giving up my asscher

[sparkleandshine]

Hi all,

I''ve used this website a ton for reference, but never posted. However, I just can''t seem to come to a decision about this...and you guys are the only ones who will understand. My boyfriend and I have been looking for a diamond for a while now, but I''m super, super picky. Finally, I found the asscher of my dreams...2.13/G/VS2 absolutely stunning from GOG. Then, the twist! Out of nowhere, my boyfriend''s dad''s girlfriend offered us her diamond from her ex-husband. (weird, i know) We had it unset and appraised. It''s a 1.3 G/SI2(but eyeclean) pear shape. It''s well cut, and while I would never have picked it myself (I''m an asscher girl), I know this is more about the marriage than the stone, so we''re going to start with this one. Although he has promised me an even bigger asscher for my 30th!! So, now that I''m over the shock and getting over my asscher, I have no idea how to set it. I''ve narrowed it down to a classic tiffany style with baguettes, or a Leon Mege with a one-sided pave band and plain shank. I''m not big on halos, but I''m worried that the baguettes won''t give me the sparkle I need. I also don''t know what kind of wedding band looks best with each. Sooooo confused and I need to make a decision stat. Any thoughts???

 

[Dee*Jay]

What about small pears on the sides? That will give more sparkle than the baguettes and it''s such a lovely look.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:12:57 PM
Author:sparkleandshine
Hi all,

I''ve used this website a ton for reference, but never posted. However, I just can''t seem to come to a decision about this...and you guys are the only ones who will understand. My boyfriend and I have been looking for a diamond for a while now, but I''m super, super picky. Finally, I found the asscher of my dreams...2.13/G/VS2 absolutely stunning from GOG. Then, the twist! Out of nowhere, my boyfriend''s dad''s girlfriend offered us her diamond from her ex-husband. (weird, i know) We had it unset and appraised. It''s a 1.3 G/SI2(but eyeclean) pear shape. It''s well cut, and while I would never have picked it myself (I''m an asscher girl), I know this is more about the marriage than the stone, so we''re going to start with this one. Although he has promised me an even bigger asscher for my 30th!! So, now that I''m over the shock and getting over my asscher, I have no idea how to set it. I''ve narrowed it down to a classic tiffany style with baguettes, or a Leon Mege with a one-sided pave band and plain shank. I''m not big on halos, but I''m worried that the baguettes won''t give me the sparkle I need. I also don''t know what kind of wedding band looks best with each. Sooooo confused and I need to make a decision stat. Any thoughts???

Hi sparkle,

My thought is, if your boyfriend was willing (so it seems) to buy you your dream stone, WHY would you settle for a stone you would never pick? I''m sorry, I just don''t understand.

 

[sparkleandshine]

That was my original thought, but I''ve found that I like a thinner band. Almost like a solitaire with a little oomph.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:20:47 PM
Author: Ellen
Hi sparkle,


My thought is, if your boyfriend was willing (so it seems) to buy you your dream stone, WHY would you settle for a stone you would never pick? I''m sorry, I just don''t understand.

I was wondering the same.

 

[sparkleandshine]

Ellen,

I''m so glad someone else understands. Every single family member and friend I have asked has told me that a diamond is a diamond and I''m silly to pay when I could get this one for free. I just feel like this is a representation of our relationship and as much as I love diamonds I don''t want to be selfish. He has told me that this is my decision, and he will support me either way. If it were a yucky diamond I would have said no way. But it actually is a really pretty stone.

 

[somethingshiny]

Here''s a pic of my original pear shaped diamond (much smaller than yours) with a baguette and round wrap. It''ll give you an idea of how the baguettes work with the pear. Also, I don''t understand how much "sparkle" you want. If your original thought was an asscher and you''re going to a pear, you''re going to have much more sparkle. Adding baguettes may give you the broad flash that an asscher usually carries.

Good Luck, and Welcome to Pricescope!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Is it possible to stick with the original stone (the asscher sounds amazing) and have the pear set into a beautiful pendant to wear on your wedding day? I think it''s very generous of your FFIL''s girlfriend to offer her stone, but I don''t think that it should necessarily replace the stone you had your heart on.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:25:11 PM
Author: sparkleandshine
Ellen,


I''m so glad someone else understands. Every single family member and friend I have asked has told me that a diamond is a diamond and I''m silly to pay when I could get this one for free. I just feel like this is a representation of our relationship and as much as I love diamonds I don''t want to be selfish. He has told me that this is my decision, and he will support me either way. If it were a yucky diamond I would have said no way. But it actually is a really pretty stone.

