Mourning for a pet?

[Circe]

My cat died last Tuesday. I was taking her to the vet for a general check-up, and she was just fine that morning, sleeping at the foot of the bed, hopping into my lap and purring during breakfast, resenting but submitting to the carrier ... and when the vet took her away to draw blood for tests and do an abdominal ultrasound, she had some kind of a seizure, and 4 hours later, she died. She was only 9 years old, and I miss her like crazy.

I know a lot of what I''m feeling is pretty irrational - she''d be okay if I''d taken her in earlier! or insisted on going in the back with the vet so she wouldn''t have gotten so scared! etc., etc. - but the problem is, I just can''t seem to stop feeling it. She was a wonderful cat, and she had a really happy life, and I''m glad that she didn''t suffer excessively, and that this happened at the vet''s where she could get proper care and while I was there rather than under some really guilt-inducing circumstances like playing too roughly or while I was boarding her, but ... yeah. This morning when I had to call the crematorium I was crying so hard I could barely get the info. out. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to grieve? My husband is suggesting that we get a kitten ... what do y''all think? Healthy, or not?

 

[Octavia]

Oh, Circe, I''m so sorry. I don''t really know what to tell you...everyone will grieve in their own way, and what''s right for someone else may not be right for you. I would say, though, don''t push yourself into getting a kitten if you don''t feel ready. I think you''ll know when it feels right to get a new pet.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Please don''t beat yourself up over anything, it was NOT your fault. This is all recent, though, so I think that''s also something that will subside in time -- it''s natural to think, "what if?" while it''s still sinking in.

**Hugs to you**

 

[princesss]

I would recommend against getting a new kitten right away. It''s the rebound relationship of pet owning. Great at first, and very distracting...but not quite right. And then frustrating and heart breaking when the cat you have isn''t the cat you''re longing for.

I think grieving for a pet is much the same as grieving for anybody you love. That cat was in your life, comforting you for 9 years. Of course you''re going to miss her, and it''s going to be hard for a while. Let yourself go through it as best you can.

And then, when you''re ready, a new kitty will worm its way into your heart.

 

[October2008bride]

Oh my - I''m sorry! I can only imagine what a shock that was. I recently lost my cat too and I know how it can feel but I was expecting it versus your shock. Ugh. I''m so sorry.

It is totally normal to mourn the loss of your pet. They are part of your life and it is difficult to let go. Take time and don''t feel bad that you are sad/upset/lonely. It is totally normal and part of the grieving process.

Big hugs!

 

[movie zombie]

get another kitty: give another one a chance to be loved and appreciated....and to love you, too.

movie zombie

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 9/15/2008 8:58:59 PM
Author: October2008bride
Oh my - I''m sorry! I can only imagine what a shock that was. I recently lost my cat too and I know how it can feel but I was expecting it versus your shock. Ugh. I''m so sorry.

It is totally normal to mourn the loss of your pet. They are part of your life and it is difficult to let go. Take time and don''t feel bad that you are sad/upset/lonely. It is totally normal and part of the grieving process.

Big hugs!

Ditto Oct2008. How each person grieves is different. For me, I can''t get a new pet after the loss of one. I''ve done it once before and I kept making comparisions to my lost friend, and it did no favors for the new pet. I know if I lost one of my cats, the best thing would be to wait for a while until the ''right'' cat came along, who I would take in because I wanted that cat, not because I wanted someone to replace my friend.

 

[Linda W]

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry to read this. It is natural to mourn the loss of a pet, it is like losing a child. Only you know if you are ready for another kitty. Some people get another pet right away, some people wait awhile. Only you can make that decision.

I am sending you a great big hug.

Love, Linda

 

[jewelerman]

i am sorry for your loss...i would give your self a little time to mourn and feel the loss of your pet and after you have had some time to have a few good crys,work through the emotions and get ready for a new pet then you could start to look and find one at a shelter in need of a good home.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I''m so sorry about your baby

I know how awful it feels, like no other kitty will ever compare. I lost a kitty a couple years ago, and for months after I kept imagining I felt him jumping on my bed to cuddle. It takes time. In my case, I got a new kitty right away - or rather, she got me, in the usual kitty-adopting-owner way - and I found that it made things easier to have a new baby to fuss over. Especially if you find one that''s as equally affectionate as your previous kitty.

