Hinting for an Upgrade to No Avail! Any advice?

[eac]

I'm in a different time zone, so it's early evening for me here. It's even a windy winter's night instead of summer!

$1200 in 6 weeks? WOW! You could give people like me eBay tutorials?

With your background and your strong creative drive, I am sure you will discover something satisfying for your new career. I worked for a jeweler at one point...and I've thought about going back to it, because I like jewelry so much. It had its downsides, but that's another story.

Anyhow, thanks for satisfying my curiosity! And good luck with all the life changes and the ring thing, and sharing your stories and wishes with your husband.

 

[diamondfan]

3shebabes, we seem to have some things in common! I have three kids and I am 41 too (but I have boys). We are just now starting to build another home, we built the one we are in and it is semi custom but we wanted something different so here we go again!

It is great about the 529. We did it years ago as well, so college is paid for, and we did the one where they can pick any school that participates, in any state. It is such a great idea. It sounds to me, honestly, like you really have planned well, and I think you deserve an upgrade for sure! You do NOT sound materialistic or shallow or like you have not thought this through, and I really hope you get it. Only you know your man, and know if subtle or more straight forward will be the best thing for you, but I support you 100% and hope it works out!

 

[diamondfan]

I also have insomnia and hate when hubby travels...I do get a bit spooked too!

 

[Allisonfaye]

I think you need to first realize that you deserve this. You are not extravagant, far from it. It really jumped out at me how guilty you seem to feel for even wanting it at all. I think that message will be sent to your husband loud and clear.

Secondly, I kind of agree with the poster who said it doesn''t really seem to be about sentimentality with your husband. It sounds to me like it is purely money driven. I think you should come out, point blank and tell him what you want. Give him some time to get used to it. Research what you want and take him to jewelry stores when you are out together. Show him your excitement and share with him your love of diamonds. I used to be shy about doing that with my husband but now, I do it all the time.

But unless you feel you deserve, he is going to have a million arguments (sounds like he already does) and he will shoot you down every time.

 

[Independent Gal]

I don''t have all that much to add, except that reading your posts, you sound like such a nice lady!

Actually, I do have one thing to add. I''m kind of like your hubby in terms of money. If I''ve got extra, my natural inclination is to throw it on the mortgage, or invest it. I''m hugely ''security'' oriented and hate the idea of ever having to worry about money. I used to be SO uptight about this, saving and saving and saving that my grammy, who''s very financially conservative too, once sat me down and said ''Sweety, it''s good to be cautious and make sure you have enough. But you''re in fine shape. So make sure you''re enjoying life too. Find a good balance.'' True, my early uptightness means I got to buy a home right out of grad school. Buuuuut.... Once you''re ''there''... you do have to find a balance.

So, I try to force myself to realize that, once I''ve got the emergency savings (I don''t have 6 months, but I do have 3ish!) in the savings account, the double principle mortgage payments, the retirement fund maxed out... what''s left is for FUN! That said, I try to find ''fun'' things that maximize my pleasure. I try not to fritter or waste money. I''m inclined to save it for things that give me continuing, long term pleasure: beautiful clothes I''ll take joy in wearing... DIAMONDS!... art... enriching travel.

It''s so easy to let worry about financial future eat you up. Yes, money is for basic security, for just in case, for meeting fundamental necessities (that part buys happiness). But what''s left over is for SPENDING! (That part buys pleasure!) And, stressing to your hubby that you''ll soon be contributing to the bottom line, making you guys even MORE secure, really might help. Live it up! Sparkle and shine! Sounds like you guys are doing A-OK.

BTW, not sure who mentioned it, but I LOVE the idea of a three stone, one for each daughter some time in the future. But maybe in a pendant? Since you love those big stones!

 

[Stone Hunter]

Sounds like you really do have your financial ducks in a row. And you came from a "jewelry giving family," very nice. You will want to keep some of those traditions with your daughters. How old is your oldest? Is it time to start talking about a nice piece of jewelry for her?

I think you''re already moving in the right direction.

1st ditch your guilt and stop second guessing what you want. Like another PSer said your husband might be picking up on that.

