men, budgets and rings

Hello, My husband and I got married without a ring, because we were both students at the time, he was
getting his phd, and I was working but also in school.

He of course promised to get me a ring as soon as we were not "poor" anymore.

Well, he has had a full time job now for 3 years, and makes alot more than the average guy.

but now he has changed his tune and says that diamonds are a brainwash, and that
we should be saving all our money for our future children (never the mind that I may
not be able to have children) and for our retirement (we are both under 30)

(we also did not take a honeymoon, and have never taken a vacation together, but this
is more of a time thing, as he is trying to get ahead in his field and is definitely a
workaholic.)

anyway, when we met he was much more romantic and was inclined to do anything to please me
but I can see now that he will never willingly buy me jewelry of any kind.

he cringes during valentines day and Christmas when the sappy jewelry commercials come on
and yells..what a brain wash!!! (So I know its inappropriate to ask for bling)

and these commercials he views from his brand new ginormous TV. He also bought himself
a brand new car. and he cries when he sees a scratch on it..
so I know he is not totally immune to the "brainwash"

its just that he is when it involves diamonds.

how do I make him understand that this is a romantic gesture to a woman, and that he is expressing
love, not that he is some fool to the jewelry industry if he buys me something???

go buy yourself the nice bling you deserve, if he can splurge on his TV and a brand new car why can't you?

Don't expect him to change his opinion on the worthiness of diamonds, but DO expect him to respect you and your right to your own preferences. I don't think its asking too much to ask him to speak respectfully about your materialistic preferences, and if he objects you can certainly point out that a big-screen TV is nice to look at but certainly not food, shelter, or air (just like diamonds - nice to look at but certainly optional for life). Ditto with the car - there is probably 1000s of dollars extra spent on sportiness or aesthetics that are unnecessary if one just wants safe, reliable transportation.

But I would not approach this jewelery thing as a 'symbol of his love'. He doesn't want to show his love that way, and its not fair for you to force him to. Tell him you want to spend XX dollars on some bling, you want it in the budget for a purchase on X date. If he is willing, it could officially be an anniversary present (that you pick out and purchase for yourself and he 'wraps') but if even this is too much it can be a birthday gift to yourself or an Xmas gift from Santa, whatever. The point is, get your needs met without expecting him to change. So you don't have that beating your head against a wall feeling - changing people's opinions is really hard. He can think you are brainwashed by the diamond marketing, just so long as he follows it up by thinking 'whatever makes her happy' and 'those TV guys have my number, aren't I lucky my wife lets me have my toys' etc.

ETA: My advice to consult the husband is because I would expect to be consulted on any major purchase like a big TV or a car. If in your marriage you each can buy big things without consultation, or you keep your money separate, well then just buy your own ring and show him after the fact!

I dont think there is a way to convince him but letting him know that he got his big screen tv and a new
car and now its time that you get that ring that he promised you back when you were poor!

Frankly if I were you I would feel dupped !

(sorry, not trying to fan the fire)

I have an idea ......... The commercials are brainwash-like - there''s even a parody song that goes to that Old Debeers commercial - BUT - if you tell him you can get a better products than a name brand (ex Tiffanys) at a MUCH better price, maybe he would be receptive OR much higher quality than a Zales, or whomever does all that holiday advertising - it''s the art of NOT being brainwashed and kinda "beating the system." That might appeal to him vs. feeling brainwahsed and ripped off. I agree he doesn''t associate jewelry with love.

My fiance -- a PhD student -- is the same way. I finally explained to him that to me, jewelry is art and is not a waste of money, and the whole point of an e-ring is that someone cares enough to buy you something that you will love that they have absolutely no use for -- just because they love you. I''m not saying that no ring equals no love, but if a couple is able to afford a ring and it''s important to one or both parties, it''s totally worth it.

If he won''t get you one, save money as you can and buy something for yourself. There''s not a thing wrong with that.

Date: 12/11/2009 3:08:44 PM
Author: motownmama
I have an idea ......... The commercials are brainwash-like - there''s even a parody song that goes to that Old Debeers commercial - BUT - if you tell him you can get a better products than a name brand (ex Tiffanys) at a MUCH better price, maybe he would be receptive OR much higher quality than a Zales, or whomever does all that holiday advertising - it''s the art of NOT being brainwashed and kinda ''beating the system.'' That might appeal to him vs. feeling brainwahsed and ripped off. I agree he doesn''t associate jewelry with love.

Click to expand...

