know how it all goes!

 

[AmorousWarrior]

Ok, so flowers in the car it is. I think I'll open the sunroof a bit just to make sure that it stays cool enough. I was able to make a nail appointment for her for the 27th. She goes to a spa but they only have one manicurist. She is very specific about her nails and only uses this lady. She is off on the 26th so the 27th was the first available day. I think that I've got everything all set now. Pick up the ring on Thursday, flowers on Monday, and the big event Monday night. I'm going to go and see her mom before the week is out, that's the easy one. Her dad will be something different. He is the one that she doesn't necessarily speak much to, but I still feel like I should ask him out of respect. While they do not talk often, he is still her father and I should give him that much respect. Any tips?

 

[JulieN]

No. It has nothing to do with respect. It as a patriarchal, silly custom that has been preserved for tradition's sake. If she is not close to her father, best to just let her tell him herself after the proposal.

 

[MBKRH]

That is so admirable of you to get a second job to get the ring, IMO. I commend you for that!

I hate to echo other posters' comments, but I agree, she'll be very surprised, I'm sure!
I can't wait to hear how it goes, good luck with it all!

 

[LaraOnline]

Wow, you are awesome, and so incredibly thoughtful!
The ring sounds great and I'm sure she'll be thrilled with the proposal.

I hope it goes stunningly!

 

[LaraOnline]

Ok, so flowers in the car it is. I think I'll open the sunroof a bit just to make sure that it stays cool enough. I was able to make a nail appointment for her for the 27th. She goes to a spa but they only have one manicurist. She is very specific about her nails and only uses this lady. She is off on the 26th so the 27th was the first available day. I think that I've got everything all set now. Pick up the ring on Thursday, flowers on Monday, and the big event Monday night. I'm going to go and see her mom before the week is out, that's the easy one. Her dad will be something different. He is the one that she doesn't necessarily speak much to, but I still feel like I should ask him out of respect. While they do not talk often, he is still her father and I should give him that much respect. Any tips?

Any tips on speaking to her dad?
I expect you are intending to telephone him?
I would call at a time you expect is convenient to him, or even call ahead and ask if you can call at a specific time to talk about an important family matter.
He will probably have an idea at that time what it might be about.
If the Dad and the Mum have a reasonable relationship, you might even be able to discuss this briefly with your intended's Mum, I guess you'll be calling her first?

You can expect him to be fairly polite and reasonable to you on the phone.
It doesn't have to be a long conversation if the pair are not close.
While I can appreciate everyone has a different opinion re 'checking in with parents' about an engagement, in my view marriage is a lot like Christmas - packed with traditions - and in looking back it's the traditional things that can be important / worthwhile / enjoyable.
You can expect to get even more kudos with your SO and her family overall if you make an effort to do 'the right thing by' the parents. You have a long relationship with them going forward, so why not enjoy paying them this small courtesy? It only takes a few minutes, and the payoff may be measured over many, many years.

 

[AmorousWarrior]

Yes I intended on calling her father. I am going to go to her mothers house tomorrow and talk to her in person. She will probably tell me if I should call dad or not. I am leaning toward at least calling and giving the opportunity to give that much respect. While I know that it may not be necessary, I can respect tradition and if it were my daughter I would want the phone call, then again, my relationship with my girls is different.

 

[madelise]

Just want to point out that you should think about your GF's view on that tradition. I would be pissed off to the end of the world if SO asked my father or my mother for permission to propose or marry me. I am not close to either one of them, and I think the tradition is chauvinistic in the idea that your family "owns" you until you marry, where your ownership is passed on. You may be traditional, but is SHE? Especially since you say she isn't close with her father, I would worry about partaking in this tradition.. She is a full grown woman, with her own teenage daughter. I just can't picture any good coming out of asking for permission from her parents, especially her father.

 

[AmorousWarrior]

Good point. I know that she's ok about me talking to her mom but since she hasn't mentioned anything about her father I'll let her tell him if she wants to. Or we can call together, I'll let her take the lead on that one.

 

[Rosebloom]

Just want to point out that you should think about your GF's view on that tradition. I would be pissed off to the end of the world if SO asked my father or my mother for permission to propose or marry me. I am not close to either one of them, and I think the tradition is chauvinistic in the idea that your family "owns" you until you marry, where your ownership is passed on. You may be traditional, but is SHE? Especially since you say she isn't close with her father, I would worry about partaking in this tradition.. She is a full grown woman, with her own teenage daughter. I just can't picture any good coming out of asking for permission from her parents, especially her father.

