How do I get over this??

[FireGoddess]

Surfgirl's story brought up a question for me...

In NJ they have a phone number (not 911) posted on the highways to report aggressive driving. Do other states have such a number?

 

[Ellen]

FG, I''ve not seen one around here....

 

[risingsun]

Date: 10/15/2007 7:30:12 PM
Author: Ellen
pearcrazy, wow, scary! That''s basically why I don''t do much of anything anymore, except get mad.

If anything ever happens again, and they follow you, just drive straight to the police station.

surfgirl, dang. More scary stuff. I hope they got him...


rising, I am SO sorry to hear your story.

Please, keep working on it, you simply MUST enjoy that lil hot rod!

Thanks, Ellen. I''m working on it. I have times when I think I''m conquering my anxieties and then it''s all back again. PTSD--the gift that keeps giving

 

[Haven]

FG--Illinois has *999 to report road emergencies. I used it a few months ago when I was being harrassed by a man in a giant pickup truck (and me in my teeny Civic) who was following me through a suburb with which I''m not very familiar. It was terrifying. I ended up shaking and crying hysterically by the time I arrived at grad school. We were in a lot of traffic and I''m a really calm driver so it had nothing to do with the way we were driving--there really wasn''t anywhere to go. I think he was just a nasty misogynist who saw a young lady and felt like terrifying someone. He was stopped in the lane next to me at a red light and just started screaming profanities at me out his window. My windows were rolled up but my sunroof was open so I heard every word. He was saying things like "You think you''re hot sh*t with your (n-word) lips and your Paris Hilton sunglasses, you *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*. I hadn''t even looked at him before he started yelling, and I only glanced for a moment after to see what all the noise was about. It was literally a completely unprovoked attack, and I''m a still bit scared to drive through that town now.

The kicker: He had two doggies in the back of the truck, and I am a huge animal lover so I was all excited to have caught up to his car at that red light. AND, he had a lady in the truck next to him who was sitting there laughing. It was horrible.

Marian--I''m so sorry to hear about your experiences. I''m also sad to say that I''m not surprised, people can be awful.

Do you all remember the story from several years ago about the woman who accidentally tapped the bumper of the car in front of her at a red light? The man in the first car got out and came up to her window and started screaming at her, at which point her little dog jumped into her lap and started barking. He reached through her open car window, pulled out her dog, and threw him into the oncoming traffic. The poor little furbaby was killed, and the maniac got three years in prison for it.

Ugh, I can''t even think about this anymore, it''s making me feel sick.

Please, everyone, drive safely, and calmly, and keep yourselves safe out there.

 

[Ellen]

Haven, how awful.

Honestly, people are nuts.

How'd you find out about *999, as I'm in IL too, but have never heard of it. (And thanks for posting it!!)

 

[rainydaze]

my husband claps at inconsiderate drivers as they pass.

i wash my rear window when someone is tailgating.... good a time as any!

once my husband threw a banana peel at a driver who cut him off and was being a jerk at a merge.... it was summer so their windows were open and it landed in his lap.

i go back and forth between letting stuff go (and letting ''em pass when they''re too close) to clapping for them or tapping my breaks and slowing down. it''s true, people are too unpredictable nowadays and its dangerous, but sometimes the rudeness is too much to bear.....

 

[FireGoddess]

Good grief Haven, what a horrible incident to live through. I can only hope that jerk got some karmic payback.

Great to hear about the # in IL. Hope to hear that more states have them?! Please post if you know!!

ETA: Here's info for DC, MD, and VA. link

 

[vespergirl]

Ugh, I every time I get on the road I find myself becoming more of a misanthrope.

It''s funny that you posted this, because I had a moment myself today.

I''m driving my son home from his playgroup, in our upper-middle class area where you pay and arm & a leg in taxes to live in a pretty environment with lots of nature and parks, yet relatively near the city. In the car directly in front of me, a car load of "young women" a couple of years younger than me were throwing their fast food garbage and cups out their windows. I was totally shocked. I''ve lived in cities my whole life, but I haven''t seen people so brazenly litter since, like, 1978!

So, since they were stopped at a light, I pulled up beside them (their windows were open so they could "dispose of their garbage") and politely said, "Excuse me, please don''t litter in the neighborhood." As soon as they heard me, they told me to go f--- myself. I just shook my head and drove away, not wanting to dignify their "witty response" with an answer.

