Another Invitation Faux Pas

[MichelleCarmen]

Most of the invitations I receive for wedding or baby showers include a slip of paper that mentions where the person or couple is registered. The info. isn't printed directly on the invitations but it's provided in the envelope. I don't see anything wrong with that. .

That's fine and not inappropriate at all. Unless the host is the bride/mother of the bride or the mother to be/grandmother to be (not ok!)

Is it still not okay for the grandmother-to-be to host a shower or has this rule been lifted to some extent?

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Most of the invitations I receive for wedding or baby showers include a slip of paper that mentions where the person or couple is registered. The info. isn't printed directly on the invitations but it's provided in the envelope. I don't see anything wrong with that. .

That's fine and not inappropriate at all. Unless the host is the bride/mother of the bride or the mother to be/grandmother to be (not ok!)

Is it still not okay for the grandmother-to-be to host a shower or has this rule been lifted to some extent?

Wait, the Grandmother to be isn't allowed to host the shower? Or it's looked down upon? That's just weird to me. Every baby shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother of the person, along with a friend or cousin, but the Grandmother to be relishes in that stuff where I'm from and usually gives the biggest and best gifts, along with hosting the whole thing. Is that a faux pas now? It certainly isn't in my peer group or family.

 

[distracts]

I haven't seen clothes on a registry ever but at every baby shower I've been to, almost everyone gives something from the registry, plus diapers or clothes. I thought you didn't have to register for baby clothes because everyone just gave them to you anyway. But then I also don't see the point of expensive baby clothes and would just pick up stuff on sale from the department store anyway... I mean, if it's cute and sturdy, that's what you need, yeah? (I do have an aunt whose daughter was dressed entirely in designer labels from day one though. Makes you feel awkward when a three-year-old tells you she can't eat until she changes because her clothes are white silk and from Neimans. eta: Now that she's a teenager, my cousin has mastered the art of eating without putting food on her clothing. Just in case anyone was wondering.)

 

[ame]

Most of the invitations I receive for wedding or baby showers include a slip of paper that mentions where the person or couple is registered. The info. isn't printed directly on the invitations but it's provided in the envelope. I don't see anything wrong with that. .

That's fine and not inappropriate at all. Unless the host is the bride/mother of the bride or the mother to be/grandmother to be (not ok!)

Is it still not okay for the grandmother-to-be to host a shower or has this rule been lifted to some extent?

Wait, the Grandmother to be isn't allowed to host the shower? Or it's looked down upon? That's just weird to me. Every baby shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother of the person, along with a friend or cousin, but the Grandmother to be relishes in that stuff where I'm from and usually gives the biggest and best gifts, along with hosting the whole thing. Is that a faux pas now? It certainly isn't in my peer group or family.

It is considered wildly inappropriate (and it always has been considered inappropriate) for the grandmother-to-be to host any aspect of a shower for the coming baby, or for the mother of the bride or groom to host any aspect of a shower for an upcoming bride. The (great)aunts-to-be or sisters-in-law to be, fine. But never the bride's mom, groom's mom, or grandmothers-to-be. Reason being: they're also supposed to be honored at the events, which is why it's considered a big faux pas. It's kind of their day, too, even if to a slightly lesser degree. If I remember tonight Ill get my Emily Posts out and find the passages where this stuff is outlined and why.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I haven't seen clothes on a registry ever but at every baby shower I've been to, almost everyone gives something from the registry, plus diapers or clothes. I thought you didn't have to register for baby clothes because everyone just gave them to you anyway. But then I also don't see the point of expensive baby clothes and would just pick up stuff on sale from the department store anyway... I mean, if it's cute and sturdy, that's what you need, yeah? (I do have an aunt whose daughter was dressed entirely in designer labels from day one though. Makes you feel awkward when a three-year-old tells you she can't eat until she changes because her clothes are white silk and from Neimans. eta: Now that she's a teenager, my cousin has mastered the art of eating without putting food on her clothing. Just in case anyone was wondering.)

Yep, expensive baby clothes make no sense, however, my kids still changed before eating because wearing stained clothes is bleh to me. I use to take the boys' shirts off when they ate (as in learning to "feed" themselves) then just plopped them in the bath after. lol We tried bibs and they would just take them off so no shirt made the most sense. (of course, when we ate out or at a friend's, they didn't take off their shirts - lol).

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Most of the invitations I receive for wedding or baby showers include a slip of paper that mentions where the person or couple is registered. The info. isn't printed directly on the invitations but it's provided in the envelope. I don't see anything wrong with that. .