This. My fiance is totally against "diamond hype" but when I told him that I knew how to get really good deals on great diamonds and settings (thx Pscope!) it perked him a little more. He truly felt like he was "beating the system" as motownmama says.

All else fails, I saw a quote on this forum once and I forget who said it, but it was along the lines of "happy women buy themselves diamonds." Buy yourself a pretty little diamond eternity ring to wear. When he sees it, and if he asks about it or starts going on about brainwash, simply say "it was important to me, and I can afford it." There''s no need to further explain yourself.

I agree with motownmama - and I would add that once my fiance discovered that there is much more to buying a diamond than just popping into Zales, he got a lot more into it. He had fun doing the research and figuring out how to get a good deal (he's an engineer and he likes details), and he started considering my ring as an investment - which is also how he thinks of buying TVs and other fun stuff for himself.

ETA forgotten word!

oh my god..... when i read your post... your story is almost exactly like mine... i couldnt believe it. my husband and I didnt have a wedding, didnt have a reception, didnt have a honeymoon, and I didnt get a ring. I dont care about any of the other things, all I asked him was for a ring.

anyway, so now it has been 3 years and my husband has a very good job and he and i are both happy with our income and life. But everytime i brought up the ring issue, he would just shutdown and get upset and say that this stupid ring is making us fight. Does a ring prove that you and I love eachother? And of course I would say no because it no it doenst prove that we love eachother but its the ONLY ONLY ONLY thing I wanted for myself. I didnt ask for a wedding, a honeymoon, or anything else. And then he went out and bought a brand new $9000 dirt bike when he already had one and knew how much this ring was important to me. By this time, I couldnt even bring up the ring without him making me feel bad and us getting in the worst fights we had ever had. And I would tell him you went and bought your bike when you already had one and he would say the bike is different. He can ride the bike andhave fun, and he would ask me, can ou ride a ring? sigh....

But... this past month... something changed and I actually ordered my dream ring last week!!! So.. dont fret Victorya. I know that some people will say go buy yourself a ring... but its not the same. So many ppl just told me to save money secretly and go buy one and just show up withit. But I didnt want to do that... we arein a marraige. we need to consult eachother in purchases. Yes, he may have gone out and bouhgt things without telling you, but you dont want to be the same as him, do you, just to spite him? I know I didnt. And I guess just by supporting him, he realized by himself that this ring is something that was reallllly important to me. Men are dense... and stubborn and arrogant.

And my husband had such a fun time finding rings for me to try! He was surprised cuz he didnt think that he would!

point is, I cant tell you exactly what to do to change your husbands mind because I dont even know what I did to make him change his mind... but know that he loves you and WANTS to give you everything you want... you just gotta help him realize that Happy endings will come. Good luck to you

I got my dream ring by explaining to my fiance that I wanted a piece of jewelry that would be an heirloom for our future children and grandchildren...I also told him that if I was going to be squeezing said future children out of you know where I deserved my dream ring! hahaha....It seemed to work!

Cj

Hahaha hilarious! That was also a trick I tried! Hahahaha heirloom loving it!

Date: 12/11/2009 1:49:42 PM
Author: tyty333
I dont think there is a way to convince him but letting him know that he got his big screen tv and a new
car and now its time that you get that ring that he promised you back when you were poor!

Frankly if I were you I would feel dupped

!

(sorry, not trying to fan the fire)

Click to expand...

Ditto - if you guys are financially comfortable, then he should buy you a ring because it makes you happy. And he promised.

Date: 12/11/2009 1:13:20 PM
Author:Victorya
how do I make him understand that this is a romantic gesture to a woman, and that he is expressing
love, not that he is some fool to the jewelry industry if he buys me something???

Click to expand...

I don't look at jewelry or diamonds as an expression of love. I look at it as something I enjoy wearing, owning and spending money on.

I like vacations (over in about 2 weeks), nice clothing (lasts a couple years or until you gain a pound), new computer (good for a few years until better technology comes along) and diamonds (a piece of art that you can enjoy for the rest of your life and maybe into someone else's. I happen to enjoy antique jewelry as well).

So I put your husband in the cheap selfish category and he's using "marketing" as an excuse to cheat you out of something that means something to you while indulging in the things that mean something to him.

Buy your own goodies. Forget the romantic part. I don't think he will come around.

Date: 12/11/2009 1:30:36 PM
Author: D&T
go buy yourself the nice bling you deserve, if he can splurge on his TV and a brand new car why can''t you?

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Ditto! Get your own ring, he will not change his views, but who cares?

