You and your SO''s mom

[princesss]

I was just talking to a friend about this, and it turns out I have weirdly good relationships with my boyfriends'' mothers. They''ve all loved me (okay, all but two, but it was that they didn''t want their son growing up, not because of *me*). Like, loved. Called me "the daughter they never had" or spoiled me rotten or whatever. One boyfriend''s mother would load me up on gifts when I visited, and we''d stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning and chat. One boyfriend''s mom and I would hang out just the two of us while my ex and her husband were off playing sports. BF''s mom is one of my favourite people, and treats me as if I am already her daughter. Her girls both get the same small gift and then one big one. I now get the same small gift that they do, as well as gifts from his grandmother at Christmas.

Did I just get freakishly lucky, or do other people have great relationships with their SO''s mom, too?

 

[AllieGator]

My BF''s mother is the same way! I think it''s because she has three boys, and she''s happy to have a girl around. We have a lot in common, share a lot of interests, and have complimentary personalities. She also calls me the daughter she never had.

Amongst my friends, I''d say it''s about 50/50 with the mothers. Some of them love the girls, and some hate them, but I think a lot of the hate is like you said--they just don''t want their little boy to grow up.

 

[fieryred33143]

One of my top relationship rules was if I could not get along with his family, we were not going to be together anymore.

Mr. Fiery''s family loves me and I love them. They''ve treated me like a daughter from the very beginning. They''re always looking out for me which makes me feel great especially since my family is so far away and I have no one here. I have my moments with his mom because she has some boundary issues but we''ve never argued. And the best part is that they all adore my mom and brothers and my family feels the same way about them. It just makes moments like get togethers that much better.

 

[sunnyd]

I do too. And it''s great, really great. She has 3 girls plus FI, and we''re all alike personality wise, so it wasn''t hard to fit in. Haha. People call us sisters all the time! I feel lucky that it''s good, because I know other on here really dislike their MILs.

 

[princesss]

Fiery, our families really like each other, too. Well, our parents. I seriously doubt our siblings would get along. But the number of times all 10 of us would be together would be....a wedding. And even then, I doubt his older sister would show up. But I''m not BF''s little sister''s biggest fan, so I guess I can''t fault siblings not totally getting along. But it''s so nice that our parents like each other so much.

I''m glad I''m not the only one with really great relationships with my SO''s family. I hear complaints about IL''s sometimes and I just really can''t relate to them! Maybe things will change when we get married, and they''ll go crazy?

 

[sunnyd]

My little brother and his little sister even ''dated'' in 6th grade. Hahaha!

 

[trillionaire]

SO''s family has called me ''FDIL'' for years. YEARS! It used to FREAK me out and I would fuss to SO that he needed to get his parents in order before they scared me off! (He really did think I would leave him if they put too much pressure on me!). Anyway, I LOVE SO''s mom! I''ve talked to his parents on the phone (3 way) for HOURS laughing and joking. I really love them, they are truly wonderful people. SO''s mom and I went out for mani/pedi''s, and one year for V-day, she sent me a bottle of Godiva Chocolate Liqueur!

I love spending time with her one and one, and we go shopping, it''s really lovely! She only has two boys, so I think she saw me as the daughter she never had. I''ve known SO and his family for almost 9 years, so they are very comfortable with me, and aside from a minor bump when we broke up for a few months (5 years ago, and I don''t blame them from being cautious!), we''ve only ever had a great relationship! I''m not in a rush to get married, but it does make me a twinge jealous to see FMIL and FSIL together and bonding

I like FSIL, but I want FMIL all to myself! It''s going to be madness when some chick or dude comes trying to spend time with my REAL mom!

So, yeah, I feel really lucky. I''ve always been really embraced by the family, and they are all enthusiastic about SO and I and stay on him about proposing

It''s really reaffirming, because they were very UNenthusiastic about FSIL (not to her face, but to everyone else, which is probably worse because SHE has no idea... ), and even unenthusiastic about their 1st grandkid!

They are coming around now, but I think they just always expected their oldest to marry first... SO and I HAVE been together forever and a day...

 

[Lauren8211]

I like FF's mom, but we're definitely not *close*...although she'd like us to be. She's very mothery, and my mom is not like that, so she tends to make me a bit uncomfortable. She's always very nice to me. We get along just fine. I'm kind of closed off, so it takes a while for me to let people in. She only has two sons, and really tried hard with me, and FF's sister-in-law. Me and FSIL both agree that her "Motheriness" can be overwhelming.