That's fine and not inappropriate at all. Unless the host is the bride/mother of the bride or the mother to be/grandmother to be (not ok!)

Is it still not okay for the grandmother-to-be to host a shower or has this rule been lifted to some extent?

Wait, the Grandmother to be isn't allowed to host the shower? Or it's looked down upon? That's just weird to me. Every baby shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother of the person, along with a friend or cousin, but the Grandmother to be relishes in that stuff where I'm from and usually gives the biggest and best gifts, along with hosting the whole thing. Is that a faux pas now? It certainly isn't in my peer group or family.

It is considered wildly inappropriate (and it always has been considered inappropriate) for the grandmother-to-be to host any aspect of a shower for the coming baby, or for the mother of the bride or groom to host any aspect of a shower for an upcoming bride. The (great)aunts-to-be or sisters-in-law to be, fine. But never the bride's mom, groom's mom, or grandmothers-to-be. Reason being: they're also supposed to be honored at the events, which is why it's considered a big faux pas. It's kind of their day, too, even if to a slightly lesser degree. If I remember tonight Ill get my Emily Posts out and find the passages where this stuff is outlined and why.

It is suppose to be inappropriate, but realistically, these events can cost a lot of $ and often friends may not want to fork over the cash. This is probably a reason a mother might host a shower. I'm going to a shower hosted by a mother and am curious if it's because of finances... the bride is very well off and has lots of aquaintainces, so it'll be interesting to see what happens gift & guest wise.

 

[momhappy]

Nothing's wrong with it, except that it's on an invitation to somebody whom you don't know & who you also know isn't going to bicycle cross-country to attend. That's a matter of somewhat grimy taste, which still matters to a few. Shrug, that's all.

I guess I'm just left wondering what this is all about? You keep mentioning that it's no big deal, nothing is wrong, etc. and yet it was a big enough issue to start a thread about (which is perfectly fine). Your posts give me the impression that although you say that this couple is fine and dandy, you harbor some sort of ill-will towards them (which has been made evident by the use of the term "grimy taste" as well as other negative commentary). You had already planned a thoughtful gift, so why the grief over the invitations? In the grand scheme of things, I guess this isn't something that I would put any energy in to, but to each their own

 

[ame]

Most of the invitations I receive for wedding or baby showers include a slip of paper that mentions where the person or couple is registered. The info. isn't printed directly on the invitations but it's provided in the envelope. I don't see anything wrong with that. .

That's fine and not inappropriate at all. Unless the host is the bride/mother of the bride or the mother to be/grandmother to be (not ok!)

Is it still not okay for the grandmother-to-be to host a shower or has this rule been lifted to some extent?

Wait, the Grandmother to be isn't allowed to host the shower? Or it's looked down upon? That's just weird to me. Every baby shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother of the person, along with a friend or cousin, but the Grandmother to be relishes in that stuff where I'm from and usually gives the biggest and best gifts, along with hosting the whole thing. Is that a faux pas now? It certainly isn't in my peer group or family.

It is considered wildly inappropriate (and it always has been considered inappropriate) for the grandmother-to-be to host any aspect of a shower for the coming baby, or for the mother of the bride or groom to host any aspect of a shower for an upcoming bride. The (great)aunts-to-be or sisters-in-law to be, fine. But never the bride's mom, groom's mom, or grandmothers-to-be. Reason being: they're also supposed to be honored at the events, which is why it's considered a big faux pas. It's kind of their day, too, even if to a slightly lesser degree. If I remember tonight Ill get my Emily Posts out and find the passages where this stuff is outlined and why.

It is suppose to be inappropriate, but realistically, these events can cost a lot of $ and often friends may not want to fork over the cash. This is probably a reason a mother might host a shower. I'm going to a shower hosted by a mother and am curious if it's because of finances... the bride is very well off and has lots of aquaintainces, so it'll be interesting to see what happens gift & guest wise.

Usually it's the aunts and siblings instead of the mother/grandmother to be because of that "rule". I know a lot of people in this era don't pay a lot of attention to etiquette and appropriateness anymore. That's kinda why I need to write that book I think...

 

[AGBF]

Most of the invitations I receive for wedding or baby showers include a slip of paper that mentions where the person or couple is registered. The info. isn't printed directly on the invitations but it's provided in the envelope. I don't see anything wrong with that. .

That's fine and not inappropriate at all. Unless the host is the bride/mother of the bride or the mother to be/grandmother to be (not ok!)