2nd start talking about WHEN you get your anniversary ring and what you would like it to be like.

3rd talk about the jewelry your family gave you and how it marks special occassions. Start talking about doing that with your daughters. Plant the seed that jewelry is an important and LASTING gift.

Side note: Sorry about your friend''s husband being willing to spend on what he wants and pretend that she doesn''t want what she does. That does make him seem like a loser. So I agree with Working Hard, she needs to put that CZ ring back on. Sad that she mentioned not really feeling married without it. Does she have a wedding band?

 

[phoenixgirl]

3shebabes,

I''ve really enjoyed reading your posts because I can tell that you really love your husband and that any issues regarding an upgrade, er anniversary ring, are quite practical. It''s not that he''s a tightwad or that you''re a gold digger, just that you desire something unusually expensive for your spending habits. I certainly feel sorry for your friend. If her husband didn''t get the hint after she started wearing a CZ set, then I wonder how much of that is him consciously keeping her down. How can he say, "Oh, she''s not into jewelry" and then see her wearing a fake set? Sad!

I haven''t been married as long as you, but I did encounter difficulties when I wanted to get a diamond wedding band (something less than $1k) to wear instead of a plain gold band. I would have wanted one when we got married, but it didn''t seem practical at the time (DH was making no money at the time). Our one year anniversary came and went. I thought I''d dropped enough hints, and it went from hinting to arguing about it. DH did feel sentimental about my wedding band and thought that an "anniversary ring" had to be for a big anniversary, not the first one.

Our second year of marriage was a real learning process for us, and I even think we learned a lot from the diamond band fiasco. The climax was when we travelled to Paris, where we''d gotten engaged, and I convinced myself that he was waiting to present me with my diamond band. The last day, when I realized no ring was imminent, I couldn''t hide my disappointment. Again, there was more crying and arguing. It wasn''t as though I''d been subtle at all -- we had had direct conversations/arguments about it -- but my husband also likes to feel that he is surprising me, so I had never said, "You are buying me a diamond band to give me in Paris, right?"

It wasn''t until after we''d bought the band that he really "got" it. We were having a nice dinner out, and I explained how much joy I got from reading about diamonds, and how I enjoyed the process of looking for diamonds, and how finding the perfect diamond to set in a pendant or earrings was just as much fun as wearing them. My husband has a lot of hobbies, so he got this. Oh, it''s not about a status symbol or about not being attached to the ring he gave me during our wedding ceremony . . . it''s about something that I enjoy.

This was a year ago, and since then I''ve gotten diamond stud earrings and a diamond pendant. There is no longer any arguing about whether or not you deserve a diamond pendant for your 27th birthday or a diamond band for your first anniversary present (not that he didn''t think I "deserved" these things -- he thought people would think it was strange that it wasn''t for a 30th birthday or 5th anniversary, some magic round number). I think our diamond dilemma helped us realize that happy spouses make happy homes, and that while we need to be responsible and not spend indiscriminately, we shouldn''t hold each other back from things that make us happy.

And it wasn''t just that he needed to learn this lesson. I didn''t really get it either. His hobby is cycling (although he got out of it for years and was smoking, although he''s thankfully quit now). I can tell when he asks me if he can join a team or buy a new bike that he really expects me to reject anything that involves spending money or him not spending every second of his free time with me. But why wouldn''t I want him to do something that he enjoys and that makes him healthier? I did tell him that he needs to ride his bike one day a week for every bike he owns.

I''m not sure we''re quite there because there''s the road bike, the mountain bike, the single-speed mountain bike, and a Frankenstein bike that has begun magically piecing itself together out of boxes that arrive in the mail.

If I were in your shoes, I''d probably say, "I really want to get an anniversary ring and band for our tenth anniversary. It would make me really happy, and I don''t want to put us in a tight spot financially, but if we can afford it, it would make me really happy. Is there any way we can swing that?"

I do feel sympathy for your husband -- it''s not easy to grow up without financial security, and I know very, very rich people who really are tightwads for that reason. I know a man who hires a driver and a plane whenever he needs to travel, who lives in a penthouse apartment costing 5 times my mortgage payment each month, but who wouldn''t let his wife buy a poncho when we were caught suddenly in a rainstorm. He just didn''t feel that a poncho was worth that much money.

