Another Invitation Faux Pas

[AGBF]

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

My dear eye rollers, I hope that you realize that my tongue was firmly in my cheek when I used this turn of phrase? If you look back a bit in this thread you will see that it was I who defended the rogue citizens who so bravely allowed the grandmothers to give their baby showers for them!

Deb/AGBF

 

[distracts]

I have never understood the not-wearing-black-to-weddings rule. I mean... most dudes wear black suits or tuxes, how is that different?

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

My dear eye rollers, I hope that you realize that my tongue was firmly in my cheek when I used this turn of phrase? If you look back a bit in this thread you will see that it was I who defended the rogue citizens who so bravely allowed the grandmothers to give their baby showers for them!

Deb/AGBF

Sorry Deb, I sort of panicked! I'm almost positive that my Mother will be throwing my baby shower (when that time comes!), so I felt an eye-roll was necessary lol..forgive me!

 

[AGBF]

I have never understood the not-wearing-black-to-weddings rule. I mean... most dudes wear black suits or tuxes, how is that different?

Cultural taboos and rules do not always make logical sense. If one has an anthropological bent, however, one can often find their origins. Many posters have written about the origins (in mourning dress) about the taboo on women wearing black to a wedding. That is because in the past men wore black even when they were not in mourning. That was not the case for women.

AGBF

 

[JewelFreak]

You're so smart & you put everything so well, Deb!

--- Laurie

 

[MichelleCarmen]

However, MC, yuck to the one you are invited to! Sometimes people use these occasions to strong-arm their friends into bankrolling stuff they'd never cough up for, themselves. I was invited to a wedding where the bride registered for everything Buccellati, Cartier, etc. Wine glasses for $400 apiece -- and who gives just one? Sterling place settings a zillion bucks each. I couldn't afford one coffee cup from the china she chose! So I got her something not on her registry that I thought she'd like (she did) that wouldn't set my mortgage back a few months. I mostly felt sad for her (as Deb says) lack of common sense -- she did not have Buccellati friends, only Buccellati ambitions.



--- Laurie

Oh my gosh, I was goofing around on my phone (iPhone/safari while watching TV) and found a website that lets me do a registry search and found a FORTH place she's registered at. It just said due date, not shower date, so I'm not sure if she's having more than two showers, but what got me is she's asking for more bedding, so as of yesterday, she's requesting four sets of baby bedding (complete sets - different bumpers, comforters, etc,) for entirely different looks. How much bedding does a baby need? I don't even have four complete bed sets. lol Ugh. Maybe some people do that...I don't know...I remember wanting two fitted sheets in case a diaper leaked, but then we ended up co-sleeping and I used to crib to put folded laundry in (lol). I added up the items from just one of the sites and it was around $5,500.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

My dear eye rollers, I hope that you realize that my tongue was firmly in my cheek when I used this turn of phrase? If you look back a bit in this thread you will see that it was I who defended the rogue citizens who so bravely allowed the grandmothers to give their baby showers for them!

Deb/AGBF

Sorry Deb, I sort of panicked! I'm almost positive that my Mother will be throwing my baby shower (when that time comes!), so I felt an eye-roll was necessary lol..forgive me!

You'll be fine. Just don't register for $1000+ strollers and $1500 diaper changing tables. lol

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I have never understood the not-wearing-black-to-weddings rule. I mean... most dudes wear black suits or tuxes, how is that different?

I always heard it's don't wear red to weddings because it's a bright color and takes peoples' eye off the bride. I learned that *after* I wore red to a wedding. hahaha Anyway, I wear black to weddings because almost half my clothes are black and it looks good on my skin tone. I'm pretty sure the no-black rule is very outdated for most occasions because I see black being worn everywhere.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

My dear eye rollers, I hope that you realize that my tongue was firmly in my cheek when I used this turn of phrase? If you look back a bit in this thread you will see that it was I who defended the rogue citizens who so bravely allowed the grandmothers to give their baby showers for them!

Deb/AGBF

Sorry Deb, I sort of panicked! I'm almost positive that my Mother will be throwing my baby shower (when that time comes!), so I felt an eye-roll was necessary lol..forgive me!

You'll be fine. Just don't register for $1000+ strollers and $1500 diaper changing tables. lol

That is a GIVEN!! I'm not that type!

 

[JewelFreak]

so as of yesterday, she's requesting four sets of baby bedding (complete sets - different bumpers, comforters, etc,) for entirely different looks. How much bedding does a baby need? I don't even have four complete bed sets. lol Ugh. Maybe some people do that...I don't know...I remember wanting two fitted sheets in case a diaper leaked, but then we ended up co-sleeping and I used to crib to put folded laundry in (lol). I added up the items from just one of the sites and it was around $5,500.

Yow!! This kid is a real dreamer, isn't she?

MC, I had that "don't wear red" thing in the back of my mind too, but couldn't remember what it was. I think you're right. Most of the color taboos come from times when dress was a lot more formalized & prescribed. Rules for attire have gone to pot, as anybody who's been on an airplane (or at Walmart!) knows. I deplore the extent to which it's deteriorated. We're going to a wedding in December where I'm sure anything will go, from tie-dye to plumber's crack!