Is it still not okay for the grandmother-to-be to host a shower or has this rule been lifted to some extent?

Wait, the Grandmother to be isn't allowed to host the shower? Or it's looked down upon? That's just weird to me. Every baby shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother of the person, along with a friend or cousin, but the Grandmother to be relishes in that stuff where I'm from and usually gives the biggest and best gifts, along with hosting the whole thing. Is that a faux pas now? It certainly isn't in my peer group or family.

It is considered wildly inappropriate (and it always has been considered inappropriate) for the grandmother-to-be to host any aspect of a shower for the coming baby, or for the mother of the bride or groom to host any aspect of a shower for an upcoming bride. The (great)aunts-to-be or sisters-in-law to be, fine. But never the bride's mom, groom's mom, or grandmothers-to-be. Reason being: they're also supposed to be honored at the events, which is why it's considered a big faux pas. It's kind of their day, too, even if to a slightly lesser degree. If I remember tonight Ill get my Emily Posts out and find the passages where this stuff is outlined and why.

It's Tuesday. On Sunday I attended a lovely baby shower for my godson's wife and my godson (modern times, you know) at the home of his mother. Giving the shower were the two grandmothers-to-be, and they did a wonderful job of it. It wasn't wildly inappropriate; it was a very loving get together. I am sure that Emily Post and Miss Manners would have disapproved, but I was not unhappy, nor were the other guests or the recipients of the shower.

Deb

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Most of the invitations I receive for wedding or baby showers include a slip of paper that mentions where the person or couple is registered. The info. isn't printed directly on the invitations but it's provided in the envelope. I don't see anything wrong with that. .

That's fine and not inappropriate at all. Unless the host is the bride/mother of the bride or the mother to be/grandmother to be (not ok!)

Is it still not okay for the grandmother-to-be to host a shower or has this rule been lifted to some extent?

Wait, the Grandmother to be isn't allowed to host the shower? Or it's looked down upon? That's just weird to me. Every baby shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother of the person, along with a friend or cousin, but the Grandmother to be relishes in that stuff where I'm from and usually gives the biggest and best gifts, along with hosting the whole thing. Is that a faux pas now? It certainly isn't in my peer group or family.

It is considered wildly inappropriate (and it always has been considered inappropriate) for the grandmother-to-be to host any aspect of a shower for the coming baby, or for the mother of the bride or groom to host any aspect of a shower for an upcoming bride. The (great)aunts-to-be or sisters-in-law to be, fine. But never the bride's mom, groom's mom, or grandmothers-to-be. Reason being: they're also supposed to be honored at the events, which is why it's considered a big faux pas. It's kind of their day, too, even if to a slightly lesser degree. If I remember tonight Ill get my Emily Posts out and find the passages where this stuff is outlined and why.

It is suppose to be inappropriate, but realistically, these events can cost a lot of $ and often friends may not want to fork over the cash. This is probably a reason a mother might host a shower. I'm going to a shower hosted by a mother and am curious if it's because of finances... the bride is very well off and has lots of aquaintainces, so it'll be interesting to see what happens gift & guest wise.

Usually it's the aunts and siblings instead of the mother/grandmother to be because of that "rule". I know a lot of people in this era don't pay a lot of attention to etiquette and appropriateness anymore. That's kinda why I need to write that book I think...

For my bridal shower, it was thrown by my maid and matron of honor, but my mother ended up pitching in funds to help out as well. My MIL also threw me a shower for family that was about 2 hours away from us. I would never in a million years think its rude to be invited by the mother of the bride/groom or grandmothers to be. It's just what we do to show love. I'm an only child, so it's not like I have sisters to help out with that stuff. Besides, to me, it's just an extension of how much someone loves you to put all this work into a shower in your honor. In trying to recall all the baby and bridal showers I've been to, at least one of the mother's of the bride/groom, mom/dad are involved. The baby shower from last weekend was hosted by the grandmother to be and a friend of the mom to be and the bridal shower I'm going to in 2 weeks is hosted by the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom, plus the maid of honor.

 

[AGBF]

Usually it's the aunts and siblings instead of the mother/grandmother to be because of that "rule". I know a lot of people in this era don't pay a lot of attention to etiquette and appropriateness anymore. That's kinda why I need to write that book I think...

ame-

I knew about "the rule" on showers. If I were going to fix something, however, I don't think I would start with grandmothers giving baby showers. There are a lot of other things wrong with courtesy in our society (such as what JewelFreak pointed out was done to her when she was ordered to send a gift!). Why not start with a more egregious breach of courtesy? Or work on people's grammar? That is a truly worthy cause!