I also have a very wealthy relative whose wife just passed away from a long illness. He is putting a near stranger through college because his wife met the young man and took to him. When she first asked if they could do it, he said, "But how do we know he is a deserving person? How do we know he''ll make good use of it?" She simply said, "I lie in this bed day after day, and this is something that will make me happy. I would be spending more than his tuition shopping and traveling if I weren''t in this bed." Her husband couldn''t argue with that.

So perhaps you could simply point out to your husband that if you spent a lot on clothes, if you wanted to travel a lot, if you wanted that luxury SUV, you would have spent as much as the ring/s will cost. I think it''s very important that your husband realize that you don''t need to justify why you like diamonds. You simply need to express that it would make you happy and that you feel you have been frugal in most other regards. We don''t need to understand why the other person wants to make the purchase, just that it is worth it to them.

Now what if your husband just isn''t comfortable buying a 2 carat diamond? Would you look for a 1.75? Would you look into a right hand ring or earrings? Yes, he''s making 6-7 times what he made when you got engaged, but he also wasn''t supporting a wife and three children. I''m sure your mortgage is much more than it was back then, if you even had one. So I wouldn''t use that as a formula for determining how much you can spend.

And I don''t think you were. I''m just trying to consider your husband''s point of view as well. He may be so anxious to give his children the security he didn''t have growing up that he never can quite pause and enjoy it. So you may have to really make an issue out of this for him to get it. But that doesn''t mean it''s not worth it, or that you can''t afford it, or that he doesn''t want to make you happy. It sounds like you really want it, so I''d at least go for it. If it comes out that you really do need to focus on other financial concerns right now and can''t get it for the tenth anniversary, you can at least make plans to do so at a later time and start saving for it.

 

[chiefneil]

It definitely sounds like you have your financial ducks in a row. I was also the reluctant husband for a while, but we were both on the same page of spending wisely. But once we were properly squared away financially, I was happy to buy an upgrade ring - took 15 years, though! You can see it here
Upgrade ring

But again as a guy I would caution against pushing too hard. Don''t say "I really want it", but say "It would make me really happy". The difference is you want to give your husband the opportunity to make you happy and be a hero, vs. demanding something he sees little value in. He (hopefully) sees value in your happiness, but probably not so much in diamonds, so be sure to play to his better instincts (and yours). You might also try on the size you want every time you''re together at the mall. Eventually he''ll buy you the ring just to escape the torture!

 

[cutey TT]

I wanted to chime in my $0.02 because I feel I can sort of relate. The desire for an upgrade or anniversary ring can become somewhat of an obsession. And while there are men out there who "get" the whole diamond thing, there are many who don''t. My husband knows that I love diamonds, and although he doesn''t really understand what the appeal is, he has accepted that they make me happy.

At first, I think DH was really reluctant about accepting the whole "upgrade" idea. We are also a very fiscally conservative and responsible family. Much like yourself, we make it a priority to invest in our children''s futures, our own retirement, and have no outstanding debt (including our house). We are currently on track to pay off our house this year, and we buy all our cars cash.

DH is a numbers guy. He still thinks it''s pretty ridiculous when he thinks about how much my upgrade is going to cost, but he also recognizes that you can''t always judge things by their $ value. For example, he knows that I take good care of him, I take good care of the kids ("they''re happy, healthy and clean"), I manage our household finances and spend responsibly, I cook most of the time because he enjoys home-cooked meals, I am kind to his parents and siblings...and best of all, I don''t mind that he golfs at least once a week (and sometimes as often as two to three times a week). To him, having those 4-5 hours with his buddies on the course is *priceless.* Sure, a lifetime of green fees may never amount to the price of my upgrade, but golf is his obsession as much as diamonds are mine.

I think the most important step for you is somehow getting your husband to understand what an upgrade / anniversary ring would mean to you. And he has to be 100% bought into the idea, because if he is even 1% remorseful, then it will taint the whole experience and the resulting purchase. You definitely don''t want residual feelings of guilt or resentment afterwards. You''ll want it so that when either of you look at the new sparkly, it will make both of you happy.