I would have given anything to have had a cop there to slap them with the hefty $300 litter fine that we have in our town.

It just makes me so angry that I spend probably 20 min. a day recycling every little thing in our home that I can keep out of the trash, and turning off lights after my husband, and there are ignorant mules out there like them who just want to treat the neighborhood parkland like a landfill!

 

[Harleigh]

I''m just catching this thread, Ellen, but I have to agree, people nowadays just do not have many manners at all. In fact, I have found that the people here on PS are so much kinder and more considerate than the people I encounter in real-life, it''s no wonder I''d rather spend my time on here with all of you.

(Can I remind you all again how great you all are???)

Unfortunately, I feel like I am one of those people who is a complete pushover in uncomfortable situations...the one who never wants to make a scene, smooths ruffled feathers, etc... Granted, I can be outspoken and completely stand up for myself at work or with my FI, as well as in defense of someone else that can''t or is unable to stand up for themselves, but I hate, truly hate confrontations, and in today''s world, there are simply too many crazy people out there and I''m just not willing to find out just how crazy they might turn out to be if provoked. It''s such a sad, crazy world we live in, and sometimes it''s just not worth getting into something with an unknown/unbalanced person...you never know what they might do...so very sad.

Over the past several years, I have noticed a huge increase in the lack of manners in the kids at my school...it seems to get worse every year. To do my part, or so I like to think

, I say "thank you" every time a child hands me their paper, raises their hand or does something to help the class, etc... I also insist that THEY say "thank you" if I pass something out to them (which I do several times a day!) and I insist that I always say "you''re welcome" to every student in return, which is 20 "you''re welcomes" every single time, and it has really paid off. This is the 11th week of school, but I do not have one child who was not saying please, thank you, and you''re welcome every time it was appropriate by the 3rd week of school.

(I''m such a slave driver!)

Every year, the teachers who get my kids comment on how polite the students from my class always are. Their parents are also amazed that they are now saying it at home, too, because it is now something they just "do" without even thinking about it. I know this is just a little thing towards good manners, but it''s my hope that they''ll take those three little sayings, along with "I''m sorry" (and actually mean it!) and hopefully be better for it years down the road.

A funny example, I had a student teacherfor the first time earlier this year...a seemingly kind young man who had no control over one of the best classes I have ever had in my 11 years of teaching. While observing his teaching techniques, I became aware that he never once said "please" or "thank you" to my kids, but he still wondered why they didn''t respect him. You can probably imagine that it drove me crazy to not hear him say those words my students had been hearing for the past 8 months...I was afraid he was going to ruin all of my efforts! Finally, I sat him down and asked him why he thought they didn''t show him the same respect they showed me...he had NO idea!

I then pointed out that he showed THEM no respect and it seemed like he just expected it because he was standing up in front of the room and the kids were told by me to listen to him. (And please don''t think that I condoned my student''s behaviors, but I wanted him to see the difference in the kids after watching me teach for 4 weeks.) As soon as he realized he wasn''t doing these things, he changed his behavior (manners) right away. Within a week of changing how he responded and spoke to the kids, he had my class eating out of the palm of his hand... He couldn''t believe what a few "thank you''s" and "you''re welcome''s" could do for him! It was one of my proudest moments of being a Master Teacher!!!

Okay, I''ll climb down from my soapbox now...sorry for going on and on, but the lack of manners in society today just burns me up!!!

 

[rainydaze]

harleigh, THANK YOU for being such a wonderful teacher! my closest friend is a teacher as well, and absolutely great at what she does, and you guys do not get nearly enough credit. this issue of manners has me close to tears on many occasions, it is such a shame to me that people have lost touch with common courtesy and kindness. i have taught my kids to say please and thank you, to be considerate of those around them, and they responded very young to this. in fact, i was surprised at how easy it really was to teach them proper manners (they both knew how to use thank you at 15 months). it is true, it makes a world of difference in how people respond to you and in how you make others around you feel. sadly, i think too many have lost touch with this basic concept.

kudos to you for instilling manners in your students, and i hope their parents build on that and these kids carry it with them throughtout their lives.

and i saw throught gypsy''s thread that you are not feeling well - i hope that changes quickly!! rest up!!

