Most hated wedding related comment. What''s yours?!

[cbs102]

Date: 1/2/2009 12:42:35 PM
Author: meresal
I have a new one...FMIL strikes again, and not surprisingly, it happened on FI''s ''last'' family trip.

''Well, you better not have a baby right away.'' Umm, ok stork police... my FI is usually extremely calm and even this one sent him off the radar.

She also brought up the , ''Last trip with just the 5 of us. From now on there will be 6.'' I told my mom about this, and her whitty comment was, ''Has she even thought about the vacations where there will only be 4???'' I love my mom

There have got to be some new ones... this thread has been closed since September!! C''mon ladies

mer- she needs to get over it already!!!!

my FMIL grilled me before we got engaged saying that something must be wrong with me because i was 28(at the time) and have never been married and i don''t have any kids..WTF?! she wants me to be divorced and have little babies running around!? this woman is out of her flipping mind. she told me that she was too old to be a grandmother now so that i should not have a kid and that my FI should think about that too because he cannot afford two child support payments. thanks biotch

 

[elrohwen]

I don''t like when people try to say that we *have* to do something. I''m mostly thinking of the bouquet toss, garter toss, a traditional cake, and all of the dances. I really don''t want any of these things, but people keep trying to tell me I *have* to have them. Especially the dances. I don''t even want to do a first dance with FI all by myself and would much prefer our bridal party and parents to dance with us, but people keep telling me that I can''t do it that way. We all have different ideas of what we want and I don''t think that going against tradition is necessarily a bad thing.

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 1/2/2009 1:08:06 PM
Author: elrohwen
I don''t like when people try to say that we *have* to do something. I''m mostly thinking of the bouquet toss, garter toss, a traditional cake, and all of the dances. I really don''t want any of these things, but people keep trying to tell me I *have* to have them. Especially the dances. I don''t even want to do a first dance with FI all by myself and would much prefer our bridal party and parents to dance with us, but people keep telling me that I can''t do it that way. We all have different ideas of what we want and I don''t think that going against tradition is necessarily a bad thing.

When they start telling you what you "have" to do, just you smile and tell them that they HAVE to bring an envelope with money in it as your gift

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 8/16/2008 12:49:57 PM
Author: rockzilla
''You can have a REALLY AMAZING wedding for VERY little money if you''re just creative .''

I''m not going to come right out and say this is a myth, and I''m sure several folks will disagree with me here, but this is the statement of someone who has never planned a wedding. Particularly in a major metropolitan area.

Unless your uncle is a 5 star chef and you''re using your grandfather''s historic estate and your best friend just happens to be a high fashion photographer...

Weddings cost money. A lot. Even so-so weddings cost a lot of money. Yes, adding creative touches and thinking outside the box can help, but SO many people seem to be deluded into thinking that for $5k in Los Angeles you can have a spectacular, blow-you-away wedding for 100 people. Sorry, it doesn''t work that way!

Rockzilla, I so agree! I get comment like this constantly, especially from my mom (and she''s not even paying! she gave us a lump sum, but we''ll still pay for more than half ourselves). She just acts like if I was a little more frugal I could have it for half the price. We''ve already picked the place with the lowest cost per person, my dress is in the lowest price bracket, we''re having 70 people; really, I don''t know what else we can cut out! I just stopped sharing the details with her because she would comment on the price

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/2/2009 1:15:22 PM
Author: elrohwen

Rockzilla, I so agree! I get comment like this constantly, especially from my mom (and she''s not even paying! she gave us a lump sum, but we''ll still pay for more than half ourselves). She just acts like if I was a little more frugal I could have it for half the price. We''ve already picked the place with the lowest cost per person, my dress is in the lowest price bracket, we''re having 70 people; really, I don''t know what else we can cut out! I just stopped sharing the details with her because she would comment on the price

Chairs for your guests... they''re a complete waste of money

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 1/2/2009 2:09:24 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 1/2/2009 1:15:22 PM
Author: elrohwen

Rockzilla, I so agree! I get comment like this constantly, especially from my mom (and she''s not even paying! she gave us a lump sum, but we''ll still pay for more than half ourselves). She just acts like if I was a little more frugal I could have it for half the price. We''ve already picked the place with the lowest cost per person, my dress is in the lowest price bracket, we''re having 70 people; really, I don''t know what else we can cut out! I just stopped sharing the details with her because she would comment on the price