If your boyfriend was about to go into major debt to get your stone, then yes, maybe I could see wearing the pear until it was more financially comfortable to upgrade, assuming you are ok with upgrading.

However, if he''s essentially ready to buy the asscher and it''s the stone you really want and he doesn''t care either way...I don''t know, I think I''d turn the pear into a solitaire necklace or sell it to help cut the cost of the asscher or something. I''d be too afraid I''d get annoyed that we went with the hand-me-down diamond instead of the one I really wanted, and wouldn''t want to change it later because I''d want the exact ring he proposed with on my finger for life.

 

[sparkleandshine]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:28:41 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Is it possible to stick with the original stone (the asscher sounds amazing) and have the pear set into a beautiful pendant to wear on your wedding day? I think it''s very generous of your FFIL''s girlfriend to offer her stone, but I don''t think that it should necessarily replace the stone you had your heart on.

I am so relieved to hear all of you say that maybe I shouldn''t take the pear. None of my friends feel the way that I do about diamonds, so they just don''t get it. The asscher is perfect. It''s still on hold, I haven''t been able to bring myself to give it up completely yet.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:32:53 PM
Author: sparkleandshine
I am so relieved to hear all of you say that maybe I shouldn''t take the pear. None of my friends feel the way that I do about diamonds, so they just don''t get it. The asscher is perfect. It''s still on hold, I haven''t been able to bring myself to give it up completely yet.

That sounds like your gut is telling you to keep the asscher. I usually don''t regret it when I listen to my gut.

 

[sparkleandshine]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:32:34 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 12/10/2007 8:25:11 PM

Author: sparkleandshine

Ellen,



I''m so glad someone else understands. Every single family member and friend I have asked has told me that a diamond is a diamond and I''m silly to pay when I could get this one for free. I just feel like this is a representation of our relationship and as much as I love diamonds I don''t want to be selfish. He has told me that this is my decision, and he will support me either way. If it were a yucky diamond I would have said no way. But it actually is a really pretty stone.

If your boyfriend was about to go into major debt to get your stone, then yes, maybe I could see wearing the pear until it was more financially comfortable to upgrade, assuming you are ok with upgrading.


However, if he''s essentially ready to buy the asscher and it''s the stone you really want and he doesn''t care either way...I don''t know, I think I''d turn the pear into a solitaire necklace or sell it to help cut the cost of the asscher or something. I''d be too afraid I''d get annoyed that we went with the hand-me-down diamond instead of the one I really wanted, and wouldn''t want to change it later because I''d want the exact ring he proposed with on my finger for life.

We weren''t going into major debt for it, but he doesn''t really understand the difference between this diamond and the other. In his mind this diamond is just as pretty, and we can put the ring money into saving for a house. I feel the same way that you do about keeping the same diamond that he proposed with though.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:25:11 PM
Author: sparkleandshine
Ellen,

I''m so glad someone else understands. Every single family member and friend I have asked has told me that a diamond is a diamond and I''m silly to pay when I could get this one for free. I just feel like this is a representation of our relationship and as much as I love diamonds I don''t want to be selfish. He has told me that this is my decision, and he will support me either way. If it were a yucky diamond I would have said no way. But it actually is a really pretty stone.

Ok, first of all, STOP asking.

Listen, this is going to be your engagement ring. It''s special. And it should be exactly what you want. There is no other opinion (outside of boyfriends), that matters. This is not some RHR we''re talking about, where, yeah, we''ll have one of these, and one of those later.

No, this is THE ring. Get what you want. What you wanted to begin with.



There''s a poster whose sig you may have seen, it''s mrss''s. And it couldn''t spell it out more clearly.

A deal is only a deal if you are getting exactly what you want.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:25:11 PM
Author: sparkleandshine
Ellen,

I''m so glad someone else understands. Every single family member and friend I have asked has told me that a diamond is a diamond and I''m silly to pay when I could get this one for free. I just feel like this is a representation of our relationship and as much as I love diamonds I don''t want to be selfish. He has told me that this is my decision, and he will support me either way. If it were a yucky diamond I would have said no way. But it actually is a really pretty stone.