Decide if you want the kitty for sure, though, before you pick one out. Even as babies they can sense your disappointment if they aren''t really what you wanted.

 

[Skippy123]

Oh gosh, I am sorry, hugs honey!

 

[radiantquest]

im so sorry. i have to advice for you on how to grieve, but think that you should do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. i dont think that you are being irrational. i would be the same way. just keep reminding yourself that that there was minimal suffering and there was nothing that you, or anyone could have done to change it. try to find peace.

 

[Miranda]

I am so sorry for your loss. These things are so painful. Only you can make the choice to get another kitty. ((hugs))

 

[Haven]

Oh Circe, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so terribly difficult to lose a furbaby, and even more so when it's before their time.

I think it is absolutely normal to mourn the loss of a pet, and there is no set amount of time for how long you will take to mourn her, and for when you should adopt a new kitty.

I lost my Mazi unexpectedly in March. I sobbed like a baby that entire day, from the vet's office to my bed that night. I cried every night for months after; she had slept on my chest every night for 18 years and then she wasn't there. I called out her name for months, too, quietly, and completely to myself. But I called for her because that's what I had done for 18 years, since I was a nine-year-old girl. And I still cry for her because I miss her so terribly.

And I'm crying for her at this very moment.

And Mazi is my most recent loss; I still cry for my kitties Sebastian, Duke, and Princess. And for my doggy Joey. I will miss them forever, and I think it's okay to mourn for them forever. It gets easier over time, but you never forget them.

Please take comfort in your happy memories of her. Big hugs, honey, I'm so sorry you're missing your baby right now.

ETA: I didn't mean to make this post all about my loss. I was just trying to illustrate that IMO it is okay to mourn for a while. I just posted and realized how me-me-me this post looks.

 

[Circe]

Thanks, guys. Y''all are awesome.

On the kitten front, I have no idea what "type" I am, immediate or delayed when it comes to new pets after a loss: I''ve lost one pet before this, only shortly after I had gotten my cat, and having her around really was a boon and a blessing. I think the biggest hurdle is that it feels as though it would somehow be disrespectful to the memory of my cat (which is, I know, kinda silly, as she, a) would probably have wanted me to stop being sad (insofar as her non-anthropomorphized feline brain could grasp the concept), and, b) is sorta past the point of concern). Methinks I''ll give myself a while to decide ... on a slightly different note, how jealous I am of all of you who just have cats wander into your lives! In my case, it''s always a deliberate trip to a shelter ....

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Oh Circe, I''m so sorry to hear that your kitty passed away!

I think a new kitten might not be such a bad idea. A friend of mine recently lost her horse, and she was devastated. She started looking for a new horse about a week after her mare''s death, and I think it was very therapeutic for her. She knew that the new horse would in no way be a "replacement" for her mare, but would be a totally new and different relationship, if that makes any sense. She did find a new mare pretty quickly, and she seems to be a wonderful horse. My friend loves her dearly, and I think the new mare has helped a great deal with my friend''s grief.

And I think it''s a great idea to go to a local animal shelter if you do decide to get a new kitty! Or maybe you could adopt Gypsy''s "stalker"! (https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/im-being-stalked.95037/)

Hugs to you and I''m so sorry for your loss.

 

[Lorelei]

Circe I am so sorry for your loss, many of us know what you are going through, it takes time dear and you need to work through the stages of grief as you experience them. You can't rush it or force it. As for getting another kitty, there are no rules but wait until you feel ready to embrace and love a new baby with its own character, you will know when the time is right, or fate will arrange things. I would say when you are ready, maybe consider adopting a shelter cat or kitten, so many of them lack loving homes.

What area are you in Circe if you don't mind me asking? I was just thinking about Gypsy's stalker then I saw IG had mentioned it already!!