Deb/AGBF

 

[momhappy]

^ I agree.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

MC, go ahead and buy what you want to. Any gift is a lovely gesture and babies don't care where you buy their clothes. You certainly don't need to get it where the parents have registered.

Now I am feeling peer pressure...I just went and looked at the other registry and everything is super expensive (one items is $300+ and another is $800+) and it looks like people are buying this stuff Ugh...

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

MC, go ahead and buy what you want to. Any gift is a lovely gesture and babies don't care where you buy their clothes. You certainly don't need to get it where the parents have registered.

Now I am feeling peer pressure...I just went and looked at the other registry and everything is super expensive (one items is $300+ and another is $800+) and it looks like people are buying this stuff Ugh...

Group gift? Seriously, don't feel pressured to overspend. Do what you feel comfortable with

 

[MichelleCarmen]

MC, go ahead and buy what you want to. Any gift is a lovely gesture and babies don't care where you buy their clothes. You certainly don't need to get it where the parents have registered.

Now I am feeling peer pressure...I just went and looked at the other registry and everything is super expensive (one items is $300+ and another is $800+) and it looks like people are buying this stuff Ugh...

Group gift? Seriously, don't feel pressured to overspend. Do what you feel comfortable with

Ah, screw it. I just found that she is having a second shower and registered at even yet another store. Each piece of furniture is over $1000 (and I would have to add up all the requested items, which I'm too lazy to do, but between all the registries, it's coming to over $15K). I had thought she was buying her own furniture and just asking for bedding, but nope, on this other registry, there is more stuff and it's all very expensive high-end. I'm complaining because there is of course more to the story...

 

[ame]

Usually it's the aunts and siblings instead of the mother/grandmother to be because of that "rule". I know a lot of people in this era don't pay a lot of attention to etiquette and appropriateness anymore. That's kinda why I need to write that book I think...

ame-

I knew about "the rule" on showers. If I were going to fix something, however, I don't think I would start with grandmothers giving baby showers. There are a lot of other things wrong with courtesy in our society (such as what JewelFreak pointed out was done to her when she was ordered to send a gift!). Why not start with a more egregious breach of courtesy? Or work on people's grammar? That is a truly worthy cause!

Deb/AGBF

Whatever. Excuse me for pointing out proper etiquette since it came up in the thread! Such a crime I committed against the apparent queens of society!

 

[AGBF]

Usually it's the aunts and siblings instead of the mother/grandmother to be because of that "rule". I know a lot of people in this era don't pay a lot of attention to etiquette and appropriateness anymore. That's kinda why I need to write that book I think...

ame-

I knew about "the rule" on showers. If I were going to fix something, however, I don't think I would start with grandmothers giving baby showers. There are a lot of other things wrong with courtesy in our society (such as what JewelFreak pointed out was done to her when she was ordered to send a gift!). Why not start with a more egregious breach of courtesy? Or work on people's grammar? That is a truly worthy cause!

Whatever. Excuse me for pointing out proper etiquette since it came up in the thread! Such a crime I committed against the apparent queens of society!

I love it when people point out proper etiquette, ame, and give you kudos for doing so. I read Miss Manners as often as I can. I meant no disrespect to you. This point of etiquette is simply one upon which I happen to disagree. I still think it is better to know the rule, then to flout it rather than to be unaware of the rule. It's like wearing white before Memorial Day and after Labor Day. One may choose to do it, but isn't it nice to know that one shouldn't?

PS-Please, do, work on people's grammar!

Deb

 

[momhappy]

What's considered "proper" etiquette has certainly changed over the years and many of the old rules don't even apply any more (like providing your guests with a finger bowl at their table to rinse their hands after a lobster or fruit course, which was proper etiquette according to Emily Post at a traditional shower around the turn-of-the-century ). I believe even Emily Post had 10 rewrites of her book just during her lifetime alone in an effort to accommodate the ever-changing world and the proper etiquitte that goes along with it....

 

[missy]

What's considered "proper" etiquette has certainly changed over the years and many of the old rules don't even apply any more (like providing your guests with a finger bowl at their table to rinse their hands after a lobster or fruit course, which was proper etiquette according to Emily Post at a traditional shower around the turn-of-the-century ). I believe even Emily Post had 10 rewrites of her book just during her lifetime alone in an effort to accommodate the ever-changing world and the proper etiquitte that goes along with it....