So, the big question is HOW then, right? In my case, to be very honest, it wasn''t an overnight process. He knew I wanted something bigger...I let him know approximately how much it would cost...and then we put together a reasonable timeline (after the house is paid off). In the end, you have to make it as much his idea as it is yours...if that makes any sense. Anyway, no real words of wisdom, just wanted to share that I was in a similar place before. Good luck!

 

[partgypsy]

3shebabes

just wanted to add that it sounds like you and your husband have your priorities straight and are being very responsible. You sound like a really nice lady!

My husband (though not the breadwinner) is part scottish and similar that he didn''t understand the value of jewelry, except after a long process, understanding that it made me happy, and that is the value of it. Alot of people said that you should go out and make the money for the ring. To me as stay at home mother you contribute ALOT, even though a money figure is not attached to it. You maintain the household, take care of the children, do all the little things that allows your husband to be more devoted and successful in his work. Part of what the ring is, is recognition that you are valued and appreciated in this partnership. Fiscally tight husbands are hard because he also may not spend on himself, and may counter that before any discretionary spending is done, everything needs to be paid for, every college fully funded, etc etc. You can gently remind him that you do put aside your wants for your family (and have done so in the past) family does come first, but you just don''t want to always be last. Stress that it is something that will make you happy.
Money is important, but it''s not the most important thing.
Good luck

 

[Independent Gal]

I just had another idea. As you explain to him that it''s something that makes you really happy, how about also explaining why? The technical stuff about it! The ways in which it looks beautiful to you.... FI was totally not interested in diamonds and didn''t ''get it'' until I started teaching him about them. Once he got the technical aspects (angles, proportions, where they come from, fluoro, all the cool things they do under different kinds of light and why / how) he started to really get into it. Now he not only stares at my diamond as much as I do, even uses my loupe to find my feather! (his nickname for me is the name of a bird, so we both love the feather!), he also checks out other peoples'' bling all the time!

It''s the same as with good wine, good art, good scotch... sometimes you need someone to show you how to look (or taste) and then you find the pleasure in it.

And even if he doesn''t ''acquire the taste'', he''ll have a better understanding that to you it''s something beautiful and lasting, wonderful craftsmanship, nature in one of its glories, etc. and get that it''s not just... a status symbol or whatever, but rather a source of lasting, real pleasure.

 

[angeline]

3shebabes,

About almost 2 years ago I started on the 'upgrade' path. It's our 10th this year. (Anniversary, not upgrade!). My husband was very not into it at all. He even questioned the notion of an eternity ring and thought I was making it up so I looked it up on the internet and showed him.

I didn't call it upgrade either. He was very puzzled about how you could upgrade an e-ring. So it all started with me wanting an an eternity ring for our 10th. Then he generously told me I could have the quarter's bonus whatever it was to get myself something. Now it came in at about double what he was expecting so he then proposed that we split it. I agreed then after a while I started getting mad and explained that I thought he was going back on his word. I said I would be happy to offer to split it but I didn't want him to tell me I could only have 50% of what he had promised me.

Anyway long story short, some time after that I instituted the idea of a fun money allowance every week for each of us - something that we could spend without having to consult the other on. It's set at about $100 per week. Then I said I wanted money for each of the major events each year, like birthday, mothers day, anni, Xmas etc instead of me just going out and buying something I don't really need which is what we were doing. I guess I started this idea because like you I'm stay-at-home mom and I was a bit sick of feeling like I had to clear purchases with him because technically he earned the money. And without a job there's no way I can earn money to buy myself the frivoulous things I like, like diamonds for example

. Also I moved here to the US with him from Australia straight after finishing my Computer Science degree beacuse he really wanted a job here. Unfortunately the US doesn't give the spouse a visa to work as well, so I actually couldn't go out and get work, and have never used my college education which is a bit of a sore point with me.

So again trying to cut this short, I got the bonus money, and I've drawn against my jewelry allowance for the rest of this year and next year to get my dream diamond! We do have good savings, no debt etc and the money in the bank extra to cover it. DH actually suggested it.