Have you called him out on why it's ok for him to buy whatever his heart desires, but it's not ok for you to have a nice piece of jewelry? It's 2009 honey, if you want that diamond you go get it! That's what I'm doing. It's my own little project that's just for me and I have no regrets.

This thread ties in with what I said in the Hangout's "insult the ring" thread. Why do men think that whatever is not important to them should not be important to the woman?

Date: 12/4/2009 6:49:10 PM
Author: HVVS

Well in my case, people think that a bigger ring means he loves you more... 'Awww he MUST REALLY LOVE YOU!' It makes me the angriest.

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I don't think I'd take offense to that comment. Whenever I've heard it said, it's been in appreciation or admiration, not necessarily of just the ring, but also of the man, for actually buying something special. There are many, many men out there who will buy themselves a $60,000 vehicle and a plethora of other man-toys, and will only buy the FI the first, cheap, low quality, e-ring that they find, because the e-ring is not important to them and so it should not be important to the woman. There are many married women out there who'd love to have a larger or fancier ring or wedding set, but they know it's never going to happen, b/c the husband doesn't want it to.

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I think Cara has the right idea. I'd not take kindly to my husband repeatedly trivializing my wants, while indulging his own. Off with his head! LOL!

I once read a reply to a thread here, don''t remember the particulars..
Guy says he is a straight male, and therefore has little interest in jewellery. He was inquiring about the purchase of an engagement ring.
I won''t ever forget that. The message was a wake-up call to all of the males who work in the industry to be honest and "come out" as it were.
I have since abandoned wife and kids and am actively searching for male partners as career dictates I must be of the alternative lifestyle persuasion in order to conduct my business.
Sometimes, I am totally embarrased to be a carrier of testicles. Men can be... so challenging...

Date: 12/11/2009 8:17:24 PM
Author: TheDoctor
I once read a reply to a thread here, don''t remember the particulars..

Guy says he is a straight male, and therefore has little interest in jewellery. He was inquiring about the purchase of an engagement ring.

I won''t ever forget that. The message was a wake-up call to all of the males who work in the industry to be honest and ''come out'' as it were.

I have since abandoned wife and kids and am actively searching for male partners as career dictates I must be of the alternative lifestyle persuasion in order to conduct my business.

Sometimes, I am totally embarrased to be a carrier of testicles. Men can be... so challenging...

Click to expand...

At least you have accepted the inevitable LOL

My DH things diamonds are a stupid waste of money because he doesn''t enjoy them. But he does enjoy boats so we have a deal. Every time he upgrades his boat, I upgrade my diamond. Fair is fair

I think you should stop trying to convince him. He has his mind made up. Tell him that you understand his feelings but this matters to you and you expect him to go along with a ring purchase. Otherwise, you''ll just end up resenting him and his "toys." I don''t think he wants that. Good luck!

I don''t have any advice for you as I agree with everything that has already been said. But I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are upset by this. Men can be
hurtful sometimes and frankly be clueless. I have been married almost thirty years and we started out much this way. Hopefully, he will get a clue.

wow it is so nice to read all of these supportive replies, thanks, girls and guys.

Someone mentioned that they also did not have wedding or honeymoon or vacations, you know
I thought with all the money we saved on not having those things that really he could
afford something nice for me...strange how it works in reverse.

I have noticed that whenever I ask for anything that is not a necessity (and this
includes but is not limited to jewelry)

I get a similar reply from him, and that is "Well, Victorya, I did not think you were SO materialistic"

like he is trying to shame me for having material desires.

I definately put people first in my life before material objects, but does this mean
I can not desire material objects?

WHAT is this? what is this behavior really about?

he was not like this while dating, and really I think the ring might just be the
tip of the "ice" berg...(no pun intended)

It seems to me that the more money he makes the less money he is willing to
spend on anything but himself.

and this is making me worried, I know this is not the appropriate forum for this
but it is what it is.

we have not had children, but I am slightly worried about having children with him
because I am worried that he will be as stingy with them as he is with me.

I am sure that they will have a good education, but I feel that he wont indulge them,
and I am the type who likes to indulge children...not spoil, just indulge.

but if he can not even buy me a little something...?

is this indicative of something else, in his character, or sometimes I feel like
I have not lived up to what ever he was expecting from a wife, and that is why.

Last two things I asked for was a cute electric fireplace for the bedroom and
winter boots, as we moved up north this year from a much warmer state for his job.

he declined the fireplace, and allowed the boots, but the point is that I got the
same one liner from him that I did for the ring.

"wow, victorya, I did not know you were SOOO materialistic.