You know, I''d be *tempted* to take her up on it because you''d end up with two diamonds, BUT.... how is she going to feel when a few years from now, she''s given you her pear and now you have another diamond??? If I were her I''d want my pear back, ex hubby or no. It''s a generous offer, but I don''t personally think a diamond is a diamond, and I think you should get your own, unless her diamond were one you would have picked. Then I could see where you might say, "Gee, it''s the diamond of my dreams and I am SO happy!" But since that''s not the case I''d thank her profusely and explain that it just wouldn''t feel like your engagement diamond and that you and your FI have already selected something you got your heart set on. I would hope she would understand, and maybe she''ll be secretly relieved not to have to give hers up.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:32:34 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 12/10/2007 8:25:11 PM

Author: sparkleandshine

Ellen,



I'm so glad someone else understands. Every single family member and friend I have asked has told me that a diamond is a diamond and I'm silly to pay when I could get this one for free. I just feel like this is a representation of our relationship and as much as I love diamonds I don't want to be selfish. He has told me that this is my decision, and he will support me either way. If it were a yucky diamond I would have said no way. But it actually is a really pretty stone.

If your boyfriend was about to go into major debt to get your stone, then yes, maybe I could see wearing the pear until it was more financially comfortable to upgrade, assuming you are ok with upgrading.


However, if he's essentially ready to buy the asscher and it's the stone you really want and he doesn't care either way...I don't know, I think I'd turn the pear into a solitaire necklace or sell it to help cut the cost of the asscher or something. I'd be too afraid I'd get annoyed that we went with the hand-me-down diamond instead of the one I really wanted, and wouldn't want to change it later because I'd want the exact ring he proposed with on my finger for life.

I agree with Gwendolyn and NEL. If your fiance is using money that is not discretionary for the asscher you might want to use the pear in the interim. Otherwise, I'd get the asscher and either decline the pear with many thanks or if you are going to keep it have it set into a necklace. You can always upgrade the asscher for a bigger one for your 30th if you want a bigger stone then.

Or, evil thought: Since it is possible that nobody has a sentimental attachment to the pear you might be able to trade it in against an even bigger asscher possibly?

ETA: A diamond is a diamond is a diamond - usually - but not when it comes to engagements, somehow. It is not always about economics.

 

[gwendolyn]

I also have to say that I find it slightly odd that someone would just give up a diamond for free. Seems too good to be true. Why isn't it being sold or reset by the owner, or passed to a family member if it is being given away?

 

[DiamanteBlu]

OT: Does anybody else need to edit their posts 57 times to correct errors or is it just me?

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Did the appraiser give you the dimensions of the pear? It might help with deciding what side stones/size/shape would look better/proportionate with the stone you have.

cheers--Sharon

 

[sparkleandshine]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:42:25 PM
Author: gwendolyn
I also have to say that I find it slightly odd that someone would just give up a diamond for free. Seems too good to be true. Why isn''t it being sold, or reset, or passed to a family member if it is being given away?

That''s why I said it''s a strange story. Apparently money is no object for her family, and my FFIL has a 3.5 cushion that he is saving if he gets married again. Selling it might be an option, but I''ve heard that it''s hard to sell a diamond. I wouldn''t even know where to start.

 

[sparkleandshine]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:45:23 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:


Did the appraiser give you the dimensions of the pear? It might help with deciding what side stones/size/shape would look better/proportionate with the stone you have.


cheers--Sharon

I''m waiting on the certificate. It''s somewhere around 8.5 by 6.5. I''ll post the exact specs when the certificate comes.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:46:25 PM
Author: sparkleandshine
That's why I said it's a strange story. Apparently money is no object for her family, and my FFIL has a 3.5 cushion that he is saving if he gets married again. Selling it might be an option, but I've heard that it's hard to sell a diamond. I wouldn't even know where to start.

From where are you getting your asscher again? Might they do a trade-in, where you give them the pear and they knock $$$ off the price of the asscher?

ETA: If there's some possibility that someone's feelings would get hurt by you selling the pear (do you think they will say, "Oh that's an interesting ring--what happened to the diamond we gave you?" when they see the asscher?), then I would suggest you turn it into a pendant (I think pears make absolutely gorgeous pendants). If you think they won't care, then I'd totally sell it.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:42:57 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu
OT: Does anybody else need to edit their posts 57 times to correct errors or is it just me?

Nope, it''s not just you.

And amazingly, I can proof read it 500 times, but still won''t see the mistake until I''ve posted.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:46:25 PM
Author: sparkleandshine

Date: 12/10/2007 8:42:25 PM

Author: gwendolyn

I also have to say that I find it slightly odd that someone would just give up a diamond for free. Seems too good to be true. Why isn''t it being sold, or reset, or passed to a family member if it is being given away?

That''s why I said it''s a strange story. Apparently money is no object for her family, and my FFIL has a 3.5 cushion that he is saving if he gets married again. Selling it might be an option, but I''ve heard that it''s hard to sell a diamond. I wouldn''t even know where to start.