 

[Maisie]

Circe, I am so sorry for the loss of your pet. I hope you start to feel better soon. Its very sad.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/16/2008 8:43:06 AM
Author: Lorelei
Circe I am so sorry for your loss, many of us know what you are going through, it takes time dear and you need to work through the stages of grief as you experience them. You can''t rush it or force it. As for getting another kitty, there are no rules but wait until you feel ready to embrace and love a new baby with its own character, you will know when the time is right, or fate will arrange things. I would say when you are ready, maybe consider adopting a shelter cat or kitten, so many of them lack loving homes.

What area are you in Circe if you don''t mind me asking? I was just thinking about Gypsy''s stalker then I saw IG had mentioned it already!!

Great minds, Lorelei!

 

[dendon]

I''m so sorry to hear that!

 

[Steel]

Circe, I am very sorry.

I hope you will understand what it is that I want to say - I am glad that your girl was sleeping in her (you only borrowed it) bed and had her usual cuddles; everything was normal for her when she died and she didn''t die alone. I am certain she knew her mommy loves her, part of that love included trips to the dreaded vet and the dreaded car and dreaded carrier. You did your very best and should be proud of that.

My biggest fear for my cats is that they will get/run away when it is their time and die outside, alone and scared.

P.S.
I have discussed with DH what we might do when the enevitable happens and we think we will get another cat/kitten asap. I try to think of our cats having their own lives with me not my life with them. So if another cat needs a home and I know I can offer a lovely home, I will not let another cat or kitten possibly suffer when they could be with us and jinglly toys - in no particular order. But I agree that a mourning peroid can be necessary and healthy.

God bless, and once again I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[niccia]

Hi Circe,

sorry to hear about your kitty. I still have a lot of grief over the loss (disappearance) of my cat over 3 years ago. I dream about him regularly and have a really hard time looking at his pictures. I haven''t gotten a new cat yet because I have been moving around a lot, but I plan to soon. I don''t feel guilty about getting a new cat, as I know Mylie would know that I could never replace him. I have been fortunate to have several very wonderful cats throughout my life, and I can''t wait to find a new one in need of a loving home. I do think it will help ease the pain of losing your cat, but only do it when you are ready.

 

[dragonfly411]

I''m very sorry for your loss. Take some time to grieve, everyone should. It isn''t your fault, things happen and they do for a reason. I''d recommend giving yourself at least a few weeks, then maybe a kitten....

 

[Dogmom]

((( Circe ))) I''m so sorry, hon, to hear about your kitty''s passing. I would honestly recommend taking some time to grieve for her before you think about getting another cat. In my work in animal welfare, I have encountered many instances when an adopter doesn''t finish the grieving process before they adopt and then have difficulty bonding with their new pet. That being said, only YOU know what is right for yourself.

May I suggest you contact your local SPCA or Humane Society and see if they offer a Pet Loss Support program. Mine does and I believe it has been very helpful for the people who have participated.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I can only give you my personal experience..when our family dog died suddenly the house felt so empty. We were so used to having her there barking, running around, etc. So my Mom and I decided we needed a puppy because otherwise it was just too quiet. We were not trying to replace our dog, but we wanted someone to bring life back into the house again. We went all the way from VA to GA to get the same breed dog and within about 2 months got a new puppy. We''ve had Georgia for almost 5 years now and it really helped us grieve for our last dog Francesca. We still miss Francesca and they''re not the same at all..Georgia has a very different personality..but at the time we were concentrating on caring for Georgia and she kept us moving and living life. You have to be to the point where you can put all of your time and energy into this new puppy or in your case kitten before you get one. We were at that place. I hope that makes some sense.

 

[bee*]

I''m sorry to hear about your cat. Sending hugs. In terms of getting another kitten, it depends how you feel really. I was brought up that we always tended to get a new dog/cat when our babies had to be put to sleep. It was never to replace our old babies, it''s just a whole new personality to bring into the family and it really helps you grieve and also gives a new furry a home.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 9/15/2008 7:51:34 PM
Author:Circe
My cat died last Tuesday. I was taking her to the vet for a general check-up, and she was just fine that morning, sleeping at the foot of the bed, hopping into my lap and purring during breakfast, resenting but submitting to the carrier ... and when the vet took her away to draw blood for tests and do an abdominal ultrasound, she had some kind of a seizure, and 4 hours later, she died. She was only 9 years old, and I miss her like crazy.