Date: 12/11/2009 1:46:08 PM
Author: cara
Don''t expect him to change his opinion on the worthiness of diamonds, but DO expect him to respect you and your right to your own preferences. I don''t think its asking too much to ask him to speak respectfully about your materialistic preferences, and if he objects you can certainly point out that a big-screen TV is nice to look at but certainly not food, shelter, or air (just like diamonds - nice to look at but certainly optional for life).

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I completely agree with this!

My ex could never see the point of diamonds (or really any good jewelry, for that matter). He proposed with a CZ, telling me when he had the money for the diamond, he''d get it. It never happened. Then 7 years later, he decided to get me a new ring (with diamonds) and we looked at quite a few so he was aware of what I liked. He surprised me with a 3 stone ring that was about 1/2 ctw. and I HATED THAT RING. He went on and on about how great the diamonds were, but I would rather go down in quality a bit and up in size.

To make a long story short, he could never respect my interests or preferences. He had no problem spending any amount of money on HIS stuff, but never once during our 10 year marriage did he give me a gift that showed that he knew anything about me. This is part of the reason he''s an ex!!

My SO now has no interest himself in jewelry, but he tolerates my obsession. When we were putting together my engagement ring, he wanted me to have what would make me happy. He''ll buy me jewelry for big occasions, but usually I do have input because that makes him more comfortable. He''s also fine with me buying jewelry for myself. I appreciate it so much that he accepts this part of my personality.

Date: 12/11/2009 11:35:16 PM
Author: Victorya
wow it is so nice to read all of these supportive replies, thanks, girls and guys.

Someone mentioned that they also did not have wedding or honeymoon or vacations, you know
I thought with all the money we saved on not having those things that really he could
afford something nice for me...strange how it works in reverse.

I have noticed that whenever I ask for anything that is not a necessity (and this
includes but is not limited to jewelry)

I get a similar reply from him, and that is ''Well, Victorya, I did not think you were SO materialistic''

like he is trying to shame me for having material desires.

I definately put people first in my life before material objects, but does this mean
I can not desire material objects?

WHAT is this? what is this behavior really about?

he was not like this while dating, and really I think the ring might just be the
tip of the ''ice'' berg...(no pun intended)

It seems to me that the more money he makes the less money he is willing to
spend on anything but himself.

and this is making me worried, I know this is not the appropriate forum for this
but it is what it is.

we have not had children, but I am slightly worried about having children with him
because I am worried that he will be as stingy with them as he is with me.

I am sure that they will have a good education, but I feel that he wont indulge them,
and I am the type who likes to indulge children...not spoil, just indulge.

but if he can not even buy me a little something...?

is this indicative of something else, in his character, or sometimes I feel like
I have not lived up to what ever he was expecting from a wife, and that is why.

Last two things I asked for was a cute electric fireplace for the bedroom and
winter boots, as we moved up north this year from a much warmer state for his job.

he declined the fireplace, and allowed the boots, but the point is that I got the
same one liner from him that I did for the ring.

''wow, victorya, I did not know you were SOOO materialistic.

Click to expand...

This makes me so upset because I know exactly how you feel. Like asking for something for yourself is such a wrong thing... and he makes you feel bad like if you get this thing for youself that he has to sacrifice soooooo much when he has went and bought whatever he wants whenever he wants. I dont understand men... and I don''t know if anyone else wrote that they also didnt have a vacation or wedding, or honeymoon, but I think you are talking about me... You said you feel like since you saved so much money by not doing these things that he should be able to afford something nice for you right? I have asked my husband the same question and he says this "The reason why we have a house and a roof over our heads and food and neccessities IS because we didnt do all those things. We started off smart by not going into debt for a wedding and such like other people and now you want to go into debt for a ring?" sigh... I also feel like since we did consent to not having a wedding and a honeymoon and everything else, they think its not as important to us... like if you didnt care about it then before we were married, why are you caring about it now after we have been married for years... and maybe we spoiled them... I dunno...