You don''t want to start. You will get a fraction of what it would cost to replace.
You might want to consider that once you negotiate a price for the stone you want you could bring up the fact that, oh, by the way, I have this stone I would like to apply to the price if it is sufficiently interesting. If their bottom line is not good enough, don''t trade the stone. [Kinda like buying a new car and having a trade in - great price on the trade in and crappy price on the new or vice versa.]

 

[gwendolyn]

I think what it would come down to for me is that I wouldn't want my engagement tinged with the memory that I gave up my dream ring for someone else's castoff. Maybe I'm too proud for my own good and not thinking rationally about it, but I wouldn't want that weird 'charity' stigma attached to my engagement ring. It also involves more people in your engagement than just you and your future hubby, and that's a bit weird to me too. I don't want to look at a ring and think of anyone other than my man, you know? (I am currently wrestling with a similar problem in regard to an inherited ring I recently got, so I've already been thinking a bit about some aspects of your situation.)

 

[Ellen]

I personally wouldn''t sell the pear...

 

[Gypsy]

Weeeeeeeeeell.

I would go with the pear probably, but I''d halo it like Firegoddess. Or I''d keep the asscher and make the pear into a lovely pendant.

 

[gwendolyn]

What did they say when they gave it to you? I admit that it might be seen as rude to sell something they gave you, but the whole situation seems so strange to me in the first place that if they really don''t care what happens to it, I figure it would be a sort of compromise between spending almost no money on the engagement ring but not getting what you want, and spending the original amount of money on the engagement ring of your dreams--if selling the pear could knock off some money (no idea how much) from the price of the asscher, then that seemed to me like a financial compromise. But that could be seen as tacky, to turn around and sell something that was given to you. But the whole situation confuses me! Maybe I should just shut up.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 12/10/2007 8:32:53 PM
Author: sparkleandshine

I am so relieved to hear all of you say that maybe I shouldn''t take the pear. None of my friends feel the way that I do about diamonds, so they just don''t get it. The asscher is perfect. It''s still on hold, I haven''t been able to bring myself to give it up completely yet.

Hi Sparkle and Shine! Welcome to Pricescope!

Since I do not know you, this does feel a little uncomfortable, however, if you will, I would like to share my thoughts on your issue. You obviously appreciate diamonds more than the average person - thus you are on PS. Friends and so on will not necessarily share or understand your desire for or interest in diamonds. You do not need to seek their approval. This decision is between you and your fiance. My heart really goes out to you to think that you might "settle" for someone else''s diamond, just because it''s available, when you could quite possibly have your own that you have had your heart set on.

My point is, don''t compromise if it is not required.

If the financial situation deemed the pear to be the more prudent choice, then, naturally, that is a reasonable compromise. In your situation though, this is not the case, you would simply be compromising to make someone else happy or to avoid offending someone who, for whatever reason, is giving away their diamond.

Diamonds are beautiful, bewitching and emotional amongst a plethora of other beguiling things. There is no logic that can necessarily be attached to why we adore them or become obsessed. What I am understanding from your posts is that, as a diamond, you can appreciate the beauty of the pear, however, the asscher is the one that "speaks" to you. Go with this one and don''t justify it to anyone. It is what you have always dreamed of ... Don''t settle for less because you may regret it and for what, when you could have had it, right? Also, I know for me that there is an element of "purity" so to speak with getting a diamond with my bf. We equate finding the perfect diamond for us as a sort of physical manifestation or tangible symbol of our love - maybe a little bit overboard but it''s just us.

I would not want someone else''s diamond, from a failed marriage to start my married life off. It just seems like a bad omen. Of course people own all kinds of previously owned jewelry, however, an engagement ring is not one that I, personally, would consider unless it was handed down in my family, or, stupidly enough, I bought it and had no idea.

Sorry if my post sounds uber emotional, however, I feel for you as this is a challenging position to be in and there is no black or white, right or wrong answer. If you decide to go with the pear, good for you and congratulations on your new diamond. If you decide to go with the asscher, congratulations as well ... I wish you much happiness with whichever lovely stone you select.

 

[DMBsGirl]

It doesn''t sound like you want the pear, and who cares what your friends think, this is about you and your FF! Good luck!

 

[Ninama]

From someone who wore an heirloom 60''s cocktail ring (!!!) as an ER, let me ask you... if you get the the man you love, the pear now and the Asscher later, isn''t that sort of a win/win/win situation?

We love diamonds... but, hell - you''re marrying AND have the promise of the bigger Asscher. I''d just be happy and grateful!

You could have a lot of fun setting a pear now and that Asscher will be yours before you know it.