That was my reaction too.

 

[AmorousWarrior]

Thanks for the help everyone. I'm glad that I got another perspective.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Everything sounds so well thought out and special! I can't wait to see the ring and hear how it turned out for you...good luck!!

 

[audball]

Can't wait to hear how it goes!

 

[AmorousWarrior]

I wasn't able to sneak out today to pick up the ring, but I'll have it in the AM tomorrow.
I did however talk to her mother tonight. She was very happy and excited. I asked her about whether or not I should talk to her ex-husband and she said that she did not think that my future wife would think it was necessary. So with that said, I have the love and support of the person closest to my future wife and that is what is most important to me. So tomorrow is ring day. I'll be back with an update after I pick it up and figure out how to post pics. lol.

Thanks for the help thus far, it's kind of cool to have you guys to tell all this to.

 

[LaraOnline]

Just want to point out that you should think about your GF's view on that tradition. I would be pissed off to the end of the world if SO asked my father or my mother for permission to propose or marry me. I am not close to either one of them, and I think the tradition is chauvinistic in the idea that your family "owns" you until you marry, where your ownership is passed on. You may be traditional, but is SHE? Especially since you say she isn't close with her father, I would worry about partaking in this tradition.. She is a full grown woman, with her own teenage daughter. I just can't picture any good coming out of asking for permission from her parents, especially her father.

That was my reaction too.

I have to admit, would be awfully funny if the parents knocked a guy back lol
But I do think it's nice to have the courtesy to let the parents know your intentions...
Now that I am a parent I am incredibly aware of just how much effort, emotion and money has gone into raising children haha.
It's nice for parents to be included in a child's life.

Certainly wouldn't want a bride to be 'pissed off to the end of the world' on the happiest day of her life though.
Perhaps a bride that is upset to that extent by her intended's kindly gesture needs to take a chill pill in general hahah
There'll be plenty more family-oriented and family-building activity in years and years to come lol

 

[madelise]

Just want to point out that you should think about your GF's view on that tradition. I would be pissed off to the end of the world if SO asked my father or my mother for permission to propose or marry me. I am not close to either one of them, and I think the tradition is chauvinistic in the idea that your family "owns" you until you marry, where your ownership is passed on. You may be traditional, but is SHE? Especially since you say she isn't close with her father, I would worry about partaking in this tradition.. She is a full grown woman, with her own teenage daughter. I just can't picture any good coming out of asking for permission from her parents, especially her father.

That was my reaction too.

I have to admit, would be awfully funny if the parents knocked a guy back lol
But I do think it's nice to have the courtesy to let the parents know your intentions...
Now that I am a parent I am incredibly aware of just how much effort, emotion and money has gone into raising children haha.
It's nice for parents to be included in a child's life.

Certainly wouldn't want a bride to be 'pissed off to the end of the world' on the happiest day of her life though.
Perhaps a bride that is upset to that extent by her intended's kindly gesture needs to take a chill pill in general hahah
There'll be plenty more family-oriented and family-building activity in years and years to come lol

She isn't a child. She's a full grown adult with a teenage daughter. That would place at at minimum, what, 35 years old? I'm betting all the world that she is completely independent, and since she isn't close with the father, and since the parents are split, that he might not be in the picture at all. How would it be a courtesy to the bride if he is to alert a man who is otherwise not in the woman's life?

I'll pass on the chill pill, Lara, I am only offering my $0.02. I'm entitled to my own opinion, and didn't say OP "had to" take my opinion to heart, or had to agree. I was not being rude, and shoving any advice down anyone's throat. Did I not start the whole piece by stating that I was only pointing out to take the intended-bride's view into consideration? I was only tossing my point in to say that there are dissenting opinions, thus he should maybe consider what may be hers. I'm sorry if you find me "that upset". I live in a very forward society, where women are very independent, and no one takes ownership of others. People ask for blessings in my world, not for permission. I'm sorry if this offends you, but I'm glad it did not offend the OP, instead, gave him a different perspective, which actually seems, came in handy. I just don't understand how you can give your 2 cents, and that's fine, but when I give mine, I need a chill pill.