Like I said, I don''t know what to tell you to do or what to say... I don''t know your husband nor do I know the exact situation you are in. All I can say is hang in there... there were times when I thought, if he loves me... why why why cant he realize that this ring is so important to me... why cant he realize that I never ask for anything for myself... and that all I ever do is sacrifice... but mine finally came to his senses and realized that this is something that was extremely important to me. YOU ARE NOT ASKING FOR A LOT. Never doubt yourself. I know at times, i felt so beat... like forget this.. I dont even want to fight anymore...but I would always feel a sort of resentment towards my husband in the back of my mind... and I didn''t want that... I wanted to love him and have him love me and be happy. Getting a ring per se wasnt what made me happy.... All I wanted from him.. and I''m sure what you want from him also is for him to just give you the option... he doesnt have to take you to jewelry stores and have you try on rings and get all excited... I''m sure all you want is for him to be ok with it... so that you know that he loves you and that he wants you to get it.... its worse that he always have a definite no answer... just the thought that he wants you to get what you want and that he is wlling to talk about it means sooo much dont you think?

As for having children... do you always feel this or only when you get upset about the ring? It seems like this feeling you have has started at the ring but progressed to something more deeper. You are questioning his character and that is something that none of us at PS can help you with. WHen you say that you feel like he thinks you have not lived up to waht he was expecting... does he treat you badly? I mean minus him not letting you buy ANYTHING without his consent... does he not appreciate anything you do? Does he talk down to u? Is he condescending? Treat you like a child?

I''m sorry, but I''m sure that there is only a handful of men that are the same as when they were dating and married. I know its something stupid, but when I was dating my husband, I got the impression that he TOTALLY knew his way around the kitchen. He would always cook for me and have dinner ready and always have breakfast going when i woke up... the moment we got married, that STOPPED. I''m not complaining about it because its just something silly, but I feel like its a good example.

I feel for you Victorya. But I know there is nothing really we can say to fix things. But we are here to listen to you and support you.

Date: 12/11/2009 11:35:16 PM
Author: Victorya
wow it is so nice to read all of these supportive replies, thanks, girls and guys.

Someone mentioned that they also did not have wedding or honeymoon or vacations, you know
I thought with all the money we saved on not having those things that really he could
afford something nice for me...strange how it works in reverse.

I have noticed that whenever I ask for anything that is not a necessity (and this
includes but is not limited to jewelry)

I get a similar reply from him, and that is 'Well, Victorya, I did not think you were SO materialistic'

like he is trying to shame me for having material desires.

I definately put people first in my life before material objects, but does this mean
I can not desire material objects?

WHAT is this? what is this behavior really about?

he was not like this while dating, and really I think the ring might just be the
tip of the 'ice' berg...(no pun intended)

It seems to me that the more money he makes the less money he is willing to
spend on anything but himself.

and this is making me worried, I know this is not the appropriate forum for this
but it is what it is.

we have not had children, but I am slightly worried about having children with him
because I am worried that he will be as stingy with them as he is with me.

I am sure that they will have a good education, but I feel that he wont indulge them,
and I am the type who likes to indulge children...not spoil, just indulge.

but if he can not even buy me a little something...?

is this indicative of something else, in his character, or sometimes I feel like
I have not lived up to what ever he was expecting from a wife, and that is why.

Last two things I asked for was a cute electric fireplace for the bedroom and
winter boots, as we moved up north this year from a much warmer state for his job.

he declined the fireplace, and allowed the boots, but the point is that I got the
same one liner from him that I did for the ring.

'wow, victorya, I did not know you were SOOO materialistic.

Click to expand...

Why do you need to ask? This is why members of a couple should have their own play money worked into the budget.

ETA As an aside, this is the second thread this week where people have appeared with an issue about a ring that is not at all about the ring. The other thread is called "I hate my ring." Try a search as see if any of the comments there hit home.

Date: 12/12/2009 1:59:52 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Date: 12/11/2009 11:35:16 PM

Author: Victorya

wow it is so nice to read all of these supportive replies, thanks, girls and guys.



Someone mentioned that they also did not have wedding or honeymoon or vacations, you know

I thought with all the money we saved on not having those things that really he could

afford something nice for me...strange how it works in reverse.



I have noticed that whenever I ask for anything that is not a necessity (and this

includes but is not limited to jewelry)



I get a similar reply from him, and that is ''Well, Victorya, I did not think you were SO materialistic''



like he is trying to shame me for having material desires.



I definately put people first in my life before material objects, but does this mean

I can not desire material objects?



WHAT is this? what is this behavior really about?



he was not like this while dating, and really I think the ring might just be the

tip of the ''ice'' berg...(no pun intended)



It seems to me that the more money he makes the less money he is willing to

spend on anything but himself.



and this is making me worried, I know this is not the appropriate forum for this

but it is what it is.



we have not had children, but I am slightly worried about having children with him

because I am worried that he will be as stingy with them as he is with me.