Chairs for your guests... they''re a complete waste of money

Hahaha. I''ll tell them that standing up while you eat is good for the digestion.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 1/2/2009 1:12:20 PM
Author: Mediterranean

Date: 1/2/2009 1:08:06 PM
Author: elrohwen
I don''t like when people try to say that we *have* to do something. I''m mostly thinking of the bouquet toss, garter toss, a traditional cake, and all of the dances. I really don''t want any of these things, but people keep trying to tell me I *have* to have them. Especially the dances. I don''t even want to do a first dance with FI all by myself and would much prefer our bridal party and parents to dance with us, but people keep telling me that I can''t do it that way. We all have different ideas of what we want and I don''t think that going against tradition is necessarily a bad thing.

When they start telling you what you ''have'' to do, just you smile and tell them that they HAVE to bring an envelope with money in it as your gift

I like the way you think.

 

[angielea]

One of the first things my FMIL said to me after we got engaged

"well, make sure you have premarital counsiling!" She mentions it almost everytime she calls Fi.

We''ve been together for 4 years, no issues, happy as clams. I have no idea why she is so adament about this, it totally weirds me out.

She also told me that my hydrangeas were "really flashy"

 

[FrekeChild]

"Are you excited?" Well no actually. I''m still dealing with my mom''s stuff.

"When are you going to start your family? I love that show ''17 and counting''. I love big families." I don''t even want to get into what THAT question started. That comment came from FFIL''s wife, and I REALLY don''t want her coming to the wedding now. FI doesn''t want her to either...

"How is wedding planning going?" From my dad. I want to say, "Well dad, we have about $100 dollars saved for it, and $60 of that is from Christmas presents. You tell ME how you think wedding planning is going. Seems as though a trip to the courthouse is in order!"

"You''re not having CAKE? But you''re a pastry chef!!" SO FREAKING WHAT?!?!

"I''m so looking forward to your wedding." "I''m invited right?" "I''m going to hold it against you if I''m not invited." "Don''t put me in some ugly bridesmaid gown." "That''s not traditional." "You can''t have only 50 guests!" (When I told my little cousin that I wanted somewhere between 10 and 50--TOPS.) And these are all from people who likely wouldn''t be invited unless I win the lottery! And even then maybe not...

 

[WishfulThinking]

This is more hated than annoying, but...

The day The Lawsuit was filed, and I was having a good cry and panic over it.

An acquaintance: What''s wrong?

Me: They''re trying to force the state of California to dissolve our marriage.

Her: Oh... well, aren''t you too young to be married anyways? It could be a good thing; just think, if it doesn''t work out now you won''t have to bother getting a divorce.

Me: .....

Not the right thing to say. At all.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/2/2009 4:10:26 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
This is more hated than annoying, but...

The day The Lawsuit was filed, and I was having a good cry and panic over it.

An acquaintance: What''s wrong?

Me: They''re trying to force the state of California to dissolve our marriage.

Her: Oh... well, aren''t you too young to be married anyways? It could be a good thing; just think, if it doesn''t work out now you won''t have to bother getting a divorce.

Me: .....

Not the right thing to say. At all.

ARE YOU SERIOUS????

I will come smack them in the head. Hard. I will fly up there to smack them. Uggggh.

And Freke, seriously, I can''t believe how pushy people are being. Grrrr. I can fly out there, too....

 

[cbs102]

Date: 1/2/2009 4:10:26 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
This is more hated than annoying, but...

The day The Lawsuit was filed, and I was having a good cry and panic over it.

An acquaintance: What''s wrong?

Me: They''re trying to force the state of California to dissolve our marriage.

Her: Oh... well, aren''t you too young to be married anyways? It could be a good thing; just think, if it doesn''t work out now you won''t have to bother getting a divorce.

Me: .....

Not the right thing to say. At all.

eew! what is wrong with people!

 

[WishfulThinking]

Thanks princess and cbs. I couldn''t believe she even said that, and I don''t think she noticed how irate I was, either. Of course you''d have to be oblivious to say the comment in the first place, so I am not surprised.