So I think it was a process of education, and showing him how much I loved diamonds and how beautiful they were to me. He sees how happy they make me. Lately he has been getting into watches so it helps to make parallels with his watch obsession.

I really hope that you can work this out together. Poor dh asked if once I got the diamond that would be the end of it, and I told him 'This isn't going away honey, better get used to it!' You are allowed to want things too, even if your dh can't see the value in it. And it sounds like you're not wanting them in a way that will put your financial security in danger.

So I say - 'Good luck!' It can take time, chip away at it. By the way I got engaged with .3ct and I still wear it. I'm hoping for a 2ct finally too (if I can ever sort out my color/clarity requirements!)

a

 

[Mara]

upgrading is a mentality...some people get it and others don't. i think it's hard to change someone's mentality who doesn't get it and thinks it's frivolous but it can be done. i say this because my hubby didn't understand upgrading really, but now he does and he actually supports it. he even supports it more than me sometimes, our last conversation recently was about how i don't know if i'd want to upgrade again because it seems like the incremental gain in diamond size does not equal out with how much extra $$ it would be...but he was saying that he'd be in support if we were more than able to swing it and it really made me happy.

but yeah my first upgrade...it was tough to get hubby (then fiance) to agree to it. i could tell he was trying not to take things personally as well which helped, and he knows how i am about science vs emotion kind of thing and how fascinated i was by the whole science of the diamond, which is mostly how i view my diamond (though it does have emotion attached)..i think eventually he just realized that i don't view the ring and diamond as some sort of connection to us and our relationship...and that helped big time. aka diamond may change but my feelings don't.

i also think that he has the mentality of you should do things that make you happy as long as they are not detrimental to other financial goals or similar. like i don't need to know why he wants another trombone...if it makes him happy and he will use it then i think that is good enough...and vice versa...he doesn't really need to know WHY i want a bigger diamond, if it makes me happy and we could afford it. neither of us really scrutinizes the other too much i guess. plus he has seen how happy my diamonds make me when i am playing around with them or cleaning them and he likes that. just how i like when his hobbies bring him joy.

anyhow, in the past i have had success with just kind of laying the hints here and there, showing him what the cost would be and how that affects us, and then talking about it like it will eventually happen and how happy it will make me, it may sound weird, but in his mind it seems to eventually kind of 'gel' and then suddenly he's the one asking when it's going to happen. i know he likes to make me happy and he even admits he spoils me...which is so sweet. i like to think i spoil him too actually. also wine and chocolates in the jacuzzi tub helps!! hehehee. good luck...i would say slow and steady with trying to show him how you feel and he may eventually come around. 10 years is a long time! hee.

 

[3shebabes]

Thanks again everyone for all the fun and funny responses and for all thegood things to consider and personal experience info -- I love reading it! Thanks especially to everyone who commented that I seem like a nice person. I like to think I am and I try to be a good person but every once in a while, when I think about this very issue, I wonder how I could possibly feel right wearing such an extravagant rock when people all over the world worry every day about survival and suffer in so many horrible ways. I think like that one day but the next day the other part of my brain takes over and I feel swept in again by the beauty and glamour of a beautiful ring!

Diamondfan -- thanks for your response! I have read your posts many, many times on other threads . Wow -- 3 boys! Our lives are actually probably quite similar , though I have 3 girls, -- crazy, busy,etc...though I''d bet your house isn''t strewn with plastic wands, sequined tiaras and feather boas half the time like mine is. So you "survived" building one house and are actually doing it again? From everything I was told about the building experience when we were on the verge of committing to it, I''m amazed. Though I know it must be agonizingly slow to go through and endlessly frustrating--it must be so incredible to see your vision come together --and to live in it!

Stonehunter -- my friend whose hubby never gave her a ring after 15 years and 4 kids ---actually did have a slim yellow gold band at one point - but with each pregnancy she retained a bit of weight and the ring no longer fit ... and she had grown to like white metal better and she never had it sized up -- then ended up buying her fake set which her husband felt cheesy about her wearing. The other odd detail which I didn''t share before was that several years ago he started going on & on about wanting a titanium wedding band for himself. He liked the idea of their strength, etc..that appealed to his male sensibilities I suppose. I just found it odd, as did she, that he''d think that was a reasonable "want" when she never had anything resembling a ring she wanted.