Common sense never goes out of style though. Only problem is it's not so common.


ETA: Deb, it is now considered acceptable to wear white before Memorial Day and after Labor day.

 

[momhappy]

^That's true and a lack of common sense seems to be rampant these days. And for what it's worth, I wear white after labor day

 

[missy]

^That's true and a lack of common sense seems to be rampant these days. And for what it's worth, I wear white after labor day

Me too! It's OK now. It really is.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

^That's true and a lack of common sense seems to be rampant these days. And for what it's worth, I wear white after labor day

Me too! It's OK now. It really is.

It amazes me people wear white at all. It's totally impractical, especially pants. I would be afraid to sit down anywhere. I'll wear beige, but not white. lol

 

[AGBF]

ETA: Deb, it is now considered acceptable to wear white before Memorial Day and after Labor day.

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

This is like the grammar argument between the grammar purists and the linguistics aficionados. Does one stick by the old rules in an effort to prop up the traditional values or does one believe that times change and that the rules of etiquette and grammar should change with the times?

In truth, I have mixed feelings about these matters. I still cannot get used to the idea of wearing black to a wedding, but it the color worn by most women at most weddings I attend nowadays. And it seems that a good number of society weddings put the bridesmaids in black gowns as well!

AGBF

 

[VRBeauty]

In truth, I have mixed feelings about these matters. I still cannot get used to the idea of wearing black to a wedding, but it the color worn by most women at most weddings I attend nowadays. And it seems that a good number of society weddings put the bridesmaids in black gowns as well!

AGBF

That taboo goes back to when black clothing was reserved for deep mourning... which is hardly the case these days. Even then the conscientious woman would have a mourning dress made in some other somber color if she were going to attend a wedding. By extension, the thinking went, someone who chose to wear black to a wedding when not in mourning was signaling their grief over the wedding.

Let's face it, most women who wear black to a wedding these days are expressing their fashion sense (or some times, lack thereof) rather than their disdain for the wedding, but... isn't it kind of fun to think that some of them might just signalling their thoughts about the about the upcoming nuptials on their sleeveless sheaths?

BTW apparently one of my mother's aunts (back in the day, in the "old country") wore black to her daughter's wedding, and auntie was NOT in deep mourning. To this day, they still talk about it!

 

[JewelFreak]

I've always thought the rule against mothers giving baby showers for daughters kind of puzzling. Who better to go to the expense & have the love to do it? Maybe it stemmed from a perceived immodesty for mothers to publicly puff up their kids, maybe it was thought to be too grabby on the part of the family. I think it's a rule that could comfortably disappear without society's being ruined. In general, I do agree with ame, though.

However, MC, yuck to the one you are invited to! Sometimes people use these occasions to strong-arm their friends into bankrolling stuff they'd never cough up for, themselves. I was invited to a wedding where the bride registered for everything Buccellati, Cartier, etc. Wine glasses for $400 apiece -- and who gives just one? Sterling place settings a zillion bucks each. I couldn't afford one coffee cup from the china she chose! So I got her something not on her registry that I thought she'd like (she did) that wouldn't set my mortgage back a few months. I mostly felt sad for her (as Deb says) lack of common sense -- she did not have Buccellati friends, only Buccellati ambitions.

When baby shower wishes go off the rails I often put together a basket of things for the new mom instead. Fancy soaps, soothing bath salts, candles, chocolates, sometimes a little jokey book, whatever I think she'd go for. New mothers don't have a lot of leisure time, but something to make those few moments when Dad takes duty a calming time is at least worth a thought. Gets one off the hook for high-ticket things the baby will outgrow in a month, too.

--- Laurie

 

[missy]

ETA: Deb, it is now considered acceptable to wear white before Memorial Day and after Labor day.

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

This is like the grammar argument between the grammar purists and the linguistics aficionados. Does one stick by the old rules in an effort to prop up the traditional values or does one believe that times change and that the rules of etiquette and grammar should change with the times?

In truth, I have mixed feelings about these matters. I still cannot get used to the idea of wearing black to a wedding, but it the color worn by most women at most weddings I attend nowadays. And it seems that a good number of society weddings put the bridesmaids in black gowns as well!

AGBF

LOL Deb, "a certain class of people"?

It is absolutely acceptable now to wear white after/before and whenever. It depends on the material and the weather/climate and as we have mentioned before the "not so common" common sense. It is also 100% OK to wear black to a wedding and I don't remember a time when it was not. Ofc I am located in NYC so perhaps wearing black to a wedding is more of a regional issue. The main rule regarding what to wear to weddings is not to upstage the bride and if you wear black make it party appropriate and not have it look like funeral attire.