Another fun one is the "oh, don''t worry, that would NEVER happen in CA" mantra we''re hearing, also in regards to The Lawsuit that would forcibly divorce us. Yeah, just like prop 8 could never pass in CA? Boy, I''m really confident hearing that one...

 

[courtney5638]

Date: 1/2/2009 1:08:06 PM
Author: elrohwen
I don''t like when people try to say that we *have* to do something. I''m mostly thinking of the bouquet toss, garter toss, a traditional cake, and all of the dances. I really don''t want any of these things, but people keep trying to tell me I *have* to have them. Especially the dances. I don''t even want to do a first dance with FI all by myself and would much prefer our bridal party and parents to dance with us, but people keep telling me that I can''t do it that way. We all have different ideas of what we want and I don''t think that going against tradition is necessarily a bad thing.

FMIL is starting to do this to me.

***We *have* to have STDs. I decided not to do them to save a few bucks. Besides, everyone already knows what the wedding date is, so I am not as concerned about that.
***After volunteering to pay for the full open bar, decides that it is *just fine* if we only offer beer. No offense to anyone who has made that choice, but after discussing, FI and I and my parents agreed on full bar. Just because you don''t drink, doesn''t mean you can change our plans. Maybe you shouldn''t have offered to pay for it then.
***While trying on BM dresses (her three daughters are in bridal party): "No, you can''t have a dress like that it is not fair to your bridesmaids. It puts way too much pressure on them". Look lady, this is my wedding and I am not going to pick out dresses that make my BMs look awful. That said, it is my choice what I decide to do with them.

At this point, I am ignoring her phone calls for awhile until I calm down. Sorry for the venting, guys

 

[jstarfireb]

Oh man, I have too many to count. Mostly from my mom, who''s very domineering and wants to control every aspect of my wedding...but also from my groomzilla fiance.

There are the "you CAN''T!s"...like "you CAN''T do a honeymoon registry!" "You CAN''T cut the guest list!" Or "you CAN''T wear a halter-top dress!"

Then there are the "you HAVE tos"...like "you HAVE to have a dollar dance!" "You HAVE to have an open bar!" "You HAVE to grow your hair out!" Or "you HAVE to have kids!"

People! It''s my wedding. I don''t "have to" do anything. There''s nothing I "can''t" do. If I wanted to get married in torn jeans and scraggly hair in the middle of a mall or something like that, it''s my choice!

 

[parrot tulips]

I''m working on somewhat of a budget, but it''s still a decent chunk of money. However, I don''t feel like I''m "settling" as far as most of the details are concerned. Got my dream venue with a stellar caterer. I''m in love with my dress. Every time I look at my photographer''s blog, I get super excited about how nice his pictures are. So, when I''m asked about my budget, and I respond honestly, a common reaction seems to be, "Huh. Well...that''s okay. I''m sure it''ll still be beautiful." I was actually a little excited when J and I settled on a wedding budget, so it always catches me by surprise to hear a hint of pity in people''s voices. Weird.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 1/2/2009 4:10:26 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
This is more hated than annoying, but...


The day The Lawsuit was filed, and I was having a good cry and panic over it.


An acquaintance: What''s wrong?


Me: They''re trying to force the state of California to dissolve our marriage.


Her: Oh... well, aren''t you too young to be married anyways? It could be a good thing; just think, if it doesn''t work out now you won''t have to bother getting a divorce.


Me: .....

Not the right thing to say. At all.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Speechless.

 

[pjean]

Date: 1/2/2009 3:53:15 PM
Author: FrekeChild

''I''m so looking forward to your wedding.'' ''I''m invited right?'' ... And these are all from people who likely wouldn''t be invited unless I win the lottery! And even then maybe not...

I HATE that. It''s happening to me all the time, and people KEEP being added to the list, even though we''ve "finalized" it twice. (Glares at FMIL and FI). They try to pacify me by saying "they probably won''t come". This is not a helpful thing to say. gRRRRRRrrrrr.