 

[Ellen]

vesper, hopefully they grow up....

Harliegh, good for you!

Manners are so important, yet so neglected anymore. How can parents possibly think kids will use them when they aren''t taught them, or shown by example?? As soon as my wee ones could talk, they were learning them.

Speaking of rude, you can see some fine examples at the grocery store. Just yesterday, I''m standing in front of the lunchmeats, but backed up, so I''m not in anyone elses way. A mother with one of those CAR (read huge) shopping carts, with kids in it, pulls up SMACK DAB in front of where I''m standing, right against the display case. I can''t get to the beef balogna now.

I just looked at her like, are you just gonna stay there? She was. She KNEW I was standing there, but she didn''t give me a second glance. Unreal. I finally had to go to the front of the "car" and lean wayyyyyyy over to the right to grab the package. She couldn''t have cared less.

It. Was. Just. So. Rude.

 

[Harleigh]

Thanks rainydaze and ellen! I stayed home from work today, so managed a decent night''s sleep. Hopefully I am on the way to kicking this thing in the butt! (Just wish I felt better already!)

As for the kids, with some it works and some it doesn''t. I have seen kids of mine outside of school and for one reason or other there is (in my mind, of course!) a need to say please or thank you to their parent, sibling, etc..., and they didn''t say it. I often say, "And what do you say?" and prompt the child, much to the dismay of the parent.

Unfortunately, I have had parents of my students tell me it''s not my place to teach their child manners, nor should I being saying please when I ask a child to do something (meaning that their child should just do what I say!) Anyhow, I see both ends of the spectrum, but some of these people really make me wonder what''s gone wrong with our society...it seems they are of the "gimme" era where they apparently were handed everything on a silver platter. So sad...

 

[rainydaze]

Date: 10/17/2007 3:32:13 PM
Author: Harleigh
Thanks rainydaze and ellen! I stayed home from work today, so managed a decent night''s sleep. Hopefully I am on the way to kicking this thing in the butt! (Just wish I felt better already!)

As for the kids, with some it works and some it doesn''t. I have seen kids of mine outside of school and for one reason or other there is (in my mind, of course!) a need to say please or thank you to their parent, sibling, etc..., and they didn''t say it. I often say, ''And what do you say?'' and prompt the child, much to the dismay of the parent.

Unfortunately, I have had parents of my students tell me it''s not my place to teach their child manners, nor should I being saying please when I ask a child to do something (meaning that their child should just do what I say!) Anyhow, I see both ends of the spectrum, but some of these people really make me wonder what''s gone wrong with our society...it seems they are of the ''gimme'' era where they apparently were handed everything on a silver platter. So sad...

wow, and here i thought good teachers help reinforce good parenting, and help fill in the blanks since parents can''t cover it ALL. me personally, i''ll take all the positive help i can get!

there are far worse things a teacher can be doing to our kids than TEACHING THEM MANNERS!!

and you nailed it on the head..... our society has become one of entitlement. it is very unsettling and does not bode well for the future.

my teacher friend and i were just discussing the ''please'' issue. she attended a teachers seminar which taught the idea that teachers should NOT say please to students as it indicates they have a choice, and they don''t. that doesn''t feel natural to either of us. besides, my tone indicates it''s not a choice, but that''s no reason i can''t still be polite about it! i think in her experience, and in mine, and now hearing yours, kids respond positively when shown respect. i don''t think kids lack of ''obedience'' stems from saying please to them, i think it stems from a lack of boundaries.

ack, don''t get me started. glad you got some rest harleigh!

 

[Harleigh]

I agree with everything you just said...ditto, ditto, ditto! And I am flabbergasted that a teaching seminar would TEACH teachers not to say please...no wonder so many people have such a "holier than thou" attitude! They sure didn''t teach me that when I went through my teaching program, but that would explain the expectations my student teacher had when he first arrived. Arghhhh!

Thanks for chiming in about this...it makes me feel better and know I''m doing the right thing...which I plan to continue doing as long as I am a teacher.

As for rest, I think I''m nearing naptime again soon...all this PS''ing has worn me out! (And shoot, I''ve been awake almost 3 whole hours!)

See you all after a little nappy-poo!