I am sure that they will have a good education, but I feel that he wont indulge them,

and I am the type who likes to indulge children...not spoil, just indulge.



but if he can not even buy me a little something...?



is this indicative of something else, in his character, or sometimes I feel like

I have not lived up to what ever he was expecting from a wife, and that is why.



Last two things I asked for was a cute electric fireplace for the bedroom and

winter boots, as we moved up north this year from a much warmer state for his job.



he declined the fireplace, and allowed the boots, but the point is that I got the

same one liner from him that I did for the ring.



''wow, victorya, I did not know you were SOOO materialistic.

Click to expand...

Why do you need to ask? This is why members of a couple should have their own play money worked into the budget.



ETA As an aside, this is the second thread this week where people have appeared with an issue about a ring that is not at all about the ring. The other thread is called ''I hate my ring.'' Try a search as see if any of the comments there hit home.

Click to expand...

That is true! It may not be the exact same situation, but something in the other thread might be of some help. Nice job dreamer!

Date: 12/11/2009 11:35:16 PM
Author: Victorya
Last two things I asked for was a cute electric fireplace for the bedroom and
winter boots, as we moved up north this year from a much warmer state for his job.

Click to expand...

You actually had to ask for winter boots? You definitely better reconsider having children with this man.

Date: 12/11/2009 1:13:20 PM
Author:Victorya


...he ... says that diamonds are a brainwash...

Click to expand...

A lot of people believe this. I don''t understand it. Diamonds are something from the earth + artisan craftsmanship. They''re very real. And I don''t think people are "brainwashed" about them any more than they are about anything else that costs money.

I''m sorry for the rant, I just don''t understand it when people say this.

Ok, there is more here than a ring. I have never really had to "ask" for anything. If you "need" it then buy it. If it''s a big purchase we talk about it together. I''m sorry but if you have doubts, then things don''t seem good.

I''m not trying to sound harsh but it seems he is being a little self centered. Maybe it really is just about diamonds and their high price tag for such a small quantity item but maybe its not. Maybe its because its something you want that he may not understand or benefit from such a major purchase. A car is the worst financial investment one will ever make. $400-$600 monthly payments, $100 a month in insurance, and gas every week. By the time its paid off, it will soon start needing small repairs. Its worse if he has a luxury car. So obviously he doesn''t have a problem spending money if it makes sense to him. He did tell you he would buy you a ring and if he is making decent money, he should buy you a decent wedding set. Maybe it would be easier for him if you both picked something out. Try to make him see compromise. For example... I love diamonds and for Christmas this year I am getting a couple new pieces but my husband likes guns. Not something I completely understand but we decided to match each other. I am spending a set amount on jewelery and he is spending the same on what he wants. That way we both feel fair. Its only fair for him to concider what you want and not just him.

Good luck

sailor

Yes, I agree that this is another situation that doesn't really seem to be about the ring.

Here is what I take from your posts, Victorya; please correct anything that is wrong:

1. When you were both poor and courting, your husband promised to get you a ring as soon as he could afford it;
2. Your husband now makes very good money and has for three years, but has not bought the ring;
3. Now that he can afford it, but only since he can afford it, your husband claims that jewelry is a "brainwash";
4. Even though you really want jewelry, your husband loudly denigrates it (such as by shouting at the TV when jewelry commercials come on);
5. Your husband refuses to spend money on anything you want (jewelry, fireplace, vacations), claiming that you need to save for far-off future expenses, but is willing to buy himself big-ticket toys (enormous TV, brand new car that he babies);
6. Whenever you ask for things of your own, he calls you "SO materialistic";
7. You had to ask him for winter boots and this purchase was subject to his approval, like a kid asking parents for allowance money;
8. He's getting progressively more miserly over time, to the point where you worry about his parental fitness.

Honestly? If this is accurate, and (this is the big one) IF you have tried to have a calm, clear discussion with him about your needs and expectations and happiness, and IF he was totally unreceptive to that (brushing you off, calling you materalistic, whatever), I'd dump and move on.

This is not a description of anyone who values you as an equal partner or even, frankly, as a person. This is a description of someone who is miserly, controlling, and takes you for granted so completely that he feels he can grant or deny you WINTER BOOTS while buying himself a brand-new car. This is a description of someone who makes excuses or cuts you down as "materialistic" to avoid spending any money on you while blowing thousands on himself.

You deserve to be valued and it sounds like you're not. This isn't just about a ring. It's about a relationship, and from what you're saying in these posts, it's not a good one and it's getting worse. Take a good hard look at it. Talk to the guy. Listen to what he says and how he says it. Then decide what's best for you.