Phoenixgirl -- you made a lot of good points. Thanks!

ChiefNeil -- your comment about dragging my hubby around to every jewelry store forcing him to watch me try on the sizes and shapes I like until he gives in to relieve the torture made me giggle out loud. Interestingly though -- your wife''s ring is one of the upgraded ring pictures I had been mesmerized by while lurking around pricescope. It is astoundingly gorgeous...and so unique looking to me. It looks so white and sparkly. Right up my alley. I''ve seen handshots of your wife wearing it and her hands are long and pretty. My hands match my body: I''m 5"2", kinda petite with a small hand and short little stubby fingers. So not only do I covet her ring -- I also covet her hands!

CuteyTT - Wish our house was about o be paid off! What a great feeling that must be. We enjoy using the online calculators that show how much sooner your mortgage will be paid off when you make extra mortgage payments -- but we''re a long way from that!

part gypsy - Thank you for acknowledging my unpaid but valuable "contribution" to the bottom line by running the home and taking care of my kids! It is the hardest work I''ve ever done - but I was a full-time working Mom for a brief time after #1 arrived and I know how hard the working Mom "juggle" is and I respect them for being able to handle it.

Independent Gal -- Your idea about educating hubby about the fascinating technical aspects of diamonds is awesome and I may give that a whirl in the near future -- see last paragraph!

Angeline - you said you are also hoping for a 2 carat. What shape? What colors/clarities do you like? I''m just curious -- I think I have figured out my target rock. I love very white colors and I see color so easily, plus I have had an E for so long that I am accustomed to that whiteness. So I think I''d be zeroing in on E, F or maybe G. Clarity, though, eludes me more unless it is obviously badly included. So I could probably zero in on SI1. We''ll see. My shape choice is harder. I love ovals, still love pears but it is hard to find nice ones and I like rounds. I love several other shapes but don''t like some of them on my hands.

I do actually have an "update" on my quest to "upgrade"! Today, quite by accident, while my husband and I were reading the paper, something I read in an article about nosejobs started me on my usual nose-bashing tirade. I have a largish nose and used to want a nosejob when I was a teenager and I started in on my schtick about never having had my honker fixed, etc. which I''m not serious about when I talk about it. My nose isn''t horrendously witchy but it is prominent -- sort of in the Sarah Jessica Parker realm...but I''d never fix it. It''s not a priority for me and even if nosejobs were free, I''d fear the pain and the possibility of a really bad result! (Think Jennifer Grey of "Dirty Dancing" fame -- she ended up unrecognizable!) Anyway, my hubby laughed and said "Honey, you want a nosejob and a tummy tuck? (I joke about those too sometimes..while lamenting my after-3-babies-less-than-taut-tummy) I don''t think you need it at all, but if that''s what you really want, you can have it if it would mean that much to you.." And before I could ease into it or plan my response I heard myself say, "I don''t seriously want plastic surgery, but I really would like to think about a new diamond and setting for our 10th anniversary next year..." Ouch. I was not exactly subtle. It just came blurting out. He set it up for me so perfectly, I couldn''t stop myself. Silence ensued broken only by the distant chirping of crickets (haha) == But then we chatted briefly about it: he asked if I knew what I wanted or if I knew what it would cost (which I claimed I wasn''t sure yet, because even though I have an idea, I want to do more research..) - To which he added " I know you know we can afford it if we really want to - so I''m not gonna act like you''re stupid and say we can''t. To me, it''s just a matter of whether it makes sense at all and in some ways it wouldn''t make the best sense, but we have a year before our 10th to look around and research it and think about it and I am willing to do that with you. It''s not that I wouldn''t love for you to have anything you wanted, but we need to think about it and figure out if we really want to do it." Then I asked him if he''d be willing to take a trip to a place about 3 hours from here where they have a very impressive selection of stones and settings compared to what we have where we live and his response was to say "sure" - and he added that if it meant we left the kids with my Mom and made an overnight getaway out of it, then all the better. I guess I couldn''t expect him to say anything much more positive than that. I felt like he was being perfectly open to the idea this time around and it made me grin.