My ex bf from high school/college ... his mom and I were a lot closer. I'd just sit in the living room with her and chat for hours. I miss her. LOL.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 5/29/2009 1:47:01 PM
Author: trillionaire
I''m not in a rush to get married, but it does make me a twinge jealous to see FMIL and FSIL together and bonding

I like FSIL, but I want FMIL all to myself! It''s going to be madness when some chick or dude comes trying to spend time with my REAL mom!

LOL I feel the same way sometimes! I tell Mr. Fiery all the time that I''m really glad that his brother always chooses girls that his mom doesn''t like because I get to retain my position as the favorite DIL hahaha.

I do remember when one of his cousin''s was dating a girl that was getting a little too attached to FMIL. I was not a happy camper

.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 5/29/2009 2:26:49 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 5/29/2009 1:47:01 PM
Author: trillionaire
I''m not in a rush to get married, but it does make me a twinge jealous to see FMIL and FSIL together and bonding

I like FSIL, but I want FMIL all to myself! It''s going to be madness when some chick or dude comes trying to spend time with my REAL mom!

LOL I feel the same way sometimes! I tell Mr. Fiery all the time that I''m really glad that his brother always chooses girls that his mom doesn''t like because I get to retain my position as the favorite DIL hahaha.

I do remember when one of his cousin''s was dating a girl that was getting a little too attached to FMIL. I was not a happy camper

.

Aw. I think my mom likes my bro''s GF more than me. Seriously! My mom and I never had the greatest relationship, and she is so dang nice! They hang out a lot now because her parents moved to TN and she goes to school here in WA. I''m like, what about me?!

 

[jcarlylew]

E''s mom is similar, and maybe its because she has boys too!
but i dont have THAT close of a relationship, but its great none-the-less!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 5/29/2009 2:26:49 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 5/29/2009 1:47:01 PM
Author: trillionaire
I'm not in a rush to get married, but it does make me a twinge jealous to see FMIL and FSIL together and bonding

I like FSIL, but I want FMIL all to myself! It's going to be madness when some chick or dude comes trying to spend time with my REAL mom!

LOL I feel the same way sometimes! I tell Mr. Fiery all the time that I'm really glad that his brother always chooses girls that his mom doesn't like because I get to retain my position as the favorite DIL hahaha.

I do remember when one of his cousin's was dating a girl that was getting a little too attached to FMIL. I was not a happy camper

.

LOL, FSIL lives about an hour away from FMIL, whereas I live across the country! I am convinced I would win, hands down, if I were local! Well, I would have, but now she is having the 1st grandbaby, so that might put her over the top.

SO and I don't want kids, so... erm, uh, I guess I will concede that one.

You, Fiery, are doing well! Keep those grandkids coming!

ETA: I wish I lived close to my FIL's and my parents... I could totally see my mom, FMIL and I going to theatre, shows and wineries! It would be so fabulous! And the dad's and SO and I could go to football games, old school jams, and jazz nights! Sigh...

 

[blueroses]

Me TOO! It''s kind of weird.

One ex in college was a year ahead of me. At his graduation (when I hadn''t seen his family in a year) his mother burst into tears at seeing ME and was like, "No matter what happened with you and B, we''re still friends!" Oof.

Another college ex''s mom sent me a note (his brother died some years after we broke up and I sent sympathy cards to his family) in which she said, "I would have loved to have you as a daughter-in-law but we both know that you are too good for my insensitive son." Um, whoa!!

With one glaring exception: My ex--the one I was with for 10 years, on the LIW list for what felt like a thousand, engaged, broke up: HIS mother was just so blue-blood formal that we were never close. She couldn''t have been nicer to me, but it was like being very friendly strangers in many ways. Which is not my style.

But my FF''s mom is just fabulous: she has taken to me in such a wonderful way, tells us both she loves us on the phone, is so warm...not perfect (who is) but she just GETS it in a way I wish my parents did.

Funny trend on LIW, huh?

 

[Londongirl1]

I get on great with my all of my other half''s family and they get on great with mine. We hear about so much family dramas and it''s wrongly assumed that mothers and daughters in law can''t get on - well I''m proof that they can

My mother in law doesn''t have any daughters of her own so I think that helped in my case

 

[Tuckins1]

I love my mother in law. She is awesome- We get along as well as (or better than) my own mother and I! Actually, I love MOST of his family! They remind me of my family and they are great!

