Hi everyone
Firslty let me say I am a LIW who has created a new account just for this topic as I want to remian as anonymous as possible.
Ok where do I begin? I''ll try and make this as simple as possible but apologies in advance if it gets complicated.
My sister recently got engaged to her BF of 6 years. She asked me to be her only "adult" bridesmaid which I accepted. Now we have had a bit of a firey relationship so I was ratehr surprised that she asked me but thought it was a nice gesture. I think it is worth mentioning here that she is a very controlling character, esp towards me and will often try and belittle and embarress me in public
Now her engagement party was yesterday. She rang me when she was planning it and said it was so important to her that i attend and what weeknd could I NOT do - i said the weekend of the 9th as I was due to work, also BF was away for the weekend - so she goes ahead and books it for the 9th claiming she forgot I was busy. ok so I try and re-arrange my weekends etc so i can attend.
I was on the phone to her a few days before the party and her fiance was in the background deliberatley trying to wind me up. He was saying that a certain guy was going to be attending and kept saying his name over and over again with my sister laughing. The guy in question I do not particularly like as I went to a party with him over 2 years ago which invovled us staying in the same bed together - i thought nothing of it as i thought he was just my friend and I clearly and he clearly stipulated there was nothing more invovled. He tried it on, i said no. I littel while later I got a text from sis asking if I had done anything with this guy etc, i said no but queried why she was asking as I know she had him round for dinner earlier in the week. She said no reason. I left it there. She sent the same text a few months later and again I said no but wanted to know why she kept asking as I questioned whether HE had said something, sis claimed she could not remember and why was i being so "tetchy". I said becasue I do not want someone saying things about me that are not true and that it was really important that she believed me - needless to say she didn''t and her response was she assumed I would have slept with him!!!
So anyway FBIL kept saying this guys name over and over again in the background i think just to p$%s me off. I was begginng to feel very uneasy about going so i discussed it with my therapist and a descion was taken that I attend but leave early.
So I attend with present, food etc as requested. things were going fine and well. Until the mother of 3 samll children (8,10 and 10) asked why FBIL had told them that when they say hello to me they should tell me to stop being so grumpy! Needless to say the girsl didn''t say that but told mum instead who told me. I questioed him there and then infront fo everyone and he just shrugged his shoulders and walked off. I asked him again later and he said he was "only trying to wind me up"!
Ok to fastforward and hour or two and i was chatting to another guy (R) who I know from there crowd. Again about 2 and half years ago I shared a couple of intoxicated kisses with this guy and exchanged a few texts but nothing more. He started being extremely rude about my BF ( who was not there) deliberatley forgetting his name, then calling him a girls name etc He then proceeds to tell my brother whilst I was there about what happened between us but in a rather derogatory way so I walked off mid conversation. A littel while later i walked into the kitchen where FBIL, his brother, R and one or two others were. Everyone laughed when I walked in and somebody told R to stop being so rude, I asked what he had said and R told me that FBIL had said the kitchen was the worst room in the house, R then said "no its not but it is now" when I walked in - I looked at eveyone then walked away from them.
Throughout the day I was very aware of R''s girlfriend "talking" about me to 2 of her friends - and I''m sure it wasn''t a "where did she get her dress from" type of conversation as they were very blatent, obviuosly staring and huddling together and giggling.
I left the party with my parents who were aware of what had happened. I spoke to BF and tol dhim what had happened. now I don''t know what to do. I really want to talk to my sister and tell her how upset I was and that FBIl behaviour is unacceptable but I know she will take his side and say he was only joking etc. At the moment don''t feel I want to be her bridesmaid if this is what I have to put up with and my parents support this train of thought
Am I over reacting? Any advice on where to go from here
Thanks for listening
Firslty let me say I am a LIW who has created a new account just for this topic as I want to remian as anonymous as possible.
Ok where do I begin? I''ll try and make this as simple as possible but apologies in advance if it gets complicated.
My sister recently got engaged to her BF of 6 years. She asked me to be her only "adult" bridesmaid which I accepted. Now we have had a bit of a firey relationship so I was ratehr surprised that she asked me but thought it was a nice gesture. I think it is worth mentioning here that she is a very controlling character, esp towards me and will often try and belittle and embarress me in public
Now her engagement party was yesterday. She rang me when she was planning it and said it was so important to her that i attend and what weeknd could I NOT do - i said the weekend of the 9th as I was due to work, also BF was away for the weekend - so she goes ahead and books it for the 9th claiming she forgot I was busy. ok so I try and re-arrange my weekends etc so i can attend.
I was on the phone to her a few days before the party and her fiance was in the background deliberatley trying to wind me up. He was saying that a certain guy was going to be attending and kept saying his name over and over again with my sister laughing. The guy in question I do not particularly like as I went to a party with him over 2 years ago which invovled us staying in the same bed together - i thought nothing of it as i thought he was just my friend and I clearly and he clearly stipulated there was nothing more invovled. He tried it on, i said no. I littel while later I got a text from sis asking if I had done anything with this guy etc, i said no but queried why she was asking as I know she had him round for dinner earlier in the week. She said no reason. I left it there. She sent the same text a few months later and again I said no but wanted to know why she kept asking as I questioned whether HE had said something, sis claimed she could not remember and why was i being so "tetchy". I said becasue I do not want someone saying things about me that are not true and that it was really important that she believed me - needless to say she didn''t and her response was she assumed I would have slept with him!!!
So anyway FBIL kept saying this guys name over and over again in the background i think just to p$%s me off. I was begginng to feel very uneasy about going so i discussed it with my therapist and a descion was taken that I attend but leave early.
So I attend with present, food etc as requested. things were going fine and well. Until the mother of 3 samll children (8,10 and 10) asked why FBIL had told them that when they say hello to me they should tell me to stop being so grumpy! Needless to say the girsl didn''t say that but told mum instead who told me. I questioed him there and then infront fo everyone and he just shrugged his shoulders and walked off. I asked him again later and he said he was "only trying to wind me up"!
Ok to fastforward and hour or two and i was chatting to another guy (R) who I know from there crowd. Again about 2 and half years ago I shared a couple of intoxicated kisses with this guy and exchanged a few texts but nothing more. He started being extremely rude about my BF ( who was not there) deliberatley forgetting his name, then calling him a girls name etc He then proceeds to tell my brother whilst I was there about what happened between us but in a rather derogatory way so I walked off mid conversation. A littel while later i walked into the kitchen where FBIL, his brother, R and one or two others were. Everyone laughed when I walked in and somebody told R to stop being so rude, I asked what he had said and R told me that FBIL had said the kitchen was the worst room in the house, R then said "no its not but it is now" when I walked in - I looked at eveyone then walked away from them.
Throughout the day I was very aware of R''s girlfriend "talking" about me to 2 of her friends - and I''m sure it wasn''t a "where did she get her dress from" type of conversation as they were very blatent, obviuosly staring and huddling together and giggling.
I left the party with my parents who were aware of what had happened. I spoke to BF and tol dhim what had happened. now I don''t know what to do. I really want to talk to my sister and tell her how upset I was and that FBIl behaviour is unacceptable but I know she will take his side and say he was only joking etc. At the moment don''t feel I want to be her bridesmaid if this is what I have to put up with and my parents support this train of thought
Am I over reacting? Any advice on where to go from here
Thanks for listening