I know a lot of what I''m feeling is pretty irrational - she''d be okay if I''d taken her in earlier! or insisted on going in the back with the vet so she wouldn''t have gotten so scared! etc., etc. - but the problem is, I just can''t seem to stop feeling it. She was a wonderful cat, and she had a really happy life, and I''m glad that she didn''t suffer excessively, and that this happened at the vet''s where she could get proper care and while I was there rather than under some really guilt-inducing circumstances like playing too roughly or while I was boarding her, but ... yeah. This morning when I had to call the crematorium I was crying so hard I could barely get the info. out. Do you guys have any suggestions on how to grieve? My husband is suggesting that we get a kitten ... what do y''all think? Healthy, or not?

I understand completely. I had to put my cat, Max, to sleep in June because he had a large lymphoma in his GI tract. I never noticed anything was wrong until he lost half of his body weight in a week. It was too advanced for surgery and tried chemotherapy but it started killing the good cells and he started wasting away. I felt so horrible because I had waited 2 months longer than usual to take him for his checkup (I was in the middle of relocating). I still feel awful and think about him everyday because I don''t feel like I took care of him well enough. That I could''ve done better.

As far as getting a kitten, I would wait a little. Give yourself time to mourn. There''s no proper way to do it; it''s like losing a family member quite frankly. And the best thing you can do is just let yourself not feel guilty. If you get a pet now, you''ll be doing it more so to recreate that connection you had with the cat that passed. And every cat is not the same. Your cat had a good owner and when the time is right, you''ll know it and will be ready for a new pet.

 

[starsapphire]

Circe, I am so sorry for you!

I lost my dog suddenly, and it was very traumatizing. I dread the day our kitties leave us. It hurts really bad, and I know how you must feel. It gets better with time. Having other pets around helped me a lot. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[2Artists]

Big hugs Circe I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend and family member.

Mrs.2Artists

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hugs to you. I'm sorry for your loss.

Unlike everyone elses suggestions, I would wait in getting another cat too soon. If you do, you may find yourself comparing the kitten to your cat and being disapointed if the new one acts differently.

DH and I had to adopt out a few of our cats and one lady had lost her cat two weeks prior and adopted and then RETURNED the cat because she didn't think the cat was "right" for her like her other cat was.

 

[omieluv]

Circe, I am so sorry to hear about your kitty. Though I do have a cat, she is my first pet, so I have not had to deal with the loss of a pet. However, I have known people who have lost cats and their reactions have been quite different. I think the degree of loss you feel will probably depend on how closely bonded you are to the pet. I have known some friends who were sad about the loss of their dog or cat, but were able to move on more quickly then other members of the family because that pet was not "their pet." It is hard to tell though, as people people deal with the passing of a pet/loved one, several emotions (related or unrelated), which can surface.

A few of my mother's friends had a difficult time dealing with the passing of their cats. Each seemed to take quite a while to mourn, but eventually did open their homes to feline friendships because they missed having a cat around. One person adopted a cat that was completely different from the cat that had just passed away because she did not want to be constantly reminded of her former cat. She was also at a point in her life that she wanted a cat with a personality suiting her current lifestyle. After 9 months of searching for that "right" cat, she found him and could not be more pleased. From what I understand, he is completely different and she said that because he is so different, she is not tempted to compare him to her former cat, which has allowed her to bond to the new one rather quickly. Another one of my mom's friends adopted a cat similar to the cat that had passed away. She said that wasn't her goal, but she bonded very quickly with that cat at the shelter, so she brought her home. My grandmother, on the other hand, pretty much stuck to the same breed, Siamese. She just loved the breed and said that each of her cats had a different personality, so none of them really were the same.

Like I said before, mourning a loss is very personal, so take the time you need. If down the road you find yourself missing feline companionship, allow yourself to think about what you might want in your next cat (e.g., male vs. female, kitten, adult, high energy, lap cat, etc.) and visit your local shelters and breeders.