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/29/2009 3:29:20 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 5/29/2009 2:26:49 PM

Author: fieryred33143

Date: 5/29/2009 1:47:01 PM

Author: trillionaire

I''m not in a rush to get married, but it does make me a twinge jealous to see FMIL and FSIL together and bonding

I like FSIL, but I want FMIL all to myself! It''s going to be madness when some chick or dude comes trying to spend time with my REAL mom!

LOL I feel the same way sometimes! I tell Mr. Fiery all the time that I''m really glad that his brother always chooses girls that his mom doesn''t like because I get to retain my position as the favorite DIL hahaha.


I do remember when one of his cousin''s was dating a girl that was getting a little too attached to FMIL. I was not a happy camper

.

LOL, FSIL lives about an hour away from FMIL, whereas I live across the country! I am convinced I would win, hands down, if I were local! Well, I would have, but now she is having the 1st grandbaby, so that might put her over the top.

SO and I don''t want kids, so... erm, uh, I guess I will concede that one.


You, Fiery, are doing well! Keep those grandkids coming!

ETA: I wish I lived close to my FIL''s and my parents... I could totally see my mom, FMIL and I going to theatre, shows and wineries! It would be so fabulous! And the dad''s and SO and I could go to football games, old school jams, and jazz nights! Sigh...

I''d love it if our families were close to one another. At the closest, they''ll be about 6 hours apart. As it stands now....there''s an ocean between them. The last time my mom and his mom really got together for more than lunch we went to go get handmade gouda at an abbey. His mom comes up with the coolest ideas of things to do.

 

[16ocean]

-sigh- what I have seen and experienced with my bf mother is that she is a very negative person. I could go on and on but . . . . A huge case of not “wanting their little boy to grow up” and then some. I love my bf but need to really reflect on this -sigh-

 

[daydreamer]

Sigh - I''m one of those who never bonds with the bf''s mom. It''s definitely me and not them. FF''s mom has been nothing but nice, but we''ve never gotten past politely friendly. I just don''t develop friendships that quickly and am incredibly not girly. We''ve never hit good conversation rhythm. Oddly, I''ve had great conversations with her older sister and one of her best friends.

This weekend we are hanging out just us for the very first time (after 2.5 years) and I am petrified! Any suggestions for me?

 

[princesss]

Have something to do! Game night, art project, something. It''s much easier to talk when you''re occupied. The stress is off to make serious conversation and it''s a good thing to talk about. Paint your own pottery, go bowling, but DO something.

 

[16ocean]

Date: 5/29/2009 11:39:48 PM
Author: princesss
Have something to do! Game night, art project, something. It''s much easier to talk when you''re occupied. The stress is off to make serious conversation and it''s a good thing to talk about. Paint your own pottery, go bowling, but DO something.

GOOD advice . . .I was going to say "Smile . . . . Be yourself" I like the "have something to do idea as well"

 

[gwendolyn]

My future in-laws and wonderful. J''s dad and I are almost always on the exact same page when talking about future stuff (like finances, bills, jobs, houses, savings, cars, etc.), so we really respect each other with that stuff, and J''s mom is just so sweet and generous and she calls herself my "UK mum." Plus, when we hang out together, we always have a wonderful time and lots of laughs. I definitely don''t take either of those relationships for granted.

 

[annadragon]

I dated my first boyfriend for over 4 years and his parents loved me. I''m pretty shy and wasn''t interested in developing much of a relationship with them to the extent some other PSer''s have with their respective SO''s parents. At some point after we broke up, his mom''s health issues worsened and she was hospitalized. I was no longer in touch with former BF and later got the message that she had asked to see me before she died

I still have this rationalized guilt lurking in the back of my mind.

Currently, FI does not have much of a relationship with his family except his mother. She is an incredibly sweet woman. And get this, she plays WoW with us

That is the majority of my interaction with her.
FI is the oldest of his siblings, who are all married with their own kids so I''m quite pleased that we won''t ever be asked to supply grandchildren.

-Eloping in the woods July 11, 2009

 

[neatfreak]

My MIL adores me too. She calls me and not her son, she always wants to take me shopping, always wants to have girls time when she visits- she''s very sweet.