--- Laurie

 

[MichelleCarmen]

so as of yesterday, she's requesting four sets of baby bedding (complete sets - different bumpers, comforters, etc,) for entirely different looks. How much bedding does a baby need? I don't even have four complete bed sets. lol Ugh. Maybe some people do that...I don't know...I remember wanting two fitted sheets in case a diaper leaked, but then we ended up co-sleeping and I used to crib to put folded laundry in (lol). I added up the items from just one of the sites and it was around $5,500.

Yow!! This kid is a real dreamer, isn't she?

MC, I had that "don't wear red" thing in the back of my mind too, but couldn't remember what it was. I think you're right. Most of the color taboos come from times when dress was a lot more formalized & prescribed. Rules for attire have gone to pot, as anybody who's been on an airplane (or at Walmart!) knows. I deplore the extent to which it's deteriorated. We're going to a wedding in December where I'm sure anything will go, from tie-dye to plumber's crack!

--- Laurie

Things have deteriorated...I went to a funeral and people were wearing jeans! Ugh.

 

[chrono]

It's all cultural. White is the mourning colour for us, yet white is what the bride is expected to wear in Western culture. Times have surely changed and brides are now wearing white instead of red, or at least they will wear red later during the reception.

A baby does not need that much stuff, and definitely not expensive things. They don't care about brands and design as long as they are warm, clean and well fed. And loved, of course.

 

[distracts]

I have never understood the not-wearing-black-to-weddings rule. I mean... most dudes wear black suits or tuxes, how is that different?

I always heard it's don't wear red to weddings because it's a bright color and takes peoples' eye off the bride. I learned that *after* I wore red to a wedding. hahaha Anyway, I wear black to weddings because almost half my clothes are black and it looks good on my skin tone. I'm pretty sure the no-black rule is very outdated for most occasions because I see black being worn everywhere.

I've heard it's don't wear red to weddings because wearing red to a wedding means you have the hots for the groom!

 

[momhappy]

ETA: Deb, it is now considered acceptable to wear white before Memorial Day and after Labor day.

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

This is like the grammar argument between the grammar purists and the linguistics aficionados. Does one stick by the old rules in an effort to prop up the traditional values or does one believe that times change and that the rules of etiquette and grammar should change with the times?

In truth, I have mixed feelings about these matters. I still cannot get used to the idea of wearing black to a wedding, but it the color worn by most women at most weddings I attend nowadays. And it seems that a good number of society weddings put the bridesmaids in black gowns as well!

AGBF

Since I have professed to wearing white after labor day, I guess I'm in that class of people that you've mentioned (I know you said that tongue and cheek) I see it done all the time in my middle/upper class circle. Many of the old fashion "rules" are simply no longer relevant. The no-white-after-labor-day-rule was from an age where there was no air conditioning and wearing white was done for the practical reason of staying cool during the summer months. It is also believed that the rule may have had a symbolic meaning because in the early 20th century, well-to-do Americans would vacation in the summer months and white clothing became known as a "look of leisure" among them. Labor Day marked the end of summer and thus the end of vacation/leisure wear. The rule just no longer applies in my opinion. In the 1920's, Coco Chanel made white a year-round staple. I believe even Emily Post herself gave white after Labor Day the okay in her 2004 manners Bible. As far as wearing black to a wedding, I personally don't wear it because it seems like a somber color for a joyous occasion. I would never wear cream/ivory/white simply out of respect for the bride. There are plenty of "traditional standards" that are no longer adhered to and in some cases, that's a good thing

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I have never understood the not-wearing-black-to-weddings rule. I mean... most dudes wear black suits or tuxes, how is that different?

I always heard it's don't wear red to weddings because it's a bright color and takes peoples' eye off the bride. I learned that *after* I wore red to a wedding. hahaha Anyway, I wear black to weddings because almost half my clothes are black and it looks good on my skin tone. I'm pretty sure the no-black rule is very outdated for most occasions because I see black being worn everywhere.

I've heard it's don't wear red to weddings because wearing red to a wedding means you have the hots for the groom!

Ah, oh no! Ugh, hopefully the groom hadn't heard that one b/c sooooo nooooot the case with that guy! I'll be sure not to wear red to any weddings... unless I'm planning to run off with the groom!

 

[momhappy]

I believe that wearing red/not wearing red to a wedding has a cultural background and has nothing to do with stealing attention from the bride, having the hots for the groom, etc. In some Asian cultures, the bride wears red and therefore, wedding guests do not wear red just as you would not wear white if the bride was wearing white. I don't think that wearing red is an issue unless a wedding had a particular cultural influence that would dictate color choice.

 

[VRBeauty]

This week's BLM "NOT for EDUCATORS ONLY WILDLIFE TRIVIA QUESTION of the WEEK, from BLM's California News.Bytes, is for all you etiquette sticklers:

How long do white-footed mice usually live in the wild?

(a.) less than twelve months
(b) from two to three years
(c) they die after their first breeding cycle
(d.) up to 14 years
(e.) only until Labor Day

As a hint, here's a white-footed mouse :