 

[dcgator]

OMG, if I hear "You are picking sage green and chocolate brown for your colors!" or "How much are you spending on xyz?" again I am going to loose it...Oh wait, I already did last week in a major breakdown...too late,

Serioulsy, can people just respect the bride''s decision for her own wedding? I mean it''s not like I am asking my MOH to wear hot pink or a tootoo or that I am spending anything out of order for a 115+ person wedding in a major metropolitan area. As much as us brides are open minded about getting everyone''s opinion ie demands, you would think they could cut us a little slack too, right?

Oh well, at the end of the day, I know my fiance and I will have a beautiful wedding and we will enjoy naysayers or not

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Since we had no budget, people (some people) kept saying "all this money for a party"...

 

[julabean]

A few weeks after we got married, we went over to DH''s surrogate parent''s house (his best friend''s parents, but we''re family). Grandma was over for dinner that night. She hadn''t been invited to the wedding. She took one look at us and quipped, "So, you really think is going to work out, do you?"

The only other comment that really got me going was about my bridesmaids dresses. For bridesmaids dresses, they were relatively inexpensive, not a horrible color (not tangerine! they were royal purple!), but I got so much grief from in-laws and my mom about them. "Why can''t they just wear black?" "Are you sure they need to match?" Gah!

 

[katamari]

Well, certainly nothing that compares to doxie or Wishful, but mine has to be "I never thought you two would be into marriage." Which I have heard from tens of people now. FI and I have been in a committed relationship for 10 years (without any cheating, fighting, or breakups), yet it shocks people that we are getting married.

The funniest came from one of my students who said "I just figured academics were too liberal to get married." WTF?

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 1/2/2009 10:56:28 PM
Author: katamari
Well, certainly nothing that compares to doxie or Wishful, but mine has to be 'I never thought you two would be into marriage.' Which I have heard from tens of people now. FI and I have been in a committed relationship for 10 years (without any cheating, fighting, or breakups), yet it shocks people that we are getting married.

The funniest came from one of my students who said 'I just figured academics were too liberal to get married.' WTF?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm going to have to tell FI that one! He actually had to sit through a marriage bashing conversation between his advisor and another professor. His advisor is a 40 year old female who has a live-in partner (boyfriend just doesn't fit in the situation), and they have been together for 15 years--I would say that she's probably too liberal to get married. The other professor is a gay male who has been in a relationship for over 5 years, and it would be somewhat pointless for them to get married, because same sex unions are not recognized in NM (not positive on that one, but pretty sure). He's probably "too liberal" too.

Other than that, most of the professors in his department (an exceptionally liberal one, I might add) are married. There are even 2 married couples within the department.

...sigh...

I can't believe people. It's un-freaking-believable.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 1/3/2009 1:15:49 AM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 1/2/2009 10:56:28 PM

Author: katamari

Well, certainly nothing that compares to doxie or Wishful, but mine has to be 'I never thought you two would be into marriage.' Which I have heard from tens of people now. FI and I have been in a committed relationship for 10 years (without any cheating, fighting, or breakups), yet it shocks people that we are getting married.


The funniest came from one of my students who said 'I just figured academics were too liberal to get married.' WTF?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm going to have to tell FI that one! He actually had to sit through a marriage bashing conversation between his advisor and another professor. His advisor is a 40 year old female who has a live-in partner (boyfriend just doesn't fit in the situation), and they have been together for 15 years--I would say that she's probably too liberal to get married. The other professor is a gay male who has been in a relationship for over 5 years, and it would be somewhat pointless for them to get married, because same sex unions are not recognized in NM (not positive on that one, but pretty sure). He's probably 'too liberal' too.


Other than that, most of the professors in his department (an exceptionally liberal one, I might add) are married. There are even 2 married couples within the department.


...sigh...


I can't believe people. It's un-freaking-believable.

The bolded part is right, Freke.
The marriage bashing thing is pretty annoying to me, also. People just DO NOT come more liberal than Wifey and me. For real. And yet here we are... married at 21, no less. Whatever. If anyone even so much as breathes a word to me about the patriarchy in reference to my marriage they get the evil death glare.

IMO part of being actually progressive is recognizing and respecting the choices that make people happy. If it makes a couple happy to be married, why would I think that was bad? Even in the more technical sense [in terms of political theory, not in terms of American politics] liberalism is supposed to be about freedom of choice. And progressivism is certainly about having options and doing what's right for you. Just as I don't appreciate when people think they have the right to tell me whether I can get married, I don't have the right or inclination to comment negatively about theirs. Some people have no tact.