What is not OK is wearing white or ivory to a wedding (my opinion and it's just common sense if you ask me) unless you are the bride.

I don't have time to really search for info but here's what a quick search provided re white after labor day.
http://www.emilypost.com/everyday-manners/your-personal-image/502-white-after-labor-day

 

[JewelFreak]

Deb has it right, Missy; it was bad taste to wear black to a wedding because it implied mourning -- better hope not for the marriage, but also, if you were in mourning, going out to celebrations was a no-no. After a specific period (6 mos? a year? Can't remember) people went to half-mourning; I think mauve was worn then (ghastly color for most women!), or gray. Those were Victorian customs, but the rule against black carried on at least into the 50s or 60s.

Since people no longer wear mourning at all, I don't see much point in keeping that custom, myself. As long as one's black clothing is in the right mood for the wedding -- that is, the same formality (or lack thereof) & festivity as the other guests' duds.

--- Laurie

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

ETA: Deb, it is now considered acceptable to wear white before Memorial Day and after Labor day.

By whom? A certain class of people who will let simply anything go. It is they who wear black to weddings. And they who allow their mothers to give them bridal or baby showers. They are not upholding the traditional standards.

This is like the grammar argument between the grammar purists and the linguistics aficionados. Does one stick by the old rules in an effort to prop up the traditional values or does one believe that times change and that the rules of etiquette and grammar should change with the times?

In truth, I have mixed feelings about these matters. I still cannot get used to the idea of wearing black to a wedding, but it the color worn by most women at most weddings I attend nowadays. And it seems that a good number of society weddings put the bridesmaids in black gowns as well!

AGBF

LOL Deb, "a certain class of people"?

It is absolutely acceptable now to wear white after/before and whenever. It depends on the material and the weather/climate and as we have mentioned before the "not so common" common sense. It is also 100% OK to wear black to a wedding and I don't remember a time when it was not. Ofc I am located in NYC so perhaps wearing black to a wedding is more of a regional issue. The main rule regarding what to wear to weddings is not to upstage the bride and if you wear black make it party appropriate and not have it look like funeral attire.

What is not OK is wearing white or ivory to a wedding (my opinion and it's just common sense if you ask me) unless you are the bride.

I don't have time to really search for info but here's what a quick search provided re white after labor day.
http://www.emilypost.com/everyday-manners/your-personal-image/502-white-after-labor-day

I almost spit out my tea at the 'certain call of people' comment. Looks like I'm in that crowd. I'm more interested in having a good time than worrying about antiquated 'rules' that the 'other class' of people live by.

As far as weddings and wearing black, I think many women wear it because its slimming and very easy to find a perfect LBD. I DID have someone wear a white dress to my wedding. Now THAT was tacky.

 

[dragonfly411]

Well here's my take. I HATE the idea of excluding anyone in my family or family friends.... like I'm terrified of it. B/C I know Aunt Barbara would call Aunt Becky or vice versa and one or the other that didn't get an invite would be upset. That's my southern traditional style in me that knows everyone is going to want to feel included. You don't have to go of course and even a congratulatory card would be enough I'm sure, which is why they included the note about cards.

 

[AGBF]

That taboo goes back to when black clothing was reserved for deep mourning... which is hardly the case these days. Even then the conscientious woman would have a mourning dress made in some other somber color if she were going to attend a wedding. By extension, the thinking went, someone who chose to wear black to a wedding when not in mourning was signaling their grief over the wedding.

Let's face it, most women who wear black to a wedding these days are expressing their fashion sense (or some times, lack thereof) rather than their disdain for the wedding, but... isn't it kind of fun to think that some of them might just signalling their thoughts about the about the upcoming nuptials on their sleeveless sheaths?

BTW apparently one of my mother's aunts (back in the day, in the "old country") wore black to her daughter's wedding, and auntie was NOT in deep mourning. To this day, they still talk about it!

Well...had I been drinking tea (which I was not), I would have spit it out when I read this posting by VRBeauty! It sounds like a treatise on an ancient culture. For most of my life the rule was that one did not wear black or white to weddings. I am not sure exactly when it changed, but I know that when it did I found it very jarring. No one was thinking about mourning (although we all knew the origins of the taboo on wearing black, of course). It just wasn't done. It was etiquette. It was an absolutely uncrossable line.

Deb/AGBF