Amorous: I'm sorry you weren't able to pick up the ring today. Oh poo That must make you all the more anxious. I had a feeling that her mother would feel it was unnecessary to alert her father. You guys can call him together, after the fact But call mom first! I'm sure she'd be dying to hear her daughter's joy and excitement through the phone! I look forward to your photos. To post pics, click on that icon under "Insert", that looks like a picture of a cartoon diamond, with a green arrow pointing up. It will open a pop up window, where you can search your computer for the file to upload. It does take a while, so after you click "save", you may have to wait a few minutes. I'm glad you found this area to get some release of anxiety before your big day, as well. We see plenty of posters from the nervous waiting receiving end, it's nice to get a change of perspective and know the thoughts of the planning end!!

 

[Rosebloom]

I wasn't able to sneak out today to pick up the ring, but I'll have it in the AM tomorrow.
I did however talk to her mother tonight. She was very happy and excited. I asked her about whether or not I should talk to her ex-husband and she said that she did not think that my future wife would think it was necessary. So with that said, I have the love and support of the person closest to my future wife and that is what is most important to me. So tomorrow is ring day. I'll be back with an update after I pick it up and figure out how to post pics. lol.

Thanks for the help thus far, it's kind of cool to have you guys to tell all this to.

Congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you! I'm sure she'll be so happy.

 

[LaraOnline]

Just want to point out that you should think about your GF's view on that tradition. I would be pissed off to the end of the world if SO asked my father or my mother for permission to propose or marry me. I am not close to either one of them, and I think the tradition is chauvinistic in the idea that your family "owns" you until you marry, where your ownership is passed on. You may be traditional, but is SHE? Especially since you say she isn't close with her father, I would worry about partaking in this tradition.. She is a full grown woman, with her own teenage daughter. I just can't picture any good coming out of asking for permission from her parents, especially her father.

That was my reaction too.

I have to admit, would be awfully funny if the parents knocked a guy back lol
But I do think it's nice to have the courtesy to let the parents know your intentions...
Now that I am a parent I am incredibly aware of just how much effort, emotion and money has gone into raising children haha.
It's nice for parents to be included in a child's life.

Certainly wouldn't want a bride to be 'pissed off to the end of the world' on the happiest day of her life though.
Perhaps a bride that is upset to that extent by her intended's kindly gesture needs to take a chill pill in general hahah
There'll be plenty more family-oriented and family-building activity in years and years to come lol

She isn't a child. She's a full grown adult with a teenage daughter. That would place at at minimum, what, 35 years old? I'm betting all the world that she is completely independent, and since she isn't close with the father, and since the parents are split, that he might not be in the picture at all. How would it be a courtesy to the bride if he is to alert a man who is otherwise not in the woman's life?

I'll pass on the chill pill, Lara, I am only offering my $0.02. I'm entitled to my own opinion, and didn't say OP "had to" take my opinion to heart, or had to agree. I was not being rude, and shoving any advice down anyone's throat. Did I not start the whole piece by stating that I was only pointing out to take the intended-bride's view into consideration? I was only tossing my point in to say that there are dissenting opinions, thus he should maybe consider what may be hers. I'm sorry if you find me "that upset". I live in a very forward society, where women are very independent, and no one takes ownership of others. People ask for blessings in my world, not for permission. I'm sorry if this offends you, but I'm glad it did not offend the OP, instead, gave him a different perspective, which actually seems, came in handy. I just don't understand how you can give your 2 cents, and that's fine, but when I give mine, I need a chill pill.




Amorous: I'm sorry you weren't able to pick up the ring today. Oh poo That must make you all the more anxious. I had a feeling that her mother would feel it was unnecessary to alert her father. You guys can call him together, after the fact But call mom first! I'm sure she'd be dying to hear her daughter's joy and excitement through the phone! I look forward to your photos. To post pics, click on that icon under "Insert", that looks like a picture of a cartoon diamond, with a green arrow pointing up. It will open a pop up window, where you can search your computer for the file to upload. It does take a while, so after you click "save", you may have to wait a few minutes. I'm glad you found this area to get some release of anxiety before your big day, as well. We see plenty of posters from the nervous waiting receiving end, it's nice to get a change of perspective and know the thoughts of the planning end!!

Yeah whatever *shrugs* don't sweat the small stuff 'ey.