The stuff people say... this thread gets me all riled up.

 

[Tuckins1]

The most annoying thing that happened when I was planning was the issue with my bridesmaid dresses. I wanted a soft pink, because it was an outdoors summer wedding and I thought it would look nice with the waterfront setting. My girls all complained that "I don''t like to wear pink..." Which I think is rude because it''s MY wedding, and I really was not picky or insistent about ANYTHING. My Grandma tells me "They have to wear the dresses, they should be able to wear whatever color they want. You should pick a color that makes them happy."
What!?!

I was not a picky bride in the slightest, but this really pissed me off... I was tempted to make them wear poop green dresses just to be spiteful! (Oh, bty- WE payed for the dresses because most of them were minors with no job.)

 

[SparklyLibra]

My all time favorite so far:


"WHAT? Why so soon? Are you pregnant? How do you expect to pull a wedding off in two and a half months? This I gotta see!"

My answer:

"Well for starters, Because we''re in love and just wanna be husband and wife. Second, WHY do I have to be pregnant to want to be married to the love of my life sooner than YOU would want me to? Third, a wedding is real easy to pull off in a short space of time when we know what WE want, and when we''re not spending ALL of our money and all of our time trying to plan the wedding that EVERYONE ELSE wants us to have. By the way, don''t be so worried about SEEING how we pull this off cuz yo'' stank azz ain''t comin'' anyway"

(Makes things a whole lot easier when a bunch a haters like YOU won''t be taking up valuable space on our guest-list)

~SL.

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/2/2009 4:10:26 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
This is more hated than annoying, but...

The day The Lawsuit was filed, and I was having a good cry and panic over it.

An acquaintance: What''s wrong?

Me: They''re trying to force the state of California to dissolve our marriage.

Her: Oh... well, aren''t you too young to be married anyways? It could be a good thing; just think, if it doesn''t work out now you won''t have to bother getting a divorce.

Me: .....

Not the right thing to say. At all.

Wishful. This is horrible. I''m so sorry you have to deal with people this ignorant.

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/3/2009 9:58:14 AM
Author: SparklyLibra
My all time favorite so far:


''WHAT? Why so soon? Are you pregnant? How do you expect to pull a wedding off in two and a half months? This I gotta see!''

My answer:

''Well for starters, Because we''re in love and just wanna be husband and wife. Second, WHY do I have to be pregnant to want to be married to the love of my life sooner than YOU would want me to? Third, a wedding is real easy to pull off in a short space of time when we know what WE want, and when we''re not spending ALL of our money and all of our time trying to plan the wedding that EVERYONE ELSE wants us to have. By the way, don''t be so worried about SEEING how we pull this off cuz yo'' stank azz ain''t comin'' anyway''

(Makes things a whole lot easier when a bunch a haters like YOU won''t be taking up valuable space on our guest-list)

~SL.

Really? Do people realize that there is sound coming out when thier lips are moving??

And Freke: I still can''t believe the things you are having to deal with. I can''t believe they are still trying to invite themselves. I would reccomend that you just stop talking to them about the wedding. Or try to change the subject immediately. I''m sorry girl.

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 1/2/2009 9:44:56 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Since we had no budget, people (some people) kept saying ''all this money for a party''...

That''s pretty NERVY! That comes WAY too close to telling other people how they should spend their money, IMHO.

OMG, Italia, what did you even say? I probably would have smiled a particularly cryptic smile and said "Well...I guess we all have our priorities, don''t we?" and then left them wondering if I''d just said something insulting or not....

But, really now, those people intimating that they have any right to tell you how/on what to spend your money? Nervy, dude. Nervy, nervy, nervy!

 

[HappyAnniversary]

My employer will never again ask a client "how is marriage life treating your daughter?" Because the client answered, "well, the groom really didn''t like "it" that much at first, but that''s ok because they''ve worked it out and now their record for making love is five times in one day." So how do you answer that? Yea, you go girl??? there was a lot of awkward silence, I just turned away and found an urgent need to start writing something down and the Boss just kinda sputtered some nonsense words like I''m glad everything is working out. After she left we just looked at each other aghast.