So, as I''ve said before in my posts, we may have our differences and our differences of opinion, but I do have a wonderful husband. I''m lucky like that!

 

[KimberlyH]

3she, I'm so glad you guys had a positive discussion about upgrading. I'm about as subtle as a ton of bricks so I didn't pipe in earlier. I started talking, very bluntly, about an upgrade not long after we got married. I felt guilty about it at first (and think I posted about it here because DH is quite sentimental about my ring) but I've now told him I'll be a good wife for 10 years and then go get a new stone with or without him. Not exactly a hint. Anyways, congratulations on steps in the right direction!!

 

[mrssalvo]

3shebabes, you remind me of me. I can never sneak around something with my hubby or be subtle, I just blurt out what I want too. I''m so glad though that he seems open to it and even suggesting the overnight trip with a jewelry store visit is great!! you might want to prep him a bit on prices before you go, just so he''s not completely shocked to find out how much diamonds really do cost these days. I don''t think you''ll have a problem at all getting him to agree especially since your giving him a year to think about it and mentally prepare for expense. What a special 10 year anniversary it''s going to be for you

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I''ll make one more suggestion. If you go to a jewelry store, then compare some stones from somewhere like Good Old Gold or WhiteFlash. I found I could get a much better quality stone for the same money online...no exceptions.

 

[diamondfan]

3shebabes, no, no tiaras or boas (though that was my favorite way to dress when I was in nursery school, much to my mom''s horror!). But I have electric guitars, drums, and more legos and toy cars than I care to think about. My youngest is obsessed with anything that moves basically. I am really excited for the new house to have the family room upstairs NOT be a kid''s toy space, since he will be 8 or so when we move, I hope to confine all that to the basement playroom (in our house now it is really for his older brother''s use), an upstairs play space or his room, which I will make much larger and have room for him to really play. Yes, sometimes I think we are nutty to go through it, but we fell in love with the land and it is so near our current home that nothing really changes. Our kids are in private school and go on a private bus so being 5 miles farther away is no issue, and my friends are all kind of in the same area anyway. It is all good and exciting...a long road, though.

I am very glad you made some headway and he was receptive. You are a large chunk of the way there if he agreed to go and look. Make it a fun overnight, nice dinner, walks, etc, and you will be amazed at how far you get! That always works with my hubby, and you have a year to make things work.

 

[3shebabes]

Thanks for all the nice replies. It really was a short but pleasant chat about it -- I don''t know if we''ll actually take the plunge in the future, but it''s fun knowing it''s okay to daydream a little...!

And by the way, DiamondSeeker --have no fear, I will never go with local retail when buying a diamond! In fact, when my hubby started talking about rings back 10 years ago, we looked locally in B & M stores just to try things on and get ideas...but based on internet research I did, we got my stone from Absolute Diamond Exchange, an internet dealer in Florida whose name a friend had given us. We had a good experience, had it appraised to make sure it matched the GIA cert that came with it - and received an appraisal from a well-known local appraiser that was about 35% higher than what we paid. But thanks for making sure that I knew this! If we go to the store I mentioned, it is only because their selection of settings is impressive --much better than our local stores have--and they do have lots of shapes/sizes of loose stones to look at in order to compare prices and decide which shape,size,color,clarity,etc. we like--but I seriously may consider Whiteflash for the stone as I have read so much about them that sounds good to me. Have you used them? If so, I''d love to hear about it...

Thanks, all..and good night!

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

don't give up on them completely. Some BandM have comparable deals, and it helps to keep their buisnesses alive. and congratulations, I have a feeling things are going to go very well for you in the next year

 

[partgypsy]

"I know you know we can afford it if we really want to - so I''m not gonna act like you''re stupid and say we can''t. To me, it''s just a matter of whether it makes sense at all and in some ways it wouldn''t make the best sense, but we have a year before our 10th to look around and research it and think about it and I am willing to do that with you."

LOL! That sounds encouraging! It is good that you guys can talk about money issues in a forthright way, that is half the battle!