She has boundary issues so she drives me nutso sometimes-but she means well and has a big heart.

 

[*Danielle*]

My SO mother is nice, but has an underlying control issues. She loves me and we get along great for the mot part, even when we had our own bump in the road.

We are actually all going on a week long trip ( in which the control issues are showing through because we are all staying in ONE hotel room. Prayers please!)

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/31/2009 2:18:12 PM
Author: *Danielle*
My SO mother is nice, but has an underlying control issues. She loves me and we get along great for the mot part, even when we had our own bump in the road.


We are actually all going on a week long trip ( in which the control issues are showing through because we are all staying in ONE hotel room. Prayers please!)

I''m all for family bonding and stuff, but that''s a *bit* too much. I''m too old to share a bedroom with anyone other than my fiance, and certainly not interested in sleeping in the same room as anyone''s parents! Ew.

Hopefully you aren''t as weirded out by the situation as I would be.

 

[FrekeChild]

I don''t have a FMIL because she passed away in November 2005, so that also means I never got to meet her. In a lot of ways I''m ok with not having one because I feel like it would be a lot of stress on me, but I''m sad too because I never got to know the wonderful woman who was the greatest influence on my soon-to-be husband. I also think in a lot of ways that I probably would have been preferred by her over FSIL because apparently FI''s mom and FSIL fought ALL OF THE TIME, adding to that, FSIL can be a bit of a drama queen at times, and most of the time I''m pretty laid back. I know that FFIL thinks I''m awesome. But I think it would have been hard too, because FI was definitely a momma''s boy, and she really pretty much raised him by herself in a lot of ways and was overprotective. Soooo...yeah

Date: 5/29/2009 1:50:11 PM
Author: elledizzy5
My ex bf from high school/college ... his mom and I were a lot closer. I''d just sit in the living room with her and chat for hours. I miss her. LOL.

My ex--we were together almost 4 years--his mom and I were like two peas in a pod. Seriously. I''d go over just to hang out with her while he was at work or something. I LOVED HER. She was awesome. I kind of tried to stay in touch with her after the ex and I broke up, but it was really hard because the ex was a horrible horrible person and would not have liked that at all. He probably would have threatened to move out or something if he found me at their house. A few years ago I hunted down her work number, (I still have the house number memorized--eek) and called...got her voicemail that said, "You have reached the office of ______ _______. I am out of town until April ____ for my son''s wedding. I will get back to you as soon as I can."

And that''s how I found out my ex was getting married. (Although he already had a kid...same girl.)

Still miss her. The ex and I would have been together for over 10 years now...so weird to think about!

 

[bee*]

I get along great with D''s parents and his mother loves me. She has always treated me as a member of the family and calls me her daughter.

 

[*Danielle*]

Gwendolyn, I am very weirded out by it. His parents are very conservative and I think this is their way of making sure nothing "happens." It is ridiculous but as they are being generous in inviting us and paying for the trip I feel their is nothing I can say.

 

[rialaine]

lol. All my friends (except for 1) think I''m crazy lucky too. All my ex''s moms & dads have loved me & there were plenty of times I would hang out with my ex''s moms without my ex. My FF''s mom took a little bit longer to warm up to me than the others have, but now she adores me. Idk if it''s luck... but I''m glad I haven''t had any issues with the in-laws. I''ve heard some horrible stories! God bless the poor women who have to deal with that crap!

 

[icekid]

My hubby''s family loves me, but I am not particularly close with them. His mother is... um, well-intentioned, but overbearing and rather a pain in the butt. His dad has peculiar taste in women, b/c the stepmother is very much the same! They are all nice though. Unfortunately, I compare them to my parents who are much younger and more fun

My hubs is definitely closer with my fam than I am to his. Honestly, I need to put in more effort with his parents, but HE does not even do it so it is difficult for me to be motivated to do so.

However, my ex''s mother absolutely ADORED me. Like thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. He broke up with me just a few months after moving 800 miles to where I lived! To this day he is unaware that I know this (

), but his mother told him that he was a loser for breaking up with me, that he would NEVER find anyone as great as me, that he was ridiculous and crazy- and made him cry! As if he wasn''t crying enough about us splitting

(Though totally in love and great in many ways, we just weren''t a good match in the end.) I used to still send them Christmas cards, but eventually figured he might not want to hear about how great I was anymore hehe.